The first Jessica saw her, she swears it was like being enchanted at first sight. Their corporate christmas party, Jessica wanting nothing more than to go home than deal with her drunk co-workers, party games and bad music.

Hugging the corner of the room, too shy to socialize, or no want to. Jessica having hoped it was the former. Talking to her that night felt like the most natural thing in the world, when they went out to the roof garden to enjoy the quiet and each other’s company.

She was the cute accountant three floors below hers, Jessica had only thought she’d needed to think of more reasons to come down there, to talk to Taeyeon.

Photo albums, pictures hung up around the walls. Looking through the photo albums on her lap, a smile for some, a laugh for others. A book with pages left to be filled.

Their first date, when Jessica had worked up the courage to stop using ridiculous reasons to come see her and Jessica asked her to dinner. The smile Taeyeon gave her then she swore was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen.

She learnt Taeyeon didn’t like spicy food all too much. Leaping to get her something cold when the food makes her sweaty and red faced.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it would be that hot.” Jessica said, Taeyeon waving her own face as she’d downed the glass of milk Jessica urgently flagged the waitress down to get them.

How she’d thought she’d ruined their date. Surely Taeyeon wouldn’t have appreciated having her face feel on fire. When Jessica dropped her home and Taeyeon took the initiative to kiss her.

How their lips danced, that Jessica swore it was the softest feeling she would ever know and would ever want to know.

The hidden glances they’d share in the office, smiles over coffee and lunch together. Those first days of learning each other, talking of life, dreams. Taeyeon telling her she’d always wanted to be a writer, that college and work had pushed it all to the back of her mind. Jessica swearing she’d do anything to bring her dreams to life.

The first time being intimate with her. Jessica knew nobody could ever make her feel the same. Panting Taeyeon’s name, holding her close like letting go would leave the moment, would break them whole. Jessica knowing right then she loved Taeyeon and she couldn’t help but wonder where they’d go, what they could be together.

Books, mostly Taeyeon’s. The ‘writing for dummies’ she’d bought years ago, Jessica not able to hold back a laugh seeing it. The myriad of novels she read and drew inspiration from. A collection through the years, some they’d even had to get rid of cause they couldn’t fit it all around the house. Jessica smiling slightly, Taeyeon’s knowledge so vast it made her seem all too knowing sometimes.

“You don’t have to do this Jess.” Taeyeon said again, what she’d said what felt like a hundred times on the car ride over, though Jessica had only smiled and nodded. Holding her hand a little tighter and staring into Taeyeon’s eyes.

“I want to do this.” Jessica said, Taeyeon having seen only surety in her eyes. That she would never back down, even when things were hard.

Taeyeon coming out to her parents, Jessica knew was one of the hardest things she ever did. When they went home and Taeyeon cried in Jessica’s arms for hours. That Jessica never thought any less of her, she’d cradle her as long as she’d need. Knowing their hearts ached together.

“I love you.”

Moving in together with Taeyeon. Signing on the dotted line, had almost wondered if she’d have cold feet about it, if Taeyeon would. Laid out on the floor of their apartment, too tired to set up their furniture after lugging it up the stairs of the building. Sharing a bottle of wine and happy laughs, looking at the boxes around their new home, not a care to unpack any of it right now. Jessica felt like even in that apartment, still to unpack and not even having their bed set up, she could only feel like they were starting their journey, building their life together.

When Jessica had gotten a promotion she’d been hoping for and took Taeyeon to a dinner far fancier than their usual go to.

Jessica having seen her write notes every so often, when she wasn’t tired from a long day of work or something was on her mind. Taeyeon’s novel ideas, stories Jessica knew she wanted to get out of her head.

Jessica telling her that with her promotion, Taeyeon could quit her job and follow what she’d wanted for so long. Having looked at her for a moment like wondering if she was serious, if it was some joke. Jessica only sure she’d do anything to help Taeyeon follow her dreams.

Taeyeon kissing her so furiously in the restaurant Jessica had felt the eyes of the people around them staring and she could vividly remember not having an ounce of care, in their own world, their love.

“Marry me.” Taeyeon said one morning, on a day like any, while Jessica sipped on her morning coffee and got ready to leave for work. She’d stared blankly at Taeyeon for a moment, almost wondering if Taeyeon had actually said it.

Jessica putting her coffee down, grasping at Taeyeon’s hands, she swore she hadn’t cried when Taeyeon asked her, but she had. Whispering “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.” to her, without an ounce of hesitation. An easy prospect to love Taeyeon for a lifetime.

It rained, it was windy and the venue they’d picked for the wonderful view seemed so gloomy in the weather and neither cared. When Taeyeon walked down the aisle and Jessica knew there would never be anyone or anything as beautiful as Taeyeon that day.

When she kissed her bride and made Taeyeon her wife. She knew it was the happiest moment of her life and no poor weather could dream of ruining that day.

The little collectibles Taeyeon always picked up, figures from show’s she watched, or the little pins she put on anything she could think of. Never dressed in bright colors or very outward, save for the bright and colourful trinkets she loved.

Jessica coming home one day, sitting through boring meetings and reports, opening their door and Taeyeon leaping into her arms and raving so excitedly Jessica could barely understand her till she slowed.

“They’re gonna publish it!” she almost shouted, Jessica feeling the same excitement. Practically dancing around the apartment with Taeyeon. Hugging her close when they settle down. Taeyeon’s dreams fully come to life. Her book.

Another dotted line, another signed together. Their home, their house. Things Jessica had once only dreamed of, thought impossible in most times. That maybe they’d get a dog, in a little while even think about having children. Jessica knowing she’d want nobody else than Taeyeon to be a mother with.

Sat in a doctor’s office, gripping Taeyeon’s hand so tight it hurts, though Taeyeon never said anything, shaking nervously while they’d waited. Taeyeon trying to reassure her, that there was nothing to worry about.

Jessica cried that night. Gripping Taeyeon so tight afraid letting go would lose her, what Taeyeon could only whisper to her that she wasn’t going anywhere.

The nights where Taeyeon couldn’t sleep, throwing up what felt like everything in her body. Nights where Jessica couldn’t sleep either, never daring to leave her side. When it took the glow from her skin or the hair from her head. Jessica never once wanting to leave her.

Her clothes, the smell of her that had long left though still remind Jessica of when she’d worn them. A first date, a dinner out, nights of passion. The summer dress she’d worn to the beach once that made her look like an angel, the pants she’d practically torn down for no reason other than she needed Jessica.

She needed her too.

Some days felt like nothing different. That Taeyeon would be up around the house, they’d cuddle together and feel the light of the sun through the drapes.

And the days where she’d lay in bed, barely awake a moment of the day, her body barely willing a movement out of her.

Jessica remembering their wedding vows in every day. How she’d love her through sickness and health, praying she wouldn’t be in pain.

Boxes, memories, a life together. Taeyeon on everything around her in one way or another. Their home, their sanctuary.

Jessica knew what the doctor would say, what a part of her she didn’t want to think of knew. Time, days, months. Not years, not enough.

Taeyeon held her that night, not sure there was a thing in the world to say but that she loves Jessica.

It comes in the night, when Jessica wakes at the sound of the heart monitor and she screams, shouts, yells at anything, everything. Bring her back, bring her back.

Roses aren’t enough, nothing is enough. Whispered condolences, shallow hugs. Goodbye was never enough.

Eyes too dried up to cry anymore. Packing up memories and looking around a house she once dreamed wouldn’t feel so lonely. Staring at their front door, her front door, she only thinks for a moment she’ll come through it, like everything was a long dream and nothing more.

Jessica knowing she’d never forget their dream. Not a moment.