It has been two years.

It has been too long that the sound of the plane landing feels surreal. She’s back but she knows she is not ready. And probably, will never be. But some things do not rely on her will alone and she knows that.

They told her they will fetch her from the airport, saying they missed her so much. She wonders, though, if it is true.

The last two years did nothing much to their friendship but it sure did something to their careers. However, somewhere between that two years, she self-pitied thinking her absence didn’t affect the group anyway. She thought maybe she was a good riddance. After all, wasn’t she just some last addition to the group?

It lasted for two months: the eerie silence and the unexplained lack of communication. They weren’t talking to her and so she did not bother reaching out either. Maybe they were cutting her off. Maybe she should just let them. Their group chat went dead. She wished she had the courage to ask what happened. But she was away. She was not part of their lives anymore. Whatever it was that happened, she might never have a chance to know.

The chances of meeting her again went slimmer and she does not know if she should feel relief or remorse so she chose to immerse herself in work and thought maybe this is when the fallout starts. Maybe this is when she finally gets to move on.

She was wrong. Jihyo started updating the group chat once again and so did the others like nothing happened. She was lost but she tried and found the answers in between the messages. Three months later, she was added to a new group chat and was introduced to a new unfamiliar face. Her name was Momo and she is Nayeon’s girlfriend.

The news came as a shock to her but she doesn’t know the details. She has no right to ask for more. So she welcomed the girl, interacted with her briefly during their occasional video calls. She never imagined meeting Momo in person, though. She looked ahead and there Momo was, with Nayeon clinging to her like a koala. She has a lot of questions in her mind but her friends are now just a hundred meters away from her and that is what she should focus on. She walks forward and smiles.

“Mi-tang!” Sana practically runs into her to give her the tightest hug she could possibly give. Sana gives her kisses on both her cheeks. “I miss you so much.” Sana pouts.

“We met when you went home six months ago,” Mina points out, giggling. There seems to be no way of satisfying her best friend.

“Welcome back, Mina.” Jihyo is calm but she can see how happy her friend is with the way Jihyo is smiling from ear to ear.

Welcome back. It plays a different tone in her ear. Hearing that made her feel like she was supposed to be home, that this is where her home is. But it isn’t. It’s not supposed to be.

“Okay, Mina.” Nayeon is quick to steal the scene. “I know you’ve met her for how many times now already but not in person. So uhmmm… Momo, meet Mina. Mina, meet Momo.”

Mina reaches her hand which was gladly taken by the shy girl.

“And she’s my girlfriend,” Nayeon quips.

“I think you’ve made that very clear before, Nayeon.” Jihyo laughs a little. “Many times.”

“A reminder won’t hurt.” Nayeon winks. Mina just nodded and laughed.

She subtly looks around. She noticed it, of course. The moment she saw them from afar, she noticed the lack of someone.

“She’s just in the comfort room,” Jihyo whispers, as though she can read Mina’s mind. “Oh look, she’s here.”

Mina paused, literally paused, trying to collect all the courage she think she has, before looking at the direction Jihyo is looking. And there she is, smiling brightly that she can almost swear it was designed to blind her. There she is and she knows she’s ed. She still hasn’t move on. And probably, never will.

“Jeongyeon-unnie,” she says, trying her best to smile and hoping to god it looks genuine enough and not forced even though it is.

“I already told you, Mina,” Jeongyeon says as she moves closer to the girl. “It’s just Jeongyeon for you.”

She’s ed. Really really really ed.

--

It was awkward. Or at least it was for her. She feels like she doesn’t fit. Not anymore. There were a lot of things she still doesn’t know but she doesn’t know where to begin or if she even has the right to ask. But here they are at their favorite diner back in college, smiling and laughing and talking like nothing has changed.

“So, Mina, what was it again that brought you here?”

She goes on and talks about it, explaining some details about her work. Something about checking the head office in Seoul, making sure everything is still in line with the company’s vision. They listened and asked a few questions once in awhile to let her know they’re interested.

She knows she has missed a lot of things especially now that she’s watching her friends interact in person. She was never observant and she has missed or at least miscalculated a lot of actions before but she thinks she is sure about what she is seeing now. She thinks.

“Since when have you guys been together?” she finally asked.

“A little more than a year now?” Nayeon answered, as though her question is absurd.

“Oh no, not you two,” she denies. “I meant Sana and Jihyo.”

She has noticed it ever since at the airport. How Sana clings to Jihyo like her life depended on it, the subtle touches, the holding hands, the very meaningful stares, the way Sana leans on Jihyo now, the unneeded whispering as though it was only just an excuse to get closer, the very comfortable hand of Jihyo on top of Sana’s thighs… she can’t be wrong about this, can she?

Or maybe she was because the group had gone silent. She is. Sana and Jihyo quietly broke away from each other. And once again she was wrong. She should’ve known better. Things like this; she is not someone to conclude. She should know. She had been wrong before.

There was a cough.

“So, Mina, are you dating someone back there in Japan?”

It was Jeongyeon. Of course, it is Jeongyeon. Here she comes again, trying to save her. And she hates it. She hates how she can’t stop herself from letting Jeongyeon. She hates how she always seems to need this thing- whatever it was- that Jeongyeon always does for her.

“Oh,” she snaps out of it. “I’m not. I guess I’m too focused on work.”

She didn’t mean to lie. Yes, she’s not dating someone but work has nothing to do with it. She just can’t. Not when she still haven’t moved on.

She glances at Jihyo who appears to be avoiding her gaze. Sana, too. She swears she didn’t mean to let the cat out of the bag. If any, she thought she was behind because she really is. She missed a lot of birthday parties, Christmas, New Year’s… Maybe they’ve changed. Maybe they weren’t the same people she was friends with. She thinks maybe this is wrong. She thinks, maybe, this whole reunion was just something to feed the nostalgia, only for the sake of memories they shared before.

She stopped asking questions, hates how she brought this tension between Sana and Jihyo. But Jeongyeon kept the conversations alive. Jeongyeon tells her about her work and the others did as well. Nayeon shared how she and Momo met because she does not know. She never asked. How could she?

She hates this. She hates watching Jeongyeon place fries on , making it look like fangs and pretending she was a vampire. She hates how Jeongyeon shares how she almost drunk Chaeyoung’s paint thinking it was a chocolate drink. She hates how Jeongyeon reminded them about that one class they took together and passed only barely because they cannot be bothered to listen. She hates it because Jeongyeon can still make her laugh. Jeongyeon makes her laugh.

“Mina, let me drive you to your hotel,” Jeongyeon offers as they exit the diner.

Nayeon and Momo are taking a cab to their shared apartment. Jihyo and Sana, who also share an apartment, had no choice but to go home together. The tension and the awkwardness, they will just have to deal with it.

The other girls have gotten their rides and goodbyes have been said with the promise of meeting again before she flies back to Japan.

“It’s okay, unnie,” Mina declines. “I’ve already booked an Uber.”

“Cancel it,” Jeongyeon says, already walking towards her car. “I’m driving you and you know I drive safely.”

Jeongyeon will not take no for an answer and she knows it. She sighs, inhales deeply and let herself in shotgun.

“Where are you staying, princess?”

Princess. That was a long forgotten nickname and honestly, she never thought she would ever hear it again. But here she is riding Jeongyeon’s car, which she is still yet to process, getting called princess once again.

“It’s Mina,” she says, sounding a little bit hostile than she intended.

“Hmp. Still princess for me.”

It was as though Jeongyeon did not hear her. Mina smiles unknowingly.

“JYP,” she tells Jeongyeon.

“Your company sure is loaded.” Jeongyeon clicks her tongue. “Sending you to a hotel like that.”

“Yeah, you can say that.”

And it was again quiet. Mina knows she should say something. Anything.

“Sorry for tonight. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood.”

Jeongyeon only chuckles.

“Nah, don’t be.” Jeongyeon takes a quick glance at her. “It was about time they talk about it.”

“Was it?”

“Yeah. I mean, you were right, you know? They do seem like dating.” Jeongyeon looks at her once more. “And they really should.”

“You don’t think I put pressure on them?”

“Oh, you did.” Jeongyeon laughs. “You totally did.”

“Cute.” She hears Jeongyeon say.

“I’m sorry?”

“You pouting,” Jeongyeon points out. Mina does not even realize she is doing it. “Still cute.”

She feels cornered. How is she supposed to respond to this? She never learned how to respond to this. How she wished Jeongyeon gave her a chance to learn. And so she keeps shut instead; realizes she hasn’t been to Korea for two years. That’s right. She hasn’t been here for two years. She looks outside the window and admits Seoul has become brighter than before. She suddenly feels nostalgic. And some memories started flashing before her eyes.

“You can ask, you know,” Jeongyeon suddenly says from the driver’s seat.

“Hmm?” She was confused for a moment but she thinks she knows what Jeongyeon is referring to.

“About what happened,” Jeongyeon answers. “You can ask,” Jeongyeon reassures.

“I don’t know.” She purses her lips. “I just feel like it’s not in my place to ask.”

Jeongyeon maneuvers the steering wheel sideways and parks on the side of the road. Jeongyeon turned to her.

“It is always in your place to ask.”

She knows what this means. Jeongyeon wants to share.

She doesn’t want to know because she thinks she already does and she doesn’t want Jeongyeon to confirm her conclusions. She doesn’t want to be involved; at least not more than she already does. But this is Jeongye