Mina settles in the 7-seater car, going to the back seat as with any other day. Yet another day of practice is over, and honestly, she did not know if she was happy about it or not. That meant rest was coming, but also meant one day closer to the Manila concert.

Here’s the thing. Mina has been suffering from a knee injury, giving her recurring pain. This was no secret from the entertainment, the members, and even the fans. But that she could endure and fight off. Eventually, over time, she would overcome that. 

What she could not overcome was her own thoughts. Her mind. Herself.

It hadn't been that bad, really.

She did not know when it started, but whenever they had a performance, she would be perspiring more than usual, before they even get on stage. Sometimes she would tremble too, though it was something she herself did not realise she was doing, until one day a concerned Jihyo asked her about it. On stage, her heart beat even faster then it usually would. But of course, nothing was wrong. It was just the nerves, she often told herself, or the adrenaline.

She felt the presence of someone settling down next to her. It was Momo. She hadn't turned her head to face her straight, but from her peripheral vision she knew the older girl was looking at her. Then she felt her own hands being held by Momo, fingers intertwined. None of them said anything, but she knew very well that the action was an "Are you okay?". She squeezed her hand a little, before closing her eyes to get some rest.

Momo did not let go. She didn't want her too, etiher. It was such small actions that really gave her the warmth and comfort she needed.

Silence filled the car for some time, everyone exhausted from the practice. That was until Jihyo spoke up. 

"Do you think she's okay?"

Such typical of Jihyo, Mina thought. It was so like the leader to always worry about the members.

"She's been more irritable and seems rather lethargic these days," Nayeon replied, concern evident in her voice.

"She hasn't been eating much too," Sana added.

It really didn't take much effort for Mina to put two and two together. They were talking about her. They must have thought she was asleep.

"I noticed she's been really tense before performances nowadays. She says she's just tired, but it really doesn't make sense. She looks anxious." Mina felt tears well up in her eyes at that. She did not know if it was because of the truth in the words - she was lying to both herself and the members, or because what was said really hit home.

"I think we have to talk to her," Jihyo concluded in a decisive manner. Mina felt the urge to just object with a straight and firm "No", she did not want to talk about it. Avoidance and denial were her strategy, and have been working thus far. But she stayed still, for she could not let them know that she was listening.

 

---

 

It was just like any other day. Mina, lying in her bed at 5am, using her phone at minimum brightness, in an attempt not to wake her fellow roommates up. She had been in bed the moment she showered - perhaps about 2am? It had been a long day, and the other members have already fallen asleep. Even Sana and Nayeon, who usually stayed up late to talk, have fallen asleep. With the long day ahead tomorrow, she really should be sleeping too.

"Mina?" A voice called out softly, careful not to wake the others. Mina just knew this voice belonged to Jihyo.

She would have pretended to be asleep, but seeing as she was using her phone, she knew there was no way out. "Yes?"

"Why are you still awake?"

"Why are you awake?" Mina retorted. It was a cheap response to a question full of genuine concern, she knew. But Mina could not help it. She had to admit, she had been rather irritable these days.

If Mina's tone surprised Jihyo, she certainly did not show it. Instead, she replied in a calm manner. "I just woke up because I felt thirsty."

Mina did not reply. She did not know what to say, honestly. And she definitely expected Jihyo's next line. "Say Mina, would you mind having a talk with me outside?"

She knew it was coming one day. And she could not say no.

 

---

 

The two of them were now now seated at the balcony, each of them with a cup of chocolate in their hands.

"Is there something you wish to tell me?" Jihyo tested the waters. Really, she could have been a lot more direct, as she usually was, but she wanted to give Mina some space.

"No." Mina did not want to talk about it. She would not do it. She couldn't be burdening their leader with such trivial matters, not when everyone is exhausted already.

Jihyo glanced over. Mina was a tough nut to crack at times. "How have you been feeling?"

Silence was all Mina could offer. She could feel it. Those words full of desperation, anxiety, her genuine emotions, all at the tip of her tongue. She bit her tongue. She was strong and could handle it herself.

"Mina?" Jihyo prompted a little. She knew Mina didn't like to be pushed, but she knew she had to do it. They were losing her fellow 97-liner slowly. "You haven't quite been with us lately."

"I've spent every moment awake with you guys," Mina replied, deep down knowing it was a terrible comeback and there was no escape.

"You're smart and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, Mina. I don't want to be pushing you either, but I can't just watch you fade away from us. The members also talked about it too, and we just want to help you," Jihyo reasoned. "And we can only help you if you let us know what you're facing. You don't have to be alone Mina, you don't have to face this alone. We are here with you."

The words hit Mina hard, and try as she might, she could hold it back no longer. "You can't help, Jihyo, you won't understand! You don't know how it's like trying to hide the fact you're hyperventilating out of anxiety before going on stage, how it's like feeling suffocated while being on stage. You don't get how it feels feeling insecure on stage, that I'm not doing enough, not up to par, that I'm disappointing our audience. And you think I haven't noticed that you guys have been tiptoe-ing around me to avoid triggering me? I know I have been irritable, not myself, really out of it, and I hate myself for that. I hate that I can't control my own feelings and my own thoughts, and I hate that I am affecting everyone."

There were stinging tears unshed in Mina's eyes as she tried to keep them at bay. But when Jihyo put down her cup to pull the slightly younger girl into her arms, that was all it took for Mina to let go of it all.

"You don't have to fight this alone, Mina."

 

---

A/N: Just a short one. Was meant to be longer, but like I said, it's just me trying to deal with the news, and I don't feel like writing anything after.

On hindsight this made me feel like TWICE already knew what Mina was facing, and perhaps the concert in Manila was the final test to whether Mina was able to handle it. Explains all the airport happenings too (Jihyo holding Mina's hand, Sana backhugging her, etc).

It really pains me that Mina has to face such issues, and I believe it's due to both the lack of rest and the nature of the industry (plus toxic keyboard warriors). I hope she is able to take her own time, and recover at a pace that really helps her to feel better. And I hope she knows that there are many people who love her and support her.