Chapter 1

Life never asks you if you’re ready or not for a misery. It doesn’t give you a notice nor does it give you a warning before it surprises you with sorrow that will collapse your whole universe.
It doesn’t ask you if it is too early or too late if it is right or not, if you will be able to stand up when everything around you is falling down, or if you’re ready to lose everything you have.
It doesn’t ask you how much you love someone or how much your soul depends on other people when it takes everything away from you, obliging you to endure the torment and bitterness of loneliness.
No, life never asks you if you’ve laughed before it makes you cry if you’ve been happy before making you suffer.
Life never asks you anything. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, good or bad. It just gives you a survival test-a strike- and it lets you manage.
Ever hit gives you the opportunity to test your limits, to see who truly loved you and who only loved you declaratory and interested. It’ll give you the occasion to see who you are and what you could. With all of these, no matter how much you will experience, you will never know what you can endure. You will never know where you can get or the way every hit will change you, they can make you stronger, confident, a fighter or, they can make you a vulnerable human being, afraid, resigned.
Life, it’s ways, the hits, the people can take you far away from yourself or can bring you closer...Everything depends on you.

Everybody was happily waiting for Christmas but Sehun was waiting for it to pass. Time was his only way out to accept and to heal his wounds. He was depressed, discourage, lost. Even though he was a handsome young man, he had an old soul, not even a small wish to keep living. He was struggling between opposite feelings, blaming himself, self-pitying, hating his inability of doing something.
It was Christmas Eve when he realized that for the first time in his life he didn’t have a Christmas tree. In his house and in his soul there was no celebration. There have been already a couple of days since he’s been laying in the bed, like a sick person. His friends Baekhyun and Jongdae never left him for a second, hardly enduring seeing him cry for hours and crying with him.

He heard the doorbell and because he wasn’t reacting, Baekhyun went to see who was searching for him at that late hour.
-They are probably carolers. She said to himself.
Moments later, he came back to the room with a large smile on his face, followed by someone who was holding up front a tree full of decorations. The person behind the tree slipped into the bedroom and place the tree into its free corner. It was Jongin.

-Ho, Ho, Ho! He said, walking towards him
-Do you mean: Ha, ha, ha?
Jongin held him close and kissed his forehead then he threw his scarf on the bed.
-What are you doing here you nut? Sehun asked following the tanned man with his eyes who was searching for an outlet for the tree installation.
-I like to spend my holidays here. He said, concentrated on some ornaments which fell on the floor.
Jongin fixed the tree, turned the installation one lights off.
He took off his shoes, took his jacket off and slipped in the bed, near Sehun.
-C’mon girls! A soap opera.something?
-You watch soap operas, wipe! Shouted Jongdae from the hall.

He couldn't even look at Jongin, he reminded him of his sad life and losses. Even he was one of them, a painful loss.

- What did you write in your diary? Asked him, Taking the thick notebook which was lying on the bedside table. “Regrets are the worst feelings..”, That’s right….

He was watching the TV, without actually seeing anything of course. His thoughts were wandering around. Baekhyun and Jongdae decided that they were tired and that they will sleep in the living room, so they left them alone.

-How do you feel? Jongin asked, replacing his pillow in a more comfortable way.
-I don’t know. I think I can’t feel anything anymore. It’s like my soul has been anesthetized.
-Do you want to talk? Or do something?
-No, I just want peace.
-I’m so tired! Will you get mad if I sleep?
-Take off your clothes.
-Are you having naughty thoughts at this hour, your majesty? He gasped.
-Are you dreaming? I was thinking that you’ll sleep more comfortably that way, that’s all...
Jongin fell asleep immediately, and with his deep slumber, Sehun was feeling a little bit more peaceful. Because, with him, he was feeling safe. He turned the TV off lay down comfortably on the soft pillow and watched the beautiful tree with silver globes and purple, with flashing lights.
He’s so crazy, he came here with a tree..how did he even put it in the car? Did he put the ornaments on the stairs? He’s nuts…

Jongin was his boyfriend’s best friend. Chanyeol, though thru the nature of their relationship, they could be considered brothers.
They met when Jongin was only eleven, after a tragic incident: Jongin lost his parents in a car accident and remained in his grandma’s care, who was old and sick.
Chanyeol’s parents decided to adopt him and, even though they didn’t do it legally, he lived with them, becoming this way a member of the family.

Jongin turned to look at him, held his hand and fell back asleep. Sehun was watching him deeply, without even breathing, he still couldn’t believe how beautiful the man was.
He was a tall man, with an athletic body, beautifully built. He had soft features, dark eyes, long lashes falling on his cheeks and when he was smiling he had dimples which were giving him an innocent, sweet look. His hair was black, with blueish glossy reflexes that he loved to run his fingers through. He was a beautiful, elegant, well-mannered man. But what was making him truly special was his soul.
He had the purest soul, he was a good man, empathetic, soft and human, capable of offering his friendship and love until sacrifice. He was a man devoid of selfishness and Sehun hated that about him.
But he loved him.

Oh, how much he loved him…