The bright lights of the dome and extreme choreography of his performance made Jung Yunho’s heart raced fast and beads of sweat trickled down his face as soon as the curtains and the concert lights dimmed, still hearing the loud screams in the large arena filled with thousands of fans. Finally, the last leg of his tour is over, another successful at that, from one of the most successful Korean idols in the industry.

After spending several sleepless nights of deciding and planning on what will happen oh his concert tours, everything went well; everything went beyond on what they expected. Some countries even requested for a second day of his tour.

Despite being a soloist and not being in one of the biggest companies, Jung Yunho proved the people who doubt that he will not be successful, saying stuff like there will be too many idols that are going to debut and that netizens prefer much younger idols.

The exhausted idol bowed to the staffs, backup dancers, his manager and the people from his company to show how grateful he is for having them and taking good care of him. He immediately went to his dressing room to change in his casual clothes and get ready to go to their party to celebrate his successful tour.

The party lasted for about 2 hours. Yunho and the management decided to just keep it simple and short and not too lavish since all of them wants to home and just rest. A simple celebration for his successful tour will do.

He once again expressed his deepest gratitude to all the people present in the party before going to his car and driving on his way home. He can finally have his much-awaited vacation. He’ll be free from busy schedules, overseas tour, dance practices that physically drain him and just everything that involves being an idol. Unfortunately, still not free from his sasaeng fans. He wished that there will come a time that these kinds of fans will realize how wrong they are with what they’re doing. He can’t enjoy his vacation with them lurking around.

As he reached his apartment, he almost fell asleep immediately on his sofa because of exhaustion. It was his stinky smell that made him get up and decided to take a shower first before going to sleep.

He’ll be able to meet his beloved bed once again. Sleep is more important than anything for Yunho. That’s why he let out a moan when his back met the soft mattress of his bed and slowly drifted off to a deep slumber.

+

“Seungjin, you need to eat already, so that we can-”

“But I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat.” Jaejoong, his doctor voiced out with a stern tone.

The boy gave him puppy eyes. Unfortunately, the resident doctor is having none of it and shook his head at his patient.

“That won’t work on me Seungjin.”

Jaejoong first met Seungjin when he was still a med student in the hospital he has been assigned on. Seungjin was diagnosed with cancer aged 5 years old. The news brought a devastation their family, they were in the in denial stage for a long time. They couldn’t accept that their youngest part of the family has a cancer.

Eventually, the parents have come to accept of what their child has, and proceed with the treatment plans. At first the child didn’t want to since when he’s having his chemotherapy his hair falls off, causing for his classmates to make fun of him.

“Okay fine, I’ll eat now.” Seungjin surrendered.

Jaejoong cupped his patient’s cheek and said, “Good boy.”

+

Jung Yunho pretty has much everything. He has the fame, money, a lot of people love him, achievements he never knew he’d able to attain, and joy. However, there are times wherein he feels empty. He cannot be completely happy; a missing piece inside him is preventing him to feel complete.

He has put a smile on a lot of people, he made them so happy but no one asked him if he was.

Despite having almost everything, he is still craving for something. Or more like someone. A person he has been missing and dying to see once again.

It has been a week since he started his vacation, and such thoughts are always visiting him. He preferred just staying in his apartment, watch variety shows and just most of the time is just rest.

One Friday morning he wanted to go somewhere outside but as he was about to go out, it rained heavily. He thought that he wouldn’t enjoy much his day if he’s outside with an unpleasant weather.

Instead, Yunho decided to become productive for the day and decided to clean his room. As he was cleaning one of the shelves, he saw a book. A book that was given to him. He smiled as he scanned the pages, remembering that it’s favorite because it was given to him by a special someone.

Suddenly, a picture slipped as he reached the end of the book.

When Yunho flipped the picture, it was their 6th anniversary with his special someone, Jaejoong wherein both of them had busy schedules on that very day in which Jaejoong was busy being a medical student and Yunho’s training is occupying all his time in a day, but still both have managed to make time for each other.

In the picture, they were in the Han River Park with Jaejoong still wearing his scrub suit and Yunho in his training clothes. It may not seem to be a romantic get up, but for them, being together is enough. That is all that matters.

Just looking at the picture, Yunho knows exactly why feels empty. Jaejoong’s no longer with him, and it’s his entire fault.

He broke up with him when his management told him that they would not let him debut if he is in a relationship. It was hard for him, of course, he loves Jaejoong so much, but his dream is almost there, waiting to be gripped, he just can’t let that go.

Thinking about breaking up with Jaejoong is difficult for him, but he still did. It all started with Yunho canceling all their planned dates, not calling or texting him until he finally decided to break off things with Jaejoong.

He felt like a coward for not fighting for him.

During high school, almost all the girls in their batch liked him, wanted to date him, but he had his eyes on a certain person only, Kim Jaejoong, the student assistant of their school nurse.

There was something about Jaejoong, something that made him attracted to the man. He thought at first that he was someone who is cold and snobbish because of his appearance, but he was oh so wrong. Once he got to know him better, with the help of his other friends being close to Jaejoong’s circle of friends, he discovered that Jaejoong has a very good heart and he really gets along with a lot of people. He is a social butterfly.

He has a lot of quirkiness Yunho had never imagined. He effortlessly made him laugh and as time went by, he didn’t realize that he fell harder for Jaejoong. Another thing that made Yunho fell for him is how caring he was and how passionate he was in everything he did.

They shared the same interest; music. The time he first heard Jaejoong sing it drove Yunho crazy. He sounded very angelic and it’s very pleasing and soothing to his ears. He told Jaejoong that being an idol was his dream ever since he was a child. Whenever they have their free time, they would have fun by pretending like they’re in a group, singing and dancing the night away.

He felt like he’s the luckiest person ever for having Jaejoong. The memories he just reminisced suddenly made him want to go back to those times. He felt like it’s the happiest time in his whole life. It’s one of the things he treasured so much up until now.

He never once tried to look at those students from their campus. It was like Jaejoong was the only one he can see.

Yunho took several minutes to stare at their picture. He felt his insides burn, and felt even lonelier. “I wonder what you’re doing right now. I miss you.”

+

“You can’t be friends with an ex! Much more, getting back together with them.” Junsu exclaimed, nearly knocking off the table.

It was their breaktime and they were talking about their colleague who got back with her ex, having a debate whether she should give his ex-boyfriend a chance or not.

Another doctor sat down with them with a cup of coffee in his hands, he took a sip before responding, “I don’t think that’s true though.”

“Oh, is that so?” Heechul snickered, eyebrows raising at his co-doctor’s statement. “So there’s a chance that you and -”

Jaejoong glared at his friend with annoyance, warning him not to mention that name. No one should ever know even if they have been working together for more than a year already. They weren’t allowed to especially that the people in the room have no idea of what Heechul meant by saying that.

“Who?”

Their conversation was interrupted when a doctor entered the room. “Why is there a commotion a while ago in one of the rooms?” asked one of the doctors to the nurses in their quarters. “The head departments scold some nurses because they were there as well.”

“Ahh, I heard from Erin there’s a celebrity here. She doesn’t know who it is though.” one of the nurses answered. “An idol I guess?”

“Is it really?” Junsu’s eyes widened and mouth dropped open in disbelief. It has been eons since he last saw an idol, so the news about having an idol in the hospital made him thrilled. “Wow. That’s really nice.”

The room suddenly became noisy wondering who was the celebrity that visited a patient. They hoped that they could somehow manage to see the celebrity even it is for a small time only.

+

“What do you like to be when you grow up?” asked one of the nurses as she fixed Seungjin’s bed.

“I want to be like Jung Yunho!” the boy excitedly exclaimed, he wave his hands in a victory pose.

Heechul and Junsu, who knew about Jaejoong’s relationship with the idol fell into silent for a moment; on the other hand, the nurses were just being oblivious about it.

“Ohh! He’s the best right?” Heechul gave his colleague a side glance, his eyebrows arched and a teasing smile drawn on his face. “He’s so cool like our Seungjin!”

“Do you think I can be like him too?” asked the child with dreamy eyes. The moment he saw him on a music show, he dreamt of becoming one. Seungjin adored him so much. He even insisted that he want to attend whatever Yunho’s events are. Unfortunately, due to his condition, his parents won’t allow him to.

“Of course! Why not?”

Seungjin heaved a deep sigh, “My classmates told me that it is impossible.”

“When he was still entering school, whenever he comes home, he would always tell us about his classmates who make fun of him.” Rina, Seungjin’s sister told them. “It was the time wherein he already started doing chemotherapy, his hair started to fall off. With all the bullies he has been receiving, our parents decided to just home school him.”

“They also said that I should stop talking about that I want to be like him.”

“And why would they say that?” Jaejoong asked.

“They told me I’m sick and I won’t be able do those things.”

The other medical personnel present in Seungjin’s room could just look at the boy with sympathy. He didn’t deserve any of those. Seungjin’s a very jolly and charming kid. He got along well with all the doctors and nurses who look after him. He always wants to appear that he isn’t afraid of his sickness, he wanted to show everyone that his illness can be cured someday and prove those kids who doubted him.

“He actually was here a while ago.”

Jaejoong stopped in his tracks. So he was the celebrity they were talking about. He didn’t how to react. If he was spent a few more times in Seungjin’s room a while ago he probably would have meet Yunho.

“He told Seungjin that once he got out of the hospital he would bring him in music shows stages to know what it feels like when performing. Seungjin felt really happy.” The child’s mom said, her tears straining her cheeks. He had never seen her son so happy before.

He really is, Jaejoong wanted to say. He smiled at the thought of Yunho being affectionate to his beloved fans. He has always been like that, being warm towards the people he cherishes.

“That’s nice.” Jaejoong looked at his patient’s direction. “Let it be your motivation so that you can go out of the hospital already.”

“You heard that baby boy?” Junsu beamed at him. “Your Yunho hyung will bring you to music shows! That’ll be very exciting.”

They said goodbye to the family for a meantime to let the boy rest. As they closed the door of the room, Heechul circled around him and sing-songed, “Yunhooooo~”

He just stared at Heechul, not knowing what to answer. He was still shock that they were just in one building a while ago.

Before, he imagined a lot of scenarios of how is he going to meet Yunho again, but not like this. He knew he’d meet Yunho one of these days, since the idol mentioned to Rina that he will be visiting Seungjin these days during his vacation.

He reminded himself, but what for? Why does he need to prepare if he’s going to see Yunho? It’s not like he still feels something for him, right?

+

After being on duty for several hours, Jaejoong’s finally heading home with his friends. It has been a long tiring day but whenever he sees the smile on his patients’ faces, it eases the pain away.

A friend from high school had been waiting for them in the parking lot, Shim Changmin, a lawyer now. This has always been their routine every day, the latter would wait for them and send him home. Jaejoong has told him not to do that anymore since he’s probably tired and should just rest instead of waiting for them and driving them home.

“What’s wrong with you?” Changmin asked as he started the engine of the car. He glanced at Jaejoong’s direction on the passenger seat. You look odd. Did something happen?”

“Yunho happened, that’s what it is.”

Changmin raised an eyebrow and asked, “What?”

“They haven’t met yet though.”

“Let’s just go home.” Jaejoong huffed.

“Aww, Jaejoong doesn’t want to talk about Yunho.” Heechul teased. He was having so much bothering Jaejoong about Yunho.

“What happened anyway?” Changmin was eager to know what they were talking about. He suddenly felt tensed at the mention of Yunho’s name, but Heechul said that they didn’t meet yet. He was going crazy.

“Well, Yunho apparently visited one of Jaejoong’s patients. Incredible, isn’t it? Seungjin’s a fan of Yunho.”

Changmin was left speechless. He knew there’s a big chance that they would meet if Yunho continues to visit Seungjin. He was happy for the child though, he’s just afraid what will be the effect on Jaejoong.

As soon as Heechul bid them goodbye, Changmin asked how Jaejoong and Sengjin’s day was. They also talked about the possibility of him meeting Yunho. Changmin noticed that Jaejoong’s expression is the same one he was wearing when Yunho broke up with him.

“I’ll always be here Jaejoong.”

“I’m glad you’re my friend Changmin.”

The lawyer smiled bitterly; he felt his heart ached for the umpteenth time. “I’m glad too.” He has no idea how many times he has lied about this. He isn’t happy that he’s only a friend. He hoped so much that he can be much more than that.

+

The day where Jaejoong’s afraid of finally came; he just got out of Seungjin’s room and he saw Yunho standing in front of the door. He almost dropped the things in his arms when Yunho called his name.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed that voice mentioning his name. They just exchanged a few hellos and how are yous, and it felt extremely awkward. They weren’t able to talk more, since Jaejoong was running some errands as well.

+

Yunho entered the studio with a little bounce on his footsteps. He can’t contain the happiness that he is swelling in his chest. Seeing his composer in a room, his smile became even wider, ready to tell him what happened earlier?

Yoochun gave him a questioning look..“O...kay? Why are you like that?”

“Seungjin’s doing fine. He was able to get out of the hospital a while ago. As what I have promised to him, I took him to Music Bank. It was good since there’s no schedule. He sag and dance on the stage, he was really good. I can’t explain it.”

“That’s nice, I hope he’ll be like you in the future.”

“That’s what he told me too.” Yunho was smiling too widely for Yoochun’s liking.

Yoochun rolled his eyes and puffed, “There was something else that happened. Spill it.”

“I saw Jaejoong, Yoochun!”

“Oh…”

“I felt happy when I saw him Yoochun.”

Yoochun laughed, “Was he happy too though?”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“So how was the first meeting?”

“I guess he was surprised too. He was busy. I wasn’t able to talk to him so I don’t really know.”

There were no words to describe what he feels. The word ‘perfect’ wasn’t even enough.

+

“It is the first time I saw him being that happy after tending him for 5 months.”

Jaejoong just finished his duty and was about to go home when Yunho showed up in the parking lot, wearing mask, shades, and a hoodie to hide himself from his stalkers. He didn’t know that Yunho waited for him to finish his shift and he didn’t know what to feel that he waited for hours.

To be honest, he didn’t know why it brought butterflies to his stomach.

Jaejoong couldn’t hide his happiness as he remembered his patient’s smile whenever his idol Yunho is visiting him. The latter served as one of Seungjin’s source of happiness and to continue fighting for his life.

“His family told me that you made them forget that Seungjin is sick because he always seem happy ever since you visited him last month. You made him so happy Yunho. That’s a big help for Seungjin. Thank you for that.”

“I’m glad.” Yunho looked at the ground and smiled blushingly. “It really feels wonderful to bring a smile to a fan like him.”

Yunho treasures his fans so much, especially to those fans who are children who look up to him. It feels great being an inspiration to a lot of people; it’s one of the reasons why he loves what he’s doing.

Yunho didn’t want for them to have a dead air. So, he just says whatever he thinks of for them to keep talking. That’s just how he missed hearing Jaejoong’s voice.

“You’re finally a doctor. You’ve been dreaming of becoming one since we were in high school. I’m proud of you, really.”

“I still have a long way to go.” Jaejoong smiled. It has always felt nice for him whenever someone feels happy for him that he already is a doctor. All his sufferings, from physical works, stresses from med school and just everything he went through were worth it. “After going to med school, I entered the army first before becoming an intern. This is just my second year being a resident doctor.”

Yunho nodded in understanding. He already what Jaejoong meant by what he said, they have talked about this when they were still together, discussing what their future plans will be. Only he realized that he wasn’t able to tell his future plans with Jaejoong.

The feeling of guiltiness clouded his mind, he couldn’t utter a word. He suddenly felt so embarrassed. Noticing the blank expression on Yunho’s face, Jaejoong said, “I could say the same thing for you. I’m happy that you’re already performing on stage. After all you’ve been through; you’re finally where you wanted to be.”

He really is. Jaejoong was the one who was always been there during Yunho’s training years.

“How does it feel being a doctor?”

Jaejoong’s face softened at the question, remembering the memorable memories that he has gone through on his journey of becoming a doctor. “This profession is both a blessing and a curse, to be honest.”

There were times before wherein Jaejoong was close to giving up, but he persisted since this is what he dreamed of. It feels good whenever he cures a patient; he was able to experience to deliver babies when he was assigned in the gynecology department years before.

+

“I want him back Yoochun.”

They were in Yoochun’s studio one night, as they were both helping each other in composing songs when Yunho suddenly blurted out those words.

“Figures.”

“I just want the old us back again.”

“Why? Are you ready to bid goodbye to your career?”

Yunho was about to say something but didn’t continue. He wasn’t ready to answer that; he wasn’t prepared. Yoochun’s question caught him off guard.

“Yeah, I thought so.”

+

“Hello Papi!”

“Oh hello Heechul.” Yunho greeted. “Is Jaejoong here?”

“He’s having his day off today with-” before even Heechul could finish his sentence he felt a light squeeze on his thigh under the table from Junsu.

Changmin. Yunho thought. It’s probably him.

“Ah. Okay. Thank you.”

Heechul stood up and approached Yunho. “Why? Is there something you need?”

“Just wanted to ask about Seungjin’s condition.”

“About that, he needs a rest first.”

“Yunho, if you’re going to visit Jaejoong, you should tell him beforehand. You can’t just barge in, Jaejoong’s a busy person.”

As soon as Yunho walked out of the door, Junsu stopped him first.

Junsu eyed Yunho’s arms and noticed how prominent his veins are. “You’re very veiny, makes me want to extract a lot of blood from you.”

+

“Until when are you going to do this to yourself?”

“What?”

“You’re smarter than this Changmin.”

“Are you talking about Jaejoong?”

“Who else could it be?”

“Are we going to talk about this? For the umpteenth time?”

“I’m just concerned about you.”

“Minho, I can handle this. Don’t worry.” Changmin reassured his friend. It wasn’t just Minho who was corned for him, in fact, almost all of their friends are.

“I don’t know until when are you going to torture yourself with imposing yourself on Jaejoong when he already made it clear years ago that he only sees you as a friend?”

“Excuse me, I’m not torturing myself.” Changmin made it clear. “I just want to always be there for him. He’s a friend since high school, that’s why I treat him that way.”

“Dude.” Sighed in exasperation, he couldn’t believe him.

“I’m fine okay? I’m completely fine with it. I’m happy that I can spend time with him. Don’t want you want me to be happy.”

“Of course we want to. That’s why we want you to stop imposing yourself on Jaejoong and just stop this unrequited love.”

Siwon, their friend interrupted them, “There a lot of people wanting you. I have nothing against Jaejoong, he’s our friend, but you will never have a chance.”

“But they aren’t Jaejoong. They are not the ones I like.”

“Jaejoong doesn’t see you the way you want him too.”

“I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone else just because I know they like me, it would only hurt them.”

“Well, you have a point though.” Siwon realized.

“You’re well aware that Yunho and Jaejoong are talking to each other again.” Minho reminded in annoyed voice, still trying his best to convince Changmin. “Come on dude. Wake up.”

“Yes. I know that. It’s just a friendly talk, nothing serious.”

“It may still lead to something else especially now that we’ve found out that Yunho still loves Jaejoong so much.”

+

Yunho just finished his photo shoot for a magazine when he decided to visit Seungjin once again. He heard that the boy goes in and out of the hospital the past few weeks. He heard from Heechul that the child’s condition is just getting worse, he felt sad he only visit a few times because he’s schedule is becoming busy once again.

“He’s gone.”

The words kept ringing inside his head. Deep inside he knew what she meant but he’s still hoping that it isn’t what he is thinking. It can’t be.

“What?”

“Seungjin’s gone.” His mother sniffed, they were no more tears running out from the family’s eyes. They have been crying their heart out since morning. Their little angel was gone.

Yunho wasn’t able to say something, his mind was black. Rina, reached for his hands, “Thank you, Yunho. Thank you for being always there for Seungjin. You made him the happiest before he left this world. You made him happy and us too. We’ll be forever grateful for that.”

“I’m glad that I met Seungjin too. He’s very precious to me. My sincerest condolences.” Yunho bowed.

He wasn’t able to utter a word afterwards. He still couldn’t believe it, his mind went hazy. He immediately excused himself and went to the washroom to cry where no one can see him. He was surprised when he saw Jaejoong, he first noticed that Jaejoong’s eyes were puffy.

“I wasn’t able to save him.” Jaejoong choked.

“It’s not your fault.” Yunho slowly hugged Jaejoong, and the latter just let himself be comforted by the man. “You did your best.”

+

On the remaining weeks of his vacation, he wanted to spend time with him. To talk to him even more. Big thanks to Yoochun and Donghae for managing to gather their friends and some of their classmates in the mini reunion Yunho would like to name it. They know it was just a lame excuse to hang out with Jaejoong more. They were on a friend’s house with heavy security so that Yunho’s fans wouldn’t see what he’s up to in his vacation.

The venue was in one of their friend’s house, it was pretty good that it’s spacious since most of them like to dance.

As he entered the venue, Yunho gets welcomed by a lot of their friends he hasn’t seen for a long time and gave him warm hugs. Telling him that he has come so far, and still humble despite all the successes he got. It really felt nice meeting old friends and reminiscing old times. It has been a long time ago since he has done something like this.

While they were sharing stories one of their classmates noticed that Yunho seemed restless, always looking around as if he’s trying to wait for someone to come.

“Are you alright Yunho?”

“He isn’t because Jaejoong isn’t here yet.” Yoochun blurted out. “The very reason why he organized this reunion” party, emphasizing the keyword.

“How would he be able to enjoy this party if the one he’s waiting for isn’t here?”

“Well, he’s the only reason why Yunho arranged this reunion party, come on let’s all be real here.”

Yunho couldn’t say anything to answer them because, well, it’s somehow true. It was a lame excuse to have a reunion party just to see his ex-boyfriend. It’s all he could think of.

One of their friends put their hand over their chest, pretending to be hurt. “That hurts Jung Yunho.”

“Hey, that’s not true.”

“Okay then, if that’s what you say.”

The group continued to tease Yunho about Jaejoong. He stood up first and told to them that he’s going to get some fresh air. It has already been 3 hours since the party started. He wished that Jaejoong would show up since he only got a few more weeks left in his vacation and it he won’t see him that much anymore.

He saw Changmin making his way towards him.

“I guess you’re looking for Jaejoong?”

“Umm. Yes.”

“I just got a phone call from Jaejoong saying he got extended for three hours because something came up.”

There are times wherein, at the back of his head he felt like Changmin and Jaejoong are already a couple with the way they are acting. He just dismisses those thoughts whenever he remembers it. He doesn’t want to entertain such thoughts that are saddening.

“Oh. Is that so?”

“Yeah. He’s on his way though.”

Both of them are aware that there’s a slight tension between them. It was Yunho who decided to break the ice. “Can we talk? I believe we really have things to talk about.”

“I believe we do.”

They asked Donghae for help to get them a room where they can talk privately, sensing what was it about the latter immediately lead them to their guest room. He wished that that after they talked, there won’t be any broken things inside the room.

“Reminder though, please don’t punch each other.” Donghae jokingly said, as he reached for the door of the room.

“Sure.” Changmin laughed softly. “Oh by the way, thank you for the Kona Beans you gave. Jaejoong will surely like this.”

Yunho eyed the green eco bag and said, “He hates black coffee, remember? He said he can’t stand the bitter taste of it.”

Changmin just smiled at him and Yunho gave him a questioning gaze.

“It was during his third year in med school where he started drinking one. The coffee he usually drinks wasn’t enough to keep him up at night till morning, I suggested black coffee because that’s what I drink when read cases. At first he hated it so much and then he just got used to it.” Changmin chuckled at the memory of Jaejoong’s face when he was still getting used to the taste. “A lot has changed over the past six years, Yunho. That’s a very long time; you don’t know what has changed in Jaejoong.”

Yunho didn’t like the tone Changmin was using; it was like saying that he no longer knows Jaejoong because he already broke up with him, although Changmin was really right. He just didn’t want it to rub it on his face. It was like Changmin was showing that he’s the best man for Jaejoong and not him and that he the latter doesn’t need him anymore. He tried to hide the bitterness and jealousy aside. He didn’t want Changmin to see that he is threatened in getting Jaejoong back.

“Do you like Jaejoong?” There’s no time to beat around the bush anymore. He needed an answer. In the first place, they decided to have a talk about this anyway. Both of them should just get straight to the point.

Changmin chuckled at Yunho’s question. He couldn’t be serious about this.

“Oh, let me rephrase that. Do you love Jaejoong?”

“You’re really asking?” Changmin laughed and glanced at Yunho. He felt bad for having a field day watching Yunho’s emotions. He can feel that he’s scared that Jaejoong might not take him back anymore. He wanted to show Yunho that he is determined to pursue Jaejoong as well. “A lot of people can tell, you know.”

Even when they were in high school some students could already see that Changmin likes Jaejoong so much. The latter just wasn’t aware because Yunho was there with him. When the two became an official couple, Changmin surrendered in defeat. As long as Jaejoong is happy, he’s okay with it.

It’s not like he tried to pursue him anyways. He would always chicken out when decides to confess his love to Jaejoong and he never showed signs to him that he feels something for the man. He never stood chance. Unlike him, Yunho was the complete opposite of him. Yunho would always give him gifts and even let the whole class know that he likes Jaejoong by shouting that he likes him.

That is why they were all shocked when they found out that Yunho broke up with Jaejoong after their 7 years of relationship. When Yunho was out of the picture, Changmin was one of the first few people who was there to comfort him. He made sure that he will always be there for Jaejoong. As the years went by, Changmin stayed true to his words, it was almost like they are already best friends as well. He can’t believe that after years of sticking with Jaejoong, Yunho would come into the picture once again, and trying to win Jaejoong’s heart. He could never lose to Yunho once again.

“I want to fix things with Jaejoong. I still love him.”

“I know that you love him, but you don’t love him enough.”

The statement gave a harsh tug in Yunho’s heart. Those words hurt so badly. Telling him that he didn’t love Jaejoong enough made him guilty once again. The word coward should be imprinted on his forehead to remind him what he has done.

“I love him too.” Changmin continued. “I know he only sees me as a friend, but I can wait. That’s just how much I love him. I’m willing to do anything I can to make him happiest man in the world because that’s what he deserves.” He told Yunho with full determination; he’s not going to back down. “You know, I’ve been into countless of hearings and cases, there are times where win and we don’t, but he’s the battle I don’t want to lose on.”

Yunho sighed deeply. He was getting so damn frustrated. He almost slammed the center table in front of them because he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want any rival when it comes to Jaejoong. “Why him? Of all people, why is it Jaejoong do you love?”

“Why him Yunho? Of all people, why is it Jaejoong that you hurt?”

“This is why I’m trying to fix things with him like what I have told you. You’re a friend as well Changmin, I don’t want any bad blood between us. I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Same.” but to Changmin, it sounded like he lied. To be honest, he didn’t mean those words he just told Yunho. He swore he’d fight for Jaejoong. He knows he can make him even happier than what Yunho did.

A knock on the door was heard and after a few seconds, the door opened slowly revealing Jaejoong on the other side, “Hey, Donghae told me that both of you are here.”

“Jaejoong, you’re here already. Can we talk?” Yunho stood up; he made sure that he’d talk to Jaejoong first before Changmin could say anything to Jaejoong.

“Here?”

“Yes.”

“Changmin can you...”

“Of course, it’s okay.” Changmin took that as his cue to leave. He drew a deep breath, there’s nothing that he can do, can he? He has no choice. He figured that Yunho’s going to confess to Jaejoong already.

“Thank you Changmin.” Jaejoong smiled at him warmly. He hoped that he didn’t offend him by sending him away immediately, but he knew he did.

As soon as Changmin closed the door, they both sat on the chairs. Jaejoong has no idea why his heart is beating fast. He wished that Yunho didn’t notice that he’s feeling uneasy.

It was very cold in the room but Yunho was extremely sweating because of nervousness. He has no idea how their conversation is going to turn out. He didn’t even know if Jaejoong wanted to talk about it. All he knows is that he won’t back in trying to do what he feels is right.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Yunho started.

“Likewise.”

“I thought that you won’t be able to come.”

“Well, something came up, I was needed in the hospital, that’s why. I guess Changmin already told you guys?”

“Yeah he did.” He actually didn’t want Changmin’s name to be heard in their conversation. He feels so damn jealous.

Finally, the time has come for them to talk properly and somewhere privately about their issue. He’s finally going to tell Yunho everything he has buried on the back of his mind for several years.

“It’s good that you managed to get a free time despite your very busy schedule.”

“This rarely happens since nowadays I don’t really like hanging out a lot. Heechul just dragged me here. I wasn’t supposed to since I also feel tired already.”

Yunho just hummed in response.

“And I guess, I also want to see our friends again during high school. It has been a long time anyway.”

They always fall on a dead silence whenever they want to start a conversation.

“We’re both doing well now. It’s amazing, really.” Seeing the restlessness on Yunho’s face, Jaejoong said, “Don’t beat around the bush. Whatever’s inside your head, please just say it. I know you want to tell me something, I know there is.”

Yunho scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Umm, I don’t know where to start.”

He didn’t know what to tell him. Should he confess his undying love? Yunho bit his lower lip as he searched for words.

“I want to apologize Jaejoong, for doing you wrong. I know this isn’t enough to-”

“You already apologized Yunho.”

“Yes, but it isn’t enough. Even if I have to apologize a hundred times or even a million, it won’t be enough. I have caused you a lot of pain.”

“Who was I to deprive you from chasing your dreams? I don’t think our 7 years of relationship can top your dream of being an artist you’ve been wanting since you were a kid.”

Jaejoong has come to accept that when Yunho broke up with him that being an idol is far more important than him. If that’s what makes him happy, then so be it. He doesn’t want to be a hurdle.

“You’re making it sound like our relationship was just like nothing.”

“Really? Coming from you?” Jaejoong snickered softly, giving him a sarcastic look.

Based on the resident doctor’s reaction, he must have offended him, Yunho thought. Jaejoong should be the one telling him that, not the other way around. He has no right to do so, not when he was the one who broke up with him.

Jaejoong hugged his legs to his chest to keep him warm. "Don’t make that face, I’m not mad anymore.”

Yunho shoved his hands into his pockets and turned his face away from the biting wind of the aircon. He actually didn’t want to see Jaejoong’s expression, afraid that he might see a pained look on his ex-lover.

“How come I didn’t notice that we didn’t even talk about since that what happens to most idols?” Jaejoong wondered. “I guess I was too busy being over the clouds that I failed to realize that our relationship won’t work in the environment you will be in.”

They weren’t really able to talk about what will happen when Yunho is famous already. They didn’t have any plans.

It was when Jaejoong’s third year in med school was about to end where Yunho started becoming distant towards Jaejoong, but the med student didn’t really mind it thinking maybe it was because his trainings are just becoming intense and was just really busy. He became understanding of his boyfriend’s situation, still sending him heavy snacks when he has training even if he already is exhausted from his duty in the hospital, giving him head and back massages when he’s tired and just being there for Yunho when he’s having his insecurities and doubts.

Despite being mentally drained, Jaejoong managed to still perform well on his duties. It was challenging for him to act like he’s doing completely fine when he completely feels the opposite. He would cry his heart out in the wash room when he gets a time to, and just go back to his work like nothing happened.

This was where Changmin came into the picture. He became Jaejoong’s shoulder to cry on. He became what Yunho was supposed to be. He swore to be with Jaejoong all the time and protect him at all cost. Jaejoong always tells him that it’s nothing he can’t handle.

He would always visit him whenever he got the time. Bring him lunch or dinner since Jaejoong has a tendency to forget to eat his meal.

Jaejoong is well aware of what Changmin feels for him. He made sure to tell him that he only sees him as a friend and nothing more because he didn’t want to give him false hope but Changmin insisted that he’s doing it since they’re friends anyway since they were still in high school. In the end, Jaejoong just let him be.

“Maybe if you told me when you started training or just way earlier than what you have planned to, it would hurt less.”

Just maybee Jaejoong thought. But he knows deep inside that it really wouldn’t, Yunho will still leave him.

“After you broke up with me, I didn’t even think of chasing after you.” Jaejoong continued. “I didn’t want to bother you anymore.”

Yunho remembered how he didn’t even receive any calls or messages from Jaejoong after he broke up with him. Part of him still had hoped that he would receive messages from Jaejoong but he didn’t. He did though, once, on the day of his debut, he texted him where it said, “Congratulations! I know you’ll do well. Take care of yourself always.”

He had texted him and tried to call him several times after his performance but he didn’t get any answers from him. It was where then he realized that Jaejoong has changed his number already.

He never received or heard anything from Jaejoong since then.

“I mean, what’s the point if I did? I don’t want to make myself look pathetic and you already made a choice.” Jaejoong might not admit it, but he knows that deep inside, he wanted to save their relationship, to still fight for it, but what Yunho wanted is more important to him during that time. “Bottomline is you no longer love me.”

Yunho’s head snapped up, eyes widened in disbelief, he felt his heart torn into pieces at the accusation. He couldn’t believe Jaejoong would think that way. He faced him and said, “You know that’s not true.”

The idol wanted to convince Jaejoong more that it wasn’t his intention to make him feel that way. But how is going to explain it to his ex-lover that he was blinded by his dream and that he failed to consider what Jaejoong would feel after his action? What was he expecting?

“I’m so sorry if I wasn’t able to talk to you properly when we broke up. I didn’t know what to say. I was told by the company to…” he trailed off, he didn’t want to continue on what he would say, but seeing Jaejoong’s forced smile, he knows the latter has an idea on what was it about. “But please don’t ever think that it’s because I don’t love you.”

The doctor shook his head smiling, telling him that it didn’t matter anymore.

Jaejoong has clearly moved on, he could tell, but he still wanted to give it a try even if Jaejoong seems like he’s pushing him away. He wanted to grab the chance to fix things with his ex-boyfriend, to tell him what he’s been dying to tell him

“You know how much I l-”

Knowing what Yunho was about to say, he immediately cut him off; he didn’t want to hear that. The young doctor continued on what he wanted to say his former lover. “During the times that I was grieving there’s just something that bugged me.”

Afraid of what his ex-lover is going to say, Yunho and bit his lips and asked, “What is it?”

“It bugged me that you didn’t even give me a say about this whole thing.”

Jaejoong felt like he was completely taken out of the picture and it crushed his heart even more.

“It’s like you have planned everything ahead already. You were just waiting for the right time to drop the bomb to me.” Jaejoong said in a deadpanned expression as he looked at Yunho’s direction. “You didn’t ask me what I want. It made me think that you're not planning on taking me in the future with you.”

The idol just sat quietly, not knowing what to say. Hearing what Jaejoong was telling him, he let his world slip through his hands. Yunho broke the person who loved him dearly, the person who just wanted the best for him.

“It was like I never existed. You forgot that I’m included in the relationship. There are two people in a relationship, Yunho”

Once again, the idol didn’t know what to answer.

He realized how stupid and selfish he was. He didn’t even think of the consequences when he broke off things with his ex-boyfriend. Jaejoong deserved so much better. He heard voices that tells him deserve what he’s feeling now because he wounded Jaejoong’s heart and soul. Karma indeed is a .

“I can stand to wait for you even it will be for a very long time you know, I can wait for you Yunho.” Jaejoong expressed in a voice that trembled a little, he let his teeth sink into his lower lip. He didn’t mean to sound like he was about to cry, he knew he’s over it already, it’s just that sudden memories of the time where he was still adjusting that Yunho isn’t his anymore came rushing in.

Yunho wanted to hug him right away when he heard Jaejoong’s voice quivered, kiss him to comfort him when he feels melancholic just like the old days, but he can’t because he was the one who caused him this, this is his entire fault.

“Even if you have to hide me from a lot of people and tell the public that you’re not with someone else because you have to, Yunho I can endure that pain. I can because I will understand you and it’s because I love you.”

Jaejoong had already envisioned on what their relationship is going to look like when his boyfriend is an idol already. He wanted to cheer for him in front of the stage, to post pictures with him but he knows he can’t, but he understands. Cheering for him from afar was already enough, as long as Yunho is happy with what he’s doing. It was just that he wasn’t expecting for Yunho to break up with him.

“But you didn’t even ask me. I didn’t hear anything from you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaejoong asked, “That’s the question I wanted to ask you but I didn’t because maybe I didn’t want to hear your answer.”

“What if your answer was you don’t love me anymore? I don’t think I can handle that. My world will shatter.” But even if Yunho didn’t, his world still shattered.

Yunho didn’t know what to answer. Was there an answer that would his beloved hurt less? He knew there isn’t any. What was he supposed to tell him anyway? I broke up with you because I have something important to do from now on?

“I said I’m over you already. Maybe I just have a lot of questions.” Jaejoong chuckled slightly and quickly blinked away his tears that were threatening to emerge in his eyes.

He’s finally telling Yunho what he has been suppressing after they broke up and it feels really good. A heavy weight on his shoulders is finally almost gone. He should just set aside the _ he has been wearing and just let what he really feel come out to the open after several years.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Jaejoong gave him a warm smile.

“I still love you.”

“Do you need an answer? That’s not a question, right? I don’t know what to say.”

“I already forgave you Yunho, in case you’re wondering. I forgave you a long time ago already.” Wiping the idol’s tears from his eyes that has strained down his cheeks, Jaejoong hushed and smiled, “Don’t cry. You made me realize a lot of things because of that and I’m grateful for that.”

To Jaejoong, Yunho made him realize that in order for someone to achieve what they want, there is something that they need to sacrifice. It was like, in order for you to live the life that you want, leave the life you don’t want.

Life is all about sacrifices.

Yunho mentally prayed to all the gods and deities that he knows of to hear the answer he wished to hear.

Unfortunately, they aren’t on his side.

“I guess this is the closure that we need.”

“Jaejoong…”

Nope. This wasn’t what he was expecting to happen. He doesn’t want closure. Yunho wants to get his Jaejoong back. He was trying to fix things with him, not to finally put an end in their relationship. He wants to tell him that he was so wrong for breaking up with him.

“You’re just confused Yunho. We didn’t have closure that is why you’re feeling that way.”

“Jaejoong I’m not confused.” The more Jaejoong talks, the desperate he gets.

“It’s fine with me that we can still be friends, but I can’t offer you more than that, I’m sorry but I just can’t risk it Yunho. I think I don’t ever want to anymore.”

So that is what Jaejoong wanted, Yunho was left speechless. He knew at that moment; he already lost his chance to get Jaejoong back. He had hurt him deeply to the point of not even thinking if there’s a small chance that they could be together again.

Being he stubborn that he is, he persisted, “I’ll wait for you Jaejoong. Even if I have to wait for a long time, I’ll wait for you.”

Yunho thought he’s already annoying Jaejoong but he just wanted to let him know that he is willing to wait. He wanted to Jaejoong to say something, anything, but yet his silence said volumes.

The silence lasted for about a minute. It was Jaejoong who broke the deafening stillness.

“Being in a relationship is not in my priorities as of now.” Yunho’s heart sank. Jaejoong isn’t ready to commit again. If ever he is though, it’s probably not with him. “And I know you aren’t ready too. You’re going to murder your career, Yunho. You have an image to protect, and I have a heart to protect.”

Jaejoong knew how Yunho worked so hard to reach his dreams. He had seen all his struggles, his breakdowns and just everything Yunho has been through, even if almost everyone is against what he wanted, he continued doing what he believed in. Everything will go downhill if the media finds out about them being together, if ever they decided to continue their relationship, not everyone will be accepting of what they have. Both of them are just going to get hurt.

Even if Yunho’s company will bribe the media, they would still choose to expose the artist if they want to because they’ll be earning more money and attention. That’s how everything works in the world, pure evilness. He doesn’t want Yunho’s sacrifices to be gone in just a snap of a finger; he’d lose everything what he has now. He has suffered enough. He wanted the best for Yunho because that’s what he deserved.

“I’ve done my part, Yunho. Please do the same thing for me.”

Another silence.

The doctor suddenly heard a sob; Yunho couldn’t control his cries anymore. His eyes were filled with tears and his lips trembled, and knelt in front of Jaejoong.

The doctor was surprised by the action, he immediately held him in his arms for him to stand up but Yunho was being stubborn. He was mumbling I’m sorry over and over again.

Please don’t make it hard for me, Yunho. Jaejoong wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. He hated seeing Yunho cry, it breaks his heart.

“Please don’t cry.” Jaejoong told him. He was actually itching to hug Yunho but it’s good that he has self-control. He didn’t want to cry as well. If he did hug him, he might have given him false hope. Yunho might think that there’s a meaning to it.

Eventually, after several minutes of comforting him, Yunho gained his composure, he maned to calm down.

“I have to go now. I guess I’ll see you again soon. I don’t know when the next time is, I’ll be busy the following weeks. Take care Yunho.” He bowed to him and bid him farewell. “Goodbye.”

As Jaejoong was about to reach the door, Yunho suddenly talked and made him halt in his steps.

“I’d still wait for you, Jaejoong. I’ll wait when you’re ready to love me again.”

Jaejoong didn’t answer and just looked at him curiously. As Jaejoong slowly disappeared from his sight, Yunho let out a heavy groan and ruffled his hair aggressively. He buried his head on his palms, trying even out his breath. He was a crying mess once again.

Jung Yunho is usually composed, but today, right in front of his weakness, he forgot who he was supposed to be.

Their conversation may didn’t turn out on what he wanted it to be, he should respect what Jaejoong’s decision is, he couldn’t blame him.

+

“Do you still love him?” Heechul asked Jaejoong, as he looked at him with a teasing expression. “Tell us the truth please.”

They found out about Jaejoong and Yunho’s heart-to-heart conversation and began bombarding him questions such as him and Yunho getting back together or if he would still give him a second chance. Jaejoong told them they were speaking non-sense that him and Yunho are not together again.

Junsu rolled his eyes at them, not amused with Heechul’s question because he obviously, their friend still does. “He does. Jaejoong said he never stopped loving him.”

“What?” Jaejoong asked, clearly remembering that he didn’t say anything like that before. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Well yeah, you didn’t say it but I can see it in your eyes.”

“Junsu’s not wrong though. He’s just telling the truth.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah. Whatever go ahead and deny what you truly feel.”

“He will always have a special place in my heart, okay? That won’t change but that doesn’t mean I should get back with him.”

+

After 2 months, Yunho’s enlistment date was already in the news. He was going to enlist together with some of his friends and some idols. They made plans on having a get together before Yunho enlists. Together with the help of his friends again, they arranged a little party to hang out one last time.

Yunho felt sorry when he saw Jaejoong sleeping on the sofa after interacting with their other friends. Jaejoong had a long day in the hospital felt exhausted but he still made an effort to attend Yunho’s party before he enter the army. The gesture made Yunho’s heart swell with joy, it made him so happy. He knew he was hoping too much when it gave him an idea that maybe will give him a chance someday. He didn’t want to assume so much so that he wouldn’t get hurt.

He sat beside Jaejoong and brushed off Jaejoong’s hair from his face, admiring his beautiful features. “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me.” Yunho just continued staring at Jaejoong, telling him what he wanted to say to him. “I wish I’m brave enough to ask you to see you one last time before my enlistment day, but I can’t. I don’t know how.”

He didn’t want to wake him up yet. He’d want to give a few more hours for him to sleep before someone sends him home. He took Jaejoong’s hand and brought it to his lips, “I love you.”

+

Yunho’s enlistment day has finally come. A new journey has come his way. He swore that he do will his best to become a soldier. He was already a bit teary when he was in the car heading to the camp where his fans are waiting for him, not actually ready to send him off.

Once he steps out of the car, he can already see some of his fans crying, other are trying not to be emotional. Even fans from other countries flew to Korea to see him before he enters the military. He was given a time to express his thanks and give message to his fans. The presence of fans in the venue made him emotional, but he tried his best not to cry. He subtlety looked around hoping to see Jaejoong, but he wasn’t able to find him, but seeing him yesterday was already enough.

+

Jaejoong was relieved when he found a big tree near the camp for him to hide where he can see Yunho bowing and thanking his fans.

He made sure that Yunho won’t be able to see him. Jaejoong just wanted to see him one last time since he won’t be seeing him for the next 2 years. Another reason is that, it is what Yunho wanted, to be there in his enlistment day. He wasn’t really fully asleep yet when Yunho said that he wanted Jaejoong to be there but is hesitant to tell him because he feels shy.

Yunho gave his final bow and turned his back to enter the military camp.

“I know you’ll do well, Yunho.” he whispered, “I love you.”

end.