‘Ping’

‘Ping’

‘Ping’

Jongin had just landed in Korea after a long flight from Italy when he switched on his mobile only to be received by a swarm of notifications together. Confused he opened up to the first article he saw and was met by the news of Kyungsoo enlisting this July,scared he refused to believe it although he had known for some time now about the the decision that his boyfriend had taken. His fears came true when he checked the group chat and saw messages from other members to Kyungsoo saying that they were always there for him and that they should meet soon.Lying in his inbox was also a message by Kyungsoo solely addressed to him,asking him to come home fast which lay unopened.He knew airport previews of him will be gloomy,but he didn’t care,all he needed right now was a talk or maybe a closure with Kyungsoo.

“Jongin” Kyungsoo spoke softly the moment the doors of the house opened.

Without giving a glance to Kyungsoo,Jongin walked over to the living room keeping the luggage and moving over to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“Nini” Kyungsoo called out again.

Jongin knew he was being irrational here.They had talked or rather argued about Kyungsoo’s enlistment already a few times before and every time it had ended with tears and make up . Jongin also knew he had made a promise to Kyungsoo to understand his decision and be by his side but it was difficult specially now that the confirmation and the date of enlistment had come.He couldn’t understand why his anger kept building up every time Kyungsoo called out to him,maybe it was because he wasn’t the first one to know about the date or maybe because he couldn’t bear with the idea of living without him or just because he couldn’t come in terms with his own emotions.

Jongin turned around only to find Kyungsoo standing really close to him,their breath almost mingling together and he felt his face getting a bit hot. Kyungsoo lightly cupped Jongin’s cheek and tiptoed to kiss him on the lips. Though Jongin’s heart wanted to melt in and respond to the kiss but his mind said otherwise and he followed his mind. As soon as he felt a pair of lips meet his,he stepped back a little away from Kyungsoo,he swear he saw a flash of hurt in his eyes but decided to ignore it.

“Jongin I wanted to tell you first but-“

“But what hyung? When you were two days away from enlisting then?Or maybe just leave me hanging?” Jongin spoke a bit strongly.

“You were on the plane Jongin.”

“Or maybe you were going to pull another of that ‘Jongin I thought’ when caught like the last time when you filled in the details for enlistment without consulting me”Jongin continued ignoring whatever Kyungsoo had to say.

“Jongin we’ve been over this a lot of times already,I had planned to tell you but things didn’t work out and you know why.Please understand.” Kyungsoo continued pleading.

“Off course its me who has to understand again.”Jongin gave out a sarcastic laugh. “Its always me.Whenever something doesn’t go our ways its always me trying to understand rather than just trying to find a solution.”

“Jongin please”

“What please hyung? Isn’t it the truth.Its always me trying to do things and understand.When was the last time you actually considered me or even thought about it? As far as I remember you never initiate anything no kisses,no physical contact, it not even our I love yous.Its always me begging you or actually doing thing for both you and me,for us.” Jongin blurted out remembering each time he had felt the same but had kept mum hoping things might change soon.

“Jongin why are you bringing up this now?Its not the time” Kyungsoo spoke softly as he stepped a bit forward to reach out to Jongin.

“NO,it is the right time”Jogin raised his voice and stepped back a little knowing what was Kyungsoo’s intention.“You always ask why I hang out with Taemin,Ravi or Moonkyu rather than you right? Its you,you are the reason why I choose them over you. You’ve taken the role of being a hero and being so mature on yourself that you’ve forgotten what emotions are,you’ve become so practical that feelings are just a myth to you.You rather help the staff,deny to my request,mask your emotions or think about the public than telling me something as simple as ‘I love you Jongin’. Can’t believe that my friends make me feel more wanted and loved than a boyfriend of six years. You know I really despise the day I confessed,maybe if I has stayed with Taemin a little longer,the feelings would have vanished.You spoilt it all” Jongin knew he had hit the wrong spot because he and Taemin had a history of which Kyungsoo was really insecure.But letting the anger take over him,Jongin continued speaking with a sad smile,”I am tired,really tired.I give up.”

“Its the right decision.Its is.”Kyungsoo kept mumbling to himself as fresh tears made their way.

“It may be the right decision for you,but it is not for me,for us.” Jongin spoke one last time as he shut the door of their house or maybe their life.

That night none of them slept.While pictures of Jongin roaming around with Moonkyu on his scooter hands tightly wrapped around his waist reached Kyungsoo,the flashes of Kyungsoo crying never left Jongin’s mind. Both of them shared their nights with wet pillows and tears rather than each others warm embrace.

Days passed by and Kyungsoo’s enlistment date kept coming closer but neither did Jongin return home nor did Kyungsoo ever tried to contact him.

Kyungsoo often found himself cooking food for two,sometimes including Jongin’s favourite dishes like fried chicken and kimchi hoping he would return to eat some,he even dozed of the couch crying at night hoping to find himself in the bed wrapped in blankets only to wake up to a bad neck and back pain. Jongin on the other hand wasn’t well too.The bags under his eyes kept getting bigger and his hair kept getting messier. He often roamed around with his friends and came online to make it clear to the world or maybe his world that he was happy with his friends,he didn’t know what brought him to do this maybe it was an act to make Kyungsoo jealous or maybe to comfort himself that he was okay.

Both had their share of friends explaining but on one side while Kyungsoo had given up,Jongin on the other side kept his ego first. Both were in pain but none took a step ahead to ease it.

The last week of June had come and it was finally the time for Kyungsoo’s fanmeet.He enjoyed his day with thousands of exo-ls that had come just to see him and he was genuinely happy after many days but that didn’t last long when rest of the members appeared on the stage to support him sans Jongin.Somewhere he had still hoped Jongin would come to the fanmeet,not for his sake but for the fact that he was a member of EXO and the fans wanted too see ‘their KaiSoo’ together one last time but clearly Jongin still held onto his ego. Junmyeon termed Jongin’s absence as a ‘personal reason’ and tried his best to cheer up both Kyungsoo and the fans.

Jongin knew he had done a terrible mistake when he refused to go for Kyungsoo’s fanmeet despite numerous phone calls and pleading by s and also his close friends as he saw on Instagram pictures of his boyfriend floating around crying on Junmyeon’s shoulder.Jongin knew enlistment wasn’t the reason behind Kyungsoo’s tears but he was.He wanted to go there,hold him in his arms,look at his face and show it to the world and him about how much Kyungsoo meant to him. After spending days with himself Jongin had finally realised that he wasn’t angry at Kyungsoo anymore but himself for behaving and treating Kyungsoo badly earlier.

“Cheers” Smiled Chanyeol as he and the other members held their glasses of soju up.

All the members had come to a ramean place near the fanmeet venue to treat and spend time with Kyungsoo for one last time before he enlists and they begin with exploration.Kyungsoo kept looking at the door hoping Jongin would join them,the venue had been put up in their group chatroom and he was sure Jongin knew.

“He isn’t going to come Soo” Jongdae spoke with a sad smile and Kyungsoo just nodded.

As time passed by the bottles full of soju kept getting empty and Kyungsoo kept getting more drunk.The memebers tried stopping him but he continued,by the end the night Kyungsoo wasn’t in his senses and kept crying out Jongin’s name.

“Jonginnie”

“Jongin ah”

“Nini”

“Hyung please call Jongin,please tell him I am sorry,please tell him to come back.It hurts here without him” Kyungsoo pointed towards his heart and broke down crying.

Baekhyun seeing Kyungsoo like this had tears in his eyes and hence he immediately called up Jongin.

“Jongin please come here” Bakehyun said.

“Hyung please not again,you know I cannot come.” replied Jongin.

“Maybe after hearing this you could” Baekhyun said as he put his phone near Kyungsoo so that Jongin could hear his sobs.

‘I want Jongin’,’No Jongin hates me,off course he won’t come’,’Chanyeol if you meet Ni- Jongin please keep him happy,don’t be like me I couldn’t keep anyone happy,neither my fans nor you guys or Jongin’,’Tell Taemin to be with Jongin cause he is the only one who treats him right’ and rest of the words weren’t heard by Jongin because they were hidden as Kyungsoo sobbed harder.

Jongin felt his heart clench at what he had just heard. Kyungsoo never cried,not even when he had injured himself on stage or when Jongin’s fake dating scandals were out to the world twice or anytime else. The one time Jongin remembered Kyungsoo crying was back in 2018 for Jongin’s loss as Kyungsoo had held him in his arms patting his hair and whispering sweet words in his ear lightly. The fact that Kyungsoo had cried and that too because of him hurt him a lot more and he promised himself to never do this again,specially mentioning Taemin or anything related to their past to him.

“Hyung,take care of Kyungsoo hyung.I am coming.” Jongin cut the phone and grabbing his car keys left for Kyungsoo.

Jongin arrived to see Junmyeon struggling with a drunk Kyungsoo who was fighting for more shots of soju.

“Ah there you are” Jongin heard Baekhyun saying as he and Jongdae made their way towards him.

Before Jongin could move forward towards Kyungsoo he felt Jongdae tugging at his arms.

“I know it is hard Jongin but letting go is harder,hold onto him tighter. Not so many days are left before 1st,give up everything but him.Spend your time with him,give yourself to him,make memories and at the end promise to wait. I know it takes effort but don’t leave any regrets Jongin” Jongdae spoke out softly patting Jongin’s hair as he remembered Minseok.

“I won’t hyung” Jongin said as he ran to get Kyungsoo.

“NINIII” A drunk Kyungsoo screamed as he ran towards Jongin spilling the remaining soju all over Junmyeon.

Jongin maintained his balance as Kyungsoo attached himself to him with full force almost knocking Jongin off. Jongin held onto Kyungsoo,hugging him tighter. Before Jongin could speak he felt Kyungsoo getting off him.

“Sorry” Kyungsoo spoke taking a step away from Jongin.

“Kyung-“

“Sorry Ni-,Jongin it won’t happen again” Kyungsoo said holding back his tears.

“Soo its okay” Jongin said as he moved forward and took Kyungsoo’s hand in his own.

“Sorry” Kyungsoo kept repeating himself as he yet again broke down.

“Shh” Jogin whispered lightly kissing Kyungsoo’s head as he gathered him in his arms.

“I’ll take care of him now.Sorry for the trouble and thank you” Jongin announced to rest of the members as he picked up Kyungsoo in his arms taking him towards his car parked out.All through the way with Kyungsoo’s head resting on Jongin’s nape,Jongin could feel Kyungsoo nuzzling for warmth and could hear him muttering sorries without a stop.

With every sorry,Jongin felt his heart break a little,he knew he had hurt him bad and he had to cure it as well.On reaching the room Jongin gently put Kyungsoo down and took of his shoes and other belongings,he then went to his cupboard and picked up one of his shirt and with utter care changed Kyungsoo’s clothes. Jongin was about to leave for the kitchen when he felt Kyungsoo’s hand holding onto his wrist,stopping him.On turning back he saw a tear stricken face of Kyungsoo with a little pout.

“You are leaving me again aren’t you Nini?” Kyungsoo spoke in the most saddest voice Jongin had ever heard him in.

Leaving everything aside Jongin rushed to the bed to be beside Kyungsoo.Tossing his shirt aside,Jongin dived in the bed and pulled Kyungsoo closer to him to give him the body warmth,a gesture indicating that he will always be there to keep him safe.

“Never hyung never. Now that I’ve caught you again,I’ll never let you go” Jongin whispered as he gave light kisses on top of Kyungsoo’s head.

“Promise?” Kyungsoo pouted again.

“Promise.” Jongin replied sealing it with a kiss on the older’s lips.

The next morning Jongin woke up to Kyungsoo to staring down at him with the widest eyes he had seen.

“Goodmorning”Jongin replied groggily as he sat up,tossing his blanket aside.

“Go-good Morning Jo-ing” Kyungsoo greeted him with hesitance.

“Soo I am going to get myself something from the kitchen,warm water for you like always?” Jongin asked putting on his shirt.

Before Jongin could move out of the room Kyungsoo spoke,”Jongin about last night-“

“Hyung whatever I said last night,I meant it.There was not a single lie in it. “Jongin walked forward and held Kyungsoo’s hand lightly,sitting on the floor.

“I am sorry Jongin” Kyungsoo spoke as he tried to free his hand from Jongin’s grip which was unsuccessful since Jongin now held it even tighter.

“No hyung,I am sorry. I am sorry for hurting you all this time,not because you were wrong but because I was confused with myself.I know I should have acted maturely and considered your feelings as well but I opted on being so selfish that I only saw my pain and broken heart not considering how you must be in pain as well but still have to act tough for us and everyone. “ Jongin had some tears now running down his face.

“I probably deserved that” Kyungsoo said.

“No hyung you didn’t.You didn’t deserve a bit of them,not those harsh words I said to you that day or those comparisons I made. I was not in my senses and I promise you to never be like that again. You may not be my first but you will be my last” Jongin chuckled a bit.

“I am sorry to Jongin for taking a decision to hastily and not informing you well enough on time. I promise for always considering you and us before I take such a step again.”Kyungsoo spoke wiping Jongin’s tears and giving him light kisses on the nose.

“Well two imperfect people make one perfect person and we are an example”Jongin laughed as he pulled Kyungsoo from the bed and held him on his lap,hugging him tight.

Kyungsoo now turned slightly facing Jongin,sitting on his lap and pressed his lips on Jongin’s. Jongin with equal fervour responded to it and soon both lost each other in that kiss.

“You know I love you the most right” Jongin said in between their kisses and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile.

Few days later Kyungsoo’s enlistment came in and so did instagram user zkdlin’s post.Where others had posted the group photos,Jongin’s post had him kissing Kyungsoo’s bald head,hands held tightly and Kyungsoo’s eyes closed and lips turned up in the smile.

The caption read ‘You know I will miss you the most right?’.