“A few more hours. . .” He whispered to himself as he walked back and forth in front of his shared bedroom’s door. It was around 03:00 PM, had he just finished his lunch, and even so, he BARELY even touched his lunch. He has already told the others that he didn’t have the appetite to chew anything that is food, and he didn’t even have the heart to swallow, knowing what tomorrow would have in store for him.

He nervously fiddled with his fingers, playing them around, intertwining them together as he was contemplating whether he would go inside or just leave for a while and get some fresh air, but no – he feels anxious, his heart beating fast from time to time as he reminds himself that he only has a few more hours left to spend for, before he would have nothing of it no more. He straightens his posture, brushes up his smooth, white hair and gives out a few deep breaths before he finally walks up in front of his bedroom door. He raises his hand up in a knuckle shape, so as to supposedly knock, but fought against it and instead held the doorknob and slowly twisted it open. When he realized the lock as now free, he opened the door slowly and silently, so as to not disturb who was actually on the other side. ‘He might be sleeping or resting’ as he thought to himself, as the door has slowly shown a small sight of the shared bedroom, he slid his body in between the door, his head peeking from the small entrance to see if indeed the person he was anticipating to see was there.

Ahhh. . . . There he is.

I miss him already just by looking at him, like this.

A smile formed from his face, his giant ears lit in bright red at the sight of the person he longed to see. Sure he has seen him this morning, been with him even, beside him in bed, cuddling, taking in every curve and inch of the said person, just for him to remember by over and over again. Sure he has seen him today during lunch time, the heart-shaped smile etched on his round white visage, his eyes closed, a symbol of how happy he was, genuine, delightful, beautiful and radiating love for him in his eyes as he told the said person how much Toben will be whining and crying when he’s gone for a while, even taking to note that he actually acted out how Toben will be when the latter is off to do his duties soon.

Sure, he’s been with for all his life, he’s seen him almost every day –

But what would it feel to have a life not seeing him at all? Sure, it is just months, sure it us just temporary but –

What would it feel to have a life without him at all?

It would be empty, don’t you think?

He felt his heart ache, as he thought of the possibility and the reality that he won’t be seeing this man for a months’ time, the man who swept his feet away the first time they met, and the same man who will forever make him fall head over heels for him, no matter how many gods and goddesses of beauty would want to woo him off. He is crazily in love with this man, and this man will forever be the reason why he smiles the brightest, why his heart is filled with butterflies every time.

And that man, goes by the name of Do Kyungsoo.

Had he been staring at this man for what seemed to be minutes now, as he takes his time to appreciate and muse over the beauty of a man called Kyungsoo right in front of him. Kyungsoo was laying on their shared bed, his hair that was once long and wavy, now back to its military haircut but still is able to blow him away with his cuteness and his charm. Wearing his usual thick, round glasses, his back laid at the headboard of their bed, with a pillow just below to lay on comfortably so as to not hurt his spine, adding up the fact that he was adorably short, and was wearing an overly large-sized black jacket whish doesn’t seemed to be owned by Kyungsoo but is actually his, and is Kyungsoo’s most favorite jacket of all. His feet were placed on the bed, resting, as his hands were holding onto a book the he was probably engrossed in, taking to note that Kyungsoo was a man who quickly notices things, but this time he hasn’t noticed that the giant was actually at the door mulling over his beauty, as if it was actually illegal to enter when in reality it was actually their shared bedroom.

The giant being none other than his giant, Park Chanyeol.

The smile on Chanyeol’s face slowly faded, as the thought of seeing Kyungsoo in this very room was soon going to be just an imagination, a painful dream. He was battling over his tear sacs and his eyes to actually not start crying, but when his heart starts to give him the painful ache, he knows to himself there is no stopping for his emotions to flow. He took in a deep sigh, before closing the door before him, letting himself fully enter the room. He eyes were staring to water, but he didn’t mind. He knew he was going to anyways and he knows Kyungsoo is still here to kiss them all away, and so he takes this chance to cry in his dispense, because he knows the next day there won’t be anyone to kiss these tear goodbye no more.

“You full? Did you let Toben eat lunch too? He might bark his way up the room again of you forgot about it.” The soft and gentle tone of a voice, Chanyeol smiled gently. Kyungsoo didn’t need to look up from what he is reading to know who it was that entered the room.

“Aaaaa ~ Of course I did, he got lots of dog food on his plate for being such a good boy, he didn’t mess up with your cactuses today.” Chanyeol gulped, trying his best to hide the growing lump in his throat, he knows he was on the edge of crying.

‘Aaaaaa stop making me feel things, I will miss you reminding me to feed Toben every day.’ Chanyeol thought, as he plopped himself on their shared bed, crawling his way to the feel of Kyungsoo’s small frame. He laid his head on Kyungsoo’s lap, taking his time to feel comfortable. Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, he just let the giant do as he would usually do, as he felt long arms wrap around his waist. He let out a small smile, as he started reading one of his favorite lines in the said book out loud, feeling Chanyeol caress his face on the soft clothing of Kyungsoo’s pants.

“I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.”

- Nicholas Sparks, “Dear John”

“You really like that book so much huh?” Chanyeol replied, his voice raspy yet soft he felt the giant’s lips give out small kisses on his thighs.

“What do you want me to read out loud then, big baby?” He giggled, as he closed the book, setting it aside on the nightstand, willingly giving his full attention to Chanyeol and Chanyeol alone. He let his hands down to caress the giant’s newly bleached white hair, taking note how handsome he was the other day during the dinner with the President at the Blue House, how everyone, even the other diplomats were in awe with how dashing Chanyeol he was, and that his smile would have gotten a thousand of their fans pregnant at the smallest of actions. But he doesn’t mind though, and he will never mind the people giving so much love and support for Chanyeol as he knows he has this giant all to himself and for himself anyway.

He knows, and he always knows Chanyeol will always come home to him and only him.

He knows he loves Chanyeol more than anyone else.

“I just want you to tell me how much you love me, Soo.” Chanyeol’s voice was faint but still audible as he let himself be even closer to the smaller, his face now caressing the small lump on Kyungsoo’s stomach, his arms still latching onto the other tightly. Kyungsoo giggled once again, as he let his fingers feel the softness of the latter’s hair, playing with it as he curls and straightens each and every strand from time to time.

“I love you, Park Chanyeol.”

“Aaaaaa, Kyungsoo-ah. . . Please stop doing this to me.”

“What am I even doing?”

“Making me go crazy in love with you every single day.”

“Didn’t you know you have that effect on me too, Dumbo?”

“But yours is way too much than crazy.”

“I’ll miss you so much Chanyeol.”

There was silence between them. Chanyeol didn’t reply, as hearing the words being said, his eyes couldn’t battle the pain he was feeling any longer. He pressed his face into Kyungsoo’s stomach, trying his best to not let the other see his tears, his heart aching for him. He couldn’t believe that today was his last day to spend with his boyfriend, the last day he’s going to lay on this very lap, to hug him likes this, and just simply to be like this.

“Chanyeollie?” Kyungsoo can feel the giant’s body tremble. His brows furrowed in worry, as he heard Chanyeol start to sniff, making small mewls and whimpers.

“Aaaaaa, Soo, stop doing this to me. You’re going to make my heart break; I might not be able to live the next day to send you off.”

“You are overreacting, silly baby. I will only be gone for 18 months, as if the next time you are going to go on military, as if I won’t miss you as much as right now.” Kyungsoo can feel a small pang of pain hover his heart, knowing too well half of his self is actually cursing in mournful numbers, sometimes actually regretting why he had to enlist early when he could’ve done it with Chanyeol altogether, but no – he knows he needed to it early, he knows he needed to do it as soon as possible. He knows to himself he can do better when he comes back, and he knows he can take extra care of Chanyeol better when he returns.

But despite the reasons behind his early enlistment, he knows to himself he is in fact feeling the same as Chanyeol, how would it, to feel that the next few days, few months that the moment he wakes by the morning, he will never feel large hands wrap around his waist, soft and deep breaths ghosting from behind him, and will never feel the a giant snuggling over him, showering him with all the good morning kisses he deserves? That the moment he gets up to eat breakfast, he should remember not to make two cups of hot coffee because no one’s going to drink the other cup for him? That by lunch time, he doesn’t need to scold and remind at a giant with large Yoda ears to actually feed Toben because he keeps forgetting he had a pet dog to take care of ever since he even had the pet itself.

How would it feel, to have a life without Park Chanyeol in it?

“You’re just saying that, but you know what I feel about it, Kyungsoo. It makes me so sad to not feel you here after this.” The whimpers soon turned into soft sobs, hearing Chanyeol crying over again breaks Kyungsoo’s heart entirely, without denying that he himself was starting to cry. Tears flow down of his round cheeks, letting them just fall on its place, as he softly caressed Chanyeol’s cheek, trying to wipe away the tears that were visible to him.

“I’ll miss you so much. Kyungsoo. I don’t know what I am going to do without you here. I don’t know what to feel the morning I wake up without you beside me. I understand, Soo. But please let me feel this way. Let me miss you, let me cry for you, let me love you while you are still here, let me do anything with you before you leave. I don’t know what happens the next day but all I know is that I love you Do Kyungsoo. I love you, I love you.”

“Hey, look at me will you?” Kyungsoo coos, patting Chanyeol’s visible cheek. The giant then let himself sit up from laying, his head low and avoiding Kyungsoo’s gaze. The smaller cupped his cheeks, both his hands softly trying to move his head to let their gazes meet. Kyungsoo giggled at the sight of how cute his boyfriend can be at times, despite Chanyeol being the more dominant and manly in physique between the both of them, he knows his giant has a soft side, what he loves to call Chanyeol’s Puppy side. When their eyes meet, Chanyeol starting to sob even more, tear stains more evident on his cheeks, his shoulders slumping and shaking up and down.

“I’ll come back, yeah? It’s not like I’ll be gone forever, Yeollie. I will always come back to you. I will always come home to you.” He smiles gently, Chanyeol’s cheeks to soothe him from his sobbing, he is having small hiccups from crying too much, but there were still tears flowing down as Kyungsoo wiped each one from his cheeks. The smile on his face, so much filled with love, so angelic that Chanyeol has always questioned how in earth did he deserve someone as angelic as Kyungsoo, his heart lightening up at the sight of the man he loves too much to even be true.

“I can’t help it, Soo. Even though we’re here face to face, is it even safe to say that I miss you already? I love you too much, I can’t believe you won’t be here. I just want to spoil you, if only it was possible I would do the military training in your place. I can’t explain it but – ” Chanyeol was silenced by a pair of soft plump lips on his own. If it was even possible, his heart was feeling so many things, and if it was permitted, he would want the whole world to know about it, how his heart is going to burst, going to be even more explosive than any other time bomb he had ever played in video games, and would just scream out to the whole world how much he is in love with Kyungsoo. He closed his eyes, let his large arms snake back into Kyungsoo’s waist, didn’t want time to lavish as he pulls Kyungsoo closer to him, making the first move as he took his time and started to nibble on Kyungsoo’s upper lip.

“Hmmmm ~” Kyungsoo hummed within the kiss, a small smile forming as he replied with much want. The kiss wasn’t hungry, wasn’t needy as one of the usual days that they would initiate something like this. It was slow, tender and what Chanyeol would usually say, fluffy. The kiss was light, his hands slowly finding its way around the giant’s neck, making Kyungsoo feel like he was floating on the clouds, his heart at ease and his mind going nowhere but only to one place – to where Chanyeol is. Their lips dance in the rhythm only the both of them knows, and only the both of them can ever make.

Chanyeol pulled out of the kiss, wanting to see the face of his lover, wanting to savor every part and every crease, wrinkle or imperfections Kyungsoo has, because god damn how is he able to be blessed with such a perfect man, such a beautiful man like Kyungsoo. What has he done to deserve such a man, that almost everyone laid eyes for during their trainee days, did he ever expect that in the end, Kyungsoo would choose someone like him, out of all the others that were better and more good-looking and talented.

“Kyungsoo, I –”

“That’s okay. That’s okay, Yeollie.”

Now Kyungsoo was the one crying, the heart-shaped smile never leaving his face, his small fingers brushing Chanyeol’s hair at the nape tenderly. He wanted to indulge himself with the face of his man, his Chanyeol, wanting to keep the moment like this for as long as he can take it. His handsomeness, his bright eyes, his eyes that are the windows to how he knows Chanyeol loves him so, and how he hopes that Chanyeol sees the same in his eyes. His 1000-wat wide grin, his puppy smile Kyungsoo will forever plaster in his head, will forever keep that in mind, that his smile will only be and will be for Kyungsoo for as long as they are permitted to love and be loved by one another. His white hair, oh how Kyungsoo regrets his enlistment to be this early as he wants to let himself to revel in the fact that his boyfriend looks so good in white hair, how he wanted to touch and nuzzle at his crown longer, and to come out in public and tell everyone that had eyes for his giant that this man is his, and he his heart couldn’t contain how proud he is to have a boyfriend who could pull off such a look, that he would want to soon just kiss the out of him if he wants to right in front of the press if he wanted to.

“Kyungsoo, I love you.”

“I love you more than you can ever know, Chanyeol.”

“I know it will take a while, but do know that I will wait for you no matter how long it takes. Until then, until my hair turns literally white, I will wait for you, ‘til the end of my days.” Chanyeol moved closer once more, his large palms cupping Kyungsoo’s cheeks this time, as he kissed the smaller by the forehead, then down to kiss both his teary eyes, then his stained yet beautiful cheeks, his nose and a soft peck at his plump lips. Now it was the time Chanyeol is to kiss his tears all away, taking this chance and savoring the moment before his waiting game begins.

“I’ll come home, Yeollie. I promise you.”

It might take a while, he knows it would be such a long ride back home, but Kyungsoo knows to himself that despite the time and distance, he knows at the end of the day, he has something to look forward to when he comes back from military. He knows he has a place to return to, he knows he has a home where s will support and wait for him all the way, he knows he has a home where his beloved fans will for sure patiently wait for his return, will send him off with all the best wishes and the care he needs along the way.

And he knows, he definitely knows, he has a home where he could be himself, where he could just be laid back, where he could just come into the next time he returns, he knows the doors will forever be open for him and him only – and that is in Chanyeol’s arms. Where he knows he can cry so loudly, where he can scream and be scared at his own accord, where he can feel like he is on the verge of giving up and be comforted by a deep, raspy voice, and a giant with warmth surrounding him through the nights of his struggle.

He knows he has a home where Chanyeol will be and always will be, where he can be allowed to love and be loved unconditionally, with no rules, no exceptions. Where he is allowed to feel everything that he needs to, and where he is will always be given the love he truly deserves.

It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter what is in store for them when tomorrow comes, it doesn’t matter what happens the next day, as long as they are in each other’s arms today, at this very moment – then there is nothing that matters more in the world but to be with each other still at the end of the day. Where Chanyeol snuggles into Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo hugs his giant, presses himself into Chanyeol, to feel him, to be with him and to love him just like any other day they would be together.

It doesn’t matter now, and that’s okay. What matters the most is what happens today, what is now, and what is in the present, even just for a moment.

That’s okay. It always will be okay.

He doesn’t mind. He is home. Kyungsoo is home.

Author’s Notes:

I AM LITERALLY CRYING – I SWEAR.

 I will miss them, I will really miss their interactions. I will miss all their playful and fun episodes together, whether on or off camera, whether live or in social media, I will miss the both of them together. It is pretty obvious that they have always been attached by the hip, and they are each other’s closest companions ever since.

I C RI E D like a baby today.

WHEN I SAW CHANYEOL’S INSTAGRAM POST MY HEART ACHED AND I CRIED EVEN MORE. His caption “Just don’t get hurt” or “Don’t be hurt” made me feel so soft and sad at the same time, he was saying this both the EXO-Ls and Kyungsoo –

It was as if he was saying “Don’t be hurt EXO-Ls, Kyungsoo will come back, and the wait will be worth it.” And we know he wants us to be strong for Kyungsoo, and also for Xiumin even.

And as if he was saying, “I am sending you off, but remember to always take care of yourself even when I am not around, Just don’t get hurt, Kyungsoo.” Even if he is playful around Kyungsoo during ments, concert, interviews and whatnot, we all know behind the camera, he always looks after Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo does the same for Chanyeol, and as much as my ChanSoo heart feels for this, I know the last thing Chanyeol wants it to see Kyungsoo hurt and he doesn’t even want that to begin with.

If us EXO-Ls are really sad at this moment, how much more Chanyeol? He won’t say it in public for sure, but after his IG post, I kind of felt the pain he feels for not having Kyungsoo around for a long time. He would miss Kyungsoo the most. Like a lot.

 I cried a lot today, because well, Kyungsoo is enlisting and I won’t be seeing him for the next months. Of course I will always wish for the best for him, I will wish him good health and all the luck he needs to pass the training and to do good.

;; ~ ;; Ahhhh my heart aches, especially when his song “That’s Okay” released. He and EXO has always been the reason why I have battled a good fight with my depression, they have helped me through a lot of obstacles through their songs, and Kyungsoo’s soft and soothing voice was one of the things I held on to during the moments where I couldn’t even tell myself or give myself a reason to live. They are the reasons why I still had a reason to move forward and breathe, and live on with life and make it even a happy one.

Aaaaa ~ I hope you guys will enjoy this little gift I made for you guys, I know all of us are sad that we won’t be seeing any ChanSoo Moments for the meantime, BUT rest assured I will try my very best to work on more ChanSoo Fics for all of you <3

For the love of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, and for the love of all my readers who have always been with me through thick and thin, who have been there with me since the beginning, I will try my best and dedicate my heart and inspiration in making as much fics as possible to fill in the void of not having out Daddy Yeol play around Mommy Soo for now. I will try my hardest to make all of you happy as this is what Chanyeol and Kyungsoo has done for us too, to make us happy.

I cried while writing this Fanfic btw. HAHAHAHA I can’t believe, but yeah, I poured all my heart and sadness in this fic, because I couldn’t contain my feels and I want to cry it out, so alas, a fanfic dedicated to the two people that I love the most.

And as per my favorite line – Happy Reading ~ *Puing-puing* ^ u ^