“break up with your girlfriend,

                                                       cause i’m bored...”

they met in their apartment laundry room, she’s older and beautiful and caught yeeun’s eye from the moment she saw her. she told her that she lived on the same floor as her, the window right across from her bedroom. she knows another woman lives with her, but she doesn’t realize that they were roommates turned girlfriends. until a fateful meeting at the elevator one day, she spots the beautiful couple at the elevator going to walk their dog, the puppy scares her a bit but with the way she’s looking at her, yeeun almost forgets it’s there. she catches the name of the girlfriend before they leave, seungyeon, a pretty name for a pretty girl, she guesses. she’s y and fun, it seems. but yeeun knows she’s better.

it’s not like she wanted to tease her, but she couldn’t help it. she knew seungyeon’s room was down the hall, so she didn’t understand why she loved looking out her window into yeeun’s room. so, yeeun figured if she was going to look, give hersomething to see. it was innocent at first, crop tops, sports bras and shorts. her exercising or just lounging around her room. she stayed covered, just enough to tease. sometimes she would give her a taste just before taking it away. if shewanted to see more, she’d have to come over. she doesn’t. it’s all hushed whispers in the elevator and the coffee shop around the corner, between the bookshelves of the bookstore yeeun works at or the market they frequent down the street. she tells her to stop, but yeeun can see she doesn’t want her to. she loves it. just like her. just like how yeeun has never met anyone like her, she feels the same. every whisper of stop and we can’t do this. yeeun hears please keep going, i need it. she knows she shouldn’t but why is she always at the window? yeeun never knows but she lets her watch anyway. she thinks she can hold out, she should. it’s not her move to make, but even teaser gets desperate.

one night, however, the night, yeeun couldn’t take it anymore. just after a shower, as she was drying her hair, the towel fell… and she was there, watching, as if perfectly timed. she’d seen seungyeon leave that morning, kissing her good bye before getting in a cab. yeeun thanked her lucky stars as she watched her eyes follow her, her every curve and asset. and she loved it. within minutes, there’s a knock at the door and yeeun’s glad she didn’t have to wait. hair still wet and a sweatshirt covering her, she answers the door. she sees it written all over her face, the guilt, the need, the want to put her in her place; and not in the way yeeun wants, or so she thinks. her mouth opens and closes as yeeun guides her in, welcomes her to her home finally. she doesn’t have to do much once she’s pressed against her, hands on her hips, loving how yeeun’s initial reaction is to whimper at their closeness, hips tight to her . it’s so surprise that yeeun is bare under her sweatshirt that’s quickly tossed aside before she’s picked up and carried to her bed. she quickly makes work of her own clothes, tossing them anywhere they land. yeeun wants her like she needs her. needs her to breathe. to feel. like the lips traveling down her jaw to her collarbone and down her abs are her only source of actual relief.

                                 “you can hit it in the morning,

                                                                 like it’s yours.”

the night turns to morning as yeeun feels herself breathe new life. promises made between kisses and hushed moans slowly bringing them back to earth. yeeun tipping over the edge one last time with the cry of her name. she tells her that she doesn’t know what has her feeling this way, but her attraction to yeeun became too overwhelming to ignore any longer. the teasing wasn’t helping. yeeun giggles at her blatant attempts but she’s glad they worked. she laughs with her, seeing the cute girl she met in the laundry room that night pouting at the machine, once again. she wonders what it would’ve been like if they meet sooner. they drift to sleep amid kisses in their warm embrace and yeeun understands what her friends mean by pure happiness. she wakes to the most beautiful sight, taking a moment to just watch the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen so peaceful. she catches the way her heart skips before pulling herself from her embrace quickly before pulling together something for breakfast. she didn’t think to put on much to cover herself before leaving her room, but she’s glad she didn’t when arms wrap around her waist and lips kiss her bare shoulder. yeeun thought she’d leave, rush out of her apartment half dressed regretting her decision, but instead her arms are wrapped around yeeun’s waist, body covered in what yeeun assumes is her sweatshirt and she couldn’t be happier. she jokes about running out, but the way yeeun tenses, has her spinning her in her arms, kissing the pout off her lips. she tells her she can’t explain it, but she wants to stay. and she does.

with seungyeon gone, yeeun finally has her to herself. kissing her, making love to her, even getting used to being around her dog when they take him out for walks. yeeun doesn’t think anything else could be more perfect until after a walk they spot a cab in front of the building and a familiar face waving off the driver. her perfect weekend came to an end as her hand slips from hers, before watching them kiss hello. again, she’s the third standing out watching. she knows that’s who she is, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

the next few weeks feel like torture, even when yeeun catches her looking through the window. now that she’s had a taste, she wants more. she wants her. no amount of texts, calls, or wanting looks will make her feel better. so, she ignores it. tries to get her mind off of her, but she always creeps in, at work, at school, in the shower, and worse, late at night. late at night when the thoughts of lips on lips and hands on soft skin bringing her to a pleasure only she can give her. but she does it. she closes her curtains, closes her out. if she wants her, she can come over. and she does. kissing yeeun before she could even get a word out, pulling her close telling her she needs her, she might love her. it doesn’t make sense but yeeun feels it too. she’s hers again for one night, but one night isn’t enough. one night only makes her taste forbidden.

it stays like this for a while, when they’re both home in the afternoon, they have exactly 2 hours and 46 minutes before anyone could catch them, so they use it wisely. yeeun gets to look at her beautiful girl in her arms before she has to leave, giggling and sharing hopes and promises that probably will never come true. even if yeeun is all hers and she isn’t yeeun’s. it makes it all seem a bit more real. but, reality can lie to you sometimes.

yeeun’s on her third vodka tonic of the night, fake smile plastered on her face as she sits across from the “happy” couple, watching her…their friends, laugh with them. who knew they’d have a mutual link? when yeeun asked her if she wanted to go out later, she told her she couldn’t, plans with seungyeon. it’s funny how reality can be cruel sometimes too.

she excuses herself for a second, taking a second to breathe. she didn’t want her to follow, or maybe she did, but either way it would be all the more complicated. but she didn’t know which. she doesn’t want to see her. she told her the deal, she knows that she doesn’t love her and the game is getting old, but it’s taking her longer than yeeun wants to get over it. she begs yeeun to listen. kneeling before her, begs her to understand, but even she knows it’s useless to. she knows she’s lying to everyone but yeeun, but she can’t find a way to tell the truth. yeeun looks down at her, hating that she’s falling in love with those eyes. she leans down draping her face in a fan of blonde, kissing her softly, lovingly. “baby, i’m bored.” she pulls away and tries to walk back in before she pulls her back and up against the wall behind her. the kiss feels infinite in the minutes that pass. approaching footsteps pull them apart and the sound of an all too familiar voice. they all can see it. they all know but no one says anything. they share a cab back with elkie there keeping yeeun awake.

elkie plants her in her bed, hearing her whine and moan about some girl while she looks on through the window before being called to bed. it takes all of her not to go to yeeun’s apartment and see if yeeun and elkie do anything. she’s too jealous to remember elkie’s girlfriend. it doesn’t matter when she’s sleeping in the same bed as yeeun. seungyeon stops her, but she catches a peek through the window that elkie left.

the next morning, yeeun is alone in her bed, hoping she didn’t mess anything up, but she knows she saw the way seungyeon looked at them and she knows she knows. a knock at door breaks her from her thoughts and there she is. she’s promising and confessing, telling her that she did it and that she loves her and that nothing else matters. she kisses her and it’s like the first time, she wants her. she loves her. another knock interrupts them and they know. yeeun answers waiting for the hit. the tears she sees about to fall plant the guilt in her chest. she knows she’s crying behind her. yeeun is honest, she knows that seungyeon knows and she knows that she’s known for a while. she can see it in her face and knows that it hurts but not as much as it would have if she hadn’t figured it out. the view from the guest room door showed her more than she needed to see. her girlfriend watching another woman give herself to her, falling in love. she was waiting for her to give her a reason to leave and now she has it. the truth hurt, but they’ve been just friends for a while now. surprisingly, she thanks yeeun. it feels weird for them both, but at least, yeeun will love her. the door closes and her knees give out from under her. yeeun joins her on the ground knowing where this goes. i love you but i need time. she nods and lets her leave. she doesn’t try to stop the tears, even in the days following, they don’t. she’s never cried so much and it hurts as much as they say.

by time, yeeun didn’t know how long. she thought a day or maybe even longer, but she watches as her apartment clears out and how her window becomes someone else’s. yeeun gives her time, but her lease ends before she comes back. she moves further into the city, near elkie and work. it makes life easier, but that feeling that something’s missing doesn’t go away just yet. the window from her bedroom looks out over the city now, no more hopeless, beautiful girls peeking in anymore. a knock at the door interrupts her nightcap and has her wondering why elkie needs to speak with her in person right now. after months of thinking she’d never see her again, there she is. standing there, beautiful as ever making yeeun question everything. her hair is shorter and in the two years they’ve been apart, she looks more mature. eyes dripping with a love that both tried to fight, but would always lose. before she could really think, yeeun’s pulling her in by the nape of her neck and into her apartment. the lips she loves are finally hers again. no question of where she’s been or why she left her, just the sweet taste of her lips and the soft baby hairs out of her ponytail under her fingertips. god, she loves her.

in a bigger bed, in a new place, together again, amid kisses and giggles of hope and promise, she apologizes a hundred times and yeeun knows she’d forgive her again and again if it meant making all their promises come true. she shouldn’t feel this way but she can’t help that she wants her. that she loves her.