It was a normal and almost boring day until Jennie decided to ask Jisoo to do some shopping. Not that they need more clothes or anything, it's like a thing Jennie does to at least be able to feel a bit like a normal person again after debuting under such a big entertainment company like YG. She needed it to hold her ground, the same way her members are to her. The things she can hold on to remind her that she may be big onstage but she can be who she is with them. And shopping is something Jendeuk, a nickname Jisoo gave to her which she feels describes her a lot, would do. Jisoo, as much as she likes to lie around all day, enjoys shopping with Jennie just as much. She's hanging out with her best friend after all.

They were lounging through aisles until somehow they're at the lamp section. Jisoo saw this particular lamp that enamored her. It was merely a lamp that had small childish designs but it made Jisoo want it more.

"Jennie I want this." Jisoo smiles and points her finger to the lamp like a 10-year old kid asking for candy.

"But unnie you already have one working at home, do you really need another one?"

"But Jendeuk it's so cute look!" Jisoo turns the lamp on and was amazed and put her arms up with the lights as if she's in a concert.

Jennie can only giggle at what the older one is doing just so she can convince Jennie that the lamp is something she needed to have.

"Unnie you really like useless things." Jisoo pouts and Jennie only laughs at her. "Let's go somewhere else and actually buy stuff that we need."

Jisoo can only look back sadly at the lamp cause she knows that what Jennie said makes sense. She has a lot of lamps back home, it's okay. And so for the rest of the day, they continued shopping til they got tired and went home.

Jisoo went back to her room to clean up and take away the things they bought when she heard a knock on her room.

"Come in."

"Unnie..."

"Oh hi Jendeuk, why aren't you washing up yet?"

"I came here to give you this." Jennie gives Jisoo a small wrapped box.

"What is it?"

Jennie only fiddles around with her fingers as she looks down and smiles shyly.

"Open it, I'll go ahead and wash up.” Jennie left her alone with the package.

Jisoo unwraps the box as fast as she can like a kid opening her christmas present. She was surprised when she saw the lamp she wanted a while ago.

So she bought it for me...

She can feel her lips forming into a big smile and somehow her heart is slowly starting to thump too much it's almost choking her.

Well that's a first, maybe I need to get a checkup?

That night, Jisoo fell asleep while admiring the cutest lamp from the cutest girl who’s lying on bed beside her.

×××××××××××××××××××××××

Morning came and luckily enough they have no schedule for today. Chaeyoung woke up early from the hunger and decided to toast some bread with Lisa watching her to make sure she doesn’t burn the kitchen down. After finally eating enough, she went to Jisoo’s room fully knowing that Jennie’s there too. Chaeyoung had to stop when she peeked inside the room and saw Jisoo with flushed cheeks staring at a sleeping Jennie. Chaeyoung rethinks about going inside to bother them or if she should just observe why her unnie is acting like Jennie’s the only interesting thing inside the room. She’s used to seeing Jisoo play games on her phone as she wakes up so her eyebrows raise at the situation. She decides to leave them be since waking Jennie up is kind of hell too.

Jisoo woke up with the sun warm on her skin. She groans for she probably didn’t get to fully close the curtains with all the sun that’s covering her bed. She stretches a bit and realizes a heavy weight dipped on the right side of her bed.

Oh right, she slept in my bed again.

It was a mistake to look to her right because she saw her best friend’s face so close to hers. Jennie has slept with her before, on this bed, had mornings like this too but for some reason today seems different than most mornings. Jennie seemed…… ethereal. Jisoo had to rub her eyes to make sure she’s okay and not suddenly seeing things like little details about Jennie’s serene sleeping face and all the curves of her skin. She never realized her best friend was this beautiful. Well, she’d always known but this time it felt different. Her eyes can tell and so can her heart cause right now all it’s doing is jumping up and down wanting to be let out. It’s like ever since her heart did flips last night, everything about Jennie changed and it’s making Jisoo panic.

All of a sudden she thinks of all the times Jennie’s been there for her, been considerate about the little things like always remembering her favorites by heart and just like what happened last night when she bought that lamp for her despite calling it useless. Jisoo’s senses felt so overwhelmed with the things she’s remembering. From their soft glances, Jennie’s laughter which sounded the sweetest, her soft hugs, her little cheek kisses and warm cuddles on bed. Everything is coming on at once and it’s like all of a sudden Jennie is someone she wants to be with and hold always. But that’s what it means to be best friends right? And the fact that the girl is sleeping a few inches from her did not really help with her clouded mind and buzzing heart.

She caught herself wanting to caress Jennie’s face but had to stop herself before she does something a best friend probably shouldn’t be doing. Minutes almost felt like hours and Jennie starts to stir and wake up. Slightly yawning, she smiles sleepily at Jisoo.

“Good morning unnie.” She was too cute, Jisoo had to look away with heat covering her cheeks.

“G-Good morning Jendeuk. We better go eat breakfast, it’s the most important meal of the day! I can smell toast, seems like the maknaes are making something.” Jisoo tries to calm herself and finds some composure by doing their normal routine. Not doing all that creepy staring and heart palpitations.

“But it’s still too early, let’s stay here and cuddle.” And there she is, Jendeuk, clingy and cute only always for Jisoo to see. Jennie grabs Jisoo back to the bed and snuggles right below her jaw. Jisoo can only giggle at how Jennie is acting and hugs her back.

“Jendeuk Jendeuk always so clingy early in the morning.”

They left bed after 3 more hours of Jennie sleeping and Jisoo getting lost in her thoughts and bouncing heart.

×××××××××××××××××××××××

Weeks later the maknaes are starting to notice Jisoo’s questionable change of behavior towards Jennie. They’ve lived together for years for goodness sake. Jisoo’s been clingier and more loving to Jennie ever since she bragged with shy red cheeks about that lamp Jennie bought her. The maknaes are getting worried for Jisoo because what she might be feeling is taboo in South Korea and it would be hard for anyone, even more so because they’re one of the biggest girl groups in Korea and the world. Not wanting to assume without asking Jisoo, they decided to talk to her.

“Hey unnie, can we talk to you?”

“Sure pasta. What’s up?”

Lisa alarms Chaeyoung that Jennie is in the practice room with them and decided to talk on the rooftop.

“Okay Chaeyoung, Lisa, what do you guys want to talk about? Is there something wrong?”

“Unnie, we want you to be honest with us.” Lisa starts.

“Okay… what’s going on you’re scaring me.”

“Unnie… correct us if we’re wrong but, do you have feelings for Jennie unnie?”

“W-What are you talking about? O-Of course I don—”

“Unnie it’s okay, you can tell us the truth, we won’t judge you.” Chaeyoung says as she and Lisa carefully holds Jisoo’s hands letting her know that she’s safe, that her secret’s safe with them.

“I- I- do I?” Jisoo asks back.

“What?” The two said in unison, obviously confused.

“Do I have feelings for Jennie?”

“Unnie I think we’re supposed to be the ones asking you that question unless….” The two maknaes look at each other in realization that maybe Jisoo didn’t even know what feelings she had for Jennie. “Unnie, you’re not sure of your feelings for her?”

“All I know is that she’s my best friend and I always want to hold her, keep her safe, be by her side, cuddle with her, squish her cheeks, go shopping with her even though I’m not that fond of shopping, and when she- wait… this is how you are with your best friends right? Aren’t you like this to Lisa?” Jisoo asks to Chaeyoung, or more like begging for Chaeyoung to agree. But Chaeyoung only smiled sadly at her.

“No, unnie. Then how about this, Soojoo unnie is your best friend too right?” Jisoo nods slowly and looks expectantly at Chaeyoung. “then have you ever felt that way towards her?”

“So, am I… in love with Jennie?” The maknaes can only nod. “B-But this is bad isn’t it?”

“Unnie- we don’t know. Do you think you’ll ever tell Jennie unnie?” Lisa made a point. Will she ever tell Jennie? Does she even need to know? But Jisoo didn’t even know she was also into girls so this is a big blow.

“I don’t know Lisa, I think I need to rest for now. Let’s talk later.”

Jisoo has her head hung low and went downstairs to their van to finally go home. She locked herself inside her room for the rest of the night, not even letting Jennie inside for their same old night chats and sleeping together. It lasted for weeks, Jisoo became distant towards Jennie for a long while and the cat-eyed girl is starting to notice. She decided that she’s waited enough and Jisoo needs to give her some answers.

“Unnie.”

“Oh hi Jennie, what’s up?”

“What’s up? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?”

Jennie looked so sad and Jisoo doesn’t know what to do, with her feelings, with their relationship and with how Jennie looked like she’s torn and it’s breaking Jisoo’s heart. But she has no choice, they’re a team and she’s the oldest so she needs to make sure their group won’t fall apart just because of her stupid feelings.

“It’s nothing Jennie, it’s probably because I’m tired of all the sudden busy schedule we have.” Jisoo smiles reassuringly to Jennie, hoping her answer would comfort the latter.

“It’s not nothing unnie. You have something on your mind, I know you.”

No you don’t. Not this time. Because if you did, you’d be running away from me by now.

“You know you can tell me anything right? Whatever it is, you know I can never hate you so please. Please Jisoo unnie, tell me.”

Jisoo can only sigh and give Jennie a sad smile. “Jennie I’m really just tired.”

“Then how come you rarely let me in your room at night? And you haven’t called me Jendeuk for a while now. I’m just worried unnie. Do you want to ask for a break? We could try to talk to CEO Yang for a bit of rest you know.”

“No it’s okay, we waited for this, our fans waited for this. This is not something we can just take for granted Jennie, just like our friendship..”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing, let’s just go to sleep Jendeuk. I’m fine, I promise. Wanna sleep with me tonight?”

“Okay….” Jennie left Jisoo alone cause she knows Jisoo would tell her when she wants to. Maybe now is just not the time, maybe Jisoo is just really tired. Jennie made it an excuse every time she feels Jisoo grow more distant.

Months passed by and nothing changed except Jennie is slowly forgetting the absence of Jisoo in her life while Jisoo is still in pain, still in torment, still pretending and is still in love with her best friend.

“Unnie stop this.” Lisa dragged Jisoo away from the bar. Yes, Jisoo’s not been herself for months now and it’s all going downhill.

“Let go of me Lisa, I’m trying to have fun.”

“Stop unnie, this is too much. We’re a team and we need you. Blackpink has four members, not three and a half.”

“Ya! Are you teasing me for being short?!”

“No unnie, it’s because you won’t even talk to us anymore. Chaeyoung, Jennie unnie and I are worried about you.”

“Yeah right. I’m going home.” Jisoo scoffs and pulls her hand from Lisa’s grip.

“Why wouldn’t you just confess to Jennie unnie to know if your feelings are reciprocated or not? So that you could stop this mess. You’re such a coward.” Jisoo looked back at Lisa with fire in her eyes but Lisa’s not backing down. Not this time cause too much damage has been done to all of them.

“Because telling her could ruin blackpink! All four of us and our friendship! Don’t you understand Lisa? There’s a lot at risk here.”

“LOOK AROUND YOU UNNIE. We’re already falling apart!”

What Lisa said was like a slap to Jisoo. It woke her up, and the youngest is right. They’re already falling apart. She barely comes home and always stays at Soojoo’s or is always locked up in her room not letting anyone in. Jennie’s been avoiding the dorm now too because she can’t bear to pass by Jisoo’s room and feel the emptiness of her best friend’s absence. They’re pulling from different paths and it was all because Jisoo let it. She’s the oldest, she was supposed to be the responsible one for all of them. She was supposed to be their shoulder to lean on and she hasn’t been for a while. She needs to fix things as soon as possible.

“Lisa I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to…” Lisa sighs, finally her unnie listened to her.

“I know unnie. It’s okay, we will fix this together. All four of us, but we need you unnie. We need you to be there with us too.”

“Okay. I will. Thank you Lisa.” They hug each other for a long time and finally they let go.

“Come on unnie, you stink.” Jisoo laughed and slapped Lisa’s arm. They went home together and after some time, Jisoo finally learned to laugh and smile again. Thank you Lisa indeed.

Jisoo’s been around the dorm more and now it’s time to fix things with Jennie. As much as Jisoo fears to do it, she’s already hurt the girls enough. She has to take responsibility for everyone, especially Jennie.

“Chaeng, Lisa, we need to talk.”

“Yes unnie?”

“Since 2018 is almost over, I want to start over with you guys, especially with Jennie. So this time, I’m going to confess after our new year’s eve dinner.”

The maknaes looked at each other in fear and nervousness as to what might happen after and looked back at Jisoo worriedly.

“Unnie, are you sure about this?”

“Yes, I’ve made up my mind. I would rather we crash because I actually did everything I could instead of having regrets eat me up inside someday. I need to do it. And I’m telling you both because I want you to be there for the two of us but especially Jennie. I don’t know how this will end up but I’d have more courage if you had our backs.”

“Whatever you decide to do unnie, we will support you and Jennie unnie. You will always have us, please don’t forget that.” Lisa showed her angelic smile and Jisoo almost teared up. She’s lucky to have such friends in her life. People who accepted her even before she accepted herself. They all hugged with tears- which are mostly Chaeyoung’s.

×××××××××××××××××××××××

It’s almost time for the new year’s eve dinner and this 2018, they planned to bring their families all together and have a big dinner. Jennie and Jisoo finally seemed like their old selves that night, maybe because their families are there and they know how close the two are or maybe because Jisoo’s actually talking to Jennie again. Not the empty shell version of Jisoo, but the lively weird Jisoo that can always make Jennie laugh. Jennie swore she almost teared up in the middle of it all but had to control herself in front of everyone. She missed her best friend. She missed her Jisoo. And here she is, right beside her talking and laughing with her. It felt like it’s been a decade since they last bonded, she didn’t want to celebrate the new year if she gets to spend the rest of 2018 like this. She’s hoping the night stretches for long because who knows when Jisoo will go back to the way she’s been for the past few months? She wants this Jisoo and she doesn’t want anything else.

The clock strikes eight and their families started going home to celebrate the incoming new year in their houses to give the girls their own privacy and tradition of celebrating the incoming year. Hugs, kisses, thank yous, happy new years and goodbyes were exchanged before blackpink went back to their dorm. The maknaes left the unnies at the dorm alone because they wanted to eat more and also for the two to have alone time. Tonight is the night and Jisoo can’t help but be terrified of what Jennie might say or react. But she has to do this. She has to leave whatever problems they have on 2018, she wants to feel free and new together with 2019. It’s time.

Jennie was on her way back to her room when she knocked and peeked inside Jisoo’s.

“Come in.”

“Hey unnie.”

“Hey Jendeuk did you enjoy dinner?” Jisoo was smiling at Jennie so brightly, Jennie felt her heart well up with happiness. Her Jichu unnie is back.

“Yes, I missed you unnie.” Jennie ran to tackle Jisoo on her bed and hugged her so tight cause it felt like she would slip away any time soon. Jisoo giggled and patted her head softly. The calm before the storm.

“Jennie we need to talk.”

“Sure unnie, we have lots of catching up to do. I have a lot to tell you, so many teas to spill!” Jisoo can’t help but laugh.

“Tell me all about it.”

She missed this, she missed Jennie. She wanted just a few more time with her like this. She wants to be selfish right now because no one knows what the new year or even later will bring. But just like always, time never slows down for anyone. It’s 10pm and Jisoo is running out of time so she starts the conversation she actually wanted to talk about.

“Jennie I need to talk to you about something.”

Jennie feels the serious atmosphere and nervously stares at Jisoo waiting for her to continue, too afraid to ask the older one.

“Since 2018 is about to end and I know this year’s been a rocky one for all of us, especially for our friendship and I’m really sorry for that. It’s my fault I know but I have my reasons as to why I did everything I did.”

“It’s okay unnie, as long as you’re back to being how you were. To being my happy and sweet Jisoo unnie.” Jisoo can only smile at Jennie, cause this is it. She’s about to do it and she doesn’t know if she can so she hugs the younger girl wanting to take her in one last time before things change completely.

“Jennie, I’m afraid a lot of things has changed. I- I have something important to tell you. It’s about why I’ve been a mess and avoiding you these past few months.” Jennie waits with a nervous heart, it’s like something’s about to happen and she has no control over it. She’s losing grip of something and she doesn’t know what but somehow her heart does.

“Unnie w-what is it? You’re scaring me.”

Jisoo looks down and lets go of Jennie’s hands and she starts to play with her own. She doesn’t know if she can look up to those beautiful mesmerizing brown orbs that’s got her entranced like a puppy. It feels like it’ll be too much to bear, to actually see what Jennie’s eyes would portray once she speaks the truth. But she must do it, she owes Jennie at least that. To tell her why they both had to go through this torment together yet apart. Looking into Jennie’s eyes, Jisoo can’t help but tear up and this only made the latter worry.

“J-Jendeuk, Jennie, my best friend…”

“Unnie are you crying? W-Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Jisoo tries to collect herself before reciting the speech that’s about to change her life.

“Before 2018 ends, I want you to know that all this time I’m sorry for being distant. It’s because I only want what’s best for you. I want to be a person you can depend on, someone who can protect you and be brave enough for you; someone who can give you courage. But I don’t know if I’m rightful enough to be that person to you. I’m not sure you can accept me or what I feel. So instead I turned myself into the person that can never be the one you end up coming to at the end of the day, I made the decision for you and I know that what I did was unfair because you’re the one who’s supposed to decide if you’d welcome me into your life as someone you wanna sing songs and grow old with, someone you can have soft staring contests in the morning and cuddles every weekend, someone to hold your hand through every painful and scary thing you have to go through in your life, someone to walk kuma and kai with at the park while teasing each other the whole way, someone who’d give up pizza because you don’t like it, someone who’d walk slowly to match your pace, because it’s what I want to have with you and I’ve been such a coward this whole time. Now I realized I actually want that someone to be me… I- I’m in love with you Jennie…”

Jennie is surprised with the sudden confession. open and closing but no words come out, astonished with the words Jisoo said. She started tearing up. Jisoo can only wipe her tears away as she sheds her own, waiting for the other girl’s response. Jennie starts to back away from Jisoo and suddenly she’s standing and is halfway out the door.

“I-I’m sorry unnie. I better go.”

“Jennie wait! I-“ Jisoo sighs as tears fall down for the nth time that night and her muffled sobs were the only thing that started her 2019. “I’m sorry…”

×××××××××××××××××××××××

It’s only 7am and Jisoo’s phone won’t stop buzzing with notifications. Waking up, she groans for her head, eyes, nose and throat still hurts from all the crying she did. She’s confused as to why so many of her friends wanted to check up on Jennie as if they knew something bad happened last night. Even Jennie’s parents left a few missed calls and voice messages. She got alarmed and called Jennie, even though she’s not sure she’s allowed to do that yet. But the latter has her phone turned off so she went to her room but saw no sign of the cat-eyed girl. She’s starting to panic so she went to ask the maknaes but found no Chaeyoung so she went to Lisa and woke her up rather harshly.

“Lisa where’s Jennie and Chaeng?! Why is everyone worried and texting me about her? Did something wrong happen?!”

“Unnie wait calm down, Jennie unnie went out to meet CEO Yang and Chaeyoung went to support her. Haven’t you read the news? It’s been out for a while now, but I don’t think you should read it with your current state being like this…”

Jisoo opened her phone and went to Naver to check what’s going on. And there it is, the number one trending article: BLACKPINK Jennie and EXO Kai revealed to have been dating by Dispatch.

“T-This can’t be real. Lisa this isn’t real right? It can’t be… How come you never told me?! How come she never told me?” Jisoo is so close to falling apart and Lisa can’t help but tear up at how broken her unnie is, especially since they rarely even see her cry but now, right now she’s sobbing uncontrollably it’s like a stab to Lisa’s heart every time she pauses to catch her breath.

“Unnie we didn’t know, I’m sorry… please don’t read it anymore.” By now Lisa’s tears are the reason Jisoo’s shoulder is wet. They’ve been hugging each other for hours that felt like days. Lisa can’t stand to see her Jisoo unnie like this.

It’s almost midnight when Chaeyoung and Jennie got back to the dorm. They found Jisoo and a sleeping Lisa on the couch. Jisoo stared blankly at Jennie and the younger girl can only look down. She’s obviously a wreck, probably worse than what Jisoo expected her to look like. Chaeyoung cleared to clear the tension up a bit and went to take Lisa back to her own room leaving the two unnies alone.

“G-Good night unnie.” Jennie was about to leave the living room when Jisoo spoke up.

“Jennie. Look at me.” Jennie seemed to ignore her words and started to walk towards her own bedroom when Jisoo ran and grabbed her arm.

“Jisoo unnie please just let me go. Let me rest.”

“Jennie I said look at me.” Jisoo cupped Jennie’s face with her palms and looked straight into her eyes.

“Unnie I don’t have the energy for this right n-“

Jennie stopped when Jisoo suddenly opened her arms wide, a soft smile asking for Jennie to come into her embrace. Jennie stared at Jisoo for a second and her eyes started to sting, surprised that Jisoo’s not spewing angry words at her after everything that happened for the past few hours. Right then and there, Jennie broke down in Jisoo’s arms all fragile and vulnerable. They were like that til they fell asleep on the couch and the sun rose.

Jisoo woke up first feeling thirsty from all the crying she’s been doing for the past few days or maybe the past few months. As she stirs up a bit, she notices a heavy weight on her right arm and saw a sleeping Jendeuk. She looks so peaceful as if disaster wasn’t brought upon a few hours ago. She’d like to stay like this for a while, at least until Jennie wakes up and reminds her that this is not reality. So she stayed like that for two hours, not letting the maknaes walk around for a while to let sleeping beauty rest on her arms. Her mind wandered and wondered while watching the girl sleep and when Jennie finally woke up, Jisoo hugged her tight.

“Jendeuk.”

“Unnie? Why are you hugging me tight so early in the morning?”

“FYI it’s already noon.”

“I just woke up, it’s still early morning to me.”

“Jennie.”

“Unnie what is it?”

“Are you happy with him?”

“Unnie you don’t have to-“ Jisoo finally lets her go and faces Jennie with a serious face and soft eyes.

“Jennie I need to know.”

“I-I am. He makes me happy unnie.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

Jisoo smiled sweetly at Jennie but her eyes are sad. Jennie doesn’t know what she needs to say to make Jisoo feel better because she’s afraid to make more damage than she already has. Jisoo notices this and decides to speak instead.

“It’s okay Jennie. I’m happy as long as you’re happy, it may be a bit hard for me to get around the whole moving on and you having a boyfriend stuff but I’ll be okay. You know why?” Jennie shakes her head slighty, “because you will always be my Jendeuk and I’ll always be your Jichu.”

And with that, tears well up Jennie’s eyes as Jisoo kisses Jennie’s forehead before retreating back to her own room while dragging her shattered heart with heavy steps and a smiling face full of tears. Because despite everything, they know they will always be each other’s home.

 

FIN.