"I've been in five hundred of these and they're all the same!! I'm basically your waitress there!!" - And here we go, fighting over it again!

"Honey, c'mon that's not true! Come with me, please?" - I try to convince her.

"Yes it is!! I go and everyone keeps asking me to take pictures of them with you and they keep asking me the same things! 'How did you and Moonbyul met each other?' 'How is she?' 'Where are you guys from?' They don't remember anything! It's all so empty!"

"Honey I'm sorry that's the way it is, and that you feel this way, but try to understand, it's important to me!" - She turns her back on me and sits down on our bed.

"No one would even notice if I didn't show up! Why can't I just stay? No one talk to me there! You clearly don't talk to me there!! You're always insisting me to go and then you simply leave me in the hall! I go and I sit there drinking and holding the purses!"

"I would notice!!" - I sigh "listen" I speak but she continues in her monologue "listen to me!" Nothing yet "SOLAR LISTEN TO ME!!" I shout and she finally stops complaining and stares at a fixed point on the wall. "Can we have two minutes of a decent conversation without you contradicting everything I say all the time? Is it too much to ask?? Then you can say whatever you want, okay? But listen to me first!" - She turned her face in the opposite direction, refusing to look at me.

"Look" - I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down "there are these people, and they're publishing my book. And there's this party that they are throwing, that you made it very clear that you're not going. I'll be going, okay? And that's done!" - We were silent for a while, one in each corner.

"But what it's really about? Is it really about the party Sun?" - I started talking, a little quieter now - "can we please stop blaming and say what we're feeling?" - I walked over the bed where she was and sat across from her. "It's that you're disappointed to be going again to Bucheon? ... You thought things would be much easier than they turned out to be?" - She turned her face in a mute discord. "Well, then talk to me, Solar! Talk to me!" - I rolled over the bed and crouched in front of her. Looking into her eyes I realized she was crying.

"If I didn't believe in you, we wouldn't have gotten that far! If I wasn't sure you could make it through somehow, we wouldn't be standing here now! We wouldn't be having this fight!" - I try to make her look at me "If I didn't believe you I would walk out the door and say: 'Solar, you're right!' But I could never let that happen knowing the things about you I know! Things from when I met you four years ago! It never took much convincing to make me believe in you!"

I tried to reach out my hand to wipe the tears that flowed down her face but in a gesture of denial she turns and I stand there with my hand in the air. With a sigh, I let my arm fall beside me.

"Don’t we get to be happy, Solar? At some point of the line, don't we get to relax? Without some new problem to push me further away from you?" - I get up trying to get face to face with her "If I'm cheering on your side Solar, why can't you support mine?? Why do I have to feel like I've committed some felony doing all I've always swore I would do?" Her silence was already deafening me.

"I don't want you to hurt, I don't want you to sink, but you know what I think?" - I ask trying to reach her face again making her look at me - “I think you'll be fine! Just hang on and you'll see! But don't make me wait 'till you do to be happy with you! Will you listen to me??"- She turns around again ignoring me "I will not fail so you can be comfortable Solar! I will not lose because you can't win!" - I turn my back at her too.

"But.. you know.." - I take a deep breath calming myself down "If I didn't believe in you I couldn't have stood in front all of our friends and say: 'this is the life I chose, this is the person I can't bear to lose!'" - I turn around again staring at her back "If I didn't believe in you Solar" I approach her and give her a backhug burring my face on her neck "I wouldn't love you as much as I love you!".