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Dear DiaryMay 13th
Dear diary,
This is stupid.
May 14th
Me again. Apparently I have to do this bull if I want them to let me out.
They ing better let me out
Still stupid.
May 20th
Missed a few days. Don't see how it matters but okay.
They can't hold me here forever.
May 21th.
Days go so slow here, it's frustrating.
I'm ing fine.
Can stop whenever I want to without their help bull.
I'm fine.
May 24th
It's not my fault this time.
Spent a few days in the hospital wing and a pen was sharp enough that it was classified as a weapon.
I must have been really messed up if they saw a pen as a good enough weapon for me to use.
This is still bull.
But I may need the help.
Maybe I should stay.
May 25th
I don't need this. They won't leave me alone anymore.
It's bull.
May 29th
Every time she says my name it’s with a look of pity.
It’s making me want to change it.
Maybe I should when I get out of here.
June 1st
Luhan are you alright?
Luhan do you think you could say no if I offered you the needle right now?
Luhan why are you shaking?
Luhan.
Luhan.
Luhan?
Do you think you can stop Luhan?
NO
June 13th
Me again.
They locked me up again.
But I feel better now.
I think.
June 18th
She asked me if I feel the need to shoot up again.
I said no. I always say no.
I meant it this time.
Ain’t that scary?
June 19th
It’s officially been 3 months today.
Feels like I’ve been here longer.
I want to go home.
June 22th
Sometimes I’m afraid that I will go back to how it was if I go home.
I don’t want to.
July 11th
Been a while. Sorry.
Things have been going well. I think they’ll let me out soon.
I’m afraid they will let me out soon.
July 13th
I keep thinking about it.
But I’m not going back.
I’m good.
I feel good.
I’m better then I was and it will stay this time.
July 14th
Had to write down and explain my lowest moment on paper today.
I’m not good.
July 15th
I don’t remember them. My lowest moments.
Maybe that’s a good thing.
July 24th
I’m signing papers to leave tomorrow.
I’m good.
July 30th
I don’t know why I took you with me.
I’m out now. Don’t need to write in here anymore.
But it’s been a few days and things have been good.
Just wanted to let you know.
I’m still good.
August 17th
He called me today. I didn’t answer.
I know I’m not supposed to answer.
I wanted to.
Still good.
August 20th
He’s still calling. Maybe I should answer?
You’re not very helpful, you know that?
September 3rd
I’m not good.
September 19th
We went out to our usual club while he was in town.
I wasn’t strong enough.
The Dr would be disappointed.
Are you?
September 22nd
Sehun left again.
But the damage is already done.
I shouldn’t have answered the phone.
September 23rd
I don’t regret answering the phone.
November 4th
I’m scared
November 10th
I held back for a few days but they were getting loud again.
I hate it when they are loud.
December 1st
They refuse to shut up again.
I just want them to shut up.
December 15th
Sehun is back. It’s better when he’s here.
They’re quiet when he’s here.
But then again maybe it’s the drugs.
It usually is the drugs.
December 27th
I missed Christmas. Again.
Merry Christmas I guess.
The voices say Merry Christmas too.
June 6th
I feel like I wrote in you yesterday, but it has been months.
I’m scared.
Will I just not come back after a while?
Will I not wake up?
I don’t want to.
But I don’t think I have much of a choice.
June 8th
I’m sorry.
August 5th
Sehun thinks that it’s funny that I’m still writing in you.
The voices find it funny too.
October 18th
Hey.
It’s been a while.
December 25th
Still alive.
Merry Christmas.
March 29th
I woke up next to Sehun today.
Don’t even remember him being back.
It’s been 3 months. What did I miss?
May 6th
Sehun’s still here.
He never stays this long.
I’m scared that he wants to stay this time.
May 11th
He left.
The voices are back.
August 9th
Almost died last week.
Wish I did.
August 13th
I’m scared.
I want to stop.
They’re laughing at me when I say it out loud.
They’re always laughing at me.
November 2nd
Still alive.
November 26th
Sometimes I wonder how my life would be without the voices.
Sometimes I want to find out and start actually taking my pills.
Sometimes I don’t want to know and flush them down the toilet.
Just letting you know as I watch them swim away.
January 9th
Do you believe in the afterlife?
February 16th
Sometimes he tells me he loves me.
Most of the time I forget it.
Most of the time I forget everything.
August 24th
I think he’s staying this time. It’s been months.
He’s gonna see.
I don’t want him to see.
August 31st
He told me he loves me.
I don’t think he ever said it before.
He wouldn’t if he knew about the voices.
September 3rd
I’m scared.
I think I’m always scared.
December 1st
Sehun was the one to find me half dead this time.
He knows.
Asked me to get help.
I’m home now.
Told him that I don’t think I can.
January 17th
I hate them!
I hate them!
I HATE THEM!
January 19th
I can’t anymore.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I don’t want to.
Febuary 8th
I’m sorry.
May 13th
The voices are loud. So very loud.
I could still hear Sehun asking me to leave with him.
Sometimes I think he’s a hallucination too.
June 10th
Nothing feels real.
Am I even real? Does it matter?
June 19th
They came to lock me up again. Sehun called them I think.
But that’s okay.
He’s not real. Nothing is real.
They better hurry up if they plan on taking me anywhere.
The doors are hard though. They should last long enough.
The ghosts around me are still so loud.
I want to scream.
It’s getting hard to write now.
I think Sehun is yelling on the other side.
He can do better.
We can all do better.
This is still bull.
I’ll miss you though.
AN/ Keeping the ending open to interpretation
Sorry, not sorry!
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