It’s a few weeks later but they’ve grown accustomed to be with each other. Friends—well, Jongwoon would like to think, but they’re only starting to grow close together and form a new friendship. Super Junior is behind them, Super Junior is between them, but only like a white thread, so thin and invisible that you can forget that it’s there.

Speaking of—Jongwoon’s looking through old discs again, but only because they’ve been sitting at the bottom of his bookshelf for so long and he feels like he should listen to them again, just once. He pops in Bonamana in their stereo set just as Kyuhyun comes home from work, and familiar sounds of the pop music that they sang (in contrast to the ballads and occasional slightly more lively music that they make now) sound around the entire apartment. Kyuhyun looks to him as he shuffles his shoes off, and Jongwoon’s frightened for a moment—but only a moment, once he sees that the expression on Kyuhyun’s face is nothing but amused.

“I remember this,” he says to Jongwoon. “This album. We had a duet on it, didn’t we?”

“We did,” Jongwoon nods in compliance, grinning. He switches to the track Kyuhyun had referred to, and sounds of both their voices come through the speakers. Kyuhyun sings along and Jongwoon does as well, and he figures that maybe one thing, one thing he can bring back is their old friendship.

**

And so they sing together.

**

Of course the idea of forming something with Kyuhyun goes through Jongwoon’s head one too many times, but he has this inkling of the fact that that’s not how it’s supposed to be. That they’re supposed to be on their own, at least in a career sort of sense. Jongwoon’s always been able to manage as a singer and so has Kyuhyun—never once had competition arose between them; they had both been only civil and content. Because generally that’s how their relationship is—small and delicate, with the slightest bit of smiles.

Building bridges with Kyuhyun proves to be a good idea, however. And so is going out on weekends, going to the mall, shopping for whatnot and eating and drinking and having fun. Kyuhyun laughs as Jongwoon almost stumbles on nothing, and says, “We don’t want you on crutches again, hyung, would we.”

“I’m sure with the way that you’re laughing at me that you do,” Jongwoon grumbles, picking himself up and dusting off his pants. Kyuhyun laughs again and Jongwoon wonders if he’s always sounded like that.

**

And it’s weird having this sort of closeness with someone who had been close to him once before, but Jongwoon doesn’t mind it at all. They’re friends now. They’re roommates. Not bandmates, not forced friends, but a genuine… genuine something. Something real.

It takes Jongwoon three weeks to wrap his mind around this idea, but it seems that Kyuhyun’s already gotten it.

“Jongwoon, can you not,” Kyuhyun says exasperatedly when they go out to get breakfast in the mornings and Jongwoon runs over to the newsstand to pick up a newspaper.

Jongwoon crinkles his nose as he walks back over to Kyuhyun. “What happened to hyung?” he asks him. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with keeping up with current events!” He waves the paper in Kyuhyun’s face, and Kyuhyun rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, but if you’re going to do this every time we come out.” Kyuhyun tsks and turns away. “Whatever. There’s no use in trying to stop you.”

“There never is,” Jongwoon says cheekily, and then exclaims, “Ow!” when Kyuhyun reaches over to pinch his cheek.

**

When he’s in the shower again, when that slight bit of uneasiness is warm inside of him, he tries not to think of the man standing a few feet outside of the bathroom door, waiting to come in after him. (He fails, of course, but he doesn’t remember any of it after he comes.)

**

He’s constantly reminded that his life does revolve around music, it revolves around singing because generally, it’s what he does. Melodies and lyrics and tunes day in and day out. And when he’s not in the recording studio trying to get the perfect note or not in the practice room trying to get the right words and the right pitch or isn’t busy discussing things with his manager or in the small room in the back trying to come up with the perfect lyrics, or even when he’s not singing in the shower, there’s always something, something with music around.

And then he realizes that Kyuhyun’s life isn’t much different when he comes home at around ten one night and Kyuhyun’s shuffling with the dishes behind the sink and singing loudly all throughout the apartment. It’s not the first time he’s done this but Jongwoon suddenly realizes, maybe we’re not as different as I thought as he says suddenly, “You sound good.”

Surprised, Kyuhyun turns around and blushes upon sight of Jongwoon. “Thanks,” he tells him. “You’re not so bad yourself. You know. If you were singing.”

Jongwoon chuckles. “I know,” he says, and then, “Hey, can I hear some of your stuff? You know, things you’ve been working on since you went on solo.”

Kyuhyun nods. “Sure,” he says. As he dries his hands and walks around the counter, Jongwoon follows him into the living room and wonders why he hadn’t done this earlier. He’s rather curious as to what Kyuhyun had been up to. If his style had changed, if his range of tone had changed—well, he’ll have to see and find out.

Kyuhyun pulls out a disc that has his name and his face on it, and then pops it into the stereo. Then, rather embarrassedly, he fiddles with the knobs and the volume until it’s adjusted to the place he wants. “They’re not too amazing,” he confesses to Jongwoon, scratching the back of his head. “Kind of boring, really, since I don’t write them—I never really liked ballads.”

“But they bring in the money, don’t they,” Jongwoon says thoughtfully as he listens to Kyuhyun’s voice over the speakers. It’s rich, beautiful, just as it had always been. It makes Jongwoon smile, at the familiar purity, as if he doesn’t hear it every day.

“Yeah, they do,” Kyuhyun says. “What about your stuff? What have you been up to?”

Their conversation falls into place, about work and career and money—but it’s also about music, which is why Jongwoon enjoys it immensely. They have some sort of bond, some bond that only they understand—perhaps they’ve always had it, but Jongwoon hadn’t realized it until now.

**

Every effort to get to know Kyuhyun better makes Jongwoon feels like he’s won, he’s won this game of friendship. They’re not just awkward smiles and peaceful silences anymore, they’re also stupid conversations and obnoxious laughs.

He decides to make it a little deeper.

“Kyuhyun,” Jongwoon says as they sit with each other over dinner, again. “How’s your… erm.” He coughs. “Your, er…”

“My what?” Kyuhyun asks, smirking. “My parents? My work? My gaming?”

“Your. Um.” Jongwoon coughs. “Your personal life.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes twinkle in amusement. “My personal life? Why do you ask, hyung?”

“Just wondering.” Jongwoon shrugs and doesn’t meet his eyes. Instead, he stares at his fried egg on his plate. “Since I feel obligated to know… or at least ask.”

“You feel obligated to pry into my life?”

“No! I mean… well. In case there’s anything you need to tell me. Or want to tell me.”

Jongwoon sneaks a peek upward, to see that Kyuhyun’s still watching him, grin dancing upon his face. Jongwoon quickly averts his gaze again and prods his rice with his chopsticks.

“Well there’s nothing really interesting about my personal life,” says Kyuhyun. “Nothing’s really changed, really. Don’t have the time to date, don’t really have the energy to care for girls… Though I suppose the girl who brings me tea is sort of cute.” He gazes upward, in thought. “I don’t have much of a personal life, actually.” He chuckles and continues to eat his noodles.

Jongwoon doesn’t look up, but a smile manages to find its way on his face.

**

It’s suddenly summer, which means Jongwoon and Kyuhyun have more free time. Not a lot, but just more time to be with each other. Of course neither of them mentions it or point it out, but Kyuhyun’s seemed to realize it when he comes home one day with a pair of swim trunks in his hands.

“I was thinking,” he says confidently as Jongwoon’s at the dinner table, watching some drama on Kyuhyun’s laptop. “We should go to the beach sometime.”

“Why?” Jongwoon looks up and gazes to the trunks.

“Because. It’s just nice out for it, you know?” Kyuhyun says, indicating the sunlight outside. “Besides, we never really do anything other than go shopping and eat meals together… it’d be nice to do something fun for once.”

“I can be plenty of fun when I want to be!” Jongwoon says. “And so can you! We can be fun together!”

“… right. Anyways,” Kyuhyun continues. “So. Beach? This weekend?”

Jongwoon just rolls his eyes. “Once I buy a swimming suit of my own.”

**

“Come on! We should go work out!”

“Working out isn’t really my thing, hyung,” Kyuhyun says from staring intently at his laptop. “I have other things to do.”

“But don’t you want to stay in shape?” Jongwoon says eagerly.

Kyuhyun glances up to him. “Jongwoon hyung,” he says. “Do I really look out of shape to you?”

Jongwoon looks down to Kyuhyun’s body. “No! But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve your health! Don’t you want some muscles like me?” he says. He flexes his muscles and shows Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes and gazes back to his computer. “I don’t want to be anything like you,” he says, and when Jongwoon whacks his arm with a, “Hey!” he just chuckles and adds, “Kidding.”

**

Jongwoon’s surprised at the invitation, but when he declines politely, Kyuhyun just laughs and says, “Really? More beer for me then!”

He takes a large gulp and then slams the bottle on the bar counter. Jongwoon glances around.

“Brings back good memories, huh?”

“I’ll say,” Kyuhyun says with a grin. “I think I forgot how to hold my alcohol well.” He giggles a little bit and his cheeks flush red. Jongwoon spends the rest of the night wondering why the sight had been so appealing.

**

(And it’s not the same as being with Super Junior, as it had been with being Kyuhyun in the past. But Jongwoon doesn’t mind.

In fact, he kind of likes it.)

**

So their relationship slowly builds, slowly but surely.

They’re talking over lunch once more (and lunch with Kyuhyun is just the same as dinner with Kyuhyun and breakfast with Kyuhyun—then again, it’s changed, it’s all changed) when Jongwoon sighs and leans his chin against his hand. “It’s difficult being an ex-idol, isn’t it,” he says thoughtfully.

Kyuhyun chuckles. “You’ve been an ex-idol for about three years now, Jongwoon hyung.”

“Yeah, but.” Jongwoon stops suddenly. “Wait, we’ve been living with each other for three years?”

“You say that like that’s a bad thing.”

“It is! I can’t believe I’ve been living with you so long and we’ve never done something like this before!”

Jongwoon definitely notices the wariness in Kyuhyun’s gaze at this point, but he does his best to wave it off (because Jongwoon always says what’s on his mind without a second thought). “Anyways,” he says, pressing on, “Life is just… so much different. Like. We’re not as busy. There’s not as much drama. It’s actually kind of boring.” He lets out a laugh and hears what it sounds like.

“I guess that’s true,” Kyuhyun says. “But that’s not a bad thing, right? Life with you is just as good.” He forks a piece of cake off from the cake in front of him and puts it in his mouth, before curling his lips toward Jongwoon. “Life couldn’t get better.”

“Life couldn’t get better indeed,” Jongwoon laughs again, and raises his fork over to Kyuhyun. “Cheers.”

**

Jongwoon notices how Kyuhyun seems to be much more free around him, much more real. Kyuhyun had always been the type all for business, all for what’s supposed to be there on the surface, all for prosperity—but it goes away when he’s around him. Jongwoon feels sort of flattered, sort of nice.

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun says, tossing him a newspaper. “Here. I got the mail for you.”

“Oh!” Jongwoon looks up to him, surprised. “Thanks!”

Kyuhyun sends him a silent grin, one with no reason or words behind it.

**

When Jongwoon writes love songs, he never has anyone in mind. It’s all hypothetical, all theoretical—it’s not like he’s ever had someone to love. He’s still waiting for the moment but he fakes the moment as well.

He writes about love in silence, love in quiet. Love in stillness and invisibility, love that’s always there.

**

Soon enough it’s August, and then it’s Jongwoon’s birthday. It takes Kyuhyun fifteen hours to remember, but it takes Jongwoon zero effort to remind him.

“Happy birthday hyung!” Kyuhyun says as soon as Jongwoon comes through the door. He tackles him with a hug and Jongwoon laughs as he struggles to push Kyuhyun off of him.

“You’re choking me, Kyuhyun,” he manages out. Kyuhyun has a large grin on his face when he lets him go; Jongwoon doesn’t ever remember seeing Kyuhyun this happy (but maybe that’s because his smile always makes him forget, makes him blind from everything else—no stop and Jongwoon stops thinking.)

He’s too busy standing there with his bag in his hand that he’s not paying attention, when all of a sudden Kyuhyun’s in front of him and there’s a plate of cake in his hand and what is he going to do—and then the cake is suddenly in Jongwoon’s face, and he’s laughing again, while Jongwoon sputters from behind the frosting and bread.

“Kyuhyun!” Jongwoon says indignantly, dropping his bag and moving his hands to wipe the cake out from his eyes. “What was that for?”

Kyuhyun’s laughing as well. “Hyung you look so funny!” he exclaims.

Jongwoon suddenly hears the shutter of a camera and manages to lift his eyes to see Kyuhyun taking pictures of him with his cell phone. “Kyuhyun, don’t!” he squeaks and tries to wipe the cake off his face with his already frosting-covered hands.

“This is your new caller ID,” Kyuhyun says with a grin, shoving his phone into Jongwoon’s face.

Jongwoon laughs and rubs his lips and cheeks and eyes all over Kyuhyun, covering him with frosting as well.

**

And so life continues, and Super Junior is behind them, but Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun and Jongwoon are still together, they’re still pieces fit in all the right places, and maybe they’re not perfect but at least they’re together—

**

Jongwoon doesn’t have nightmares often, but they aren’t uncommon to him. He wakes up in a sweat, staring into the dark, eyes tightened, lips chapped.

The apartment is still, but Jongwoon, Jongwoon feels like everything around him is shaking and spinning around. Slightly frightened (because he refuses to admit that he’s completely frightened, even in his worst state) and wanting something, some form of comfort, his feet manage to pull him out of his bed and he wanders around, around until he’s entering Kyuhyun’s bedroom suddenly, and then he’s pulling himself onto Kyuhyun’s bed, yanking the covers over him, onto him, from around Kyuhyun’s body.

Kyuhyun wakes up, and when he sees Jongwoon, he only looks a little bit concerned. “Hyung, what-what are you doing?” he manages to mumble out.

“Scared. Nightmare,” Jongwoon murmurs, cradling his head next to Kyuhyun, managing to fit next to him in the small bed. His head rests on the pillow, much warmer than his own.

“Hyung, what are you—”

But all Jongwoon hears is Kyuhyun’s sigh before he drifts to sleep, content and comfortable with the man next to him.

**

(Jongwoon’s always had this dream where he’s standing at the edge of a beach, staring out at an ocean, perhaps waiting for someone to come back. But the salt water rolls back and forth and no one comes, and Jongwoon is alone.)

**

And then this happens again. And again. And then they become something a little more than just words and laughs, but touches and hugs too. It’s sort of being like in a band again, only minus the huge number of members and there isn’t anyone to tease them about it the day afterwards.

It’s nothing they speak about, either, through the silent and not-so-silent conversations they have. Jongwoon feels like it’s the sort of closeness they can have without caring about because they’re close already, they’ve always been close, in one way or another. He doesn’t let himself think too much about it. He doesn’t need to.

**

He blames it entirely on his old habits, on days when they had been a band, but when Jongwoon comes home this afternoon he approaches Kyuhyun (who always seems to be here earlier than him nowadays) with a smile and a hug. Kyuhyun seems to be a little surprised, though, as he manages to tear himself out of Jongwoon’s grasp and looks at him with raised eyebrows. “Hyung, what are you doing?”

“Sorry.” Jongwoon blushes, bowing his head down. “It was… kind of instinct for me.” He shuffles his feet around and wonders if this is actually true, since he hadn’t even been thinking about Super Junior at all.

Kyuhyun doesn’t seem to believe him either. “Really? Are you sure you’re not sick or anything?” He sounds entirely joking but Jongwoon isn’t too taken aback when he puts his head on his forehead, feeling for a temperature.

“Really, I’m fine,” Jongwoon mutters, starting to back out of the room. He doesn’t turn around, and keeps his shallowest thoughts to himself.

Kyuhyun watches after him.

**

Kyuhyun comes in as Jongwoon is finishing feeding his turtles in his bedroom, and watches on amusedly as Jongwoon moves the turtle food from side to side, trying to get the turtle to catch it. “Having fun there, hyung?” he says with his arms folded across his chest, walking over towards him.

“Oh!” Jongwoon turns around, surprised at his sudden appearance, but not upset in the least. “Yeah,” he says with a chuckle, and finally bends his wrist down so that Ddangkomaeng can eat the final piece.

“Your turtles are a replication of you,” Kyuhyun says. “Cute but weird.”

Jongwoon turns to Kyuhyun and pouts. “Mean.”

He leans in and kisses Kyuhyun on the cheek, however. Kyuhyun lets it happen, but he doesn’t respond.

(Jongwoon takes this to be a good sign.)

**

Shortly after returning home a bit later in the evening, Jongwoon calls throughout the apartment, “I’m home!” He hears Kyuhyun’s voice faintly somewhere else, in a different room; the water’s running somewhere else so he assumes that he’s taking a shower.

Because he can’t help it and because he needs some reassurance, he goes into the hallway and knocks on the bathroom door. Kyuhyun shouts out, from inside, “I’m in here hyung!” and Jongwoon says back, “Okay!” The door is open a little, allowing a little bit of the fluorescent light to come into the hallway.

Jongwoon doesn’t lean his head in but he can see Kyuhyun—Kyuhyun’s bare body behind the shower curtain. He doesn’t see much, but he hears—he hears faint sounds, a few noises. Some grunts and then a groan, the other man’s body straining underneath the water, and then Kyuhyun’s hand is going down, Kyuhyun’s hand is—

Jongwoon stops himself suddenly and tears his eyes away, shoving his back against the wall behind him. The images don’t leave his mind, and the sounds are still ringing in his ears.

**

They form a new sort of routine, the sort of routine that Kyuhyun doesn’t mention in the mornings and Jongwoon doesn’t bring up as the most trivial of matters. When Jongwoon awakens, Kyuhyun isn’t there so Jongwoon assumes that he’s in the shower, that he’s eating breakfast, or that he’s gone to the bathroom with his clothes to change rather than in his room where Jongwoon is. Jongwoon doesn’t think too much about it as he rolls out of Kyuhyun’s bed and goes to his own room. (This doesn’t happen too often, so Jongwoon decides that it’s just another thing that they share, another thing that they don’t speak of.)

It takes Jongwoon ten minutes at most to beat off in the shower (it’s mostly because the bathroom smells faintly of Kyuhyun, because they use different shampoos—Kyuhyun’s always smelled of fresh grass and water while Jongwoon tends to stick with his lavender body wash) and when he finishes, he comes out with his towel around his waist. To his only faint surprise, Kyuhyun’s sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal.

“What, not going to wait for me?” Jongwoon asks him, still dripping wet from his shower. He tries to not be self-conscious; he tries not to notice how Kyuhyun’s eyes linger southward too long.

“My boss wants me in early today,” Kyuhyun replies, swallowing his food and blinking at Jongwoon. “But I’ll be home for dinner, I promise!”

“You better,” Jongwoon chuckles and tries not to notice the faint pink tinge in Kyuhyun’s cheeks.

**

At work, Jongwoon fiddles with the pen in his fingers and stares up to the ceiling, trying to come up with the right words. Writing music is like beating off, for him. There’s no one particular in mind, no one to really stimulate his thoughts and emotions—but he manages to do so anyway, he manages to accomplish his task thoroughly. (He wonders what it would be like if he really had someone; why hasn’t he even tried yet?)

And it’s not like girls haven’t asked him out before, because they have. Jongwoon doesn’t have very much interest in them, though; he hasn’t had interest in anyone ever since their band had broken up. He had dated here and there but they were small brief dates, could hardly be called dates at all. Nothing had changed. Nothing was interesting. Nothing is interesting, he thinks, and groans while slumping on his arm at the table.

“Jongwoon? You all right there?” asks his manager across from him. He had been busy discussing the wardrobe for a concert Jongwoon had been dragged into performing in a few weeks.

Jongwoon nods and brings his head back up. “I’m fine,” he replies, looking down at his paper. “Just trying to find my muse.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure your song will turn out great,” his manager says, smiling. “Since you make your own songs.”

“Hey,” Jongwoon says suddenly. “Do you think it would be possible—Do you think I could collaborate with someone on a song—just my roommate, but he’s in the music industry too, actually he’s going solo himself—but sunbae, do you think it could be possible?”

“I don’t see why not.” His manager raises his eyebrows, surprised at the offer. “But I’d like to see how that’d turn out.”

“Great!” Jongwoon says eagerly. He can’t wait to go home.

**

He enters to see that Kyuhyun’s busy trying to cook something in the kitchen—whatever it is, Jongwoon can’t really tell—but the first thing he asks is, “Kyuhyun, do you want to write a song together with me?”

Kyuhyun turns around, and his eyes are wide. “Huh—what?”

“I said: do you want to write a song together with me?” Jongwoon runs behind the kitchen counter and grins to Kyuhyun so that he can see him fully. “’Cause my manager said that maybe I could, and I was thinking that, well, I don’t know, we could write a song together or something—”

“But hyung, I at writing songs,” Kyuhyun says, laughing.

“So? It could still be something fun we could do together,” Jongwoon says brightly.

“I’m sorry hyung, but I can’t.” At this, Jongwoon drops his hands to his sides. “I would really love to, but—I mean, my schedule’s kind of tight.” Kyuhyun sends him an apologetic look. “I have concerts and apparently the wardrobe person has a problem with the size of my pants, and—” He chuckles again. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Jongwoon says, though he can feel his spirits dampen a little. “It’s understandable.”

“But hey.” Kyuhyun smiles again. “It’s definitely something we should try doing in the future.”

**

Jongwoon tosses and turns in his bed, but can’t get to sleep. He remembers being in the Super Junior dorms and feeling as tired as hell, days where he had hugged and clung onto members for lack of better things to do, due to drowsiness (and the urge to promote fanservice.) He clings to his pillow and stuffs his face in, trying to get himself to fall asleep; but the adrenaline rushing through him refuses to go away.

He settles for getting up from his bed and making his way over to Kyuhyun’s room like he always does. Kyuhyun’s door is open, as usual. He climbs into the bed and doesn’t move when Kyuhyun rolls around, and Kyuhyun seems mildly surprised at first before he sighs. Jongwoon doesn’t really mind, though, as long as he knows as Kyuhyun doesn’t.

Jongwoon finds his nose automatically snuggling into the crook of Kyuhyun’s neck, which is probably awkward considering both of their positions right now. So he moves slightly, and flops his arm to the side, unknowingly trapping Kyuhyun beneath him. Kyuhyun notices, of course, and mumbles a, “Hyung,” as he attempts to shove his arm off of him.

Jongwoon whines and brings him closer to him, wanting some sort of warmth, some sort of comfort. Kyuhyun whines, “Hyung,” again, but Jongwoon hardly pays him any attention. Instead he just brings Kyuhyun’s shoulder closer to him and his mouth sidles against the edge of his ear, lips pressing on him gently.

Kyuhyun’s seemed to have frozen in his grasp, but Jongwoon is hardly aware of what he’s doing anymore. He nods his head down and falls asleep, still holding Kyuhyun in his arms.

**

Kyuhyun doesn’t mention anything in the morning, as always, though there seems to be something wary about him when Jongwoon walks into the kitchen. It all goes away, though, when Jongwoon greets him with nothing but a smile and they settle down at the table for breakfast.

“Anything new with you?” Kyuhyun asks him, because it’s polite to do so of course. Jongwoon thinks in the back of his mind that maybe Kyuhyun cares but doesn’t dwell too long on it.

“Not really,” he replies. “Finished a song. Gonna call my mom. And whatnot. I think she’s worried that I still don’t have a wife yet.” He chuckles and fumbles with the rice cake in between his chopsticks.

Kyuhyun laughs as well. “If I were your mom, I’d be worried too. Except…”

“Except you don’t have a wife either?” Jongwoon says amusedly.

Kyuhyun chuckles and nods, and then glances down to the rice ball soup in the bowl beneath him.

“We’re some sad, sad men aren’t we,” Jongwoon muses. “Not that I mind so much, though. It’s nice enough having you here.”

“Yeah,” Kyuhyun says. “It’s nice having you here with me too.”

**

In mid-September, Jongwoon notices that his hair is getting long and he notices that Kyuhyun’s hair is getting long as well. They haven’t had a haircut in a while—they rarely got haircuts together—but really, it would be unhealthy to just let their hair grow. So he comes up to Kyuhyun one day and tells him, “We need to cut our hair.”

“We?” Kyuhyun raises his gaze up and eyes Jongwoon’s hair. Then he stares at the strands hanging in front of his face. “Oh. We do.”

“Yeah. Want to go today?” Jongwoon asks.

“Hold on, just give me a second,” Kyuhyun says, turning his attention back to the sink where he had been washing the dishes. “Just let me finish with this last load.”

“What’s with you and your obsession with doing the dishes anyways?” Jongwoon says, glancing between him and the dishwasher.

“I don’t have an obsession! I just can’t stand it when there are dirty dishes in the sink.”

“Yeah, okay. You don’t have an obsession at all.” Jongwoon grins.

“You know, what, shut up hyung.” Kyuhyun laughs and splashes some soap water on Jongwoon’s face, causing a little bit of the bubbles to pop on him.

“Ah! My eye, my eye!” Jongwoon cries, covering his right eye with his palm.

Kyuhyun stops suddenly and runs over to him, looking at him carefully. “Are you all right?”

“Just kidding!” Jongwoon laughs as well and reaches over to the sink, tossing water on Kyuhyun too. Kyuhyun yelps as the front of his shirt gets wet, and turns on the sink to spray Jongwoon back.

The two have a small water fight (and almost kill the sink nozzle) until a ceramic plate nearly falls off from the edge of the slippery counter. Then they glance at each other, eyes widened in fear.

“We should stop,” Kyuhyun says.

Jongwoon nods in agreement, and as Kyuhyun finishes doing the dishes, he walks around and stretches his arms behind his head. Their apartment is still small, plain; but there’s this sort of homey feel to it that he enjoys immensely. Jongwoon enjoys his home immensely.

Kyuhyun goes to his room when he’s done and changes his clothes, and then comes out to where Jongwoon’s standing near their shoes. “Ready?” he says.

“Yeah,” says Jongwoon.

They slip on their shoes and then walk out. Before Jongwoon knows it, they’re strolling along the streets, looking for a proper place to get their hair cut. The place that Jongwoon usually goes to is merely mediocre, and apparently Kyuhyun likes to roam around and see which places are best (which explains why that one time a couple years back his hair had been horrible—not like Jongwoon had ever let him know.) They talk and make their way around the city, until they finally find a place that they think is suitable for the both of them.

Jongwoon’s hair turns out clean-cut and crisp—not too bad—and he also had managed talking Kyuhyun out of getting a perm he had been considering. Kyuhyun’s hair turns out to be not much shorter than it had been before (but maybe Jongwoon had decided on the style on purpose, because Kyuhyun doesn’t look too bad in it), which he seems pretty much satisfied with. They walk out of the shop after tipping their respective barbers, and then Jongwoon turns around to play with Kyuhyun’s hair.

“It’s so soft and fluffy!” he says, running his fingers through the strands. He watches as Kyuhyun laughs, all teeth and lips and tongue.

“I’m sure it is, hyung.” He lifts up his own hands to pat it down, batting Jongwoon’s hands away.

“Oh, don’t be so mean to me.” Jongwoon pouts and wraps his arms around Kyuhyun’s torso, leaning his chin on his shoulder. He sees Kyuhyun fidget in his hold, and wonders what’s wrong. (There’s nothing wrong.)

**

And in the night he comes to Kyuhyun again, because it feels like what’s right, what he’s supposed to do. That he’s supposed to be with him. Even though Kyuhyun doesn’t seem to want or need Jongwoon at all, it’s not like Jongwoon can (wants to) help it—his body takes over, his mind is temporarily gone (or so he likes to think) and it’s all just him and Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun.

He feels the warmth next to him in the morning, and then its brief absence—but only brief because Jongwoon sticks his hands out and pulls Kyuhyun back down, making him yelp out a little.

“Jongwoon, what—what are you doing—”

“Just stay,” Jongwoon murmurs, clutching Kyuhyun close to him like a stuffed animal and burying his face into the side of Kyuhyun’s sleeve. Kyuhyun sighs but settles back down next to Jongwoon in the bed, shifting slightly uncomfortably.

“Hyung, is this really necessary?” he whispers. The sun is peeks out from the curtains on the side.

Jongwoon wriggles underneath the dark blue sheet covering them and manages to nod, just barely. “I miss this,” he mumbles.

“Miss what?”

Kyuhyun’s head moves a little bit, perhaps to look at him. Jongwoon manages to shrug from holding Kyuhyun so tightly.

“Just this… closeness,” he says.

They stay for a little bit, and Jongwoon’s aware of Kyuhyun’s shallow breathing and of his own. The top of his head seems to fit in place next to Kyuhyun’s ear, as his hands settle on the other side of his shoulders. Kyuhyun makes no effort to move away from him—actually, it seems as if he’s starting to get used to this position. The thought makes a small smile come to Jongwoon’s face, as he continues bringing Kyuhyun even closer to him.

Finally after a while, Kyuhyun starts to move away. “Jongwoon, I need to—We should probably start getting ready for work. We’re probably late.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jongwoon says, watching as Kyuhyun makes his way out of the bed. He doesn’t let him go, though, because he pulls Kyuhyun’s hand and kisses him lightly on the lips, before walking out of the room.

**

Jongwoon decides that he’s finally let go of Super Junior. He hasn’t let them go fully, obviously—he’ll probably never be able to—but he’s progressed, he’s starting to live towards something else. He’s pretty sure Kyuhyun has too, and they’re relying on each other—but it’s the good sort of reliance, like two good friends looking out for each other.

He jerks off in the shower and thinks of Kyuhyun. (He knows what it means, of course, but he refuses to admit it to himself.)

It’s like forming some sort of closure and at the same time not, because as things start to come together, other opportunities start to open up. Jongwoon has the incentive to take these opportunities so he does, little by little, step by step. And it works. Everything works.

(The only problem that remains is Kyuhyun.)

**

He doesn’t try to look at Kyuhyun again because he knows it’s wrong—

—but it must be wrong, too, to not forget about him as the water splashes all around and Jongwoon’s fingers work around himself.

**

“Kyuhyun.”

Jongwoon pokes Kyuhyun’s arm with his finger. Kyuhyun barely lifts up his eyes from his computer screen, but says, “Yeah hyung?” like he’s pretending to pay attention to him.

“I said, your cell phone’s been ringing nonstop for the past five minutes,” Jongwoon says to him. “You should probably pick it up. The caller ID says it’s ‘manager hyung.’”

“Why didn’t you pick it up for me?” Kyuhyun asks, setting his laptop down on the seat next to him and starts to get up from the couch. “Instead of just sitting here and bothering me—”

“Oh please. If I was bothering you, you would have been up within a second.” Jongwoon rolls his eyes as Kyuhyun walks over to the other side of the room. He follows him, and wraps an arm around the front of his torso while Kyuhyun picks up his phone.

“Hello?” Kyuhyun says. He seems a bit uncomfortable in Jongwoon’s hold, so Jongwoon loosens it a little bit. “Hi, hyung, yes—yes, I can come to work later this evening. Yeah. Sure! I—” And then he turns to Jongwoon and shoots him a dirty look. Jongwoon furrows his eyebrows in confusion but Kyuhyun doesn’t seem to try to explain when he turns to his phone again. “Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay.” He hangs up, and then turns to Jongwoon again.

“Hyung!” he says, throwing his hands off. “What are you doing?”

“What?” Jongwoon blinks, and then realizes what’s wrong: Kyuhyun seems to want to stand as far away from him as possible. Defensively, he says, “I used to do it all the time, there’s nothing wrong—”

“Yes, you used to do it all the time. Used to,” says Kyuhyun. “You haven’t done it in a long time, and then suddenly—suddenly you’re being all touchy feely over me?”

“Well.” Jongwoon shifts from foot to foot. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“Yes! I mean, normal men—normal men don’t do that,” Kyuhyun emphasizes.

“Who said we were normal men?”

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun says, giving him a serious look.

Jongwoon shrugs and blinks. “What? I’m just saying.”

“Yes, but—but really.”

“But what?”

“I—Jongwoon, I just—” Kyuhyun lets out an exasperated sigh and throws his hand up in the air. “I’m going out for a walk.”

“Can I come with you?”

“No,” Kyuhyun says briskly. “I’m going out for a walk. On my own. Just to clear my mind,” he adds when he sees the slightly reproachful expression on Jongwoon’s face. “I’ll be back, hyung. I promise.”

**

Kyuhyun does come back, of course. When he does, they eat seaweed soup for dinner and then Kyuhyun tells him that he has to go back to work, for something that his manager wants. Jongwoon nods and watches as Kyuhyun walks out the door, and waits for him to come back. (He has this feeling, this feeling that it’s sort of hopeless though—but it’s not, he tells himself, of course it’s not.)

By eleven o’clock it seems like Kyuhyun’s still at work so Jongwoon decides to give up on staying up for Kyuhyun to come back, and instead just go to bed. (He’s in the shower again and Kyuhyun fills his mind and he hasn’t felt like this for a long time but he comes all in a rush and he has nothing to hold back in this empty apartment.) So he washes and changes and then settles into his rather cool bed for a mid-autumn night, waiting for sleep to overtake him.

**

The apartment is silent the next morning.

Jongwoon first thinks that there must be some sort of mistake—maybe he’s dreaming, or maybe it’s really late and Kyuhyun had already left without leaving a note. But no, it’s six thirty like it always is and when he pinches himself he’s pretty sure by the blood he ends up spilling that he’s not dreaming. He wanders around the apartment, thinking that maybe Kyuhyun is in the bathroom, in the living room, in the room they never use, hiding in one of the kitchen drawers and is just playing a trick on him—but it’s quiet, all quiet.

And Jongwoon is alone.

**

His manager taps a pen against the side of his head. “Jongwoon, wake up.”

“Huh—Oh.” Jongwoon swivels his head around to see his manager staring down at him, eyes clouded with confusion and worry.

“You’ve been zoning out all day,” he says to him. “Are you all right? Did you get enough sleep last night?”

“What—Yeah, yeah I did,” Jongwoon says quickly. “Um, yeah. I’m just—I’m fine, really, mild headache, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” His manager bends his head down to look Jongwoon in the eye.

“Really.” Jongwoon shakes his head and averts his gaze back to the paper beneath him, wishing he could climb into its crease and ride on the wing-like folds.

**

Dinner seems empty, cold without Kyuhyun, even though Jongwoon’s burning his tongue with his overheated flat beef noodles. He stares at the empty space across from him and wonders where he’s gone. (It shouldn’t be any of his business or worry to wonder things like this, but—Jongwoon can’t help wondering. He really can’t.)

He finishes his meal in ten minutes and spends the rest of the night wanting to go to sleep. Of course he can’t, because the heater refuses to turn on; and even if it does, it’s still not warm enough.

**

Jongwoon’s doing the laundry (because he still cares about health, he still cares about personal hygiene) and instinctively, like he always does, he walks into Kyuhyun’s room and expects a pile of dirty clothes waiting for him to pick up. Waiting for him to sigh and stare at, waiting for him to get.

There’s a tiny mound in the closet where Kyuhyun’s dirty clothes had been before he had left. Jongwoon sighs and stares at the hill, and then gets every single piece in them. He pretends that these are Kyuhyun’s clothes for the week, instead of for the few days he had been here, and tosses the clothes into the basket two times longer than he should.

**

The next morning, Jongwoon has this sort of hope deep down inside of him that Kyuhyun will pop out of nowhere and yell, “Surprise! I’m back!” because it’s such a Kyuhyun thing to do, right? Yes, it is. It’s such a Kyuhyun thing to do that it’s what Kyuhyun will do because Kyuhyun just doesn’t disappear randomly, he’s usually just hiding some place that Jongwoon hadn’t looked before. So Jongwoon believes that it will happen, and that any moment now Kyuhyun will jump out from behind the counter and tackle him.

After breakfast, he puts his shoes on and leaves.

When he gets to work, his manager seems to be just as wary about him as he had been last time. He doesn’t say anything, of course, and neither does Jongwoon. They proceed with their normal day like they always do and Jongwoon ignores the little thing tugging at the back of his mind. He works all morning and eats a fifteen minute lunch and works all afternoon, and then goes home late at night, back to the sudden, still apartment.

**

Kyuhyun will come back. Jongwoon knows this. All of Kyuhyun’s stuff is still littered around the apartment, and it’s been what—four days now? Kyuhyun wouldn’t last without Jongwoon for about a week. No, Kyuhyun will come back, he’s sure of it. Of course Kyuhyun will. What would Kyuhyun do without all his stuff? (Without him?)

Jongwoon is tempted to take the opportunity to go through his stuff—he doesn’t, of course, but he’s tempted to. Instead he just sits in Kyuhyun’s bed and breathes in Kyuhyun’s scent and wonders where he is right now. This is sort of like when they hadn’t been talking to each other—sort of, but not really. Now Kyuhyun’s the one who’s left and Jongwoon, Jongwoon doesn’t know where he’s gone. (But he will come back. He will come home.)

**

Breakfast and dinner are usually the same, mostly because Jongwoon cooks too much and always ends up having leftovers for the next meal. He confuses breakfast with dinner sometimes and dinner with breakfast; one time, he had accidentally told his mother over the phone that he was eating dinner when it had been seven in the morning!

The event sounds hilarious to him, or maybe Jongwoon’s just hearing things.

Regardless, he fills the empty space in the rooms with his music and talks and words and sounds, because even if there is absence, there should be no reason for him to not hold the spots. This is all temporary, but he’s just doing this. He’s keeping all of it warm. Everything, all of it.

But somehow, it is not quite enough.

**

Jongwoon decides that he shouldn’t waste his time mulling over Kyuhyun’s momentary absence—he should do something by himself. He should learn how to manage by himself. So after a few days he stops sitting in Kyuhyun’s room and stops lying in Kyuhyun’s bed and goes back to his own, where he pulls the covers over himself and tells himself that he’s happy.

His manager continues to notice his odd behavior, but Jongwoon doesn’t care. Why should he care? He’s fine, perfectly fine; he can handle being without Kyuhyun, he is strong, he is strong—

**

(The water runs along the sand beneath his toes, washing up nothing but empty beer bottles and empty shells.)