Watch Out For Rivals! Jinyoung x Tangled Red Strings Mark

“So,” Jaebum said, finally meeting Jinyoung's eyes for the first time since they'd sat down to lunch together twenty minutes ago. “I need to respond to what you told me yesterday.”

Jinyoung looked back at him with a sense of foreboding. Jaebum’s tone was uncharacteristically grim, which wasn’t the kind of thing you wanted to hear from someone you had confessed to the day before after hyping yourself up to ask them out for about six months.

“Yes?” Jinyoung asked. It was only one syllable, but his voice cracked.

“I’m really sorry,” Jaebum said. “And I’m incredibly thankful for your feelings. But for the past few months now, I’ve been dating someone else, so I can’t go out with you. I’m really, really sorry, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung stared at him blankly, blood rushing to his face. He couldn’t believe it. Jaebum was his best friend—sure he’d been crushing on him hardcore ever since their choir competition preparations, but Jaebum hadn’t known that until yesterday, and they’d been friends. They’d been friends, but yet in all the time Jaebum had been going out with whoever, he’d never bothered to tell Jinyoung about it, leaving Jinyoung to pine over him when he’d been busy seeing someone else.

“Who is it?” Jinyoung asked hollowly.

“Jinyoung, I don’t think-”

“Who is it? I think you at least owe me an explanation if you’re expecting us to stay friends after this.”

Jaebum winced a little, and took a deep breath. “It’s…it’s Mark Tuan. The reason I didn’t tell you is because I didn’t know how cool you’d be about me going out with another guy. I had no idea you were-”

“Also in love with another guy,” Jinyoung said shortly. “Well, amusingly enough, I’m completely down with the guy thing.”

The Mark thing was what was making him unhappy. He knew Mark modestly well from a shared business marketing class, and had found him to be a bit aggravating. For the first part of the semester, he’d been distant and uncommunicative, firing away at his laptop with no care for what was going on around him. And then, suddenly, in the second half he’d somehow snapped out of it and morphed into a merry prankster who enjoyed stirring up the kind of pointless trouble that drove Jinyoung crazy. In spite of that, however, there had been a few moments here and there where Jinyoung had seen a spark of charm and lovability in Mark and had almost started to like him a little.

But any potential of liking him or of them becoming friends had just been shot to an early grave. Mark had stolen Jaebum. Jaebum, who was Jinyoung’s first soul-consuming crush, the romantic ideal he’d staked his entire heart on. He’d known it was a long-shot that Jaebum would fall for him, since he hadn’t been sure that Jaebum would even consider going out with a guy to begin with, but to hear now that Jaebum would go out with a guy, just not him, was more heartbreaking to him than a ‘sorry, I’m straight’ would have been.

What does Mark have that I don’t?, Jinyoung thought, tears pooling in his eyes. Why does it have to be him?

“Well, congratulations,” he said. He wanted to be supportive so they could still stay friends, since he couldn’t conceive of his life without Jaebum in it. Unfortunately, the words came out far more sarcastically than he meant them to. “That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you.”

Jaebum didn't say anything for a long time. “You're mad at me,” he finally said, his voice quiet. “But you’ll find someone, too. Someone perfect for you. Please don’t let anything get in the way of that.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Jinyoung said, trying again not to sound sarcastic with mixed results. “I’m sure I will find someone wonderful. One day. Just like you did.”

And maybe there was a new love waiting for him somewhere in the murky future. He just couldn’t envision it. All he could see in his mind’s eye were images of Jaebum and Mark together, sharing in the happiness he’d wanted. He saw himself never being able to stop wanting it, and this bitter feeling of envy and anger weighing on him forever and keeping him from being able to recognize any prospective ‘new love’ when it came.

Jinyoung was storming up the stairs to spend the evening pouting in bed in the dorm room he shared with BamBam when he almost barreled headlong into someone popping out the door and into the stairwell from the third floor. It was Mark Tuan—of course, with his luck, who else would it be?

“Hey, Jinyoung,” Mark said with an easy smile. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung snapped. “Really long time. I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other more often considering you’re, I don’t know, hooking up with my best friend.”

Mark’s smile immediately fell off his face. “How did you know?”

“Jaebum told me.”

“He did?” His frown deepened. “God, Jinyoung, don’t tell me you went off on him. I’m sorry for being gay, and I’m sorry Jaebum’s gay, and I’m really sorry if you can’t accept that, but I’m not going to be cool if you start tearing down Jaebum for it, especially since he was so worried about what you would think. Honestly, I expected way better from you.”

Jinyoung blinked. “What? No! I’m not some kind of homophobe…I mean…I’m gay, too. I’m not mad because of that.”

“Good,” Mark said, looking relieved. “But you’re clearly mad about something, based on your tone. Is it…” His eyes suddenly widened as Jinyoung flushed. “Oh…. You…you like him, too?”

Hearing him say it out loud made Jinyoung feel both pathetic and defensive. “Only for about six months,” he bristled edgily, “several of which I spent having no idea he was even going out with someone else!”

Mark grimaced. “God. I’m so sorry, Jinyoung. We wanted to tell you, but I didn’t think it would be right to say anything until Jaebum was ready to come out…and that’s not something you can rush when someone’s not ready. I understand why you’re angry, but please don’t take it out on him.”

“It’s fine,” Jinyoung said shortly. “I understand not being ready to come out just as much as you two do. I can forgive that, but…it doesn’t change anything about…me not being…” The tears pooled in his eyes again. God, he really was pathetic, bawling to his crush’s boyfriend about not being the one said crush was in love with. How much lower could he go? Asking Mark to break up with Jaebum? Declaring he was going to steal Jaebum away?

Mark’s expression softened, and he tentatively reached out to touch Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung thought about shrugging him off, but decided that wouldn’t do much to help his cause in trying not to look overly pitiful.

“Jinyoung,” Mark said gently. “I hope you know that I’d never intentionally stand in the way of your happiness. You’re an important friend to me.”

Am I?, Jinyoung thought faintly. He hadn’t realized that they were friends. He hadn’t really thought of Mark as such, and now felt oddly guilty over it.

“I don’t want this to mess things up between you and Jaebum or me and you,” Mark continued. “So if you need space for a while, just let me know and we’ll back off and give you whatever space you need. Or if there’s anything else I can do that would help, just let me know.”

“I don’t suppose you’d break up with him if I asked you to,” Jinyoung grumbled. He was a little caught off guard by Mark’s kindness about the whole thing. He’d thought he’d get territorial and snap at Jinyoung to back off from Jaebum. Maybe he really did think of Jinyoung as an important friend after all.

Mark’s lips twitched. “Um…no. I’m not sure reversing the situation would be all that helpful. Sorry.”

“Then…” Jinyoung swallowed. “I think it might help me feel a little less pissed at you if you showed me you actually deserved to go out with someone like Jaebum.”

Now it was Mark’s turn to look taken aback. “Jeez, Jinyoung, harsh much? You think I’m not good enough for him?”

“The only person I thought was good enough for him was me, so no, currently I don’t see how you’re any better than me and why he would possibly choose you when I was an option.”

Mark looked surprised for a moment, then burst out laughing. “I forgot how funny you were, Jinyoung.”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

“I know. And that’s part of what makes you so great.” He grinned. “Let’s hang out tomorrow, OK? I’m not sure I can prove myself to be superior to you, but let me at least prove to you that your best friend’s not dating some loser. I’m not all that bad, I promise.”

Jinyoung sighed in resignation. “All right. And…” He paused. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to talk to Jaebum for a while after this, so just tell him… I’m going to try and be happy for him. Really.”

“I will,” Mark said gently. “And I’m sure he’ll say to take your time and that no matter what, he’ll hope one day you two can be friends again.”

Jinyoung nodded, wiping his eyes. The pain was still fresh, but he was surprised to find it a little less sharp and biting than it had been before running into Mark. Maybe it would get better. Maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to accept what had happened and wish them both well.

The next day, Mark invited him out on a walk. And not just a stroll through a park, but a full on hike on a trail through nearby woods. Jinyoung felt a bit skeptical, but it wound up being a beautiful location and the weather was perfect, so there wasn’t really anything he could complain about.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a hiker,” Jinyoung said as they set off down the trail. “I thought you were going to invite me over for video games.”

“That wouldn’t have been a half bad idea,” Mark said. “But that would have meant putting up with Jackson, my roommate. And it wouldn’t have been the best place to actually talk to each other. And I’m in front of a computer screen so often that it’s nice to get away sometimes, right?”

“And here I thought you were in a love relationship with your laptop.”

“Maybe a married relationship, where some time apart is both necessary and healthy.” He tilted his head back. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but the laptop thing is because I’m trying to open a webstore. Not because I ‘get off on ignoring others and enjoy being a to people who just want to talk to me’ like Jaebum put it one time.”

Jinyoung’s eyebrows flew up. “Well…er…that sounds like Jaebum, but…are you sure he actually likes you?”

Mark laughed. “Yeah. Hence the wanting to talk to me. I didn’t pick up on that and kind of blocked him out in favor of doing webstore things, which made him go off on me. Oddly, the going off on me thing made me start liking him.”

“Masochist.”

“Maybe. Especially since the reason I also wanted to be your friend was because I could tell I annoyed you.”

“You should get help for your issues.”

“Why? They seem to be working.” He grinned. “Anyways, it was a good wake up call. I really was spending too much time on my laptop and ignoring everyone. Jaebum helped me get out more and open my eyes. It was nice. Now I try to go on these walks at least once a week, but preferably more if I have the time.”

Jinyoung nodded. “Jaebum doesn’t seem like it half the time, but he’s one of the most supportive people I know.”

“Is that why you like him, too?” Mark asked gently.

Jinyoung swallowed, but nodded. “Yeah. We’re in choir together, and I always really looked up to him. He’s not preachy about it or anything, but he gave me a lot of great guidance as a performer and helped me feel more confident onstage. But anytime I told him that, he’d just bristle a little and say he didn’t really do anything and that it was all me. I like that about him. He’s kind of a genius, but so humble about it."

“It’s interesting that you would say so. You’re kind of like that, too, you know?”

Jinyoung blinked. “…am I?”

“Yeah. I mean, it can be hard to tell sometimes through the pettiness and stuff, but you’re a really supportive person, too. And a bit of a genius, but rather than being humble, I’d say it’s more like you don’t think others see the bright parts of yourself you hope they do.”

Jinyoung was quiet for a moment. “That’s kind of a…very specific observation.”

“Which makes me wonder why people think I’m unobservant.” Mark shrugged. “I’m just trying not to miss out on the good sides of people. I almost did when it came to Jaebum, and if I hadn’t realized what a cool guy he was, I would have missed out on a really good relationship, right? And you…you’re really cool, too, so I didn’t want to just write you off as ‘that guy who I seem to easily annoy’ and have that be the end.”

“Wow,” Jinyoung said. Now he felt extra bad for having written Mark off. His good side was even more glaring and obvious than the sun now getting in Jinyoung’s eyes—he was the kind of person who quietly noticed things and didn’t leap to think badly of people. In a way, it was the exact opposite of what Jinyoung considered to be his own bad side.

Mark shrugged again. As if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Looks like you’re humble, too,” Jinyoung said.  

“Me? Kind of hard to get a big head surrounded by so many other amazing people. But just wait until I make a success out of the webstore. Then I’ll start bragging all over the place until everyone wants to kill me.”

Jinyoung laughed. The act of laughing surprised him a little, considering he’d spent most of the previous day in tears. Maybe it wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. Jaebum had clearly found someone good, and if Jinyoung couldn’t have him, there were far worse people he could have ended up with. And if he could accept that, maybe he could really accept the fact that his feelings weren’t meant to be and that one day he’d be able to have feelings that were meant to be, for someone who’d return them and love him back.

He spent an enjoyable afternoon with Mark on the hiking trail, and laughed so much that it stopped surprising him and began to feel natural. A sense of peace swept over him, and any annoyance he may have felt with Mark in the past dissipated, even though Mark still made a point of teasing and badgering him from time to time on their walk. He was a good person. And his playfulness factored into that as much as anything else. It wasn’t the bad thing Jinyoung had thought it was. It was a part of his charm, part of what went into the softer, gentler parts and filled him out as a person.

Maybe I can kind of understand, Jinyoung thought as their hike wound down. What Jaebum sees in him.

Finally, they reached the end of the trail, and it was time to go home. “Thanks for coming out with me,” Mark said. “So…friends? Truce?”

“Friends, yeah,” Jinyoung said airily. “But no truce.”

“Ah…so you’re going to try and snatch Jaebum out from under my nose?”

“No. But I’m not going to promise never to argue with you about him if you ever prove not to be as good of a boyfriend as I would have been.”

Mark laughed. “Wow, tough standards, Jinyoung. I’m sure you’d make an incredible boyfriend for someone, so that’s a lot of pressure.” He reached out and ruffled Jinyoung’s hair playfully. And that’s when it happened: a pang.

Jinyoung had experienced these before, usually over Jaebum. But Jaebum wasn’t here, so why was it happening now? Was it because they were talking about him? Was it because Mark had said he’d make an incredible boyfriend for ‘someone,’ which had reminded him that person wouldn’t be Jaebum?

Whatever it was, the pang made him feel uneasy. He thought he’d been making peace with Mark and Jaebum’s relationship. But now all of a sudden, he wasn’t sure that he had. Something in him felt unsatisfied. He still felt like he was losing something he wanted—he was just less sure now that he knew what that something was.

One Year Later

Jinyoung studied Jaebum from across the table. It was kind of weird, looking at someone who used to cause an explosion of butterflies and happiness and not feeling it anymore. Not that being around Jaebum didn’t make him feel happy, but it was different now. It wasn’t a soul-stopping happy. It was something simpler. It was a sense of relief that they were still friends. It was a sense of contentment, because being friends was more than enough now.

Jaebum was whacking Choi Youngjae on the forehead with a mechanical pencil. “Come on,” he said. “I know you know this.”

“But I don’t!” Youngjae said, rubbing his forehead. “That’s the problem, I don’t know any of this. Bio might as well be Martian. Actually, I bet I could learn Martian faster than bio.”

“Well, too bad that your GPA doesn’t depend on you learning Martian,” Jaebum shot back. “Your problem is that you’ve given up on yourself. But I know you can learn this stuff if you give yourself the chance. And I’m going to drill it into your head until you believe you can learn it. So let’s look at this problem one more time, and don’t you dare say you can’t.”

Jinyoung smiled to himself. He wasn’t sure it would actually work out when Jaebum had offered to tutor Youngjae, their friend from choir who was flunking biology. Jaebum was a good teacher, but he didn’t usually have the patience for people who lacked the dedication. If you don’t care, that’s your problem, not mine, he’d usually say. But maybe he saw some kind of potential in Youngjae that Youngjae himself didn’t see. It was actually kind of sweet of him, to be so persistent in encouraging him.

Jinyoung glanced over at Mark. Mark was also watching Jaebum and Youngjae, a small smile on his face. He was probably also admiring his boyfriend’s good side. It would be extra nice for him, since he’d be the one to go back to the dorms with Jaebum after lunch was over and about it and listen to his bristly ‘I’m just doing what anyone would do.’ They’d probably get in a playful tussle, and then…

Jinyoung felt the all too familiar pang unsettling his heart. Stop it, he told himself. He’d been feeling the pang long enough to know for sure it wasn’t about Jaebum anymore. He knew exactly who it was for.

Mark must have noticed Jinyoung’s eyes on him, since he turned to look at him with a friendly smile. The pang developed into a bass drum in his heart, a deep slam that rattled him entirely. He forced himself to smile back, but it was hard, and get was getting harder every day to push away the pounding inside of himself that Mark stirred up.

He hadn’t meant to fall in love with him. He’d only meant to meet Mark halfway in his determination to stay friends in spite of the friction his relationship with Jaebum could have caused. He’d wanted to make sure his jealousy wouldn’t wreck what had the potential to be a good and positive relationship with a good and positive person.

But then little by little all of Mark’s goodness had touched and softened him and made him vulnerable in a way he didn’t want to be. His jealousy didn’t go away, but instead just developed in the opposite direction and aimed towards Jaebum. He found himself increasingly wanting Mark to look at him the way he looked at Jaebum. He wanted Mark to spend time with him instead of with Jaebum. He wanted Mark to touch him instead of Jaebum, to turn to him first instead of second, to love him most instead of less than he loved someone else.

And wanting that was painful. He hated himself for the part of him that wanted to steal his best friend’s happiness. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just find happiness of his own and stay away from everyone else’s.

But Mark…he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help it. Mark was like a craving that couldn’t be satisfied by forcing himself to have something else. Wanting him was persistent, unavoidable, and unshakeable, and no matter how many times he told his heart it was impossible, his heart just wouldn’t stop aching for him. It wasn’t as simple as turning an off switch and making it go away. The problem was that it didn’t really want to go away. Because having to stop meant having to accept that Mark wasn’t the one for him. And there was a part of him that simply didn’t want that to be true.

Jinyoung sighed and darted his eyes away. He glanced back over at Jaebum and Youngjae, who were both leaning in towards Youngjae’s textbook. Jaebum was focused on reading the definition of polypeptide, but Youngjae was looking at him with a kind of sad look in his eyes. To Jinyoung’s surprise, there was something kind of familiar about it, which was strange because he was a good student and never felt the kind of particular despair that came along with failing a class.

“Well,” Jaebum said with a sigh as lunch wrapped up. “I think you’re still going to need more work on this. There’s no choir today—want to go to the library and work on this some more?”

“Are you sure?” Youngjae asked. “Don’t you want to…?” He nodded towards Mark.

Mark waved his hands. “No worries. Jinyoung and I have a free period, too. We can just grab coffee or something. Don’t worry about us.”

Youngjae looked hesitant, but Jaebum stood up. “Come on. You won’t get the grade if you don’t do the time. We’ll get you through this. It’s no problem.”

And with that, the two of them went on to the library. Mark watched them go for a long moment, then exhaled tiredly before turning to Jinyoung.

“So,” he said. “What do you think of Jaebum and Youngjae?”

Jinyoung blinked. “What do you mean? They’re my friends. You know that.”

“I know. I’m asking what you would think of them as a couple?”

Jinyoung’s mouth fell open. He was sure he heard Mark wrong. “A couple? But… Jaebum’s your boyfriend!”

“For now.” Mark shrugged. “But if he’s getting along so well with Youngjae, and Youngjae’s clearly in love with him maybe even more than I am, I’m wondering if I should maybe step aside and let them be together.”

Jinyoung just stared at him. He felt like he’d had dreams about this, of Mark realizing he really wasn’t in love with Jaebum after all and amicably breaking up with him only to fall in love with Jinyoung a few months later. But those dreams felt good, and this didn’t.

“They’re just study partners,” Jinyoung protested. “Aren’t you misunderstanding?”

“Doubt it,” Mark said. “Youngjae looks at Jaebum the way you used to, times a hundred. You know, that kind of I love you, but it’s hopeless because you love someone else look. And Jaebum…well, I don’t think he’s figured it out yet all the way, but I’ve never really seen him like this before. And trust me, I would know better than you. When we’re alone, it’s like he’s not all the way there anymore.” He idly tapped his fingers on the table. “Better to end it now, right? What do you think?”

Jinyoung flushed. “I’m not exactly a neutral party in this. Please don’t ask me.”

Mark stopped tapping. “You for Jaebum…still?!?”

“No,” Jinyoung said quickly. “Not him… I mean, not that. I just…wouldn’t want you two to break up because that would split up our friend group and make things awkward.” And that was kind of true in a way, even if it wasn’t fully sincere.

“Well, I’m not intending to be awkward about it,” Mark said. “It can be a mutual break up. He’s developing feelings for someone else and I’m…being accepting of that.”

“Are you?” Jinyoung asked. “I mean, are you really?”

Mark seemed to hold his breath for a moment. “I won’t lie and say I’m happy about it. But…if it’s going to end, I’d be stupid to hold on and wait for him to fall in love with Youngjae the rest of the way. I mean, he’s not the kind of person who would cheat on me, so he’d just wind up torturing himself with guilt and it would be a mess. Besides…like I said…” He swallowed. “I felt bad about you being in love with Jaebum before, you know? But…maybe this is bad of me to say…but I didn’t see you and him being able to have as much as me and him. But I don’t feel that way about him and Youngjae. Just watching them together…seeing how Youngjae looks at him…whenever I see that look it breaks my heart because I feel like I should be the person who looks at him like that, but I…” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. I love him, but…that much? As much as he deserves? As much as this other person does? As much as I could possibly love someone else? I just don’t know. And I think not knowing means…maybe I don’t?”

The pang throbbed through Jinyoung’s heart. But it was a different kind of pang this time. Did I wish this upon him? Did I want this to happen? Did I actually think this would make me happy? Because it didn’t. It made him feel terrible. He didn’t want Mark at the price of having him be unhappy. He didn’t want him to go through this kind of pain.

“I just hope whatever you do, you’ll be happy,” Jinyoung said finally, a lump in his throat. “And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“There’s nothing you have to be sorry for,” Mark said. But Jinyoung knew that wasn’t true at all.

In the evening, Jinyoung went to Jaebum’s dorm and knocked on the door. His roommate Yugyeom answered. “Hey,” Jinyoung said. “Is Jaebum there? I kind of need to talk to him.”

“Like, a serious talk?” Yugyeom asked. “You look like the Grim Reaper right now.”

“Shut up,” Jinyoung advised him. “And beat it, it’s something private.”

Yugyeom rolled his eyes, but let Jinyoung in and left the room so they could be alone. Jaebum was inside, working on making a huge stack of flashcards. Jinyoung glanced at them—there was biology vocabulary words on all of them.

“Hey,” Jaebum said. “It’s been awhile.”

“I just saw you at lunch,” Jinyoung reminded him.

“I meant since you came to my dorm alone. What’s up?”

Jinyoung took a seat at his desk chair. “I want to talk to you about Mark,” he said.

Jaebum looked up. “Yeah?”

“Are you still in love with him?”

“What?” He tilted his head, looking at Jinyoung warily. “What brought this on?”

“Because he thinks you might be in love with Youngjae. And I wanted to hear if that was true or not from you.”

Jaebum’s skin went a little white, and he dropped the pen he was holding. “Y-Youngjae? What?”

“Yes. Youngjae. Does the fact that Mark says Youngjae’s in love with you mean anything to you?”

Now there were two spots of color blooming on Jaebum’s cheeks. And Jaebum wasn’t the kind of person who blushed usually.

“Jaebum,” Jinyoung groaned. “I swear to God. I’m going to kill you.”

“Wait,” Jaebum said quickly. “I love Mark. Of course I love Mark.”

“More or less than Youngjae?”

Jaebum paused. “More?”

“Sound sure when you say that. I swear, I’m going to kill you.”

Now it was Jaebum’s turn to groan. “I don’t know! It just started recently…me being confused like this! I’ve always been happy with Mark, so I don’t know why it feels good with Youngjae. I know it shouldn’t but it does, and it’s super ed up because I don’t want to hurt Mark, and I’m not even sure I want to break up with him, but-”

“You know, I never took you for a selfish ,” Jinyoung snapped, “but you really sound like one right now. Do you think it’s OK to just keep stringing Mark along while you figure out what’s going on with Youngjae? Is that fair to anyone? Mark? Youngjae? Do you think that will make either of them happy when they’re already suffering because of you?”

“I didn’t want this to happen.”

“No, but it did. And right now, Mark thinks you’re set to fall out of love with him, and Youngjae thinks he’ll never have a shot with you even though he loves you. You can’t make both of them happy, OK? It’s just not going to happen. But you can get your head on straight before you make both of them miserable.”

Jaebum nodded slowly, looking pretty miserable himself. “I know. I know what I’m feeling isn’t OK to feel while I’m dating Mark. But I thought…I thought it would go away. That it was just a thing that I’d get over.”

“And how do you expect it to go away if you’re spending all your time with Youngjae?”

Jaebum flushed again. “I know that. It’s just…I don’t…I can’t…I can’t stop myself from wanting to spend time with Youungjae. Even though I know it’s wrong.”

“Well. I think you have your answer there.” Jinyoung exhaled sharply. “. You’re going to have to break up with Mark or let him break up with you. Even if you’re not sure where things are headed with Youngjae yet, you can’t do this anymore. I’m not going to let you.”

“I understand.” Jaebum looked back up at the ceiling, blinking his eyes. “You probably think I’m terrible, right? I really, really didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t think it would. I thought Mark was it. I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I didn’t think that.”

“No one expects you to be right all the time, Jaebum,” Jinyoung said. “Just own up to it. And no, I don’t think it makes you a terrible person. It would be a bit hypocritical of me to think that considering I’m pretty much in Youngjae’s shoes of being in love with someone who’s already in a relationship.”

Jaebum looked at him warily again. “I thought you’d gotten over that…?”

“Well, I definitely got over you. Mark? Not so much.”

“Oh.” Jaebum didn’t look angry or surprised. “You know, I kind of wondered about that. How you looked at him…”

“I’m sorry. That was pretty wrong of me, too.”

“No. Don’t be. He deserves to be looked at like that. I wish…” He blinked his eyes again. “I wish I could have done better for him.”

“Then next time, do better for the person who really does wind up being it. If you break Mark’s heart then turn around and break Youngjae’s, I really will kill you. I like him.”

“Look, I’m not just going to turn around and do anything. I think I have things to work out first.”

“That may be pretty true across the board for all of us.” Jinyoung rose to his feet. “Just go easy on Mark, OK? He might act like he’s not upset about this, but I’m pretty sure that’s far from the truth.”

“Hey. I’m not so happy about this either. I hope you understand that.”

“Good. Because I’m also not happy. Even if it means I’ll have a shot one day.”

“I know. Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“If that one day comes, I won’t begrudge it to you. As long as he’s happy.”

“Yeah. That’s all I want, too.”

The next day, Jinyoung was going up the stairwell when he saw Mark sitting on the landing to the third floor. His knees were tucked up, and his head was buried in them.

Jinyoung sat down beside him on the stairs, gently putting an arm around him. “Hey,” he said softly.

It took Mark a minute before he was able to look up. His eyes were puffy. “Hey,” he said back. His voice cracked.

“Need anything?”

“Like what? Is there anything out there that makes breaking up with your first serious boyfriend better?”

“Chocolate? Drinks? A listening ear?” Jinyoung patted him on the back. “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks. That means way more than you know.” Mark rubbed his eyes. “This . But it’s weird, because at the same time, I know it’s going to be fine? One day, Jaebum and Youngjae are going to get together, and they’re going to be cute, and I’m going to be happy for them. And one day, I’ll find my person and life will be so incredible that I won’t even remember being upset over this. I know that, but…”

“It’s allowed to hurt in the moment, Mark.”

“Yeah. And it kind of really, severely .” He leaned his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. “We’re still going to be friends, right?”

“You and me? Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Because Jaebum’s your best friend, not me.”

“Yes, technically. But want to hear a little secret? I happen to like you more at the moment that I’ve liked him at any point in my life. How’s that for being terrible?”

“Heh. I’m just enough post-break up bitter to enjoy stealing something from him.” He paused. “Just, don’t let this ruin your friendship. It would make me feel better if you were looking after him while he works things out.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t really see a bad guy in this. I’m going to continue to be here for all of you—Youngjae, too.”

“And that’s what’s so great about you.” Mark sniffed a little. “It makes me feel a lot better, knowing I’m not leaving with nothing. That you and I got closer because of Jaebum.”

“I don’t really remember him contributing much to that.”

“No. But you agreed to go hiking with me that time so we could work out us both being in love with him. And that’s how we got closer.” Mark snorted. “And both wound up losers in the end.”

“I don’t feel like a loser, Mark. I feel like I got something more worthwhile out of that than I would have if Jaebum had been in love with me instead of you.” He took Mark’s hand. “I got the number one person in my life.”

Mark looked down at their joined hands for a moment. “Number one,” he echoed. He went silent for a few long seconds. “Um, Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?”

“You said a minute ago that you like me more right now than you’ve ever liked Jaebum.”

“Uh-huh?”

“But you used to be in love with Jaebum. So that would mean…?”

Jinyoung flushed scarlet. “Uh…um…” he sputtered.

“Did you misspeak?”

“J-Just make of it what you will!” Jinyoung barked, dropping Mark’s hand and rising to his feet. “A-Anyways, just let me know if you need anything. I’ll leave you alone for now.”

He turned to run off, but Mark grabbed his hand before he could. Jinyoung turned back around to look at him. He was still sad and puffy-eyed, but it looked like there was a lightness to him that hadn’t been there before.

“Thank you, Jinyoung,” Mark said softly. “I’m glad you said you didn’t see a bad guy in this. Because I could understand Jaebum a little. Being confused. Dealing with feelings you think shouldn’t be there. It makes a little bit more sense, having talked to him. And talked to you.” He squeezed Jinyoung’s hand, then let it go with a small smile. “I think we’re all going to figure it out. And Jinyoung?”

“Y-Yes?”

“I hope it’s you. I really do.”