Taking her coat, cash and phone, she went outside her unit. Never mind that it was freezing, smack dab in the middle of February. She figured she would meet no one on the street as she checked that it was close to minus 15 outside and no one in their right mind would walk around at this hour in this temperature.

Only to run into the reason why her mind running amok for the past 6 months outside the lobby door. She froze.

Her feet were planted on the ground while he looked at her like he sees through her.

His footsteps were sure, the sound thundering in her ears as she forced her feet to move, to no avail. Something fell on her cheeks as he enveloped her in a hug.

“I’m home.”

The sound of his voice, HIS VOICE, triggered her response. She tried to break free off of his arms, tried kicking his feet and hitting his chest.

He should know he was wrong.

“Ah yha yha yha! It hurts!”

He still didn’t let her go, the little . If 187ish could be called little.

“What are you doing here?! Are you mad?! After nothing for a year, you dare coming here?!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She really wanted to smash that cheeky tone to the ground and stomp on it till it deflate.

“You have no rights!”

She tried to push him away. Keyword on try.

“XX”

“How could you remember my name but not my cell number? Or my K-talk?! Is it that hard to do?! What are you doing?! Too caught up in your cable lab all year long with no signal?!”

“For your info there is no such thing as a cable lab and no, I never forget your K-talk or your number.”

“Then why-“

“I was afraid.”

She resisted delivering another punch to him.

“I was afraid I would turn back home. It was all so sudden, the way the previous supervisor went awry and leaving a jumbled mess behind. I had to go there without telling my mother, you know how worried she’ll be right,” she nodded in between, forgetting her anger temporarily,” but I couldn’t not tell you.”

“I hate my department manager here for throwing me to the mess, but he had no choice. Despite how abrupt it went, he straggled to get the best deal for me. But I feel like dying, leaving you here when we just began.”

“What?”

“All the way here, I kept thinking how horrible it would be to find you strolling around with someone else. I kept thinking how stupid I was to leave you with no clear words. I shouldn’t when I know that you’re as dense as a concrete when it comes to relationship.”

“YHA”

“I was bad for hoping that you’d never lose that dark circle beneath your eyes, your sleeping schedule to be as erratic as I am.”

He didn’t know that her sleeping schedule went from erratic to almost none, thanks to him.

“Or worse, that I would have to wait until morning and asked your building keeper to call you. Because you were soundly asleep and thus, not missing me at all.”

Her willpower to fight him went down some notches and more as he held her face in his hands, feeling smaller than even inside that huge palms.

“I felt like hitting myself for feeling elated when I saw you storming out of the door, looking beautiful despite being sleep depraved. Poor baby…”

She didn’t want to make his head bigger than it was, but her body reacted in reverse to her mind. Once he caressed her face and looked at her with that big eyes, her tears were running down her cheeks. For once, it didn’t freeze upon contact.

“You’re such-such-such-hiks”

She couldn’t manage to speak so she resorted to just crying it out.

“Your cheeks freezing. Let’s go somewhere warm.”

“Hmm?”

“Come.”

--

“So, this is warm.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“Right”

The sarcasm must have gone frozen in the air now that it had gone through the roof.

“How…are you?”

She appreciated the tentative tone he used, because as much as her anger, she was as confounded as he was.

They were nothing. Despite everything last year, they were not a thing.

“I’m…barely holding it in.”

She went back to scrutinizing the cuticles in her nails, the dry skin getting chapped even worse since she forgot to use Vaseline before bed today.

“What-“

He took her hand in his, driving with one hand in ease as they sped through the empty street at dawn.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like…”

‘it is your fault’ but she knew they both knew that that was false.

Their whatever-it-is went up in the air before it even materialized.

“I’ll show you at least one good thing I have while being away from you.”

She nodded her head absentmindedly

“I make a mean hot chocolate.”

“Uhm, I thought we are going to that breakfast place?”

They had met multiple times at dawn, when he just emerged from his cable lab and she unable to sleep, to walk and to some extensions, have breakfast together.

“Huh?”

“But how are you going to make a hot chocolate in a restaurant?”

“We don’t”

“What?”

--

She was definitely underdressed. She knew that.

She had imagined various scenarios involving this, but she never imagined going to his home in haphazardly thrown coat and jeans with tear-stricken face. No.

“Are you…serious?”

He nodded.

“We can just go to my house, then…?”

Where she can change and wash her face and be at least humanly presentable but no.

“Do you have hot chocolate at home?”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

She looked at him dumbfoundedly, like…it’s her house they’re talking about.

“It’s my house we’re talking about.”

“I just know you don’t.”

They exited the car, and unlike her modest unit some distances back, his new unit was definitely not modest.

“I have no idea you moved.”

As they waited for the elevator, he regarded her with a long look. Resignation?

“I don’t want you to see the uncompleted one.”

“Huh?”

“I rented a unit in your apartment complex as a temporary one while this one was being fixed.”

“Oh.”

“That turned out to be one of the best decision I made in my life.”

Her cheeks blushed at that. Sue her.

“I’d definitely board that plane here for this.” He touched her cheeks again, marveling at the pinkish tone.

“I’m cold.”

“Says someone who goes single layer at autumn”

She loved crisp, autumn air, dank it.

“As much as I love your blushes, we need to warm you up.”

He took her to the long, comfortable-looking black couch in the living room and he went to the kitchen adjacent to it.

As she drank her fill around the new surroundings, clanks of pots and clack of cabinet opening filled the air.

The man was neat. Aside of the couch, the living room is equipped with a full entertainment set. That TV is sure huge. Her eyes roamed every classic DVD beside it, looking for a title she might know.

“Find something you like?”

She would be lying if his proximity didn’t affect her. Big time.

“I know none of this, so you choose.”

“This one’s good.”

“Uh hum.”

Alright, she was not that dense to know that he was playing dirty. Nose deep in her neck, hands trapping her waist against the built-in DVD racks. She didn’t know old cds smell could be this captivating.

“Or probably this?”

He put his mouth near her right ear, as his hand went above her head and picked a DVD. He put it in front of her and the title made her blush even harder.

A Night to Remember.

Yeah, what a night it had been.

He kissed her earlobe and freed her from his arms. Saying something about hot chocolate being not hot anymore.

She tried to mentally collect herself before going to the couch with him.

As the DVD played on the screen, he handed her the mug.

She sipped the liquid and immediately knew why he said she wouldn’t have it in her house.

“You wouldn’t happen to have baileys in your house, right?”

She hated to admit that the closest thing she have to an alcohol was an empty bottle of wine that she didn’t bother throwing out.

“You did make this good.”

She missed that smug smile, and added to the baileys and chocolate relaxing her system, she threw cautions out of the window.

“I missed you.”

“I had no idea I would miss you when you’re gone. You know…it takes time. For me, it always takes time. It didn’t hit me at first, but my disappointment mounted up on your disappearance as I went home from work everyday.”

“I missed your random text, saying that this time we definitely have to try that wretched chicken gizzard you love so much. And that you were kind enough each time to take me to the place where they have multiple menus to cater my taste instead of going to your favorite place.”

 “I missed your figure waiting for me near the subway station, munching on your current convenience store snack as you waited for me. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting but it really was hard to climb all those stairs fast.”

“I missed having you taking me home. Not seeing you smile at the end of my day for more than a month made sleeping hard.”

She didn’t know that while she rambled on, he turned to a stone. She’d never speak about it again if she knew what he had on his mind.

“You know, I’ve told you multiple times that you should have just let me pick you up from your office.”

She stopped her rant as he spoke for the first time.

“What?”

He looked at her.

“Why would you do that tho? Your office and mine is only a station away.”

He looked really long at her.

She hated this situation. Him trying to get her to understand while she knew it would take her long to understand whatever the signs he tried to throw at her.

“Chanyeol-ah, that is not important for-“

“It is. Please.”

She closed and tried to think again. Why did he keep on insisting on her to figure it out when all he needs to do is just say it out loud?

After a long while of him sitting on pins and needles, she spoke again.

“Do you mean…”

He motioned her to continue.

“We shouldn’t have been what we are now?”

“You could say it that way. For the first half.”

“I am not completely right?”

“You’re just halfway there. Come on. I know you can say it on your own.”

“Uhm…”

In the meantime, he took both of their empty cups to the kitchen. He needed the space, now that what he both feared and hoped was out in the open.

She knew she had the rest of the answer the moment he showed her his back. Although it was a magnificent view, she disliked it. It reminded her of what happened last year, only this time he didn’t head anywhere to another continent.

She rose up and followed him, leaning on the aisle separating the common room and kitchen as she saw him washing the cup.

“You must have laced the chocolate with half of that bottle, don’t you?”

His back turned rigid as he wiped his hands with kitchen towel.

“There’s no way I’d be sure this fast if not for that bailey.”

He was being stopped from turning by the warm weight in his back.

“Take responsibility.”

“I can’t see your back again without feeling choked up.”

He took her hands to his waist as her tears seeped out, wetting the back of the jumper he had on.

“I’m sorry. I thought you wouldn’t mind me gone that much.”

She pinched him in the stomach, or the muscle, or whatever board he had for dinner last night. Shouldn’t he at least have fat or something?

She had gone from crying to wondering about random things real fast. She must be drunk.

He turned to her after making sure she didn’t take her hands somewhere that would made him lose his manner.

“Do you actually mind me going away that much?”

Nods were felt going against his chest. He laughed softly at that.

“Do you want me to call you at least once a day?”

She brought her sleepyhead from his chest (it was warm and she almost got that sweet sleep, dank it!)

“Nah. Just a text or two is fine.”

She rested her cheek again on his chest, forgetting that they were both still standing and managed to get to the brink of sleep again.

“We need to compromise again when you’re fully awake.”

That reminded her.

She mustered one more spurt to put her chin on his chest and looked up at his face instead.

“No more signs. Keep that ty signs where they belong. In a trash can beside your work desk.”

As her forehead hits his chest, she missed the full bellied laugh he let out at her brashness.

She didn’t care. For once, sleep came like a bolt. In seconds, for hours.

**