Yongsun leaned forward, knee digging into her stomach, to untie her practice shoes. No sound slipped past her lips, but the room buzzed with laughter. Yongsun kept her head low and hoped her presence was minimal. This wasn’t how a leader acted.

She found her hands stilling when the voices went closer, her stomach dropping when her ears caught a familiar, low tone. Biting the inside of her cheek, Yongsun looked up. The straps of a duffel bag hung onto Hyejin’s shoulder loosely, in the verge of slipping down her arm. Hyejin raised one hand to cover her widening smile, holding the door open for Wheein.

She didn’t know how their spirits were so high, given today’s practice. It wasn’t bad, but everyone could’ve done better.

Wheein stepped out of the room and Yongsun waited for Hyejin to follow. Instead, Hyejin swiveled her head suddenly and met Yongsun’s eyes. Hyejin’s smile faltered, Yongsun winced.

Say goodbye to her. Yongsun raised her hand and—

“Hyejinnie!” Wheein whined. Yongsun shot down her arm, her leg wincing at the sudden strength. “Hurry up, we need to hurry before the convenience store closes.”

“Give me a second.” Hyejin took one glance at Yongsun. “See you later, unnie.”

Yongsun didn’t utter a word as Hyejin closed the door, filling the dance studio with silence. The former sighed, rubbed circles along her temples. Disappointment settled to the pit of her stomach, to the tips of her toes. What kind of leader was unable to bid someone goodbye?

“Unnie.” Yongsun blinked out of her thoughts. She turned towards to Byulyi, who regarded her with an all-knowing grin and raise of an eyebrow. “You want to hang out? Or do you want to mope here for the rest of the night?”

A familiar irritation rose in Yongsun’s throat, having associated the sight with moments before she and Byulyi bumped heads against each other. But Yongsun fought back her exasperation and chastised herself for even feeling that way. Byulyi was trying to cheer her up. Yongsun wasn’t going to repay the gesture with contempt.

She nodded and shoved her shoes inside her sports bag. “Where to?”

⤇⤇⤇

They ended up at Yongsun’s apartment. Typical. “Where do you live anyway?”

Byulyi’s eyebrows raised, but didn’t avert her gaze from the food in front of her. “Wow.” She chewed heartily, her voice muffled. Yongsun frowned. “I didn’t know you were ready to take that next step in our relationship.”

Yongsun’s chopsticks dug into her rice bowl. “Was wondering if you were homeless or not, that’s all.”

“Mean.” Byulyi took a huge mouthful, her cheeks puffed as she chewed. “So,” she managed. “Are you going to tell me why you were moping or are we playing the guessing game?”

Pausing, Yongsun glanced down at her food. Though her eyes focused on her cup of miso soup, she saw herself staring at Hyejin helplessly. “I have a bad relationship with Hyejin. It bothers me.”

There was a pause and Yongsun tore her gaze towards Byulyi, watching the latter drink water. Eyes closed, Byulyi set down her glass. “So you don’t care about how we’re doing even though we have fought physically,” she pointed out. “But Hyejin gives you one weird stare and you think the world is ending?”

Guilt welled up in Yongsun’s throat, but she washed it down with soup. “You’re in my apartment, aren’t you? I don’t think I have to worry too much.”

Byulyi lifted a hand as if preparing to deliver the sickest comeback, but stopped herself. She gave a short huff of laughter. “Can’t argue with that. Care to state more evidence on Hyejin being hostile towards you? Or are you just going off on what happened today?”

Yongsun wished she didn’t have reasons to think Hyejin didn’t like her.

⤇⤇⤇

Hour three of practice and they were losing progress. With the hem of her shirt, Yongsun wiped the sweat running down her forehead. “Hyejin,” she called. “You were behind in the choreo.”

Yongsun knew she was old for the industry, but she didn’t know that would put her in charge of three strangers. How was she going to help them make it in the entertainment business? “We need to perfect our movements, or we’ll be laughingstocks.”

Byulyi laid down on the ground, her eyes closed as she took in the coolness of the woodness. Wheein stood nearby, disapproval evident, but exhaustion restricted her from speaking.

Hyejin was silent, finding tying her shoelaces too important to respond. Yongsun frowned and strode towards the girl. “Hyejin,” she said. “Hyejin, are you listening to me?”

Finally acknowledging her, Hyejin looked up. Yongsun flinched under the gaze, one full of disdain. “Unnie, do you hate me?”

⤇⤇⤇

“That’s it?” Byulyi’s chopsticks reached over to Yongsun’s side.

Without glancing up, the result of Yongsun bumming herself out, she slapped the foreign utensils away from her kimchi. “Don’t trivialize what I did wrong. I made our youngest member think I was isolating her.” Sharp eyes lingered in the back of Yongsun’s visions, her legs becoming weights to pin her down. Helpless. “She hates me.”

“Now that’s not true. Most likely.” Byulyi snatched a piece of pork from Yongsun’s plate, stuffing her cheeks when the latter let out a sound of protest.

Yongsun debated whether to get revenge or focus on the problem at hand. This time her sense won over her pettiness. “What makes you say that?” She set her chopsticks aside, propping her chin on one hand.

Byulyi shrugged. “I don’t know her as well as Wheein.” Yongsun doubted anyone was on the same level as Hyejin’s best friend. “But Hyejin’s kinder than she looks. It’ll take more than what you did for her to hate you.”

“I see.”

“And she has talked about people she hates.” Byulyi set her chopsticks on her empty plate, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “She talks about them a lot actually. She’s never mentioned you, so that’s a good sign, right?”

Yongsun furrowed her eyebrows. “I’ve never heard her badmouth someone.”

“Oh, well she usually waits until you’ve gone to the bathroom or something.” Yongsun widened her eyes, her anxiety rising like a graph line. That’s the opposite of a good sign, Yongsun thought. “Come on unnie, don’t make that face. She only does that because she knows you’ll reprimand her for it.”

Well, she had a point. If Hyejin kept going on about this jerk she knew in her hometown, Yongsun would question why she’s focusing on the past when she could be thinking about the present. And then Hyejin would defend herself. And then Yongsun would make it worse. And then Hyejin would hate her more. Yongsun deflated as her posture sunk lower and lower.

“Woah, earth to Yongsun-unnie!” Byulyi snapped her fingers in front of the woman. “Solar? Yongdunnie? Sweet Cheeks?”

Yongsun shook out of her thoughts to cringe at the nickname. “Gross.”

Byulyi didn’t take it personally. “Look even if she did hate you, which I doubt, you can mend your relationship and get along.” She sniffed then, gazing up as if remembering an event from another lifetime. “I still remember you attacking me with that cereal box, but I found the goodness in my heart to forgive you.”

A vein threatened to pop out of Yongsun’s head. “Don’t you dare act like a saint! You caught the cereal box and threw it back at me!”

“That was self defense!”

⤇⤇⤇

“Look,” Byulyi breathed once they calmed down. “Just take her out to eat, say it’s on you. You’ll be close before you know it.”

Yongsun’s subsiding panting froze all together as she blinked. To invite Hyejin to have dinner with her, Yongsun most likely had to get them alone to ask. She liked Wheein, but Hyejin loved Wheein. Why take the time to awkwardly chat with your leader when your best friend was next to you?

“Hey,” Byulyi’s tone held concern. “If you’re that nervous, I can go with you.”

“No.” Yongsun spat before she allowed herself a way out. She needed to be good enough for the members to rely on her, not the other way around. “I have to do this on my own.”

Byulyi huffed, but relented as her shoulders loosened. “You sound like you’re going to die.”

⤇⤇⤇

Yongsun was going to die. No you’re not, Yongsun scolded herself. When Wheein rambled on to Byulyi about her favorite artists during their break, Yongsun took the chance to ask Hyejin to come with her.

“Just for a minute,” Yongsun assured but the way Hyejin’s face fell told the former her words held the opposite effect.

Hyejin leaned against the hallway, waiting.

Okay, this could’ve gone worse. Hyejin chose to stay with Yongsun at least. “I wanted,” Yongsun started. Her voice sounded scratchy, foreign to her ears. Hours of practice, Yongsun reasoned. “To ask you something.”

Hyejin frowned as she crossed her arms. “What is it?”

Yongsun’s tongue struggled to move and she found herself not able to speak. What was she going to do if Hyejin said no? Eating out with Yongsun would be unpleasant, Hyejin must’ve thought, believed it was an excuse for Yongsun to nag her.

“I’m not doing well at practice again.” Hyejin’s face was neutral as she tilted her head. “Is that it?”

“N-no!” Yongsun waved her hands in dismissal. “I was only wondering if…” She faltered when she made eye contact with two sharp eyes. “If you’re free later.”

The words hung in front of Yongsun like prowling crows, the resulting silence heavy on Yongsun’s throat. She was going to blame Byulyi for this.

“Huh?” Hyejin’s mouth gaped. “You mean today?”

“It doesn’t have to be today,” Yongsun offered. “I want to treat you out to food so I was wondering when...you weren’t busy.” Her words slowly died off when Hyejin merely blinked at her. “You don’t have to, of course. It’s your call.”

At this point, Yongsun couldn’t blame Byulyi for her own faults. That wouldn’t stop Yongsun from cursing the world when she was safe in the confines of her apartment though.

“Friday,” Hyejin broke the silence. “Practice ends early and I don’t have plans.”

Ah. “Oh,” Yongsun murmured. “I’ll text you the details later then.”

Hyejin nodded. Without waiting for Yongsun, Hyejin made her way back to the practice room. Dazed, Yongsun stared at her retreating her figure before hurrying herself.

⤇⤇⤇

Yongdunnie☼, Friday, 13:03:  What if I hurl while eating?

Bane of my existence (Byul), Friday, 13:06: wha??

Yongdunnie☼, Friday, 13:09: What if she’s allergic to her food and she dies on my watch?

Bane of my existence (Byul), Friday, 13:10: .

Bane of my existence (Byul), Friday, 13:10: don’t ever call me dramatic again.

⤇⤇⤇

They agreed to meet each other at the restaurant. Yongsun bit her bottom lip, peering into the window. She made a reservation ahead of time, but it was safe to arrive before dinner rush started.

Yongsun glanced at her attire. Not her best clothes, but that didn’t matter. If anything this made her less intimidating and therefore easier to bond with Hyejin.

“Unnie?” At the familiar voice, Yongsun readied a warm smile and lifted her head. Her lips formed a crooked line instead as her mind went into haywire.

Hyejin’s short hair was tied in a ponytail, a mask pulled down and now covering her neck. The beige coat was a little too big for her frame, accommodating for the frigid weather. They haven’t even debuted yet and Yongsun thought Hyejin portrayed a celebrity in disguise.

Yongsun’s hands tugged down on the hem of her jacket.

“What’s wrong?” Hyejin asked.

Shaking her head, Yongsun reached for the front door. “Nothing.” She held the door open. “A-after you.” She cringed, ready to excuse her stutter by using the cold. However Hyejin didn’t address it, muttering a thanks before stepping inside the establishment.

Yongsun took that moment to breathe, grip her hands into fists to bring the blood back. All she had to do was eat dinner with Hyejin. She could handle it. Yongsun should be able to handle it.

Remembering Byulyi’s advice, Yongsun closed her eyes and shut the door behind her.

⤇⤇⤇

Good news: Byulyi was right and Hyejin wasn’t currently dying over an allergy. Bad news: Yongsun didn’t like admitting her friend was right, for that usually meant she was wrong. Horrible news: though able to avoid physical death, Yongsun’s soul dissipated as the silence between her and Hyejin grew louder and louder.

To her credit, Hyejin fought the urge to check her phone. Her eyes roamed and took in the sight of the chattering families, couples, and occasional solo patron. While one would interpret this as Hyejin appreciating the ambiance, Yongsun saw it as reasons for Hyejin to avoid her gaze.

Not that Yongsun blamed her. Sighing, Yongsun fiddled with her fingers under the table. “Hyejin.”

The aforementioned girl turned to her and a mix of relief and dread welled inside of Yongsun. “What is it, unnie?”

Yongsun fought the urge to bite the inside of her cheek. Her nails dug into her palm. “I’m sorry.” She stopped, considered her next words. “For making you uncomfortable.”

Hyejin furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m not uncomfortable.” Yongsun shot her a look. “Okay, maybe a little.”

“Because I’ve been nothing but a bad leader to you.” Yongsun buried a hand in her hair as she closed her eyes. She needed to face the truth head on. “I’m really sorry if I made you feel isolated. I’ve…never been given a position like this. I was always the younger sister, always the one to be told on what to do. I’m as lost as you guys, but I can’t be if we want this group to work.” She drummed her fingers against the table, considered her next words. She didn’t check on how Hyejin was reacting to this. “I’m not saying this because I want you to forgive me. I just thought you deserved to know why.”

“Unnie.” Yongsun opened her eyes to see Hyejin wear a lopsided smile. “You’re kinda being dramatic about this.”

Yongsun gaped, a little offended with how casual she sounded. “Wha—”

“Sure, your leading skills need work.” Hyejin shrugged and Yongsun almost shriveled at the words. “But we haven't debuted yet. You have plenty of time to work on it.” A young man passed by their table to drop their menus. Hyejin took one, her eyes already scanning the possible choices. “Just don’t be so harsh.”

“Oh.” Yongsun’s shoulders was lighter, less tight. “Okay, I can do that.”

⤇⤇⤇

Bane of my existence (Byul), Friday, 20:03: Told you so.

⤇⤇⤇

“That was a good run,” Yongsun told Hyejin. “Keep up the great work.”

Wheein raised her eyebrows, her eyes flicking towards their leader. Yongsun suspected that interrupting Wheein was a bad call, but the latter beamed and returned her gaze to Hyejin.

Hyejin spun on her heel to face Yongsun. Her expression, surprised, melted into a smile as she rested a hand on Yongsun’s shoulder. “Thanks, unnie.” Her smile broadened. “You were behind beat though.”

Yongsun laughed, warmth rising to her face. The feeling was welcome. “Noted.”

⤇⤇⤇

“So,” Byuyi’s voice came through the speakerphone. “You’ve been going out with Hyejin a lot lately. You’re going to make Wheein and I feel left out.”

Yongsun smiled, her hand unwavering as she sliced onions against her cooking board. Fridays slowly became Yongsun and Hyejin’s designated meetups, mostly eating out but occasionally exploring town as well. Yongsun worried if she took up too much of Hyejin’s time, but the latter was more than willing to be with her. That probably factored into the fact that Yongsun treated her, she wouldn’t complain.

“It’s nice,” Yongsun giggled. “She thinks of me as a friend now.” Though Yongsun needed to improve her capabilities as a leader, knowing her members liked her was a step forward.

Humming as she chopped, Yongsun planned what she would do with Hyejin this week. She didn’t realize the lull on Byulyi’s end until she started to mince her vegetables. “Byul?”

Byulyi sighed and Yongsun pictured the former burying her face into her hands. “You are unbelievable.”

Uneasiness built up in Yongsun’s stomach. “What do you mean ‘unbelievable?’” Setting down the knife, Yongsun snatched her phone off the counter. “Does she not like me?”

“Unbelievable!” Byulyi repeated.

“Byul, what are you talking about—” The phone call ended with a click and Yongsun gasped, checking her screen to see that Byulyi hung up on her. She was so getting back at her friend tomorrow.

⤇⤇⤇

“How about we do something different?” Hyejin wore a smirk, her eyes sparkling with excitement, and Yongsun quelled how happy that she made it this far, that Hyejin was able to make these sort of expressions towards her.

Yongsun tilted her head. “What do you have in mind?”

“I think we should just relax on Friday.” Hyejin sat down on the bench with Yongsun and the latter made sure to give Hyejin enough move. In response, Hyejin scooted closer. “How about I come over to your place?”

“You mean, like a sleepover?” Just like what friends do, Yongsun thought to herself.

“I think it would be a fun change of pace.” Hyejin’s smile toned down then, softer. “It’s your decision though.”

“You’re more than welco—”

“Hyejinnie!” Yongsun shut as Wheein tackled into Hyejin, her arms wrapping around her waist. “What are you two doing?”

Unfazed, Hyejin reached down to return her embrace. “Making plans.”

“We can see that.” Byulyi wrapped a hand around Yongsun’s shoulders and Yongsun pushed at Byulyi’s head to stop her from resting her pointy chin on Yongsun’s shoulder. “And we see that you’re leaving us out again. Absolutely, utterly, heartbreaking.”

Wheein bumped her forehead against Hyejin’s back repeatedly. “When are you going to invite us?”

Hearing that, Yongsun let her guilt speak for her. “You can hang out with us. It can be a little party.” Nevermind that her apartment was not in the condition to have three people, let alone four.

“Really?” Wheein popped her head out to view Yongsun properly.

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” She glanced over at Hyejin. “What about you?”

Hyejin regarded Yongsun with an expression that the latter couldn’t read, then lowered her head to peer at Wheein. “If that’s what you want.”

Fireflies lit up and fluttered inside Yongsun’s stomach as she imagined the four of them bonding in her house. They trusted her as a friend, soon they will as a leader as well. She didn’t catch the expression Byulyi sent her way.

⤇⤇⤇

Yongsun was sitting around with a bunch of alcoholics. Slamming down her canned drink, her head rolled back as laughter filled her ears.

“Unnie isn’t that your first drink?” Wheein asked, giggles forming like bubbles. Yongsun didn’t have to lift her head to know Wheein’s face was flushed.

Byulyi laughed as well and Yongsun slapped away the finger that poked her cheek without having to check the culprit. “You can’t back out yet,” she whined. “That’s no fun.”

In Yongsun’s eyes, being a lightweight was plenty of fun. Instead of having to spend money on refills to get a buzz, one drink was enough for Yongsun to feel invincible. She opened to defend herself, but a groan left her lips instead and Wheein and Byulyi fell into laughter once more.

Yongsun froze when she felt a weight settle on her arm. When she gazed down however, her curiosity was replaced with content as she watched Hyejin press her cheek against Yongsun’s shoulder. Red coated Hyejin’s cheeks, but not as deep as Yongsun or Wheein’s own.

“Are you okay?” Yongsun asked.

Hyejin nodded and Yongsun smiled. Eyelids growing heavy, Yongsun focused on the warmth that spread through her as she drifted off to sleep. Not from the alcohol or the teasing from her members, but rather the warmth Hyejin’s presence gave.

⤇⤇⤇

Hyejin told Wheein that she shouldn’t feel bad.

“But what are you going to do here?” Wheein crossed her arms. “Why don’t you come back with me instead? You know my mom love you.”

“No way.” Hyejin shook her head. “I’m not going to bother you two during Christmas.”

Yongsun glanced between them and then her phone, her fingers quickly typing a message.

A cloud settled over Wheein as she pouted. “But…”

“I’ll be fine,” Hyejin assured. “I can use this time to practice. I bet I’ll be a better dancer by the time you come back from the holidays.”

Locking her phone with a click, Yongsun stood up from the floor and approached them. “I guess we’re spending Christmas together then.”

The two girls widened her eyes, both turning their heads towards Yongsun. “What do you mean, unnie?” Wheein asked.

Yongsun laughed as she scratched her cheek. “Turns out I have to stay here for Christmas as well.” She turned to Hyejin. “Looking forward to spending time with you.”

Hyejin opened as if to protest, but then stopped herself. She beamed in a way that Yongsun couldn’t help but stare. “Me too.”

⤇⤇⤇

Understandably, Yongsun’s sister wanted to kill her when she texted the family that she couldn’t come home for Christmas.

⤇⤇⤇

It started to snow on their way back to Yongsun’s apartment. Yongsun raised her scarf up to her nose with one hand, the other interlaced with Hyejin’s own. She couldn’t let Hyejin walk to her apartment by herself. Though tonight was a day that celebrated innocence and virtue, anyone walking alone at this time was a risk Yongsun wouldn’t let Hyejin take. The younger didn’t mind, claiming she was relieved that she could let her feet rest.

“Unnie,” Hyejin broke the silence. She halted her steps and Yongsuns soon followed, the two standing over a bridge. If Yongsun guided her head to the side, she would be able to gaze at the cars passing by. Watching the cars shine like stars and disappear as they crossed under the bridge would make Yongsun wish she was lying in bed already. But with her eyes on Hyejin, she told herself she had all the time in the world.

“I think,” Hyejin continued. “I think you’re…”

Concern washed over Yongsun as Hyejin’s words fell off, her voice diminishing as she lowered her head. “What is it?” she asked. “You can tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Hyejin settled for settling her forehead against Yongsun’s shoulder. Yongsun widened her eyes, but raised a hand to rest it on Hyejin’s back. She rubbed circles, unsure on how else to encourage Hyejin.

“I think you’re a good leader,” Hyejin confessed. Yongsun’s hand stilled. The words were a whisper, but they were loud enough to reverberate in Yongsun’s head down to her fingers. “I know you worry about that a lot.” She allowed her face to be shown and Yongsun saw red coat Hyejin’s cheeks. A deeper red than the time they were drinking, stronger and angrier, a shade that demanded to be noticed. “We haven’t debuted yet, but I know you’ll support us. But let us support you when you’re in trouble too, okay?”

Yongsun found herself unable to respond, Hyejin’s words stealing the voice right off her lips. When Yongsun had to be guided by Hyejin back to her own apartment, too busy pondering over the flush on Hyejin’s cheeks, Yongsun realized her heart was stolen too.

⤇⤇⤇

Yongdunnie☼, Sunday, 3:10: Byul.

Yongdunnie☼, Sunday, 3:11: I like Hyejin. Like like.

⤇⤇⤇

Bane of my existence (Byul), Sunday , 10:33: ???

Bane of my existence (Byul), Sunday, 10:33: are you being serious?

Yongdunnie☼, Sunday, 10:49:  God, where is the SUPPORT?
 

Yongdunnie☼, Sunday, 10:53: This is eating at me Byul. :( Of course I need to confess but what if it makes her uncomfortable?

Bane of my existence (Byul), Sunday, 10:59: unnie.
 

Bane of my existence (Byul), Sunday, 10:59:  I thought you two were dating for weeks. wheein thought you two were dating for about a month.

⤇⤇⤇

“I like you.” Yongsun fought the urge to jump from her seat and run when Hyejin raised an eyebrow. “Romantically.”

Yongsun swore that she had a plan. She was going to ease into her confession while they ate, ask if Hyejin was single and what was her type. She couldn’t even wait for the waiter to bring their menu.

Hyejin didn’t look disgusted, which was a win for Yongsun. However, she didn’t seem happy either. “...You do?” Confused was the right word.

Nodding, Yongsun lowered her gaze as their waiter came by to drop their menus. He didn’t really need to however, for the duo were regulars that ordered the same thing. “I know that this is sudden,” Yongsun continued when he left. “I know that you don’t feel the same way.” Hyejin leaned back against her seat. “...and I understand if you want to stop this after knowing how I feel.”

“Pause.” Hyejin raised a hand and Yongsun shut . “Are you saying that—” Hyejin stopped herself as she buried a hand in her hair. “I thought we were already dating.”

Huh. Yongsun’s mouth dropped. “Huh?! Why did you think that?”

“I thought we were dating for months.” Hyejin groaned and plopped her head against the table with a bang. “So that’s why you wouldn’t kiss me? I thought you were old fashioned or something.”

“Months?” Yongsun repeated.

“Since the first time you asked me to have dinner with you,” Hyejin elaborated. “I can’t believe this.”

This…wasn’t how Yongsun pictured her confession to turn out. “Wait.” Yongsun’s lips lifted into a goofy smile. “So you like me back then?”

Hyejin scoffed as she lifted her head from the table. “I just said that I thought we were dating for months!”

⤇⤇⤇

Hyejin kissed Yongsun as soon as they closed the door behind them. Yongsun sputtered, holding her hand over . “W-wait a minute!” she forced out. “Aren’t we going a little too fast?”

“Maybe for you,” Hyejin settled her hands on the back of Yongsun’s neck. “But I told you I thought we were dating for months. Don’t I deserve a reward for holding out for this long?”

Well. Yongsun couldn’t argue with that logic. Unable to hide the blush from her face, Yongsun pressed a kiss to Hyejin’s lips and let herself be pulled inside the apartment.





-
[Author's Note]: I'm bad at summaries.