THREE

“You need to get the out of this place.”

I squinted against the bright light as Jihyun yanked the blinds open. Next, she went for the blanket that I had over me, leaving me exposed on the couch that I had in my studio.

“When was the last time you had a proper meal?” she demanded, wrinkling her nose in disdain at the empty ramyun cups that littered the table. “Or a shower?”

“Leave me alone,” I grumbled, trying to bury my head under a cushion.

Jihyun yanked that away from me too. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’ve left you alone for way too long. Get your off that couch right now.”

The tone of her voice told me that she meant business. Jihyun was a straight talker, but she rarely got angry at me. Right now, she was definitely angry and ready to fight me. I could tell. Which was why I reluctantly dragged my heavy body into an upright position. “Happy?”

“Far from it,” she snapped. “What the is this? You haven’t been answering my calls, you stopped going to the café… Are you trying to kill yourself? Over a failed relationship?”

“I’ve been working,” I refuted, standing and walking over to my workspace, where almost a dozen completed paintings were lined up neatly. “Apparently failed relationships are really good sources of inspiration.”

Jihyun sighed loudly as she scanned the pieces. “What the hell, Ryeowon? Have you run out of colors?”

I hadn’t planned for it to turn out this way, but now, looking at my paintings, I realized she was right. The entire collection of them had been completed using only black, white, and varying shades of gray. “It… It’s an artistic choice.”

“Don’t give me that bull,” Jihyun stated, rounding on me. “Babe, this isn’t healthy. It’s been weeks since the break-up. You can’t just hide in here surrounded by all these dark thoughts and dark paintings. How are you going to move on if you don’t start living your life normally again?”

“I’m living normally,” I insisted defensively. “I’ve been working.”

“You haven’t stepped into your usual café since the break-up. I asked Jaebum.”

That was a valid point, but there was a good reason for that. Jinyoung had said he’d see me around at the café, and I didn’t want to actually see him until I was ready so… I just haven’t gone.

“I can make coffee here,” I said, folding my arms.

“I bought you that coffee machine three years ago when you rented this space, and you never touched it,” Jihyun pointed out. “Come on, you need to get out. Meet people. Talk to people.”

“You know I hate that.”

“Communication is a fundamental human need, Ryeowon,” Jihyun said. “You need to do it so you don’t go crazy.” She sighed again as she faced me. “I know it’s hard, but you have to get over him.”

“I’m over him,” I said in a small voice, but because she was my closest friend in the world, she didn’t believe me.

“I know he was special,” she said, her voice softening. “But you can’t romanticize the idea of him and trap yourself in this spiral. At the end of the day, he’s just another guy who wasn’t meant to be. He’s a stop on your journey, and you need to get back up and keep moving on. You’ll find someone better. Someone with less baggage.”

I still couldn’t bear the mention of Jinyoung, so I nodded, even though I didn’t fully agree with her. “I know. I’m trying.”

“Good,” she said, with a small smile. “So no more moping. Let’s go out to dinner tonight. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I said, holding my arms open for a hug. I was lucky I had Jihyun in my life. Even if all the relationships in my life didn’t work out, I still had my best friend. Sometimes, I just needed a reminder of that.

She wrinkled her nose and stepped away from me. “After you take a shower, stinky.”

“Hi, are you Ryeowon?”

I looked up in curiosity at the man who was standing in front of me. “Um… yes?”

“Hi, my name is Bam Bam. I’m a friend of Jihyun’s.”

I stared at the lanky stranger as he pulled out the chair in front of me and sat down. Why was he sitting down? I was supposed to be meeting Jihyun for dinner at this restaurant, and she hadn’t told me she was bringing a friend. I’d asked for a table for two, so if her friend was here… It took me a moment before realization dawned on me.

Damn Jihyun. She’d set me up on a blind date.

The hypothesis was further confirmed when Bam Bam held out an ostentatious bouquet of roses. “Here, I brought these for you.”

“Uh, thanks.”

I was immensely annoyed at her. Why did she do these things to me? And why did she think I would be interested in this guy? Sure, he was handsome and built like a model, but his style was way too flashy. He had on a blazer with sequined details, and his ears were adorned with dangling silver earrings. His shirt was ed way too low, and I think he was wearing more make-up than I was. Not to mention, his hair was platinum blond and he was wearing shades even though it was night time. Where did she even meet this guy? On the runway at Seoul Fashion Week?

“You’re prettier in person than in the photo Jihyun showed me,” Bam Bam said with a charming smile, taking off his glasses and setting them down on the table.

My irritation only spiked. She showed him a photo of me? Which one?!

“Thanks… I guess?” I said through gritted teeth. “Pardon my surprise. I had no idea I was being set up on a blind date.”

Bam Bam was unfazed by that. “Oh, yeah, Jihyun did mention you might be a bit… resistant. But it’s all good. We can just have dinner as two friends who just met. No pressure.”

“Right.” He was right. I could have dinner with him. And then kill Jihyun later.

Dinner with Bam Bam wasn’t all bad. He was an entertaining character, and I could see that he’d be a fun friend to have around if I was in a group. One on one, he was just a little… much. He talked a lot about himself, and laughed a little too loudly at his own jokes. Long story short, I could tell why he was single and needed his friends to set him up on blind dates. In the history of blind dates, it wasn’t the worst date. It just wasn’t one of the good ones.

My eyes were wandering while Bam Bam launched into another anecdote about one of his restaurants (he was a restaurateur, not a model) when they landed on something that made my heart stop. Walking through the door, looking as breathtakingly handsome as the last time I’d seen him, was Jinyoung.

I cursed my luck that there were only like, two good restaurants in this neighborhood. Why else would I run into him here, of all places, when I’d been trying so hard to avoid him this whole time? And I also cursed Jihyun because if she’d just let me stay cocooned in my studio, this wouldn’t have happened. Especially not while I was on this blind date that she’d tricked me into.

It took a while for him to spot me. He looked like he’d just popped in to get some takeout, and he stayed at the counter, ordering and paying. Then, as the service staff left to prepare his order, he scanned the restaurant and caught sight of me. I felt like I should have pretended not to see him, or at the very least, made some attempt to hide that ridiculous bouquet on my table that just screamed that I was on a date, but I couldn’t help freezing when our eyes locked across the room. He was in a long coat and had a cap on, but I could still see that he’d lost a bit of weight. There was a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his face. I thought I saw a flash of betrayal in his eyes, and for a moment, I felt guilty.

“Hello, Ryeowon? What are you looking at?”

Bam Bam’s voice pulled me back to the conversation at hand, and I turned to face him once more. “Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I know, but I must be mistaken.”

“Happens to me all the time,” Bam Bam chortled. “As I was saying, this is Latte, and this is Pudding…”

I feigned interest as Bam Bam leaned over to show me pictures of his cats on his phone. When I finally got a moment to glance back over at the counter, Jinyoung was gone. There was an empty feeling in my heart, but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. Time seemed to have dulled the pain from our break-up. I looked at Bam Bam again and told myself I didn’t have to feel guilty. Sure, it was a little soon, but we were broken up, and I had every right to date someone new. I had no interest in the man right in front of me, but I could date him if I wanted to. I had done nothing wrong.

That was what I told myself.

But at the end of the night, after I had said goodbye to Bam Bam with empty promises of meeting up again and returned to the cold silence of my room, I still cried myself to sleep.

More time passed, and I was, slowly but surely, healing.

I was still avoiding Jus Coffee, but I’d found another place to get my caffeine fix. Just one block down, a small coffee place had opened up. It wasn’t a café, just a small takeaway window, and I passed by it every day on my way from home to studio. It was so hipster that it didn’t even have a name, and I knew it by the number 2 that hung above the window, signifying the unit number of the store. It was run by a friendly barista, Yugyeom, and I hit my daily communication quota by chatting with him while he made my coffee.

Colors were finding their way back into my paintings too. Okay, maybe just some blues and purples to add dimension to my black and white paintings, but it was a start. The whole collection was starting to come together too. I had channeled all my heartbreak onto the canvas, and there was something incredibly therapeutic about watching the artwork take shape. My agent would be happy with this series too. This time, there would be a real lost-love story he could tell potential buyers.

It also no longer felt as if my heart was being ripped in two when I thought about Jinyoung during long nights. Every night, it hurt less and less. I was on the road to making a full recovery.

That all came to a head one day, when I was making my daily coffee run.

“Hey, Yugyeom, I’m here for my daily long black!” I called, popping my head into the window. My smile quickly died when I saw that Yugyeom wasn’t alone. There was someone else very unexpected standing beside him behind the counter. “Oh. Hey, Jaebum.” For some weird reason, I felt like I was cheating on him. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other.”

“He was my senior in high school,” Yugyeom said cheerfully. “Let me get you your coffee.”

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. If he went to the same high school as Jaebum, that meant that he probably also knew Jinyoung.

“Didn’t expect this twerp to open up a shop right down the block from me and steal my customers,” Jaebum commented with a laugh. “Is his coffee really better than mine?”

“I, uh… I’ve been busy,” I said, feeling weird that I had to make up excuses to explain why I was buying coffee from another joint. “This place is a bit more convenient.”

Jaebum laughed. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I was just kidding.”

I laughed awkwardly. “What are you doing here, instead of at your own café?”

“Actually, I was looking for you,” Jaebum said. “I didn’t have a way to reach you, and by chance, Yugyeom and I were talking and he mentioned your name. Since your name is pretty unique, I thought there was a high chance that it might actually be you.”

I was confused. “You’re looking for me? Why?”

“Ah, it’s not for myself,” Jaebum clarified. “I’m doing someone else a favor.” He craned his neck to look out of the window. “Where’s that fella? The convenience store isn’t that far from here… There he is. That’s the person who wants to meet you.”

I turned in the direction he was pointing, and my stomach sank like a brick.

“Hello, Ryeowon-ssaem.” The boy held out one of the ice-cream cones he was holding in his hands. “This is for you.”

I was confused as hell. I looked back at Jaebum for help, but he just raised his eyebrows at me. Realizing that I was leaving the kid hanging, I took the outstretched offering. “Um, thanks.”

Behind me, Jaebum held out his hand too. “My change?”

Jeha scurried past me to drop some change in Jaebum’s hand.

“Thank you,” Jaebum said with a smile. “Now, didn’t you say you had something you wanted to say to Ryeowon-ssaem?”

Jeha nodded. “Yes. Ryeowon-ssaem, can I talk to you?”

The whole situation was just so baffling. Given the way our last conversation had ended, Jeha was the last person that I expected to be reaching out first. Yet, here he was, looking somewhat morose as he peered at me from under his long lashes. I had to admit, I was actually a little scared, but I couldn’t say no. And that was how we found ourselves sitting side by side on the curb in front of Yugyeom’s store.

“I need to tell you that I’m sorry,” Jeha said quickly, without beating around the bush. He sounded nervous and his words sounded as if he’d rehearsed them. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you and said hurtful things to you. You were being nice to me, and I was rude and ungrateful. I’m very sorry.”

I smiled awkwardly. “It’s okay, I forgive you. Your appa said you were punished and you had to write a letter. You don’t actually have to meet me face to face to apologize.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” Jeha responded, reminding me again how mature he was for an eight-year-old. “Other than saying I’m sorry, I also wanted to ask you for a favor.”

That caused a feeling of unease. “You do? What is it?”

“Please be with my appa again.”

I could only stare at him in bewilderment, surprised at his proclamation. “What?”

“I was scared,” Jeha explained. “I thought that you were going to take my appa away. He was sad for a long after umma was gone, but he was happy when you were together. I know you’re not trying to replace umma but I was worried he was going to forget her.”

“He will never forget her, Jeha,” I assured him. “She’s a huge part of your lives and she always will be. But it doesn’t mean that your appa has to be sad forever to remember her.”

“I know that now,” Jeha answered. “I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking about how he felt. It’s been a long time since he was happy, but he was happy because he cared about you and you cared about him. You made things better for him, but I ruined it.”

Wow. For a moment, I was just speechless. I was blown away at how reflective the kid was. Was he supposed to be like this? Were other eight-year-olds also like this? “Jeha, it’s not your fault,” I explained to him carefully. And it wasn’t. At the end of the day, I had been too scared to accept everything that came along with Jinyoung, and he’d been too scared to fight for me. The kid had been a trigger, but he wasn’t the only problem. “Sometimes, when adults are together, problems arise. Your appa and I were happy for a while, but if we continue, we might not be. And when we don’t see a future together, it’s alright for us to part. We both made that decision, not you.”

“But you wouldn’t have made that decision if I didn’t scream at you.”

“We can’t know that,” I pointed out with a chuckle. “Either ways, we both thought about it, and we decided that this was for the best. It’s not your fault at all, Jeha. Okay?”

Jeha blinked, clearly confused and not satisfied with my answer. “If this is for the best, then why is Appa so sad?”

My smile faltered. Was he still upset over the break-up? It’d been months by now, and I’d thought that I was slow in my recovery, but even then, I was starting to feel good about myself again. I’d worried about how Jinyoung was doing, of course, but I’d always assumed that he’d be able to get back on his feet quicker than I did, simply because he had more things to worry about in his life.

“He doesn’t go out anymore,” Jeha continued. “He goes to work and then he comes home, and he just lies on the couch for hours at a time, staring at the ceiling. He tries to go out with me, but he’s always so tired and restless. When he smiles or laughs, I can tell that he’s pretending. I think he’s sad because he misses you.”

That did sound bad. It also sounded a lot like how I was the first few weeks. All I wanted to do was to curl up and forget that I could no longer seek shelter in his warm embrace, or feel his loving kisses on my forehead, or hear his deep laughter beside my ear. I hated everything that reminded me of him. I couldn’t look at a book, I couldn’t wear knitted sweaters, and I didn’t even want to let in sunlight because anything warm and bright reminded me of him.

But it got better. It eventually did. And it eventually will for Jinyoung. As much as my heart ached, I knew that I wasn’t the right person to make things better for him.

“Jeha, I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I can’t escape the blame for your appa feeling so down, and I care about him, I really do. But I also want you to know that us being together again is not the answer. If we’re not right for each other, this is going to happen again in the future.” And also, if Jinyoung wanted me back, he knew where to find me. The fact that he’d been avoiding me as much as I had been avoiding him meant that he knew this too. Getting over each other was a battle we had to fight alone.

“But…”

“I know it’s hard to understand,” I told him. “But I’m not the person who can help him feel better, Jeha. You are. You’re the most important person in his life, and if you’re happy and healthy, he’ll be happy too. Can you be strong for him, Jeha?”

Jeha didn’t look like he fully agreed with me, but he nodded anyway. “Does this mean you won’t see us again?”

That hit me a little harder than I thought it would. Yeah, I guess this was it. I forced a smile. How could I break his heart when he was looking at me with that adorable pout that was a splitting image of his father’s? “Of course not. My offer for you to come to my studio to make art still stands. I’ll call you when I have time, okay?”

Even as I said it, I knew I was making a promise I had no intention of keeping.

I pulled on the handle of the door, rattling it even though I already knew it was locked. I peered in through the glass, hoping to catch sight of someone, but the lights were off and it was empty.

Exactly the same as it had been the last three times I’d checked.

I sighed and pulled out my phone, calling Jaebum again but like the last three times, it rang on and on with nobody picking up. He’d forced my number out of me that time he’d ambushed me at Yugyeom’s, claiming he might need it ‘for emergencies’, but thankfully hadn’t used it. At least, not until last night, when he’d said that he needed to talk to me and asked me to meet him here, at his café. I’d arrived on time, despite every rational cell in my body telling me that I shouldn’t even be here, and I was quickly regretting it.

His café didn’t even open on Tuesdays.

I shoved my phone back into my pocket, genuinely pissed. He was going to get it from me the next time I saw him. I didn’t even know him that well. I had no idea why he thought it would be fun to pull a prank on me.

I was turning to leave when the sight of someone walking towards me made me freeze.

It was Jinyoung.

He was looking at a bunch of keys in his hand, and didn’t even see me until he was two steps away from me. He was in a casual sweatshirt and jeans, with a cap on his head and a face mask obscuring the bottom half of his face. When he spotted me, he stopped short. Then, he slowly pulled down the mask, as if he felt the need to identify himself.

“Oh,” he said breathlessly. “Hey.”

I didn’t know what to do with myself. “Um, hey.”

We both stood there, staring in silence at each other for a moment. He looked worse than the last time I’d seen him, now that I was looking at him up close. He used to be really sensitive about his facial hair, and would shave a second time in a day if he felt even a hint of stubble. Now, it looked like he’d let it grow for a few days and it was rough and patchy. His face looked gaunt and there were bags under his eyes. There was a frizzy tuft of hair sticking out under his cap that indicated that he’d pulled on the cap hurriedly to hide his messy, unstyled hair. This was a far cry from the poised, put-together Jinyoung that I used to know.

“Wha-uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, looking at me, but not quite meeting my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Jaebum asked me to meet him here,” I said, ignoring the way my heart was beginning to hurt again the longer I stood there looking at him. “I had no idea he, um…”

“Oh, he was meeting you?” Jinyoung asked, surprised. “He said there was an emergency and he needed me to come unlock the door for him. Was there something you needed?”

I shook my head. “No. I actually haven’t been here in a while. He just told me to meet him here without explaining anything, and now he won’t answer my calls.”

The corners of Jinyoung’s lips twitched as realization dawned upon him. “Ah… I see. It looks like he’s done it again.”

I was confused for a moment, but seeing his raised eyebrows, I finally got the message. He’d done this on purpose, so that we would meet. Again. “Dammit. And I fell for it again.”

Jinyoung let out a light chuckle. “So did I. He’s a real meddler, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” I huffed. “I don’t know him very well, but I don’t think I like him very much.”

Jinyoung jingled the keys in his hands. “In that case, shall we take revenge? For all the years I’ve known him, he’s never even offered me a free coffee.”

Just for a split second, I hesitated. I didn’t feel confident enough to be alone with Jinyoung just yet. But with the way he was looking at me hopefully, I just couldn’t say no to him. “Sure. I’ve always thought he overcharged for coffee anyway.”

Jinyoung opened the door of the café and we went inside. I took a seat at the bar, while Jinyoung went behind the counter, switching on equipment with a practiced ease. I allowed myself to indulge in the sight of him grinding coffee beans like a pro. “This look suits you,” I couldn’t stop myself from teasing. “Barista Nyoung.”

Jinyoung cracked a smile. “I’m a man of many talents.”

“I’ll judge for myself after I’ve tasted the coffee,” I quipped. For just a second, I allowed myself to bask in the moment we’d just shared. It felt good, to be able to talk to each other in this light-hearted manner again. I wondered if I’d been worried for nothing. Maybe it was possible for us to be friends.

He finished making two cups of coffee and went around the counter to sit beside me. That felt slightly awkward, even though he made sure to keep a respectful distance between the two of us. I took a sip of the coffee just to fill the empty silence.

“How is it?”

I nodded. “It’s pretty good.”

He nodded too. “Good.”

We both fell silent again. I stared at my coffee, not really wanting to look at him, but I could feel him doing the exact opposite. His body was slightly angled towards me, and I could sense that he was staring at me.

“You look good,” he said after a long time.

“Thanks,” I replied awkwardly, glancing at him. “You too.”

“You don’t have to lie,” Jinyoung said with a bitter smile. He rubbed his chin self-consciously. “I look like a mess.”

I couldn’t even dispute that, so I said nothing and took another sip of coffee.

“So, how’s you and uh…” He scrunched his nose up. “Bam Bam, right?”

My head snapped towards him in astonishment. “What? How did you…”

“I saw you on a date,” Jinyoung admitted. He probably wasn’t sure that I’d seen him too. “And, I uh… I just asked someone. He’s pretty well-known in these parts.”

That, I had no doubt about. During our date, we had been interrupted multiple times by people who had recognized him and just come to say hi. “It wasn’t a real date,” I said sheepishly. “Or, it kinda was, but not… Jihyun set me up. Without telling me.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. I wasn’t quite sure if that was glee I detected in his tone. “So… you’re not still seeing him?”

I shook my head. “No. He’s not my type.” I wanted to add that he should know that, but I didn’t.

“I thought so too,” Jinyoung mused. “But I wasn’t sure.”

There was more I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him to give me a bit more credit and that I wouldn’t have moved on so quickly, but we were interrupted by the sound of both our phones going off at the same time.

“It’s Jaebum,” I said, looking at the screen of my phone. I opened the text message that he’d sent.

Just a disclaimer: I wasn’t the mastermind.

There was a photograph attached, and when I opened it, it was a picture of him and Jeha, both of them grinning cheekily for the camera. I looked up at Jinyoung, and he held out his phone to me, to show me that he’d gotten the exact same message.

“Now he’s even corrupting your son,” I complained. “You should really re-assess your friendship.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “I don’t know. I feel like I need him. He’s always the one who gives me a push when I’m too afraid to go after what I want.”

I looked at him, feeling my mouth turn dry. He wasn’t joking anymore. I could tell by his expression.

“I was always painfully shy,” Jinyoung explained. “When I met my wife, I had the biggest crush on her. We took the same classes for two years, but I didn’t even dare to say hi. It was Jaebum who introduced us. When I graduated, I really wanted to work for my current company, but I didn’t have the confidence to apply because my grades weren’t fantastic and they were the top publishing house in the country. Jaebum was the one who sent in my resume. He was always there for all the important moments in my life, helping me find the courage to make major decisions. He was there when I proposed, he was there when Jeha was born, and he was there when my wife passed. He was the one who made me talk to you, and that’s still something I’m extremely grateful for.”

“Technically, he made me talk to you,” I pointed out with a small smile.

He, too, smiled at the memory. “And that was the push I needed. Today, too… It looks like he’s done it again. I was too much of a coward to call you, even though I was dying to talk to you. It’s like he knew what I wanted, even without me saying it.”

My heart was pounding in my chest now. This was the reason why I’d been avoiding him. I couldn’t listen to him say these things. “You could have called. If you wanted to talk. I would have answered.”

“I wanted to,” Jinyoung said, looking sad. “So many times. When things got hard, all I wanted was to hear your voice. But how could I? I’d hurt you so much. I couldn’t be selfish and stop you from moving on.”

There were so many emotions swirling within me that I couldn’t even begin to process them. “I thought you didn’t call because you wanted a clean break. Because you didn’t want me back.”

“That’s bull,” Jinyoung said, looking pained. “There’s nothing I want more than to have you beside me again, but how can I? I have nothing to offer you, and you deserve so much better.”

“Stop saying that,” I chided, feeling tears well up. “You keep saying that, but you can’t decide for me what I want, or what I deserve. You broke up with me without even asking me what I wanted.”

Jinyoung looked down, ashamed. “I know, and I’m sorry. It just didn’t seem fair that you had to make such a big sacrifice to be with me. And I can’t change my circumstances. I’ve been married before, and I have a child…”

“Did you think of asking me if I was willing to make such a sacrifice?” I asked. “If I minded any of that?”

“Well, did you?”

He’d asked that so suddenly that I was stunned. We stared at each other for a long while. Mixed within the hurt and pain was now a hint of hope. But I knew I couldn’t let myself get carried away in the moment and make another empty promise. “Jinyoung… Our break-up wasn’t entirely your fault. I was scared. I don’t know if I was ready to make that decision. I just wished you didn’t make it for me.”

Jinyoung’s shoulders slumped. “I know. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have rushed things before you were both ready. Both you and Jeha suffered because I was greedy.”

I couldn’t disagree. “Maybe. But I understand where you were coming from. I mean, you really love Jeha—”

“And you,” he interrupted me, his eyes unwavering. “I also love you.”

That took the wind out of my lungs again. Firstly, he’d never said that before, when we were dating. Secondly, he’d said it in the present tense. Love, not loved.

“Are you that surprised?” he asked, his forehead creasing just the slightest. “What I feel towards you is strong, and powerful. It’s not some silly fling that I can get over easily. When I saw you on that date, looking so cozy with another man, I thought I was going to die.”

I couldn’t believe that he was saying all these things now, of all times, after we’d already broken up. Frankly, I was a bit annoyed. This was exactly how it’d been at the beginning, when he’d been too much of a coward to talk to me, and I’d had to make the first move. And then again, after he kissed me and pretended that it didn’t happen. I was done with him being so confusing and just saying all these things to sway me, and then doing absolutely nothing about it. I folded my arms over my chest. “Then say it.”

He looked confused. “Say what?”

“You want me back, right?” I asked, eyebrow raised. “Then ask me. Ask me to take you back.”

I could see the conflicting emotions that flashed through his mind. “I… I can’t.”

“Then you won’t have me back. Ever.”

“Ryeowon…”

“You don’t have the right to say all these things to me if you’re not going to ask me,” I stated shortly. “How do you know that I’m going to say yes? If I feel like I’ll be suffering by being with you, I can say no. The point is, I have the right to decide. When you don’t ask me, you take that away from me.” He tried to say something, but I was on a roll. “And when you don’t ask, you never make your intentions known. For all I know, you’re not willing to fight to make things work.”

“I am,” Jinyoung insisted desperately. “It’s just…” He took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’ve been incredibly selfish. I need to learn how to just put my feelings out there, even if it means getting hurt.”

“I’ve always done that with you,” I said softly. “I never held back when I was with you.”

“And that’s something I love about you,” Jinyoung responded. “You’re so much braver and stronger than I am.” He took off his cap and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “This break-up really wrecked me big-time, but look at you…”

I snorted. “What? If you’d seen me two weeks ago…”

“I’m sure you would have been just as beautiful as you are now,” Jinyoung said, smiling fondly at me. He reached out to clasp my hands in his. “I love you. I really, really do.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “And…?”

“I’ve been an idiot,” he continued. “But please, can we try again? I promise this time, I won’t pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, and I won’t make assumptions and decisions—”

“Stop,” I cut him off, unable to stop the smile from tugging at my lips. “No explanations, no putting yourself down. Get straight to the point.”

He chuckled, his hands tightening around mine just slightly. “Please, Ryeowon, will you take me back?”

“I’m scared too,” I admitted. “There’s no guarantee that it’ll work out, or that there’ll be a future for us. There are a million and one things that could possibly go wrong. But I’m willing to try together, to work things out.”

“No explanations,” Jinyoung teased. “Get straight to the point. A simple yes or no would suffice.”

I scowled, snatching my hands away from him, and he burst out laughing, before tugging me to him. For the first time since we’d started talking, his smile actually reached the corners of his eyes. He pulled me closer, and kissed me in a way that had me melting into him.

I’d missed him so much. For a long time, it’d felt like I was cold and empty inside, but now, he was here and he was mine again, and it was making me feel warmth I never thought imaginable. It felt like I’d spent a long day out in the cold, and then wandered into a café and now had a steaming cup of long black in my hands.

For the first time in my life, sitting there with Jinyoung in that café, I finally understood what love felt like:

A cup of coffee.