The first time she wakes up, she asks herself, why she’s still alive. She opens her eyes, slowly, hesitantly, and leaves them open, even though the harsh daylight makes her headache nearly unbearable. The first thing she sees, as her eyes adapt to the brightness is a water bottle, the second is a pack of pills. Without thinking about it she takes one of the little white sedatives and swallows it with a sip of water. Everything gets lighter in an instant. Her thoughts finally stop racing, the pain in her dissolves and a few tears escape her eyes, as she doesn’t hold them back anymore. She doesn’t smile, because she’s not happy. Numb. She is numb. She finally doesn’t have to feel anymore.
Of course, she knows that she cannot solve her problems this way, that wounds won’t heal, if you leave them unattended. Of course, she knows that she should get up. She should get up, leave her bedroom and eat something. She knows. But the numbness is too good, too pleasant, so she just stays in bed. She stays in a miserable condition, alone, unsure, and swallows another pill, so she doesn’t have to feel again. Ever again.

The next time she wakes up, it’s her fault, as she calmly brushes through her black locks. Gently. So gently. Nayeons can barely stand it. She whimpers quietly, curls into herself, so she can hold her own trembling shoulders. Out of reflex, she wants to reach for her pills, but her shaking hand can’t find them. Her fingers cramp around the white sheets, as she starts crying. Frustrated sobs and a whispered “No“ escape her dry throat. Jeongyeon still sits behind her, on the edge of Nayeon’s bed and pets her head. She doesn’t say anything, because she knows, that nothing she can say, will help right now. Instead, she lifts up Nayeons upper body and plants it on her lap. She lets the older one sob into her stomach, as she knows it is necessary.  

The third time she wakes up, she feels completely disorientated, because Jeonyeons isn’t at her side anymore. Immediately she misses the proximity and the comfort it brings. She searches her pills, but still can’t find them. Did she leave? Did she leave her?
Bevor her tired brain can process what is happening, her body stands up. She has to lean onto the wall as she makes her way to the bedroom door. It stands open and it makes Nayeon smile. Leaving doors open is one of Jeongyeons more annoying habits.
She finds her best friend in the kitchen of her small apartment. As Nayeon sees her standing in front of the stove, making scrambled eggs and humming softly, she cries again. Because Jeongyeon is so soft, so loving, so perfect. And it is so easy to fall for her. And Nayeon falls further.

The next time she wakes up, she wakes up for the first time. Not from sleep, but from the haze she has been in the last few days. Nayeon sits next to Jeongyeon in her small car, with tear stained cheeks and a half-filled water bottle between her pale fingers. „Where are we going?“, Nayeon can tell, that she has already that question at least two times, by the way, the other girl smiles at her. Smiles so calmy, lovingly, Nayeon can’t help but fall again. “Out”, is the answer she gets from Jeongyeon. But she doesn’t care, she can’t right now, not while her best friend smiles at her so fondly, so lovingly, as she slowly drifts back to sleep.

She hears glass breaking as she opens the door and steps into the apartment, that isn’t hers. Quickly she makes it to the kitchen, opens the closed door and wants to ask, what had happened. But she isn’t able to, as he hits her right in the face. She drops to the floor. Doesn’t hear his words, doesn’t want to hear them, as memories flood her brain, as the face of her boyfriend blends in with his. She can’t tell which of them stands in front of her, as she curls into herself and prays for it to be over.

A soft hand on her shoulder wakes her once again, and if it had been any other person, it would have scared her. But she knows it’s Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon who tenderly caresses her tear stained cheeks. “Come on, unnie”, she says, her voice ever so calm, “We’re here.” She helps Nayeon out of the car and holds her tenderly, as she breaks a little in her arms because Jeongyeon brought her here of all places. To the small hill outside of their hometown. The one place from which you can see the whole village. The place where she had spent so many happy hours with Jeongyeon, away from her home, away from the pain and fear. The place where Jeongyeon had confessed to her and she had been stupid enough to not tell her the same because she had been afraid. Because she is a coward. The place where Jeongyeon had accepted Nayeons silence and had laid with her, not leaving, though it had hurt so much. Jeongyeon leads her to the small wooden bench, on which they have sat that day too. A lot has changed since then, but as she leans into her best friends embrace, as she looks down at the small town and cries silently into Jeongs neck, Nayeon realizes nothing has changed at all.
“You have to wake up, unnie”, Jeongyeon says calmly. And Nayeon knows she is right. She doesn’t even question, how the girl knows she is not. Not awake. Because Jeongyeon knows her better than she does herself. And she is thankful for it and for everything the younger girl has done for her. She has waited so long for Nayeon, just because she had asked her to. But Nayeon was stupid enough to let her wait way too long. She knows it’s too late now. Jeongyeon has met someone better than Nayeon, someone, not as messed up as Nayeon. Someone who gives Jeongyeon the amount of love she deserves. Someone named Mina. Nayeon knows it’s too late. She knows but that still can’t stop herself. “I love you, Jeong.”

And Jeongyeon holds her, as she breaks again.

A/N:
Ahhh I really didn't want it to be that angsty.
this story is kind of based on the German song "Deine Nähe tut mir weh". It's such a beautiful song and the mv has me crying every time.

Anyways, this is my first story I upload on a public website, English is not my mother tongue and it's half past midnight, so please be kind to me.
Feedback is appreciated, though. :)