There's alcohol involved, although that's sort of expected when it comes to these kinds of things.

Jeongyeon is kind of, maybe, a little drunk - but the rest of the girls aren't any better. She looks over at Dahyun and Chaeyoung, who are currently having an impromptu dance battle (which consists mostly of highly creative variations of the eagle dance) while the others cheer them on. Momo’s still trying to chug a very tall glass of whatever mix Jihyo had made for them, while Mina watches over her girlfriend in case she passes out (because they all know she eventually will).

Jeongyeon, on her part, is seated on the couch, watching all of them with a dopey smile on her face, equal parts entertained and fond. She feels  a surge of affection for these girls - her girls - and maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but she really does love them all very much.

She’s still chuckling at Mina trying to pry the drink out of Momo’s grip when she feels someone tuck themselves under her arm and snuggle into her side.

Jeongyeon knows that Nayeon, when drunk, tends to be very affectionate and spends the entire night draped over one of the girls while telling them how much she loves them and how grateful she is that they're part of each other's lives - that is to say, that Nayeon when drunk is just regular Nayeon, only ten times louder. Tonight Jeongyeon is Nayeon’s victim, although that's not out of the norm either, and she's really too drunk to do anything about it. She finds that she doesn’t mind it very much anyway - Nayeon smells like the perfume Jeongyeon got her for her birthday, and a hint of something more sweet, like jasmine maybe. What the does she know about flowers anyway, Jeongyeon thinks to herself, and so she settles for pulling Nayeon a little closer to her instead. The other girl is warm too, her cheeks flushed and her long hair mussed - Jeongyeon thinks Nayeon may be the prettiest drunk person she’s ever seen.

(Not that she’s ever going to say it to her face.)

“I'm getting too old to keep up with these girls,” Nayeon says with a pout. Her eyes are glazed over, which makes her look like she's about to cry, and somehow this makes it even funnier to Jeongyeon.

“I'm sorry but the aegyo’s not going to make you any younger.”

“Yah, Yoo Jeongyeon!” Nayeon hits her arm and cranes her neck to glare at Jeongyeon - but stays glued to her side anyway. Jeongyeon laughs and kisses the side of Nayeon’s head as a peace offering - she’s rarely affectionate with the other girl, but she can make an exception for tonight, she thinks. It works though, because Nayeon cracks a smile and leans her head on Jeongyeon’s shoulder.

“We really are getting old, though,” Nayeon sighs, and Jeongyeon can’t disagree. She doesn’t realize it sometimes, because they’re always so busy with recordings and promotions and practices and there’s so much going on that she can’t really stop to think about how the years are passing them by. It’s in moments like these that she’s reminded of that, however,  and there are terrifying implications to that epiphany that she would rather not think about when she’s this close to being completely wasted.

“If you want me to tell you that you’re still pretty even if you’re older now, you have to make me drink like, a lot more,” Jeongyeon jokes, because she’s good at deflecting - an old habit she never grew out of. Nayeon knows this - she takes one look at Jeongyeon and raises her eyebrow, but she drops the topic nevertheless.

“You’re really kind of a jerk, did anyone ever tell you that?” Nayeon tells her instead. “Also, I’d rather hear that from someone I’m actually in a relationship with, thank you very much.” Nayeon flips her hair, all faux arrogance, and Jeongyeon doesn’t mean to look at her neck, but she does anyway. For all of the teasing that Jeongyeon puts her through, it really doesn’t hide the fact that Im Nayeon is still ridiculously attractive. If Jeongyeon ends up saying it out loud, she’s gonna chalk it up to the alcohol doing weird things to her brain.

“Ask that producer guy you’re dating then.” Jeongyeon looks away, takes a swig from the bottle of beer that she almost forgot was still in her hand. “Maybe he’s gonna bite.”

“Oh, I’m not really seeing him anymore,” Nayeon shrugs nonchalantly. Well, Jeongyeon thinks, this is new. She turns to look at Nayeon, who’s staring up at the ceiling like it’s suddenly the most interesting thing she’s ever seen in her life. “Kinda boring, you know? Like, you’d think that since he’s into music too that we’d have a lot of things in common, but we were totally incompatible. Figured it’s better to end things before they turn serious and I’m stuck with someone I don’t actually like.”

Jeongyeon furrows her eyebrows. She knows that Nayeon hadn’t been dating the guy for too long - give or take three months, if she’s correct, and it’s not like they saw each other often because of Nayeon’s schedule - but it had been nice to see Nayeon happy with someone for a while. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Nayeon snorts. “And don’t be sorry. I’m glad it’s over.”

Jeongyeon looks into her eyes to see if there’s any hurt in them, to see if she has to sit down with Nayeon one of these days and watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind all over again with a tub of ice cream (not that it won’t happen on a regular weekend anyway), but Nayeon’s eyes are just clouded with the familiar haze that only alcohol can bring.  Other than that, she genuinely seems okay, so Jeongyeon leaves it as it is and doesn’t say anything else about the topic.

This is how they work, Jeongyeon thinks. They get on each other’s nerves more than anyone else in the group, and they push each other further than most people would dare - but they also know when to pull back. She supposes that it must come with years of knowing someone the way they do.

“Anyway, I kind of just want to skip to that part where I’m with someone and we’re hopelessly in love with each other,” Nayeon says, taking a sip of the drink she’s holding, and Jeongyeon can almost hear her swooning.

“If that kind of thing still exists, you mean,” Jeongyeon says. She doesn’t mean to be cynical, really - but Jeongyeon figures that it was a trait born out of self-preservation. It’s easier than getting your hopes up and not knowing whether you have a chance, after all.

“Hey, just because your relationships never work out doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone,” Nayeon retorts. She leans back on the couch, rests her chin on her hand, and a dreamy expression comes over her face. “I, for one, would like to believe that there’s someone out there who’s going to tell me how beautiful I am every single day.”

Jeongyeon shakes her head, amused. “You seriously need to re-evaluate your ideas of how relationships work.”

“And you’re really not one to talk,” Nayeon says, looking at Jeongyeon once more, her smirk firmly in place.

“Yeah, well,” Jeongyeon says, raising her beer bottle for a toast. “I guess we’re all a little ed up.”

Nayeon clinks their bottes together with a laugh, and they’re both quiet for a while after that. Everything’s a little more quiet now actually, Jeongyeon realizes. She figures that everyone must have already passed out or headed back to their rooms, and she just never really noticed. She doesn’t mind this either - she rarely gets quiet moments, partly because she’s an idol, and partly because of the eight other girls living with her (who at times have no concept of personal boundaries). She’s grown used to it of course, but she misses these moments as well. She’s never been the type to be uncomfortable with silence, and she’s never been uncomfortable sharing it with Nayeon - who, by the way, has managed to wrap almost her entire upper body around Jeongyeon’s torso (see? no boundaries whatsoever).

Nayeon breaks away however, to sit up straight and look at Jeongyeon directly. “Hey, Jeongyeon,” Nayeon says, with a gleam in her eye that makes Jeongyeon feel just a tad bit scared, even in her inebriated state. “I’ve got an idea.”

“If it involves , I’d have to pass.”

“No, you idiot,” Nayeon rolls her eyes. “Just hear me out, okay?”

Something deep in Jeongyeon’s soul, probably the part that has had to deal with all the consequences of Nayeon’s ideas over the years, groans in protest. The part that’s stupid enough to go with all those ideas in the first place, however, makes Jeongyeon sigh and nod her head reluctantly, urging Nayeon to go on.

“You know those pacts people have in movies? Like, if they’re not married by the age of 35 or something, they’ll just marry each other?” Nayeon asks her, hands gesturing excitedly.  “We should do that.”

Nayeon is beaming, and her smile is so bright that for a moment Jeongyeon is disarmed. She blinks. Once, twice. It takes time before her brain processes the words, but when it does - “Damn, you’re more drunk than I thought.”

“I’m serious! It’s perfect,” Nayeon is still smiling, looking rather proud of herself, like she is truly convinced that this is the most brilliant idea she’s ever had in her entire life. “You and I have been friends for so long, and I know I’m not gonna stop being friends with you for anything.”

For a moment, Jeongyeon just sits there, slack-jawed, while she attempts to figure out if her best friend had somehow acquired a brain injury, and if it’s possible to do so even without any real impact. Jeongyeon concludes that that’s not physically possible, which means her first theory must be true - that Nayeon was truly just out of her mind.

“-and we both at relationships! Like, I’m pretty sure I have repressed emotional issues, while you have commitment issues,” Nayeon continues, and oh, look at that, she’s still trying to defend this idea. “Let’s be real, Jeongyeon, I’m the longest relationship you’ve ever had and we’re not even in one. Which is sad, because that would make you my longest relationship too, but then that really kind of proves my point that this idea is practically flawless, right?”

“Nayeon,” Jeongyeon finally manages to say through gritted teeth. “I’m not gonna marry you when we’re 35.”

“We don’t have to be married,” Nayeon says. She smiles at Jeongyeon sweetly, and dear lord Jeongyeon knows that smile - would recognize it anywhere in a heartbeat. It’s the one she uses to get what she wants, and Jeongyeon, bless her soul, has been trying to endure this smile for years.  “You just have to be mine.”

Jeongyeon slowly cradles Nayeon’s face in her hands,  staring intently. “Do you hear yourself sometimes, when you talk? Like, this sounds crazy right? It’s not just me?”

“Think about it.” Nayeon pushes Jeongyeon’s hands away from her face, but keeps them in hers - plays with them instead. “When we’re 35, if haven’t found anyone by then, we’re probably not going to find anyone ever. I’d rather spend the rest of my life with someone I actually know I can tolerate.”

It’s Jeongyeon who smirks this time, despite herself. “You know this is one really insane long-winded way of saying you like me.”

Nayeon drops her hands immediately and pushes her away. “Don’t flatter yourself,” Nayeon scoffs, looking positively disgruntled. “You’re literally my last option. That’s the point of this whole thing”

Jeongyeon flashes her a cheeky grin. “Still an option, though.”

Nayeon huffs, but Jeongyeon can see the corners of her lips quirking upwards. Jeongyeon really shouldn’t stare at her best friend’s lips (should stop staring at her best friend in general, because you can’t always get away with alcohol as an excuse). “Is this you agreeing?”

Jeongyeon shakes her head incredulously. “I still don’t get it, you know. And I still don’t know why you’re so pressed about this.”

“Because everyone deserves to have someone.” Nayeon isn’t looking at her anymore, but her voice rings out, loud and clear in the empty living room. She says the words like she’s shouting into the void, taking a shot in the dark, and Jeongyeon is surprised to find a certain kind of weariness on Nayeon’s face that the other girl doesn’t often show. “Life is a mess, you know? We're always trying to figure things out along the way and make sense of the things we've already done. And we make mistakes in the process - a lot of them. But we pick ourselves up and we start over. It's a never ending cycle until we all die.”

Nayeon pauses - takes a breath. The change in Nayeon’s demeanor is jarring - and Jeongyeon wants to ask her where these thoughts are coming from. She wonders if this is what Nayeon thinks about before drifting off to sleep - wonders if this stays in the back of her mind and is only drowned out from time to time by crowds screaming their names. She wonders if this is what keeps Nayeon up at night, and if she has to fight it like a nightmare that never really goes away.

Jeongyeon feels an ache in her chest at the thought, and she holds out her hand. Nayeon takes it even without looking, and she continues. “I think that, having to deal with that whole mess throughout our lives, well - it's easier if you have someone you can hold onto that can make everything feel like it's worth it.” Nayeon sounds surprisingly sober, and when she turns to look at Jeongyeon, her eyes are impossibly gentle and liquid in a way that Jeongyeon doesn’t recognize. Nayeon’s smile is a little crooked, but it’s soft around the edges - Jeongyeon doesn’t know if she’s ever seen it before, but she knows she doesn’t want to look away.

Jeongyeon feels her breath catch in , like her lungs had somehow forgotten the one thing they’ve been doing their entire lives. “Why me?”

“Are you the one fishing for compliments this time?” Nayeon’s eyes have regained a hint of their mischievous twinkle, and Jeongyeon lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. This Nayeon, she thinks, this, she can handle.

“You know I’m not as self-absorbed as you are, but it would do wonders for my ego,” Jeongyeon says wryly. Bantering with Nayeon is fun, and it’s something that she never has to think about. At least, she finds that it’s better than having to deal with feelings that she doesn’t have a name for, anyway. “So go ahead. Convince me.”

“Well, you're my favorite person, obviously,” Nayeon says simply. Jeongyeon is taken aback by the unexpected honesty. Nayeon shrugs it off like it’s nothing, but the sincerity in her voice cannot be mistaken, and Jeongyeon doesn’t quite know what to do with herself. That is, of course, until Nayeon wags her eyebrows playfully. “Plus you’re kinda hot. Is that enough reason for you?”

That startles a laugh out of Jeongyeon. Is that enough reason, she asks herself, because the truth -

The truth is that Jeongyeon has been there for Nayeon for so long that she's forgotten what it's like to be without her. If Jeongyeon is being completely honest, she doesn't want to remember.

The truth is that Jeongyeon doesn't remember much from the day of the SIXTEEN finale - everything was a blur of emotions, and it all happened much too fast for any of them to process it right away.

But one of the few things she does remember is the moment when Nayeon was called. She remembers how the older girl stepped up onto the stage, eyes bright, hopeful yet disbelieving at the same time. Nayeon looked back at Jeongyeon, and her smile was breathtaking - and Jeongyeon was so, so proud.

Later, when Jeongyeon’s name was called as well, she stood next to Nayeon. And when she held her hand, Jeongyeon -

Jeongyeon felt everything.

The truth is that Jeongyeon isn’t in love with Nayeon, not really - but she likes looking at Nayeon even when she knows Nayeon won’t look back.  Especially when she knows Nayeon won’t look back.

The truth is that she likes whatever it is that they have - how Nayeon pulls her back after pushing her away, how they don’t have to say anything sometimes, because they know. She likes it enough to not want it to change, because she’s never been good at dealing with change, and she’s not sure if she’s prepared to face the consequences that it’s going to bring. She likes it enough that she doesn’t want to give anything she’s not ready to lose.

And the truth, the only truth that really matters, is this - Jeongyeon will never be ready to lose Nayeon.

And this? This crazy idea that Nayeon seems to think is the best possible thing that could happen for both of them - Jeongyeon knows this could only ever really end in heartbreak.

But at the end of the day - Jeongyeon could never say no to Nayeon, anyway.

“Okay.”

“What?” Nayeon surges forward, right in front of Jeongyeon’s face, and goddamn she should really stop that, Jeongyeon thinks. Nayeon doesn’t back away, still looking at Jeongyeon expectantly. “What did you say?”

“I said okay.” Jeongyeon sighs, feeling like she already wants to take it back. “If we're both single by the time we're 35, we'll marry each other.”

“You're the best,” Nayeon says, and her grin is too infectious that Jeongyeon can’t help but laugh. Nayeon doesn’t hesitate to wrap herself around Jeongyeon (again), and even though the words are muffled against her shoulder, Jeongyeon hears them clearly. “You won't regret saying yes, I promise.”

Jeongyeon rubs circles onto Nayeon’s back, chuckling. “And you won't remember any of this tomorrow.”

“Nope, I’m gonna remember everything,” Nayeon says, looking up from Jeongyeon’s shoulder. She doesn’t move away, though. “I couldn’t forget anything about you, even if I tried.”

The words are doing nothing to help Jeongyeon regain some semblance of control over herself, but it gets worse when Nayeon leans closer to her, slowly - for one heart-stopping moment, Jeongyeon worries that Nayeon is about to kiss her.

She isn’t wrong, not completely - Nayeon presses a kiss to her jaw, and looks straight into Jeongyeon’s eyes. Jeongyeon feels a little drunk again, but she doubts that it’s because of the alcohol this time. Nayeon’s mouth curves into a smile that Jeongyeon finds is quickly becoming her favorite thing in the world - and for a brief moment, she allows herself to think that maybe this particular smile was just for her.

Nayeon curls back into Jeongyeon’s side, and it doesn’t take long after that for Jeongyeon to realize that she’s fallen asleep. She slips out of Nayeon’s hold and stands up, stretching her limbs, before she places one of her arms around the sleeping girl’s body and the other under her knees. Nayeon’s breathing is steady even as Jeongyeon carries her to her bedroom, and her head falls on Jeongyeon’s chest.

“Can’t believe you passed out on me again,” Jeongyeon grumbles. “You’re lucky you’re cute. Next time I should make you carry me.”

Jeongyeon gently lays Nayeon down on her bed, before tucking the other girl in. She’s about to leave too, when she hears the blankets shift around. “You called me cute.”

“You’re dreaming,” Jeongyeon teases Nayeon.

The older girl pouts. “You can’t take back something like that. Now you have to make it up to me.” She holds her arms out wide open. “Come cuddle with me.”

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes, but does as she’s told anyway. She likes to pretend that she isn’t a fan of Nayeon being affectionate, but when Nayeon falls asleep like this, an arm wrapped around her waist - Jeongyeon starts to think about home and how you could find it in people instead.

Jeongyeon doesn’t fall asleep for a long time. She looks up, restless, and watches as the first signs of dawn appear, the colors spilling out slowly onto the sky. She thinks about all the decisions she’s made in her life that led her to this moment, and -

Jeongyeon doesn’t regret any of it.