The sun had barely risen above the horizon when Jinyoung was rushing to get ready; pulling endless amounts of button up shirts and khaki pants out of his drawers and laying them across his bed.

He had already picked out an outfit for today but when he put it on that morning it didn’t look as great as the night before; so he ditched it and started looking for an alternative.

“Jinyoung,”  His uncle yawned as he spoke to Jinyoung from his bedroom door.  “Are you going on a date at seven in the morning?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,”  Jinyoung started sloppily folding his clothes back up and shoving them back into his drawers.  “I’m going to the airport to pick up a friend.”

Jinyoung had only lived with his uncle for the past two weeks but there was still a lot to get used to, the most apparent were the two tiny bedrooms they lived in atop his uncle's club, and the paper-thin wall between them.

“You’re putting a lot of effort into your outfit for just picking up a friend at the airport.”  He joked.

“Kwon-”

“Hey!  What did I say about calling me by my full name?  ‘Uncle Jo’ is enough.”

“Sorry, Uncle Jo .” Jinyoung hadn’t gotten used to this living arrangement yet, so addressing Kwon as an uncle, even though he was his real uncle, felt extremely weird.  He was also almost sure their ages couldn’t have been that far apart, he thought of him more as his rambunctious older brother.

Jinyoung decided to keep the outfit he had on.  If he spent any more time here nitpicking he would be late.  

“I need to go,”  Jinyoung said as he passed by Kwon on the way out the door.  “Is it alright if I borrow your car? I thought you would be sleeping anyway...”  Kwon worked in his small club downstairs until the wee hours of the morning so his usual sleep schedule didn’t have him waking up until almost evening,

“You’re... driving?”  

“Yes,”  Jinyoung didn’t want to drive in all honesty, but there was no point in picking someone up at the airport by bus. “It’s no big deal.”

“It is a big deal for someone who hates driving, now I’m really curious who you’re picking up that could be so important.”

Jinyoung caught himself smiling and tried to fix his face back into a frown but it was too late.

“Are you sure this is a friend?  You’re smiling like you’re about to go pick up the love of your life.”

“I’m seriously late.”  Jinyoung walked under where Kwon’s arm was resting on his door frame trying to block his way.  He wasn’t in the mood for an interrogation.

“Alright, have fun!”  Kwon called out to Jinyoung as he sprinted downstairs, grabbed the car keys, and fumbled out the front door and down the stairs.

Jinyoung was lucky he had planned to leave so early to counteract his slow driving speed.  At this rate he would be a little late; but what flight actually touched down on time?

He felt uneasy climbing into the driver’s seat of his uncle’s car, but he knew this was not the time to let his fear get the best of him.  He took a few deep breaths and started the car, slowly pulling out of the parking spot and driving down the road to the airport.

Mark was waiting for him, so he had to stay strong.

The airport was busy when Jinyoung got there, speed walking his way to the correct gate.  Mark’s flight from LA had landed so he could walk out at any moment.

He saw all the people waiting for others and suddenly felt bad that he showed up empty-handed.  Would a sign have been too over the top? Mark had only been away for two months. Would it be weird to greet your best friend with flowers?  Those were always available.

In the end, he decided to stay put, not wanting Mark to walk out while he was gone.

Slowly, people started filing out of the gate and meeting up with their family and friends.  Every time someone appeared he got excited, but every single time it wasn’t Mark.

After what seemed like forever Jinyoung finally spotted a long t-shirt paired with ugly camo cargo pants he had somehow grown to love.

Mark’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw Jinyoung; dropping his suitcase and running towards him.

“JINYOUNGIE!”  One minute Mark was yelling and the next he was shamelessly jumping right into Jinyoung’s arms, swinging his legs up to wrap around Jinyoung’s waist.

Usually, Jinyoung would be embarrassed having this much people staring at him in a public place, but he was so overjoyed seeing Mark he didn’t care.  He latched his arms around him and started swinging him around in circles, giggling like nobody was watching.

As soon as Mark had his feet back on the ground Jinyoung pulled his cap to confirm nothing drastic had happened back home.  He breathed a sigh of relief when he still had the mop of messy dark brown hair atop his head. “I missed you.”

“Really?  It’s only been two months.”  Jinyoung had missed everything about Mark, even his endless teasing.

Mark had been Jinyoung’s best friend for the past four years.  He met him in his first year of high school not long after his mother passed away.  It was Jinyoung’s assignment to get him acquainted to the school and tutor him in Korean since his family had just moved from America and he was completely clueless about everything.

At that time Jinyoung was going through the biggest slump of his life, and his teachers saw right through him.  He was a top student but his grades were falling rapidly. He had lost the will to do anything.

Mark was kind of like an assignment he couldn’t ignore.  Every single day Mark showed up with his bright red hair and handsome face ready to learn.  Jinyoung had to put up his best façade and show him around the school, flexing his broken English and trying not to look so depressed he’d scare him all the way back to America.

It was Mark who suggested that they take some extra time and hang out after school as well, so they could exchange some more Korean conversation and help Mark get accustomed to normal chatting rather than forcing grammar rules into his head.

Jinyoung couldn’t say no.  His teachers were breathing down his neck over this whole thing, if he couldn’t do this he would not only disappoint his teachers but he would let Mark down.  He was so cheerful even when Jinyoung hadn’t cracked a smile since the moment he met him.

Mark told him to meet at the park behind the school since it was usually empty before all the young children came rushing out of school an hour later.

Jinyoung decided to drop by the convenience store before they met up, it was extremely hot that day and he was craving something cold.  He grabbed his favourite chocolate ice cream, one for him and one for Mark as well.

Mark was sitting on a bench waiting for him when he arrived, so Jinyoung quickly sat down and said in English that he brought him some dessert.

Mark stared at the tube in front of him, completely confused.

Jinyoung shoved it into Mark’s hands and decided to demonstrate himself.  He ripped open his own tube and squeezed the chocolate cream out the small tip at the end.

At that Mark’s entire body shivered, his face twisted, and he yelled ‘WHAT? EW.’

That was the first time Jinyoung had laughed in a very long time.

“Hello, Earth to Jinyoung?”  Mark asked, shaking him by the shoulders.  “Did you zone out?”

“Sorry,”  Jinyoung snapped back to reality, reaching down to grab Mark’s hand.  “I parked outside let’s talk more in the car.”

“Oh?  You drove here?”

“Yes, it was the easiest way so…”  When they got out to the car they both exchanged a look of understanding as Mark got handed the keys and slipped into the driver’s seat.  Jinyoung sat in the back right behind him.

Mark’s family had only moved to Seoul for work, but after Mark graduated high school they relocated back to America.  Jinyoung was absolutely devastated when he realized that Mark would be leaving Korea for good after graduation.

A month later Mark surprised Jinyoung with the news that he would be coming back to Korea by himself to attend the same university, and Jinyoung almost burst into tears he was so elated.

“I’ll drive over to the university first so I can check into my dorm and drop my stuff off but after that, we can hang out.”  Mark said as he clicked the address into the GPS and started the car.

He was Mark’s roommate, but plans fell through due to the sudden appearance of Jinyoung’s uncle.

His mom's’ brother had been an enigma for the longest time since Jinyoung had stayed with his dad’s sister’s family for so many years now and Kwon didn’t even attempt to get in contact.

Prior to everything the only time he recalled seeing Kwon was when he was a small child.  He would come in spontaneous visits with the best gifts. Jinyoung was always glad to see him not only because of the gifts- but because he was the only family his mom seemed to have.  Whenever he asked his mom about any other family she explained that they were not close anymore and left it at that.

Jinyoung was miserable living with his dad’s family, and Kwon had already been almost completely out of touch with the family at that point, but the month after Jinyoung graduated high school he got a call out of the blue trying to reconnect.

Jinyoung was hesitant at first, knowing that he had basically abandoned him for so many years, but he didn’t know his story.  So he agreed to meet, and it turns out he was one of the coolest people he’d ever met. When he learned where Jinyoung was going to university he got so excited, telling him how he lived only fifteen minutes away and he should move in with him to help save money.

He was a saving a ton of money by doing this, but his heart was still a little sad he couldn’t have that dorm life with Mark as he envisioned.  Mark was pretty supportive of him reconnecting with his uncle too. Either way, he was an adult now and he was happy overall that he finally got to leave the hell hole that was his aunt’s house behind for good,

“You have a roommate, right?”  Jinyoung silently scorned those who got to live with Mark instead of him.

“Two roommates actually, there are three people in my room.”

“It’s one of those tiny rooms?”

“Yes, unfortunately, that’s all first years get, I couldn’t even pay more money to get a room to myself.   We have a communal bath and shower room for the entire floor as well.”

“That sounds… gross.”  Perhaps Jinyoung wasn’t regretting that he was missing dorm life so much after all.

“Sounds perfect for you Jinyoung, it’s not like you shower much anyway.”

“What?!”  Jinyoung huffed.  “It’s been three years, can you drop that already?  I shower regularly now.”

Jinyoung had offhandedly told Mark that when he was younger when he got super gross and sweaty in the summer instead of showering he would stand in front of his AC until he was dry and consider himself clean.  Mark has taken the joke way too far since then.

“How can I believe that if I don’t see it myself?”

“You want to watch me shower?!”

“If you’d let me,”  Mark burst out laughing.  That shrill laugh of his was like music to Jinyoung’s ears after so long.  “I’m kidding, I’m just imagining the water running black after you finally shower after a month of the sweat seeping into your skin.”

“At least I left my house this summer, I’m pretty sure you spent half your time back home gaming with your friends online even though you could go out and see them in person instead.  Did you remember to shower?”

“You want to smell me?  I can assure you I smell like honey and magnolia at any given time.”  Jinyoung was glad to know Mark was still exactly the same after so much time away, he even missed their little petty arguments they had all the time.

Jinyoung leaned forward toward the seat in front of him.  “Okay, raise your arm up, let me smell your armpit.”

“Ew.”  Mark squeaked.  “My armpit is off-limits, don’t you know you’re supposed to keep both hands on the wheel while driving, Park Jinyoung?”

“I’m really doubtful the magnolias could permeate all your crevices, but I’ll let it go for now so you can concentrate on the road.”  Jinyoung sat back in his seat, satisfied he had won this one.

Mark laughed it off as he always did.  It wasn’t a true argument between them unless Jinyoung got the last word and Mark gave in.

Pulling up to the dorms Jinyoung accompanied him as he picked up his room key at the office and rolled his suitcase into the elevator up to the seventh floor.

Mark’s room was tiny, two bunks beds on one side of the room and a single bed on the other side.  Three tiny desks and an even tinier closet took up the rest of the space.

“Looks like I’m the first one here,”  Mark said as he dumped his stuff on the single bed, claiming it for himself.  “You snooze you lose.”

“This entire place is barely bigger than my tiny attic room at Kwon’s house.”  Jinyoung said as he examined the place, double checking to make sure there were no hidden rooms he was missing,

“Then maybe I should move in.”  Mark suggested.

“I don’t think Kwon is ready to harbour strangers in his house yet, plus he’s already convinced the room is way too small for me and he feels bad about it.  He would probably freak out if I showed him this place and said three people have to share it.”

Mark sighed.  “Let’s not stay here for too long, I’m already feeling claustrophobic,”  Mark said while putting his shoes back on. “I’m in the mood for ice cream.”

“We’re going to have to find a new park though.”

“Why?”  Mark suddenly turned around and stared up into Jinyoung’s eyes.  “I’m rather fond of this ‘Park’ I have right here.” Mark said, twisting the word park in English and making an awful pun.

“Seriously, why are we friends again?”

“Shut up, I know you secretly love my puns.”

Jinyoung did love them, but he would never openly admit that.

The sun that blazed in the sky that day reminded him of the first time they had been on one of their ice cream dates, the day Jinyoung had finally let go of everything holding him back and embraced a life of moving forward.

Mark was already tearing into his tube of ice cream, now a pro at ripping off the top and shoving one end into his mouth after the countless times they had done this together.

The new park was much bigger than the tiny playground behind their high school.  It had a huge field and a gorgeous fountain.

“Slow down, I only bought one ice cream each.”  Jinyoung said, as Mark had already finished half of his.

“I can’t let it melt in the package, then it gets all gross, trust me.”  He retorted, eating even more at a breakneck pace.

Jinyoung decided to let him be.  When he complained about being finished in a minute Jinyoung was fully ready to ignore him.  “Well, I haven’t got any good stories about the past two months I spent alone, what about you?”

“Dramatic as usual I see, didn’t you move in with your uncle two weeks ago?  How is that going?” Mark and Jinyoung always kept in touch via online messaging and phone calls, but due to time zones they never really got to have long conversations.

“Everything’s tinier, but it’s still a hundred times better than living with my aunt.  When I told her I was moving in with Kwon instead of into the dorms the look on her face was priceless.”  

“I can only imagine.”  Usually, when they hung out in high school Jinyoung would always go to Mark’s place to escape from his aunt.  Mark had only met her once or twice but he agreed that she wasn’t delightful in the slightest. Mark’s family in comparison seemed like angels, but Mark always told him they were only like that when he was around.

“It’s been really nice, the only thing I miss is having home-cooked meals every day.  The only solid food in Kwon’s house is cereal, everything else we eat is take-out or bar snacks.”

“Sounds like you’re getting the dorm life experience after all.”  Mark yawned into his soft laughter.

“You must be super jet lagged, you should’ve just went to bed-”

“I wouldn’t dare miss hanging out with you as soon as possible,”  Mark smiled through his sleepy gaze. “Besides, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Something you want to talk about?”  Jinyoung questioned. “You sounded almost serious for a moment there.”  Mark was never serious unless you got him really riled up.

“No um, “  Mark fidgeted nervously as he swallowed down the last of his ice cream.  “It’s not that serious, but I mean it is to me- kinda?”  

Mark’s voice got quieter as he tried to speak, tripping over some of the words.  He was only like this when they were first getting to know each other. “Did something happen?”

“Well, nothing sudden.  Actually, it’s something I should’ve told you um- a while ago, but I wasn’t sure if I was… if it was real?”  

Jinyoung felt confused..  Mark was an easy-going guy; it was weird seeing him so nervous about something.  “You’re scaring me.”

“It’s nothing bad- I think.”

“You think?”

“Well, you see…”

“Yes.”  Jinyoung stared at him.  

“I…”

“You’re ill?”

“No-”

“You’re dropping out of school?”

“No-”

“You’re-”  Jinyoung gasped.  “A vampire?!”

“NO-”

“Mark, what-”

Mark grabbed Jinyoung by the shoulders and straightened his body so he was facing him.

“Jinyoung, I’m gay.”  He said, barely louder than a whisper.

Jinyoung sat that for a bit as that info slowly sunk in.  “Oh.”

“Oh?  Is that all.”  Mark tried to smile but his face contorted into some weird expression out of his evident nervousness.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”  Mark was Jinyoung’s closest friend, and above all Jinyoung was most unnerved over the fact that he hadn’t figured this out himself.

“I mean, you are the first person I’m telling honestly,”  Mark said, leaning back against the bench and running a hand through his hair.  “Back in high school I still hadn’t really come to terms with it, I even went through a slump in our last year trying to figure myself out.”

In all the years Jinyoung had known Mark he had only been in one relationship.  It was in their third year of high school, her name was Wendy. Jinyoung never really liked her but she was undeniably sweet and head over heels for Mark so he couldn’t complain too much.

The relationship fizzled out naturally over summer break when she realized Mark still preferred videos games over hanging out with her.

In their last year, Mark seemed perfectly normal but Jinyoung knew Mark was a genius at hiding his worries and smiling through the pain.

That’s why Jinyoung checked his hair every time they met up.  It became a funny trend that Mark would bleach his hair some random colour when he got stressed.  He dyed it red right before he moved to Korea, he bleached it a dusty blond the day after his dog passed away, he even had soft lavender curls after Wendy officially dumped him.  That was always how Jinyoung knew something was up.

Jinyoung tried to think about their last year of high school, but Mark had kept his hair dark for the entire year, so he never realized anything was wrong.  Maybe he did that on purpose.

“I’m sorry,”  Jinyoung blurted out.  “I didn't know you were feeling down that entire time-”

‘Jinyoung, that’s not your fault.  I’m feeling better now, I decided over my visit back home that I’d embrace myself completely, new school new me.  A fresh start.” Mark explained.

“Well, that’s amazing.  Great.” Jinyoung said, plastering a smile on his face.

“I knew you would accept it, considering your uncle’s gay and everything but that isn’t what I’m worried about.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Treat me the same as you always did, okay?  This doesn’t change our relationship at all.”

Jinyoung crossed his legs, smiling smugly.  “Why would I treat you differently?” He uncrossed his legs and crossed them the other way.

“See, you’re already acting weird.”

Jinyoung had no idea why this sudden veil of unease fell over him.  He had absolutely no problem with Mark being gay, but Mark was right.  It did feel like something had shifted in their relationship, and Jinyoung hated it how well Mark knew him.  “No, I’m not,” Jinyoung’s ice cream had long melted in his hand, he had only realized at that moment. “Wait, are you going to tell me you have a boyfriend now?  Back home?”

“No, Jinyoung,”  Mark sighed. “Pretend I never even told you, okay?”

“Don’t look at me like that, I hate when you look at me like that,”  Mark’s lips had morphed into a slight pout, Jinyoung’s ultimate weakness.  “I was kidding, you know I support you with my entire heart and I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me first.”

“Thank you.”  Mark’s face softened.  “You want more ice cream?  You didn’t even eat yours.”

“I need to get back home, and you need to get some rest.”  Jinyoung decided, sitting up and taking Mark’s hand in his, but he suddenly felt weird.

Jinyoung always held Mark’s hand when they did stuff together, it was the most natural thing in the world for him- yet it didn’t feel right anymore.  “Sorry,” Jinyoung said as he pulled his hand away. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“No,”  Mark immediately snatched his hand back.  “What did I just say?”

Jinyoung’s head was buzzing, over thinking what he should do.  “Not to treat you any differently?”  , he had already messed up.

“Unless you don’t want to hold hands anymore, because you’re not comfortable..”

“No!”  Jinyoung said as he gripped Mark’s hand tighter.  “That’s not it at all.”

“Okay.”  Mark said, the moment ruined now.

“Okay.”  Jinyoung replied, knowing he was the one ruining everything.

They walked to the car together but it wasn’t long before their hands naturally separated and they walked in silence back home.

Jinyoung was lying in bed, staring at his ceiling, thinking about how much of an idiot he was.

Mark told him something so personal and instead of accepting and supporting him right away he suddenly got so defensive and ruined everything.  Mark’s first day back in the country and Jinyoung already messed it up.

He picked up his pillow and stifled a loud groan.

Just then, the music started blasting from the bar below, reverberating through his room and making his bed vibrate.

The first time Jinyoung had experienced this he freaked out, there was no way his uncle would know how loud it was right below him because he was always in the club when it was going on.  He knew there was no way Kwon would turn the music down- it was a party scene every day of the week for god’s sake. So he pulled it together and invested in many many sleeping pills.

Tonight was Beyoncé night, Single Ladies blaring in his ears as soon as 10PM hit.  

Eventually, he got used to the music, and the bed vibrations almost helped him get to sleep in a weird way where it was like being massaged very lightly.

Without thinking, he picked up his phone and opened his messages with Mark.

Jy2022:  hey, do you want to hang out again this week?  I’m always down for ice cream.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he had offended Mark today but he felt better when he saw Mark typing back right away.

Mtuan93: i dunno yet.  let me see what my classes are like and finish moving into my dorm and i’ll get back to you.

Jy2022: ok, i’ll get to sleep then.  good night.

Jinyoung put his phone back down on his bedside table after waiting ten minutes with no reply from Mark.

He whispered a silent goodnight to his mom before shutting his eyes and waiting for the pills to kick in.

He fell asleep that night knowing things would only go downhill from here.