Goodbye Lullaby

I can't hide…
can’t hide…
can’t hide what has come.

i.

Jaejoong thought that he had always been the most careful person in the world. He thought he was the best actor among all the people. He thought he could win all the awards in just a second. He thought…because every time he sets the smile on his lips, no one would even bother him to ask why. The moment he would let go his infamous laugh, the others would laugh along. He thought that he had put on a great act. Even though he was hurting like hell inside, he would hide it all just to bring out smiles on them.

But I’m not happy.

                He thought everything would turn out alright just as long as he kept his act. He’ll always be the perfect son, brother, and friend in their eyes until the end because he didn’t want them to know that behind his faultless deception, a secret that‘s killing him inside is growing worse each day.  And now, his act crumbles.

Help me.

ii.

                Changmin had always thought that he had been the most observant person in the world. He thought he was the best spectator among the all the people. In a blink of an eye, he could easily tell if a person was lying or not. He was known to be a genius. He didn’t know why though. He had everything, but it was still not enough. He’s incomplete. He was loved, but he never loves.

What is love anyway?

So, he observed his surroundings more and realized that something was wrong. He looks around trying to find something. But what? He’s heart is thumping so loud and he doesn’t know why. He was about to lose hope when suddenly he hears a scream and massive of people gathers at a certain spot. So, he goes along.

iii.

                Jaejoong tramples to the ground and suddenly notices some blood dripping out. From where? When a big pang of pain crushes through his head, he immediately knows that the he’s the one bleeding. He knows that the time has come. He bitterly smiles, realizing he cannot keep his act anymore. He realizes that throughout the time, he was never really acting at all. They just didn’t notice, too busy to care. So, he cries. For the first time, he cries in front of everyone. He cannot doubt he’s in pain. He’s badly sick. He’s dying after all but…

Isn’t anyone there to help me?

                He knows people are gathering around him but why wasn’t there anyone helping him? He cries harder, thinking that even after he closes his eyes, he will still be alone. But all the thoughts turn around the moment he feels warmth around his body and soft voice comforting him. He suddenly notices that he’s been carefully cradled against a man’s strong arms. He notices a pair of brown eyes looking anxiously at him. And Jaejoong feels happy. The moment he closes his eyes, he was caressed by a beautiful warm heart. He truly smiles for the first time.

Someone cares.

iv.

                The moment Changmin laid his eyes to a boy on the ground, his heart beats twice as it was before. Why can’t someone help him? Without a second thought, Changmin decides to be that someone. He approaches the fallen boy and takes him into his arm. He then notices the blood that runs down from the boy’s nose and mouth. The boy is getting paler, and Changmin knows he needs help—badly. When Changmin sees the latter’s eyes, for that time, he declares that his heart already stops beating. Even though the boy bloody, his eyes never hide his beauty. He’s perfect. Don’t. Changmin wishes.

Just don’t.

                But time is not by his side. By the point the ambulance arrives, the beauty already closed his eyes—not without leaving a smile on his lips. And because it’s too beautiful, Changmin silently cries. His fallen tears start to mix with the latter’s blood. Becoming one. And for a moment in his life, while still cradling the beautiful boy, Changmin feels complete.

Finally, I found love.

I have to go…

But always know

That I love you so…

Goodbye, brown eyes.

Goodbye, my love.