I woke up the next morning. For the first time in forever, I didn’t have the urge to cry or moan. The puppy was still sleeping, but I felt his arm wrapped around me. It was making me feel special and loved. It made me think of a reason to live. I had to remove myself from his side in the barely twin sized bed I didn’t want him to be weirded out by the fact that a guy just slept there with no permission. He’d find me strange and loony. I was surprised neither of us fell off…

My feet touched the cold tiled floor beneath me. I shivered, but entered my own personal bed and pulled the blankets over.  It was already eight AM. Should I wake up? But what would I do? Nothing. Just like always. I decided to watch my past lover as he softly snored. I took in every detail I could’ve missed over the years we’ve been separated, and mentally them. He was still the same Jongy I knew. I placed myself under the thick blanket, and felt a strange sensation to dance. Maybe I was just happy.

“Jongy… I…”

“Kibum. Can I go first?”

I nodded unsurely. What was he going to say?

“Will you marry me?” He bent down on one knee, smiling as he opened a Tiffany and Co. Box. I stared at him in horror. He couldn’t be doing this…

“Kim Kibum. I will love you forever and always. Will you take me as your husband?” His eyes were shining and bright. It was filled with unconditional love for me… yet why did fate have to be so cruel?

I covered my mouth with my hands as I choked back sobs. “I-I can’t. I’m sorry.”

His smile faltered and he slumped on the ground. “We’ve been together for how long? And… Key I don’t know what’s going on.”

I couldn’t help but cry on the spot. Slowly, Jonghyun did, too. He never cried, always being the strong one in our relationship. The box in his hands fell to the ground as he began to wipe the unstoppable tears. We were both sorry. Why did I have to leukemia? But maybe life for him would be better for him. To move on now would be better than years later, when I’m on the hospital bed, dying. I’ve given him the chance to still shine and send his love on someone who’s going to absolutely live.

I was proud of myself, though so guilty and hateful. I just broke off the love of my life. As if my life has been worth much.

We continued to cry. Slowly, he rose from the ground and shook my hand. I held tightly onto it, not wanting to let go, and we walked out separate ways.

 I sobbed at the memory. I was still under the blanket, trying to wipe the tears that didn’t seem to stop. It was no use. I let myself cry, making sure I couldn’t be seen nor heard. Or at least I tried. My face was heated and I could taste the salt in my tears. I tried holding my hands to my mouth, but I ended up choking. My guilt hit me hard. I didn’t know what to think about my dear Kim Jonghyun. I wanted him to remember me oh so badly… but I didn’t want him to. Would he hate me for making him like this? Would he end up hurting again? His suicidal act could’ve been fate. He was meant for a fresh start.

But me? No. I was born in this world to die. Just like everyone else. Life is hard – then why is there such thing as life? I mentally shrugged my shoulders.

It was now 9:30 AM. Other patients were beginning to awaken and I could hear the doctor and nurses scrambling to start the day. Jonghyun stretched the few parts he could. I pretended to sleep and hid in the warmth and safety of the blanket. I heard him chuckle as he tugged it. It fell to the floor, exposing my thin, frail body to the hospital chill.

“Morning, Kibum-sshi.” He greeted with a soft smile.

I puffed out my cheeks. “I was still sleeping…”

“Yeah… right. How’d you get there? I thought someone was next to me when I was sleeping.”

My mind went mad. I blushed crazily, with a failed attempt of looking like I hadn’t done anything. Did he know? How??

“I woke up around 3-ish.” He replied, as if he could read my mind. My face turned a scarlet red. I knew because he was now howling with laughter. I turned my back to the howling man stubbornly. He was still grinning. “Yah. Kibummie. Come on, I was just joking.”

I smiled slightly, but made sure the other couldn’t see. I wanted to be guilty… just kidding.

“Awww~ My Kibummie is sad. Come here are let me hug you.”

I shook my head no, though my heart was beating a 100 miles per hour. I did want to hug him.

There was a long silence. Slowly, I sat up and walked towards him with an angry pout. He smiled and pulled me into a tight embrace. My mouth was full of his cute fluffy hair, and I tried desperately to spit it out. His breath lingered on my neck, causing my breath to hitch. My Jonghyun…

The man gave me a warm smile and patted the small space beside him. I sat there and saw the childish happiness dancing in his eyes. He was the man for me.

Four months passed. Jonghyun and I continued to bond more and more. He never really gained back his memories of me. My time was coming. I felt the hair on my head begin to fall out, so I made sure I was wearing a beanie at all time. Jonghyun was slowly regaining his strength. He could now walk, even though he was slow and often held onto my arm.

We both knew I only had a few weeks left. He was delicate with me, and made sure I was never alone. And I mean never. We were inseparable. When his doctor checked up on him, I was there. Even if that man was . Same with him. We were never uncomfortable of each other’s presence.

My thinning continued. You could almost make out my ribs. I was too white to look healthy, and my dark eyes were deep in my skull. Yet I continued to smile, because Jonghyun was there. There hasn’t been a single donor that had the right bone marrow. I spent many of my final nights crying in Jong’s arms, and hearing his soothing voice as he my back. We weren’t together like that. And now it wasn’t even possible.

There was one day when Jonghyun and I were each assigned a check up, on the same day, at the same time. We hadn’t been apart for ages. I felt uncomfortable being by myself. Dr. Choi removed my clothing and measured my height and weight. Ninety eight pounds… 

There was no nurse this time. I sat on a tissue covered bench and watched as he checked my blood again. Afterwards, he removed the needle from my body and injected a clear liquid. He cleared his throat and said, “Kim Kibum. I’m going to inject something else inside of your system today. A couple of the doses may due, so can you handle it?”

“Yes.” I nodded tiredly.

He smiled sadly and left the room to retrieve his tools. My short legs dangled from the seat as I roamed the room with my eyes. It was almost like a home to me; living here all these years.

Dr. Choi returned holding onto a small case. He opened it, revealing a pair of needles that looked nearly 2 inches long. I gulped. The liquids inside were a sickly light blue.

“It’s not that bad. Plenty of people have taken this, Kibum.” He said, stopping my train of thought. I didn’t ask any questions and held out my arm. Dr. Choi lowered my arm.  “I’m afraid this is going to be inconvenient. But I need you to lift your thighs for me.”

I blushed and raised one of my legs so he could find a good view of where to inject it. “Now Kibum. Stop shaking. If I poke this into the wrong vein, it may cost your life.” Great… I might die now.

I held as still as possible and squeezed my eyes shut. The thin point began to enter my body. Dr. Choi added pressure onto it and held my leg still. He left the needle in for a couple of minutes and pulled it out quickly. Dark blood oozed from the place that was poked. He swabbed it off cleanly and stuck a Hello Kitty band aid on the top. Was I two?

He then shook his head when I began to leave. “You still have another one, Kibum.” I sighed and allowed him to continue with yet another injection.

I winced again. Damn needles.

After it was all complete, Dr. Choi helped me dress myself again. “Now, there are side effects of this injection, Kibum. So I suggest you lay down. You’re going to feel a swelling in your legs and abdomen. Your vision may be blurry and you’ll be feeling awfully drowsy. It kicks in immediately, so hurry along and get into bed. I nodded meekly and walked to my room, which was forever away.

When I entered, I expected Jonghyun to already be there. He wasn’t. Sleep was overtaking me and I quickly laid down in my bed, still worried. Would Jonghyun be okay?

Jonghyun’s POV~

I watched as the boy drifted into unconsciousness. Maybe what I’m about to do will be for the better.

~

I'm almost done. This story may not end the way a lot of you think, but I hope you continue to support me! Please feel free to follow my tumblr and chekc out the rest of my fanfictions. OH! And exciting news! SE HUN FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER. Omo I'm just so happy. Thanks again for my few subbies. The fact that there are only four of you so far make me feel so special~

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