Sunrise with you on my chest

No blinds in the place where I live

Daybreak open your eyes

'Cause this was only ever meant to be for one night

 

Jisu doesn’t date.

 

She doesn’t want to date because she knows she’d be a bad girlfriend. She’s too needy, too emotional and “stubborn for her own good” - at least that’s what her exes have told her. So she figures it’d be better to spare herself from the heartbreak and the other person from the terror that she is. Good thing for her that others seem to share the same sentiment as her.

 

She’s been at this party for an hour and she’s already met an instagram model, an entrepreneur and some dude who went viral for something she’s already forgotten about. In theory it should therefore be easy to find someone to hook up with with the levels of narcissism in the room. She’s looking for something noncommittal, something easy and transparent. Except she’s reached the end of her third beer and there’s no one here she’s found attractive enough to make a move on. She figures it’s also because she’s at a Halloween party where guys are walking around in nurse uniforms and ugly wigs and the girls have blood smeared all over their bodies - a sight that frankly makes her sick in the stomach and weak at the knees.

 

She’s halfway through her fourth beer when she spots a familiar face across the room. It had been a year at least since she last saw her but Hwang Yeji looked good.

 

She’s wearing baggy trousers and a cropped top with her long hair straight down her back. The light she’s standing under creates the perfect shadows on her arms that highlight all the curves of her muscles. She doesn’t know what overcomes her (four beers) but Jisu feels the sudden urge to pick up her feet and dance across the room to her. “Hey neighbour!” Jisu shouts over the music. Yeji’s leaning against the table, a red cup in her hand and she’s talking to a brunette with the babiest of faces that Jisu wants to ask her where her parents are. She doesn’t though.

 

Yeji forces a smile as Jisu practically throws herself on her - chest pressed up against Yeji’s body - as she tries to give her a friendly hug. “Hey neighbour,” she grunts under the weight of Jisu’s body.

 

She stumbles awkwardly as she pulls away almost falling over but Yeji wraps her arm around her waist and pulls her closer. “Long time no see. You look really good,” Jisu says as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind Yeji’s ear.

 

“Uhmm...thanks?” Yeji looks at her like she wants to laugh, “You look good too...” her eyes are scanning Jisu’s outfit, a few gold medals around her neck, she’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt with a sweatband on her head and wrist.

 

“Wait a minute,” Jisu turns around and reaches for a loaf of bread on the table. She cradles it in her arm and beams proudly. “Get it?”

 

Yeji takes only a second before she bursts out laughing, “Breadwinner, nice.” She’s the first person to guess correctly and Jisu is impressed. She had spent the whole night trying to explain to people who thought she was a competitive eater or a marathon runner carb loading.

 

“What about you?”

 

Yeji turns around and picks up a headband with ears off the counter and puts it back on her head. “A shapeshifter…”

 

“Is the cat your only other form?”

 

“You caught me,” Yeji winks. She had intended to stay at home when her friends dragged her out at the last minute so she didn’t have anything else planned.

 

Jisu snorts and laughs out loud. She’s still not sure if it’s the alcohol or if it’s Yeji but she feels comfortable despite their time apart.

 

Jisu’s known Yeji for as long as she could remember. When they were younger they lived side by side and their mothers were friends - whilst they had wished the same for their daughters Yeji and Jisu were just too different - they had different interests, different personalities. During the time where children often latched to those in their immediate proximity Jisu never seemed to be around much. She was always away at camp, having singing lessons, piano lessons, and spent her summers in Canada with her aunt whilst Yeji stayed behind spending summers participating in dance competitions, picking up jobs on the side on top of her maths tutoring.

 

So they weren’t friends necessarily but they were hardly acquaintances either. After all they had seen each other so often through the window of each other’s rooms singing into the hair brush off key, jumping off the bed pretending to play the air guitar or having their own fashion show in front of the mirror. Jisu would often sometimes watch Yeji practice her choreography late into the middle of the night and Yeji had once caught Jisu crying as well but before she could ask if she was ok Jisu had quickly drawn the blinds.

 

In college they would only ever greet each other with half smiles and acknowledging nods - that is if they had accidentally met each other’s eyes. Otherwise they had no real reason to talk to each other - much to the disappointments of their mothers who would ask them about the other girl. The last time they had spoken to each other was when they were both at the same cafe grabbing their morning coffees and like most of their past encounters were brief and casual.

 

“I’ve got an presentation coming up in two weeks and I’m just a bit stressed…” drunk Jisu is extremely friendly. In fact in all the years that they’ve known each other, this is the first time they’ve been this physical with each other - well maybe excluding the time Jisu tripped and kissed Yeji when they were in fourth grade. “What about you?”

 

“I got promoted at the firm so we’re just out tonight celebrating.”

 

“Congratulations!” Jisu embraces her again which throws Yeji off-guard making her flustered. “Did you know that Yeji was the president of the maths club. She could recite pi to 100 decimal places!”

 

“How drunk are you?” Yeji her head sideways and tries to look into Jisu’s eyes. They’re glossy and a bit red, but it’s her cheeks and her new found clinginess that are the most telling.

 

“No I’m not, show her Yeji-ah!” Jisu says sweetly and she leans in on her.

 

“Do you want some water?”

 

Jisu shakes her head which seems to be a bad idea because Yeji quickly turns her around allowing her to ungracefully vomit onto the floor much to the disgust of the party goers around her who leap out of the way.

 

“Is she ok?” the brunette with Yeji observes from afar in disgust.

 

Yeji’s expression morphs from one of concern to relief the moment Jisu flicks her hair backwards in a magnificent display and wipes the spit off her chin. “She’s going to be just fine,” she says. For as long as they’ve known each other they’ve never involved themselves in each other’s lives if they weren’t forced to by their mothers. But she could hear her mother’s voice in her head if she was to let Jisu wander off and allowed her to get hurt. “I think I’ll have to take her home.”

 

“No I don’t want to go home yet!” Jisu shouts over the noise.

 

Yeji reaches for some tissues and helps her clean herself up. “Where are her friends?” the brunette says, sounding irritated.

 

“Hey, I’m going to take you home ok?” Jisu’s not sure if it’s the light but it feels like she’s looking at a divine being the way Yeji’s face glows when she looks at her.

 

“But you were supposed to take me home,” the brunette grabs her hand and stares at her wide-eyed. She pouts and Yeji looks over at her other friends who were beginning to walk in after noticing the commotion going on inside the kitchen. Yeji’s friends recognise Jisu immediately despite her hair sprawled all over her face, after all they went through high school together.

 

“Is that Choi Jisu?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Is she drunk?” another one of her friend asks and Yeji nods.

 

“Can you take Yireon home, Syeonnie?”

 

“Yeah sure, I’ve got to drop Nakko home as well anyways.”

 

“Thanks Syeon.” She appreciates that Seoyeon doesn’t ask anymore questions than she needs to. Not like she would admit anyways that this was the perfect situation that would allow for her to escape from the party anyways. She’s happy she’s been promoted, happy to get a pay rise but it’s been a long week and she’s just too tired to stay out tonight.

 

Yireon’s eyes follows her as she picks Jisu up and swings her arm over her shoulders effortlessly. “So they’re friends?”

 

“Oh they’re not, they’ve just got a lot of history,” Seoyeon says as she finishes the last of her beer.

 

+

 

She takes her back to her apartment, the ID in her wallet supplying Yeji with the address she needed to get her home safely. She lives in a high rise Gangnam apartment alone but Yeji’s not surprised. Her family always had money, especially since she was always going overseas for their summer vacations.

 

“Are your friends going to be ok? Should you tell them you’re home safe?” Yeji’s trying to make casual conversation as she fishes for the keys to Jisu’s apartment from her bag.

 

“Nope, as far as they’re concerned they’re probably happy if they think I’ve gone off to get laid tonight.”

 

“I see…” Yeji merely states. She doesn’t pry any further because that’s not her or them. For as long as Yeji has known Jisu they’ve never really had a proper conversation. There’d be times when her mother would ask her to bring over some vegetables from her garden for Jisu’s mother and they’d talk a bit. It’s brief and casual and always ends with someone suggesting that they’d catch up but of course neither of them really mean it.

 

Once she opens the door she elbows her way through with Jisu wrapped in her other arm. Jisu is amazed as to how strong Yeji is as she carries her effortlessly onto her bed. “How drunk are you?” Yeji asks, observing the vomit from earlier caught in her clothes. Jisu grumbles something incoherently and waves her arm in the air. “You need to get changed before you can sleep.” When she doesn’t respond Yeji sighs, she could leave her right now. She’s safe and in her own house. Except it’s not like her to leave a job unfinished and apparently that included making sure that Jisu didn’t sleep in a shirt covered in vomit. “I’m going to undress you ok,” her voice is a little louder than usual even though they’re alone in a quiet room.

 

Gingerly she takes off her shirt first and throws it onto the floor before realising she hadn’t brought over the clothes she was going to change her into. She walks over to her cupboard and reaches for the first t-shirt she finds. When she turns around Jisu’s lying spread out ungracefully like a starfish across her bed. The sight makes Yeji want to laugh out loud, which she probably could since Jisu seems to be dead asleep and unresponsive to outside stimuli.

 

“Hey, you need to put on a top or else you’re going to get cold,” she tries to gather her limbs together so she could seat her up to slip on her t-shirt when she finds Jisu’s arms swung around her neck, pulling her closer to her face.

 

“W-What are you doing?”

 

“Can you stay with me tonight?” Jisu asks.

 

“Sure,” she grunts trying to pull away, “I’ll sleep on the couch outside if you need anything.”

 

“Aren’t you a bit curious after all these years about what I’m like in bed?”

 

“Can honestly say no…”

 

“Do you want to find out?” Jisu’s breath ghosts over her skin as she pulls her closer, the smell of alcohol seeping through her skin.

 

“You’re drunk and you’re gonna regret this proposition in the morning.”

 

“No I won’t, trust me…” Jisu tries to kiss her this time but Yeji ducks out of her grip and rolls over.

 

“I’m going to grab you a glass of water ok,” Yeji says, she can feel her face burning bright red as she straightens herself out - feet scuttling across the floorboards as quick as she can. When she returns a few minutes later she can only hear the sound of soft snores coming from the room. Creeping quietly through the crack of the door, she places the glass of water on the table beside her bed, “Goodnight Princess,” she says, smiling at the sight of Jisu rolled up in her blanket.

 

+

 

Yeji is awoken the next morning by the sound of cutlery falling and cursing. It doesn’t take her long before she jolts up off the couch, temporarily forgetting where she was. “Who’s there?” Yeji’s pointing her phone blindly in the direction of the sound, her eyes were struggling to open, still desperately needing sleep.

 

“Jesus Christ!” Jisu yelps in english and grasps at her chest.

 

Slowly but steadily she opens her eyes and finds her grounding. She remembers she’s in Jisu’s apartment, sleeping on the couch with a flimsy towel to keep her warm because she couldn’t find anything else. “Can you keep it down, Jesus? I’m trying to sleep here.”

 

“What are you doing here?” Jisu fills her empty glass of water to the brim and drinks it quickly, washing the sour taste out of . She refills a second cup and quickly drinks it as well to quench her thirst and hopefully fight off any headaches that were threatening to come on once the alcohol fully left her system.

 

“I took you home last night, don’t you remember?” Yeji mumbles, cheek pressed against the couch whilst she tried to sleep.

 

“You? Took me home?”

 

“I know. I’m questioning that decision right now.”

 

Jisu makes her way across the room and plants herself right on the floor beside the couch where Yeji’s head was resting, she’s too tired to do anything else but sit. The clock on the wall reads ten minutes past six, the sun was barely beginning to rise over the horizon and the room was still filled with cool blue shades. “Thank you,” she says finally.

 

“It’s alright, I don’t think my mother would’ve let me live it down if something bad had happened to you when I could’ve stopped it.”

 

“Did I do anything stupid last night?” Jisu asks, head resting on the couch.

 

“Are you sure you want to know?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“As far as stupid things go what you did doesn’t register. It’s ok - all you did was throw up at some strangers house party. I scooped you up before the house owner figured out what was going on.”

 

“I wouldn’t have had needed to drink that much if there were actually cute people at the party that I could make out with. I didn’t even get any last night…” Jisu laments. That was the whole purpose of last night afterall. For her to get out and hook up with someone - after all it had been a few months.

 

“Yeah, well me neither, left a sure thing to take you home.” She doesn’t really tell her that she was slightly relieved to be able to leave the party then and there, but she wasn’t all that excited that it was Jisu she was going home with instead.

 

Jisu perks up, a wide grin growing on her lips. “Sleep with me,” she says.

 

“Not this again… I told you you’re drunk and you’re going to regret this later.”

 

“No, I’m not,” Jisu reaches for her hand, “Hear me out. You want to get laid, I need to get laid and we’ve known each other so I trust you. No commitments. Just .” She emphasises the last four words and looks dead straight at Yeji who’s more alert now.

 

“I’m not going to take advantage of y--”

 

Jisu surges forward and kisses her to silence her, “I’m not drunk,” she says as she steadies herself, “Ok, maybe I still am a little tipsy, but I know I want this and if you need it to be meaningful maybe this is a way for me to make up to you for last night for getting me home safely.” Her fingers flick the hem of her shirt as she slowly snakes her hand inside Yeji’s shirt. “So if you’ll le--”

 

This time Yeji kisses her first, tongue feverish in .

 

+

 

They keep in touch a lot more frequently after that - their mothers would be delighted if they knew. Except they can’t know. As if there wasn’t pressure enough to keep in check with each other when they weren’t having . They didn’t need their mothers asking questions, assuming things and placing expectations on their relationship. So they don’t tell their mothers or anyone as a matter of fact. They don’t want to be subjected to gossip or judgement - fact of the matter was that it was nobody’s business but their own.

 

That wasn’t until Ryujin, Yeji’s roommate, walks in on Jisu stretched out across Yeji’s bed. She’s decided to dress up today in the iest black lingerie she could find. She’s even lit a few candles. Afterall, just because they weren’t romantic didn’t meant that she couldn’t set a mood.

 

Ryujin screams and covers her eyes, running out of the room in shock. Quickly she picks up her robe off the floor and chases her outside, apologising profusely for what she just experienced. “I thought you were Yeji, that was for Yeji…”

 

“How did you get in here? What the hell are you two doing? Why were you in your lingerie on her bed?” Ryujin can’t even bare to look at her at the moment.

 

Ryujin was another person from her childhood. Although technically she’s Yeji’s best friend, they had all known each other for years now. The last thing Ryujin wanted to see was Jisu in her underwear stretched out across Yeji’s bed. How long had this been a thing?

 

“We gave each other a spare key just in case…” Jisu bites her lip. Just in case one of them wanted to come over late at night for is what she wants to say but she stops herself.

 

Jisu wonders if she should bother lying. She’s concocting up a lie in her brain as she stands in front of Ryujin who looks like she’s trying really hard to not curl over onto the floor and pass out from the shock. She was here to visit Yeji because she offered to help look at her taxes and she was sleepy because Yeji was taking so long so she went into her room and it was just really hot… - She’s about to blurt out the worst lie in the world when Yeji walks through the door carrying a bag of groceries and babbling on about about how they had ran out of Jisu’s favourite icecream flavour so she had to drive around to find it and grabbed three tubs just in case. “I think I deserve a treat for all that eff-”

 

When she finally turns the corner to see Jisu wrapped up in her robe staring at her mortified and Ryujin standing in front of her, tapping her foot impatiently. “W-what’s going on here? What are you doing here?”

 

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I live here.”

 

“No, I just meant why are you home so early, you were supposed to be in meeting and it wasn’t going to finish till later…”

 

“The client rescheduled the call so they let us—Wait why do I need to explain myself when I live here? Since when have you two been a thing? How long has this been going on for?” Ryujin’s eyes dart between the two guilty parties, neither of them wanting to look at her in the eyes.

 

“I guess technically I don’t need to explain myself too, since I live here…” Yeji smirks but Ryujin doesn’t seem amused. “It’s not what you think it is,” Yeji quickly and calmly tries to explain the situation, the last thing they needed was more hysteria based on the tone of Ryujin’s voice.

 

“It’s just ,” Jisu blurts.

 

“Just ?” Ryujin repeats like she doesn’t believe it.

 

Yeji scratches the back of her neck and sighs, “Yeah it’s just , nothing serious…” It’s the second title they ever really put on their relationship since knowing each other all these years.

 

“You know what, I don’t want to think about it...I mean it’s been a few years since we’ve seen each other, but frankly now I feel like I’ve seen too much…” Ryujin massages her temples and walks away first into her room.

 

“Lets catch up over coff—” Jisu shouts just as the door closes. She winces from the sound of the door slamming, “Why does it feel like we just got in trouble from our mothers?”

 

“No, definitely not, because if it was our actual mothers they’d be asking us when the wedding is.”

 

+

 

So maybe the good thing about Ryujin finding out about their relationship was how much easier it made for Jisu to move around the apartment. Whilst the ideal situation would’ve been to go to Jisu’s apartment since she lived alone it was easier to go to Yeji’s because it was more convenient for the both of them much to Ryujin’s chagrin. She’s clothed now - at least when she’s walking around outside of Yeji’s room and Ryujin makes sure that they put a sock on the door if there was any hanky panky going on whilst she was in the house.

 

Jisu doesn’t have to hide in Yeji’s room anymore or run out when Ryujin was in the shower. They eat their takeout in the kitchen as well and even order some for Ryujin as a way of buying her silence - not like they had a reason to believe she’d spill the beans otherwise. She’s even beginning to leave traces of her behind - her lipstick, a few t-shirts, her hairbrush and even a toothbrush. It was just easier to sleep at Yeji’s some nights and head to work the next morning.

 

Tonight they’re staying in to watch a movie on the couch and order pizza. Ryujin picks the movie because Yeji’s not home yet to about how many times she’s watched Perks of being a wallflower and still cries over it. Jisu understands her though. They’re about twenty minutes into the movie when Yeji elbows through the front door and kicks off her shoes.

 

“Thanks for waiting for me guys,” she feels her body slowly defrosting now that she was out of the blasting cold. She strips out of her padded jacket, hangs it by the door and quickly squishes herself in between Jisu and Ryujin on the couch, trying to absorb as much of their body heat as possible. Ryujin squirms and pulls away first but Jisu is caught as Yeji envelopes her in a hug, her cold hands running all over her body. Jisu laughs and squirm, playfully surrendering to Yeji. Ryujin looks on in disgust and pulls the blanket closer to her side.

 

“Sharing is caring, Shin Ryujin.” Jisu tries to pull it back in her direction but Ryujin’s grip only tightens.

 

“It’s a fair trade off considering that I don’t have anyone to cling onto for body heat.”

 

Yeji grins and turns her body towards Ryujin, “Is Ryuddaeng-ie jealous?” Yeji nuzzles her head in the crook of Ryujin’s neck and the smaller girl shrivels up against the couch, laughing. “You could always join us…” Yeji wriggles her eyebrows.

 

Jisu snorts.

 

“Don’t be gross,” Ryujin crosses her arms across her chest, looking a little scandalised.

 

“I meant right now for more body warmth.”

 

“I’m sure you did,” Ryujin deadpans before they both burst out into laughter.

 

Despite how long they’ve known each other, Jisu still finds herself learning something new about Yeji everyday from the playful bickering but absolute adoration she has for Ryujin to how she eats her pizza - no pineapple and folded in half. She also learns that Yeji is a lightweight when it comes to drinking because she falls asleep on her shoulder somewhere after her first glass of wine.

 

Jisu adjusts herself to let Yeji mould onto her body when she realises that Ryujin is quietly dabbing the tears away from her eyes. They’re about half way through the movie and when she notices Ryujin perking up like she had been anticipating the scene

 

“Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?” the main character Charlie asks the teacher.

 

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” She mouths and Jisu giggles realising that maybe she has watched this movie one too many times.

 

“Can we let them know that they deserve more?” Charlie asks Mr. Anderson.

 

“We can try.”

 

+

 

She wakes up the next morning with her face buried recklessly in the curve of Yeji’s neck, her arm comfortably resting on her chest, whilst Yeji’s arm was placed loosely around her waist. Ryujin had left her blanket behind for them when Jisu had decided she wanted to stay up a little longer to watch another movie. She was supposed to wake Yeji up so that she could go to bed to sleep but she didn’t have the heart to wake her when she looked so cute sleeping so soundly.

 

Jisu tilts her head upward, eyes tracing Yeji’s jawline. Her skin is glowing from the morning sun but Jisu isn’t surprised when she remembers how impossibly smooth and soft Yeji’s skin was whenever she touched her in bed. She gives into the strong urge to plant soft kiss on Yeji’s neck, careful as to not wake her. She wants to desperately stay there for a few moments longer when she remembers that she had promised her friend she’d have brunch with her.

 

Slowly she removes Yeji’s arm from around her waist and sits up on the couch only to be greeted by a smug looking Ryujin. “Good morning!” Ryujin mouths before she takes a sip of her coffee.

 

Jisu yelps and leaps back into the couch elbowing Yeji by accident and waking her up. She groans in pain and curls up onto the couch. Whilst she was one to sleep through one or two alarms, being woken up by having the wind knocked out of her was extreme. Jisu apologises quickly, rubbing her chest where she had hit her.

 

“I’m sorry, I just realised how late it was.” Jisu stands up from the couch and runs down the hallway like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland trying to desperately avoid any form of interrogation from Ryujin or even Yeji. “I’m late…” they can hear her muttering from inside the bathroom.

 

“Do you know what she’s late for?” Ryujin asks Yeji who’s still reeling from being elbowed in the chest.

“Yeah, she mentioned something about meeting a friend,” Yeji yawns and takes a seat opposite Ryujin.

 

“Good sleep?” Ryujin asks, eyebrows raised. She’s smiling so wide that Yeji’s afraid her face might crack.

 

“Yeah, quite pleasant.” Ryujin’s got that look like she knows something Yeji doesn’t. “What? What happened? What did you do?”

 

“You’re usually quite a light sleeper aren’t you?” Ryujin narrows her eyes. “I mean you wake up as soon as I start the coffee machine in the morning.”

 

“Yeah, the wine must’ve knocked me out. Speaking of coffee can you get me some too?”

 

She’s midway reaching for a cup when Jisu comes back out of the bathroom, searching for her phone on the table. “Sorry about before does it still hurt?”

 

“Just a little,” Yeji pouts and rubs her chest.

 

“I’ll make up for it tonight.”

 

Ryujin fakes gag but she bites her tongue.

 

“Sure,” Yeji says. Jisu gives her a quick cheek kiss out of habit and rushes out of the door.

 

Once the door closes, Ryujin’s shoulders start to shake. She’s trying to stifle a manic laughter and it catches Yeji’s attention. “What? What’s so funny?”

 

“Tell me this, what do you call a friends with benefit relationship if they start sleeping with each other but don’t have ?”

 

“It was one time.”

 

“Please, you know her schedule, she just brushed her teeth and got changed here and you’ll be seeing each other tonight, again! I’m pretty sure that’s four days straight she’s spent here this week alone.”

 

“W-we just thought we’d be considerate of you last night since you were the in the house.”

 

“Unfortunately for me that’s never stopped you before,” Ryujin winks and walks back into her room carrying her blanket and cup of coffee with her.

 

+

 

They go home together for the Lunar New Year break.

 

They leave after work on a Friday and Yeji offers to drive the two hours from the city back home with Jisu promising she’ll take the drive in back. They listen to music, play I spy and exchange stories and stash away the anecdotes like little treats that they’ve earnt.

 

Jisu tells her about her Canada trips and how beautiful Niagra falls is. How Yeji would really love it there because the people are nice and the food is great. Yeji feels a little embarrassed when she admits that she’s never really left the country. There was never really a good time for her to leave because she got a job immediately after graduating and she had been working to pay for her debt or send money home to her parents that she’s never really thought twice about spending any on herself.

 

It’s both noble and idiotic, Jisu thinks, about how Yeji doesn’t choose to live for herself. She just wants her to be selfish, even just in the tiniest. She doesn’t really splurge on shopping, or food. In fact she’s convinced that had it not been for her Yeji’s diet would mostly consist of snacks and quick convenient store foods.

 

There’s a part of her that’s starting to wonder if Yeji’s doing this for her sake. After all it’s usually Yeji that goes down on her. None of her past lovers were that good or even cared about what she liked. Her train of thought is interrupted when the car comes to a halt. “Welcome home,” Yeji beams as she pulls the handle of the brake.

 

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