May 23, 2018

Cheng Xiao’s POV

3:00 PM

Right now, I’m on my way to Day Day Up’s studio with my manager to learn the steps for my performance later. “Jie, what if I don’t memorize the steps and ruin the performance later?” I asked my manager because I was worried. “Cheng Xiao, I know you and you can easily memorize dance. Just do your best. You can do it.” My manager said to cheer me up because she knows I’m really anxious. We arrived at the studio and I greeted the director and staffs of the program. “Good afternoon. I’m Cheng Xiao. Please take good care of me. Thank you.” I said and bowed towards them. They all smiled back and a staff guided me to the choreographer.

“Hi Ma’am. My name is Cheng Xiao. Nice to meet you.” I said and offered my hand. “Hi. I’m Tang Ning. Nice to meet you too.” The choreographer took my hand and shook it. “Your partner is not here yet but do you want to start? We can start early so you can learn your part.” She said. “Would it be okay? I would really like it if it we start.” I said because I want to memorize the steps so I’ll have some time left to practice.

The choreographer showed me the dance first and I was surprised because I was going to dance with a partner. The music was Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend and the steps were pretty intimate. Is asked myself “Who will be my partner? What if he’s a stranger would the dance be awful?” I asked myself worried.

“Cheng Xiao, be professional. You danced with others before. You can also do this.” I mentally encouraged myself to push the negative ideas away. I learned the steps and I was pretty easy to memorize. “Thank you for teaching me. “ I said to Tang Ning after I finished learning the steps. “You’re welcome. You can rest and we’ll call you if your partner is here so you can practice together.” Tang Ning said.

 I went to the dressing room to fix my appearance. While getting my make-up done, “Who will be my partner?” I asked my manager. “They told me that your original partners’ flight was cancelled so you’re gonna dance with Yibo.” She answered. “That’s good because you know him. At least it’s not a stranger.” The manager added.

Yibo and I know each other because trained together in South Korea and I even danced with his group UNIQ as the main protagonist in their song “Luv Again.” When UNIQ promoted and stayed at China, I wasn’t able to see him afterwards and every time I’m at the company in China, we don’t get to see each other because he’s busy as a host of Day Day Up. Likewise, it is forbidden for trainees to have cellphones and I only received a phone last year, after debuting so I lost contact with him. Although we are not close, we would consider each other as acquaintances.

“Xiaoxiao, after changing clothes, we are going to go to the studio so you can rehearse with Yibo.” My manager said after receiving a call. After finishing my make- up, I changed into a plain white t-shirt and checked black and white skirt. Then, I went to the studio to practice with Yibo.

When I arrived, I saw Yibo practicing with a male choreographer. I approached Tang Ning. “Jie, I’m here.” I said. “Good.” She said then called the 2 male. “Yibo, Mo Ting, come here. Cheng Xiao’s here. She and Yibo can practice together.” She said. Tang Ning and I went to where Mo Ting and Yibo is. Yibo looked at me and I smiled at him. “Hi. It’s been a while. How have you been?” I took the iniative to greet him because I know he’s not an extrovert. “Hi. Yes. It’s been a while. I’m fine. How about you?” He replied. “I’m fine too. We should start rehearsing. ” I said.

The two of us practiced the dance although we performed the steps well, we avoided looking at each other. “Cheng Xiao, look down. Don’t touch him too much. His fans might kill you.” I mentally told myself. The both of us were professional so there wasn’t a problem with the dance. We followed Tang Ning and Mo Ting well. However, during the end part where I’m turning, the both of us couldn’t contain our laugh because it was so awkward not looking at each other for so long. We also learned the steps to the Driving Dance and Dura. After the rehearsal, the both of us talked while walking back to the dressing rooms. “I’m sorry I laughed earlier. I hope I won’t laugh later in the performance.” I said to Yibo because I was the one who laughed first earlier then he followed. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry too. I couldn’t stop from laughing as well.” He said. Then, I went back to my dressing room to fix my make-up. Yibo also went to the hosts’ dressing room to fix his appearance. At my dressing room, my mom was there and I hugged her. Today’s episode is about house interior design and my mom was there to hear and defend herself from the things that I dislike about the decorations in our house.

Before the taping started, Yibo and my manager called the both of us to talk to us. “You guys must be cautious of your actions so that nobody’s fans will be angered. We don’t want you to be bashed by the netizens.” My manager said. “Yibo, take care of your junior and the two of you shouldn’t do something that might cause harm to each other. We don’t want fan wars. Just be careful.” Yibo’s manager warned us. “Yes. We know.” I replied and I’m aware of how I should act to avoid conflicts. “Yes.” Yibo replied to reassure the managers. “Okay. Good luck to the both us you.” The managers said.

6:00PM

The shooting is ongoing and the program started with the hosts and us guests singing a song. Yibo, Huang Tingting and I represented the people born in the 1990s. After that, the guests were introduced and Yibo honored his promise of taking care of me and introduced me.

“Xiaoxiao is an artist from the same company as me. She comes from a group too and she can sing and dance well.” Yibo said.  I was surprised to see that he said a lot about me because he’s a man of few words.

When I heard next question, it froze me. “So Yibo, what type of girl Xiaoxiao is in your opinion?” A host asked Yibo. “Why would you ask such question? It’s so awkward.” I thought to myself and I was afraid that Yibo might say something bad. He looked at me and I stared back to him and said “Say it properly.”

 I can see that he understood my signal and he replied “Very energetic, very cute.” I was relieved when I heard it and I laugh. It was a safe answer and no one will get angry. Then, it was my turn to face the host’s question. “Then Xiaoxiao, what do you think about Yibo?” I thought of a safe answer and I remembered that Yibo’s image is that he wasn’t talkative and he’s cold so I’ll just fit my answer there.

“Actually, this is not our first time working together, there were two times previously, my impression on him was a person with nothing to say. He’s really very cold you know. It’s like the temperature drops 20 degrees when you walk past him. I danced with him before, then the both of us didn’t even speak a word. It’s actually zero interaction.” I said and my answer made everyone laugh. Actually it’s partly true because when I first met him, he was so quiet and cold and we only talked during Luv Again’s practice. At first, when we talk, he was a conversation killer but after a while, he warmed up and we were able to talk about different stuffs. I just said that there were zero interactions so that the fans won’t be angry. “I’m sorry if I lied a bit.” I mentally said.

“Interactions by actions only.” One of MC said. “Yes actions only.” I agreed. “You should step on his foot and he’ll scream ahhh.” Another MC suggested and we laughed.

After that, I danced the Garlic Smashing Dance or Idol Producer’s version of PPAP. I also danced the Driving Dance and Dura with Yibo and Weiwei. The taping continued and after a while, we were called to dance. “So now we’ll let both of them perform a dance together. Let us welcome them!” The host said.

“If I was your boyfriend I’d never let you go.” The music started to play and Yibo danced first. He was so cool and you can tell that he’s a really good dancer. “Swag swag swag.” That part played and I started dancing as well. “Xiaoxiao, don’t be nervous. Do your best.” I said mentally. Then, we both danced together.

“I’d like to be, anything you want.” The part came and Yibo and I held hands and his hands was in my waist. Then we continued dancing. I tried my best not to touch him that much because a lot of the audience were his fans. The chorus part was explosive and the audience screamed while watching it. It looks like the steps from Troublemaker. My heart was pounding so hard. “Focus Xiaoxiao. Don’t look at him.” I said in my head and continued dancing. The almost end part was also unexpected for the fans because when I turned back, Yibo grabbed my wrist, turned me around and when we faced each other, grabbed my other hand and we danced. I was trying so hard not to look at him and look on the floor. The ending part came and I was bracing myself. “Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Be serious.” I mentally prepared myself. I can manage myself but suddenly Yibo smiled and chuckled and I couldn’t help but smile as well. The performance ended and it went well. “Thank God I didn’t make any mistake.” I said mentally.

The taping continued and the gifts from our parents that we couldn’t accept were presented. I showed the stuffs that I dislike about our house and my mom was very funny. All in all, I was happy for this guesting and I had fun. At the end of the shooting, we took a photo and I thanked the director, staffs and my fellow guests.

The managers from our company called me and Yibo. “Xiaoxiao! Yibo! Come here. You two should have a picture together.” My manager said. Yibo and I went to them, we stood beside each other, smiled, and the managers took pictures. One of the hosts saw us .“You two look good together.” He said teasingly. I felt my cheeks heating up and just kept my mouth shut. Yibo, on the other hand said “Yes. We do” then he laughed. I was surprised by his response and it made my heart jump but I know that he’s only joking because he and the hosts are close.  I laughed to cover up what I felt that moment.

The schedule was finished and Yibo and I together with our managers rode the car on the way to the hotel. On the car ride, we sat beside each other because one of the manager was driving and the other one sta on the passenger set. I talked to Yibo to break the ice and avoid misunderstanding. “Yibo, about earlier, I’m sorry that I partly lied because I said we didn’t speak a word. I just said that to protect the both of us. I don’t want your fans to get angry.” I explained. Yibo turned to me and said “It’s okay. I understand.” I didn’t know what to say because that was a conversation killer. Knowing that Yibo won’t say anything more, I just stayed quiet.

I looked at the window at stared at the side of the road then, unconsciously, I started to sing the song that we danced to earlier. “I’d like to be, everything you want, hey girl, let me talk to you.” “You know what, I can relate to this song.” I was startled when I heard Yibo say this. It’s unusual that he would start a conversation with me. “Really? Why?” I asked because I was curious on how he can empathize with this song.

“I have a girl that I like and I want her to become her boyfriend.” He answered and I felt sad because he sharing this with me because it means that he trusts me as a friend. I liked him during my trainee days and because we didn’t see each other for so long, I thought I forgot my feelings. But when I saw him again, my feelings resurfaced and earlier, my heart was pounding so hard the whole time. Knowing that he likes someone crushed my hopes. “But why aren’t you together?” I asked although it breaks my heart.

“She’s not allowed to have a boyfriend.” He said and it got me curious so I asked “Why?” “Because her job says so.” Yibo answered. “What is she? Is she an actress or idol? Maybe she’s a nun. ”I deduced because all those professions prohibit dating and make the vibe lighter. Yibo laughed and said “Nun? That’s so creative. But your guess is right, she’s an idol.” He replied melancholy.

“But have you confessed to her?” I asked hoping that he didn’t because it would break my heart. “Actually, not yet.” Yibo answered sadly. “Why?” I asked because I want to know what’s stopping him. “Because I don’t have the courage and she might reject me.” He said and I couldn’t believe that Yibo would be the kind of guy who would be afraid to face the truth and be reluctant in the field of love. “Confession to her. Have courage. It doesn’t matter if you get rejected, at least she knows how you feel. Or what if she likes you too? Don’t be afraid.” I said to encourage him even though it will hurt me if he will be together with someone else. It saddens me to see him like this.

He stayed quiet but after a moment he said “You’re right. I should confess to her.” I was excited to see him happy and giddy so I said “Go! Confess to her now” even though it will hurt me. He looked at me and said “Cheng Xiao, I’m confessing now. I like you.” I was in disbelief and my heart is pounding so hard but I thought what if he’s pranking me, maybe I’ll get embarrassed if I say I like you too so I said “Stop joking.” “No, I’m not. I really like you. Believe me.” He said sincerely and held my hands. “I looked at him feeling so happy, smiled and said “I like you too but you know I can’t be in a relationship. It’s against my contract. You’ll have to wait for 2 years.” I said and I was sad because of the provision in my contract. I’d never thought that he likes me. “It’s okay. I understand and I’m willing to wait. And when the time comes, like the song, If I was your boyfriend, I’ll never let you go.” He said.