A rush at the beginning

I get caught up

Just for a minute

Lorde

Seven years had gone by, give or take. 

Seulgi would sometimes still think of her, dream of her but she had never once regretted her decision of leaving her.

And although she missed her, she knew that nothing could have possibly happened back then. And if something actually did happen then, she would have probably spend the rest of her life blaming Irene for everything and the predicament she would be in. She didn't want to hate her.

She remembered how young and free she was then. To others, she was formidable, she could do anything. 

But no one knew the mental debates she often had with herself, the internal conflicts that drove her crazy half the time. Because back then, when she was just seventeen, she discovered that she liked girls more than boys. And she just couldn't accept it. Everyone she loved, everyone she knew told her that it was wrong ever since she was a child and she was just so, so afraid.

It was nonetheless still part of her; she didn't choose this. So, the whole year, Seulgi talked to herself, quite literally, that it wasn't wrong, it wasn't wrong. It wasn't wrong. And she realised, her whole life prior to this was just built on lies and what her close-minded parents believed in. She couldn't trust them anymore, nothing seemed to be the truth anymore. Her parents, adults she trusted most of her life was wrong. 

And by eighteen, she had finally accepted her uality. But she knew not to tell anyone. After all, who could she tell? 

So, living in that household was torturous. She was indirectly insulted and she felt so repressed she was on the brink of losing her mind. Not that anyone knew because to them, she was still this perfect daughter who had her whole life planned before her. She was slowly breaking. And when she left in the middle of the night to destress, she met her. Irene, who had worn such a beautiful red dress, who had painted her lips scarlet red. She was instantly drawn to her because she was reminded of flowers, more specifically, roses. 

That night, she imagined herself in a garden with the most beautiful flower by her side, my blood red rose. There, she claimed her as her own. 

And the rest was history. 

Now that seven years had past and Seulgi had her life together, she suddenly thought of her again - in a conference room where her boss was currently speaking. It wasn't right, thinking, dreaming of her soft skin, her red lips and her beautiful, beautiful voice in an important meeting.

They were probably discussing about the shortage of manpower, or was it promotion? She didn't know.

She had the sudden urge to find her again. Where are you? Are you still drinking your nights away? Are you still like before? Do you remember me?

Seven whole years of contemplating whether she had done the right thing, seven years of unsatisfaction and she decided, it couldn't continue. 

Because although she was successful, her life had been incomplete no matter how many times she went out to destress. I think only she could possibly make me feel whole once again. 

She sought to find that feeling again. It felt like paradise, it felt like walking in a garden filled with scented flowers. It made her want to reach out and touch the roses even though she clearly knew there were hidden thorns in there. It made her lose her mind. And she loved it.

She was still sat in this boring conference room and she felt like running out. She wanted to find her, wherever she may possibly be. And somehow, she knew it was impossible. Seven whole years... And yet..

"Seulgi, I've booked you a flight to Shanghai tomorrow. You are to settle the company's business there for a while before coming back. There isn't enough staff there, so pack up and be expected to be back in a month. Everything's settled at the other side, I just need you to take your passport and be ready by seven in the morning tomorrow. Got it?" 

In a daze, she just nodded her head. She was suddenly pulled back to reality. A feeling of solemnity and resignation came over her and going back to her job, she sighed once again. She seemed to be doing that - sighing - a lot lately. There seemed to be nothing to look forward to nowadays.

A change of scenery would be nice. Anyway, she had nothing here, she had nothing she loved here. She could just leave and never come back and no one would know. 

After all, she had been alone for the past five years - nothing, no attachments to anyone, anywhere. Just, maybe her work. 

"... If you have any questions about our flight today, please don't hesitate to ask one of our flight attendants. Thank you." 

She was too focused on the sound