Sana spends so much of her time in places that aren’t home.

She spends time with people who’s fingers graze her hips, touch her face. Feel her lips against her skin. She spends time hearing secrets from left and right. She spends time in the Capitol hearing people talk, hearing how they can serve her.

She spends times on trains, spends time from her district, spends time coaching those in her district.

She spends time in the ocean, in the water. At her house, all alone on some days. Spends times in all these places, but none of them are home.

Home for her is a girl with dark brown hair, eyes that shine with the beauty that can’t be replicated. Home comes in the form of a beautiful woman who clings on to her and asks for her help when the world seems too big.

Home is a girl who is there to comfort her in the darkest of times, and there to greet her when the train brings her back.

Home is the girl who giggles at her when she trains with her trident. That is indeed home. Home is a place where a girl who thinks she’s quiet when she creeps into the back room, the one where Sana trains for the day she must protect Momo. From the Capitol. From the world. Maybe even from herself.

“Why are you laughing at me? You know this is how I would keep you safe!” Sana places the weapon down and pulls the girl toward her, hands on her hips but a smile on her face. “Are you teasing me?”

“I think you’re silly…” Momo’s eyes are wide. But she looks soft. Safe. Like she feels safe.

“Hm, only you would think so. I love y-”

There’s a crash behind them, from outside, the seagull flies off so Sana knows its safe. But it’s too late for Momo who’s yanked her body away. She’s pressed against the wall and Sana knows at that moment she’s lost the soft between them, Momo may not return to her playful self for the rest of the night.

Doesn’t mean that Sana feels anger about it, only a feeling of sorrow that never seems to leave her. How can she protect this Momo when she’s away, who is here when this happens? How can she claim to be her lover when she leaves her to her own mind at times?

“Darling,” she whispers, watching as Momo’s hand's grip at the thin material of her dress, it’s crumpled together and there are wrinkles that never seem to go away because they’re always gripping in the same spot. “Look at me.”

Momo does, but her eyes are welled with tears and Sana knows that look. One she feels but never shows. The one of trauma that never goes away but eats at the mind. One that Sana wishes she could take upon herself and save Momo from it.

“My love,” Sana steps forward this time, and even as she steps closer to her Momo shakes but doesn’t move away. Sana’s careful and quiet with her movements, the back of her hand careful brushes against Momo’s cheek, still damp from the rain outside. “What do you see?”

It takes moments and Sana watches as Momo’s eyes go places that are anywhere but the home the stay in, the place where Sana yearns to live life happy and away from the Capitol. With Momo. Happy and safe and by her side until they part only at death due to old age.

But Sana lets her hand rest at Momo’s waist and tips her head up with her chin so they can see each other clearly. Sana guides her breathing, silently, so they match each other. And eventually, Momo looks more grounded. People may complain of Momo’s actions, call her mentally unstable. But Sana...all she sees is a girl she grows to love.

“Love,” Momo finally answers. And for a moment Sana looks confused but her smile comes back instantly once she realizes.

“That’s right, I love you. Always.”

Momo shakes her head, pulling her lip between her teeth. She doesn’t want to speak and Sana knows those movements all too well. But Sana can’t let her close up either, she lets her thumb brush against said lip and Momo releases it.

“No? I don’t love you. And what am I to do!” The gasp she lets out is dramatic and over the top but it gets a small laugh from the other, the crash seems to be finally almost forgotten. “How dare you laugh at me, I just found out the love of my life doesn’t think I love her. I have to fix it.”

Momo’s eyes widen, and her lips quirk up. And Sana, well she can only let out a breath that can be described as relieved. Sana has seen Momo at her worst, crying and kicking and filled with uncontrollable fear.

After a crash, after a nightmare. After a look at someone who maybe feels too familiar, or dangerous.

She’s Momo at her best as well. But the fact of that matter is, she’d take Momo at anymore. Uncontrollably sad or unbearably happy, Momo means the world to her. Momo is her world, and that means she’ll be with her no matter what.

She knows Momo feels the same for her.

This time, Momo is the one to bring her hands up to Sana’s face, cupping it at both sides, tilting it just enough so they can see each other.

“Love,” she repeats herself. Making sure that Sana hears her seriously this time.

“I know, darling,” Sana brings her own hand up just to rest about Momo’s heartbeat. Letting the moment stay soft but intimate. “You love me, yes?” She watches as Momo nods, her smile she hides against the palm of Momo’s hand, where she presses a kiss. “I love you more than words can explain. There’s no force on this earth that could show you...explain to you how much I love you.”

The world is quiet, it is theirs, and Sana is home.

---

But Sana never can be home for long. The memory of that day feels so far away, even if it were mere weeks ago.

Sana must be so far lost because as she watches the world pass by her in the train, she hadn’t realized they had gotten so far away from the Capitol that she was nearly home.

She also hadn’t realized Nayeon as she grunts next to her. When had she gotten there?

“You were thinking about her again, one day you’re going to be lost in thought and it’s going to get you killed. Or worse. Her killed.”

Sana lets out a growl and all Nayeon can do is shake her head. Nayeon throws her hands up, shrugging.

“I wasn’t trying to rile you up, Minatozaki.”

Sana releases a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and nods. “I know, but it’s hard. It’s instinct.”

“To growl?”

“To protect her. Don’t be an .”

Nayeon just nods and the world goes quiet again.

“You’re going to see her again.” It’s not a question, Nayeon doesn’t have to guess.

Nayeon supposes maybe, in another world...she’d go home to loved ones too, she knows this because Nayeon herself has told her. If the Capitol hadn’t taken away everything from her, Sana thinks she’d be doing the same, think about those at home waiting for her.

“You know you can stay with me. Momo and I have plenty of room to share.”

“No thank you, love bird.”

“So you just took this train ride for fun then?”

Nayeon looks called out, Sana realizes she’s got her.

Nayeon’s been neck deep in something she shouldn’t be but Sana knows better to argue with her. Nayeon and her may not have a long history, but they share a bond that can’t be manufactured.

“Jeongyeon will be happy to see you.”

“Please don’t start.”

“I’m thankful that you took this ride with me, but you should have stayed with her.”

Nayeon goes quiet for a moment before looking at her hands. Shaking her head, it can be seen she has a lot of thoughts going through her head, and she isn’t sure which to speak.

“We were very close to being tracked last time, I can’t...I can’t let him know about her. I may be his toy, but I refuse to make her a reason to use against me.”

Sana bites her lip because she knows exactly what Nayeon feels. She feels it every moment, it produces this hatred under her skin. At him, at herself. At the world. Momo is a genuinely beautiful human being, and the world only sees her as a pawn in this game.

“Stay safe,” Sana says, noticing how close to home she will be.

“Don’t die, loser. And please for the love of whatever, get laid. Last time you didn’t and you were unbearably grouchy.”

“Nayeon!”

---

Later that night. After all the fanfare, the welcome homes, the stupid but always present facade that she must uphold, she’s finally with her. Home.

There’s only around them and the light from the moon outside, the ocean is close and it can be heard. And somehow, that seems comforting to her, besides Momo, that ocean is the only thing she knows like the back of her hand.

She’s in a cloth shirt that barely reaches her knees and Momo is even less, their bed is comfortable compared to the ones they grew up on. Handbuilt and always a little too scratchy, but she’s always complained the fact that its comfortable made her feel out of her element.

She’s lost in her head because she thought the girl who was resting her own head against Sana’s chest was sleeping. But a sneaky hand has snuck it’s way up to the tops of her shirt and is currently resting just below her neck.

Sana can only feel herself smirk lightly before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Darling, I thought you were tired.” Sana tries not to laugh when she feels the head shake against her, the hand moving to start and yet another hand sewn button.

“Awake,” is the only word whispered into the night, but clearly from a girl with her attention on her task.

“Well, perhaps, I’m the one who’s tired.” She’s home for a week this time, and that’s something that she’s going to take advantage of. Anything more than a few days is something rare, she wants to rest with her love, go out with her to the market, and more. She just wants to be with her home, Momo.

It doesn’t take long for Momo to finish her task, and just sit up enough to look at the girl with a look of confusion before realization. Momo may struggle some days but she can read Sana like a book. Sana often wonders when she let that happen

“Ah, well. I tried.” She brings her hand up to Momo just enough to tug her down for a kiss. Soft and intimate, nothing rushed because for once, she doesn’t have to. This is home, this isn’t someone she’s trying to get information from.

She only pulls away because Momo does, and she can’t help but smile at the happiness on Momo’s face.

“I love you, please stay.” The words that come from Momo, even while she has a smile on her face, are a cry for something neither of them can have yet.

Sana feels her heart clench.

With sadness, with anger, with a yearning ache for something they both wish for.

“I’m here for a week, I promise I won’t let them drag me away from you. We made a deal. I’ve done my part, I won’t let them not do theirs.”

Momo shakes her head, but she falls back onto the bed quietly. The sheets have fallen to her hips and she shivers so Sana pulls them higher. Even if she knows it’s not from the breeze from the sea, the air is warm and there’s no chill from it.

She refuses to let the mood drop so this time, she sits up so she can carefully sit on Momo, a smile on her face. She wants only happiness for her love, she will do anything to obtain it.

“Tell me what you love, honey.”

Momo’s face twists, mostly into an amused smile. It reminds Sana of the day with the trident practice, where Momo only looks at her with something akin to the amusement of someone feeling deep love.

“Do you want me to say you?” The words are whispered as carefully hand traces patterns upon Sana’s skin.

“You my shirt and wake me up, but dare say that I’m not the one you love? Your very bold Hirai Momo…”

The giggle that Momo does, it stirs something in Sana, a happiness that she can not compare. She’s often reminded of the words she says to Momo. She can’t describe the way she loves her...there are no words.

“And now you laugh at me!”

“The sea breeze.”

“The sea breeze? That’s what you love?”

Momo only hums but Sana doesn’t let her get away from it, she lays herself all but on top of Momo, a change of pace from how they normally lay. Momo has to be so close that often times, they are never apart. Sana thinks she’s allowed to do the same this one time.

She presses her face close to Momo’s neck and presses small kisses along her jawline.

“Darling, tell me what you love.”

Sana doesn’t have to look to know she’s smiling.

“I said it!” The whisper is loud but bold, Momo isn’t often assertive. So much fear runs through her body, even years later. “The market in the sun.”

“Love,” Sana whines once more. Momo may have said it, but Sana refuses to let this slip by. She won’t let their admissions of love be coated with something so sad. No, she wants their confessions to have memories of happiness, unrelenting and pure happiness. “What do you love?”

Momo’s hands come up Sana’s buttoned shirt, and wrap around to her back, she’s back to tracing patterns. Ones that only Sana know’s how to comprehend.

“My home.”

Sana doesn’t have to whine about this, it may have sounded as if she was talking about the one they have. By the ocean, with wind chimes and candles and a kitchen that Sana really hates because it’s too big and too empty. But Sana knows that’s not what this about.

“I love my home too. I wish to stay with her forever.”

“Always.”

And that’s the only response that Sana wants to hear. That’s the one that she knows she can hold in her heart.

Always and forever, will she loves Hirai Momo. And she will feel that love be returned.