Kyungsoo found his home between Jongin's arms.

.

"Let's stay like this for a while,"

Jongin smiled. Kyungsoo buried his face on his chest, exhaling the scent that makes him alive. 

"Of course." Jongin replied.

The rain is pouring hard outside. The harsh winds are dancing with the the trees and the leaves are waving lifelessly until they hit the ground. The sound of the rain was lulling them to sleep. Kyungsoo and Jongin were cuddling on their bed, brushing away the cold with their warm hugs. 

It was Kyungsoo's favorite weather. 

But not until one rainy night, Jongin told him that he needed to get something important. Kyungsoo was hesitant whether to let him or not. Of course he won't let him, the rain is pouring hard and the pavements are flooded. Jongin might meet an accident.

"I won't take long. I'll be back safely, babe." Jongin said that night. 

"I am just worried that you might get sick." Kyungsoo replied while fixing the latter's coat. "Just make sure to be cautious. I don't want you to get hurt."

Jongin chuckled. He lifted the smaller's chin, making an eye contact. 

"I won't get hurt. I promise." He pressed his lips with the other. "I love you Kyungsoo."

I love you Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo never thought that it would be Jongin's last words. Those beautiful words that are meant to last forever, but it happened that the owner of the voice who used to say that to him every day was gone. On a stormy night where dark alleys became darker. The pavements and corridors are flooded. The tiles are slippery. Jongin was driving when he hadn't noticed the incoming car. 

On that night, on their shared apartment, Kyungsoo received a call. It was Yixing, one of their friends, telling him that Jongin is at the hospital. 

Kyungsoo hastily grabbed his things and rushed to where Jongin were.

The fact that Jongin died before taken to the hospital hits him hard. There he saw a body of a lifeless man, his man. Pale and bloody. The man who promised him that he'll return safely. The man who promised him a lifetime of happiness-of love. The man who told him I love you for numerous times. The man who became his life. Kyungsoo was so devastated.

And the fact that Jongin were alive moments ago, where they both went to the park earlier. The fact that Jongin just kissed him earlier, that he's so alive and happy earlier. And suddenly he's gone, he died that way. His life was taken like that. Kyungsoo felt so much pain. Jongin promised him to grow old together, but Jongin can't fulfill them anymore. Jongin was lying with his eyes closed, but even if he's dead, he's still the most beautiful creature in Kyungsoo's eyes. He's still mesmerizing.

Who will accompany him during rain then? Who will hug him when he needed someone? Who will hold his hand on the seaside? No one, no one can replace Jongin's place on his heart.

"I'm sorry about Jongin." Yixing said while handling him a bouquet of flowers and a card that has been worn out because of the rain. "He was about to give you these but, this happen."

Kyungsoo opened the card. The letters are still readable. It was handwritten.

To the boy that I love the most,

Jongin's writing are not that great. But for Kyungsoo, the efforts that are exerted to write the letter is beyond appreciated.

You must be wondering why am I giving you these romantic stuffs. It's not even your birthday nor our anniversary, but everyday is a celebration, because you're still with me, although I'm a bit annoying and such. You're still keeping up with me and that's a relief because I can't live without you. Please keep me in your heart as always. I know you love me, but love me forever okay? Because I'll love you forever and always. I love you and I'll love you for eternity. That's a promise!

Your man.

You're a liar. A filthy liar.

.

It's been a month without Jongin. A month filled with grievance and loneliness. A month of hopeless wishes. Kyungsoo barely live. He's been living in a cycle of meaningless. 

"Kyungsoo, Jongin's gone for a month already, aren't you tired of being like that! If Jongin's here, he'll probably get sad!" Baekhyun sighs exasperatedly.

"It's easy for you to say those things because you're not in my shoe! You have no idea how painful it was! The only person that I love, he left me because of that unexpected accident that took his life!" Kyungsoo cried. "Jongin, he's annoying, lazy, ert. He's the epitome of imperfection, but I love him so much. We're both imperfect, but we're perfect for each other. He's the only person I want to be with. But why him? There's a lot of people who committed a lot of sins, they should die instead! Jongin did nothing bad! Why him?"

"Because there's a reason in every death. People die, but death is not just about mourning or crying, but to make the people they love to be stronger and more careful." Baekhyun replied. 

"But I only need Jongin," Kyungsoo whispered. "He's my life."

Baekhyun smiled bitterly. "Jongin is my friend, and his death made me sad as well. But I won't let this sadness affect my whole life. You should not let that sadness to over take your life too."

"I can't promise you that," Kyungsoo stood up. 

"Yeah, do it." Baekhyun stood as well. "Promises are fragile. But actions are tough."

Kyungsoo's life became dull, like the color of their curtain. Jongin preferred dark colors, that's why.

Previously, Kyungsoo dreamt of Jongin. It looked so vivid. He saw Jongin's genuine smile that he missed so much. He saw him dancing under the rain. Jongin looked so real and alive. 

Kyungsoo wanted to hug him and kiss him, but when he's about to reach out and hold his hands, Jongin suddenly disappeared like a gush of smoke. He woke up crying. That only means one thing; Jongin was gone entirely. Was Jongin telling him to move on?

Their apartment feels so foreign after Jongin's death. It was their home, but now it doesn't feel like it. Home is never home without Jongin, because Jongin was his home, not the apartment. His home was between Jongin's arms. Jongin's smiles brought him home. Jongin's warmth reminds him of home. Everything about Jongin is home.

Kyungsoo losts his home. He's cold, lost, alone.

.

"Kyungsoo," Baekhyun looked at him worriedly.

"Mr Do, we're afaid to say that your brain tumor expands faster that it almost covered one fourth of your brain."

"Kyungsoo, we never knew this! You're not even seeking for cure..."

"So this was the reason of your frequent headaches and nausea?"

Kyungsoo smiled, a meaningful smile. The doctor looked at him in sympathy and Baekhyun teared up.

"Jongin is waiting for me... I don't want him to wait for long, and I've suffered enough without him too... I just want to be with him, in the place where death does not exist, where happiness is not impossible, where Jongin and I exist."

.

End