Soulmate

Kim Jinwoo is the name of the love of his life. That much he is aware of.

This is all he knows about his soul-mate. A name: and one of the most common names in Korea to begin with; which is as helpful as screaming it to the wind.

And, what if his other half is living at the other side of the border? What if, due to the stupid cold-war, he can’t meet him ever? Equally bad, though, what if the man he is waiting for lives abroad? He has no clue about this person's whereabouts, where he is from, how he looks like; providence only provided him with a name and throw him away, into an unsure future looking after him, the person that is supposed to complete him as only a soul-mate can (and Minho believes in fairy-tales, legends and the myths, he has heard everything about them since little, he has been waiting for his other half to appear)

He should give up on this soul-mate craziness but, deep down he knows this is all real; somewhere in the vast universe, he is waiting for him to come home and he can't escape it, it's his fate, he has been bound to comply with it, the task to seek for him with every fibre of his being (the voice inside his head told him the name in the same way it tells him about the impending things about to happen, about the unalterable future waiting for those who are dear to him; it has always been the same).

It’s been years since he first learnt about it. It ran on his bloodline; before him, his father had tattooed his mother’s name on his skin and she could foresee her own destiny. Danha, his little sister, has found recently her fated one and she swore that she dreamt about him every night for a whole year until finally meeting him. Minho’s case is similar; he can see the future, too: things that will occur soon and, more often than not, it's about love; he remembers when Jihoon didn’t believe him until he told him about Taeil, their new hyung that he would fall irremediable for; since then he listens to everything Minho tells, worshipping him and his wise words (that come from the depths of his soul, a soundless voice that speaks through pictures and images and that makes Minho prone to headaches and that brings love to a future unfold).

He was 16 years old when he woke up, lightened by the sudden realization that he needed someone named Kim Jinwoo, covered in sweat, goosebumps all over his flesh, his heart thumping, blood buzzing inside his ears. Never before he felt something like that, so real, so scaring. He was left empty, tangled on his bed, panting and gasping for air, murmuring his name like a prayer. And he knew it, what it meant, the impact that it would have for him: he would have to find him to feel complete, to be whole again.

Until now, he has dated 43 different Kim Jinwoo, but none of them has made him feel sparkles trickling his sense. With some of them, he only had an encounter before noticing that they could never be the one he needed (there weren’t fireworks, he didn’t feel anything special, different, they were dull and old and boring and he didn’t want to have anything to do with them). With others, though, he stayed long enough to know his secrets, his fears. But, again, none of them provided him with what he was expecting and, in the end, he broke the tie, moving on to find someone else under the same name.

The first one was a but he stuck with him, waiting for the moment of truth, for the magic to fall upon him, to turn him into his prince charming. It didn't happen, of course, and things ended a bit nastily but Minho didn't surrender, moving into the next Jinwoo.

He barely remembers the others; just an endless succession of the same name on different people. Some lasted with him, others disappeared like tinny fog on a spring morning. Some soaked him like rain, others left him frozen, iced-hearted. None of them was the right one, none of them made him feel whole again.

Seunghoon comes home with excruciating news. He is his room-mate by accident (though Minho is sure it was part of his fate because the voice in his head commanded him to chose Seunghoon over his best friend Jihoon and it has been proved, more than one, that it was bound to happen; Seunghoon has saved his life twice; first when he was nearly assaulted on the dark streets one night and, since then, by providing him savoury food to keep him feed and full). Seunghoon, analytical and practical, never believed in fate or soul-mates: but this kind of connection between people do exist, real and tangible and Minho demonstrated him how wrong he was, foretelling him that he would fall utterly in love with a boy named Seungyoon (what Seunghoon didn't know, of course, was that this time Minho was tricking him just to invalidate him point).

That it really happened wasn't part of Minho's plan, but now both of them think of him mightily and are so in love that it hurts to witness but he endures them snuggling and making-out out of sympathy and care, despite him feeling alone and lonely, chasing his quest of finding his own counterpart; matching them was fun, fooling them into believing his words was gleeful and now they both own him a lot (the name of his first child, the promise of a paid holidays, he has to think about what to ask them for as compensation).

“I found your Kim Jinwoo!” he claims, excitedly, with a grin plastered on his face, his eyes filled with pride and joy. Next, to him, Seungyoon is actually bouncing in delight. “A new co-worker,” he elaborates when Minho doesn’t even bat an eye at the new information.

This is not the first time any of them find him a new Jinwoo, but every time they introduce him to a Jinwoo, it's never the correct one; the feelings don't bloom as much as Minho tries, buds don't burgeon and it doesn't feel like spring inside his chest. It was hard to let go once he was fond of one of them but he had to let them go and start anew. But, now, he is tired to try, to pursue Jinwoo after Jinwoo, non-stop: a succession of them painting his life with memories and instants; a sky crossed with aeroplane’s trails tracing a name in white. It is exhausting to meet them, convince them into dating him and having to break up with them in the end when it no longer felt right, when the feeling withered and he was empty again.

Minho is not thrilled by the news; he frowns and leaves without a word (he doesn't want to go through the same one more time, he is done, he doesn't need to meet another Jinwoo even though his fate objects).

“You are so mean, Song Minho!” he hears Seungyoon nag but he is worn out, all he has done in his life has been chasing after his dream, after Kim Jinwoo with no luck at all. He really wants to stop looking, stop worrying, stop thinking about a man he knows nothing about.

He wants to quit (but he can’t, his subconscious keeps sending him signals as if a toll raised by Seunghoon’s news, drowning all his attempts to forget, to sedate it - the urge, the rush of sensations, the dreams where he is all he can feel) He dreams about him in shadows every night and wakes up agitated, with his name chiming on his mind, tired and dizzied, but this time he is resolute; he is not going to cave in; he is going to win against his destiny.

But this is a battle he can't fight; there is nothing he can't do to escape what it has been decided, written down on his fate and running deep down his veins. No-one can run away from the decree of his life.

Maybe he has grown curious after all the times Seunghoon has mentioned him; maybe a month is long enough of dreaming about his name embroidered on his skin; perhaps he is the one (or maybe he is just giving in about giving up, allowing his mind this vicious victory; it doesn't matter, he wants it to stop, he wants his life to be back to normal, to sink the name flooding his system, make him never surface again).

What he knows is that this particular Kim Jinwoo is kind and humble, hard-working and nice. He has heard a lot from his friend, he has been named in most of his reports about work. Even Seungyoon is fond of him (and Seungyoon is reliable, he doesn’t fall for a pretty face and squishy cheeks like his boyfriend does - Minho tricked him all these years ago, he never foreseen that his future had to be built with Seungyoon).

Minho thinks that, mayhap, he should give this person a chance, that he should try one last time (there is nothing to lose, after all: just time). And, at least, he seems a good match; he knows beforehand that he is not a moron or a jerk which is more than he knew about previous ones.

He is stunning, sitting on the café, sipping slowly from a cup of flower tea (it smell spreads to reach him and it is delicate, intricate, delicious as he is, smiling cutely, waiting for him).

After a whole afternoon chatting, Minho isn’t sure if he is, indeed, his soul-mate. What he is sure is that he worth it the wait, all the failing, all the wasting; he is beautiful, caring, soft and gentle, with a tender glance, his orbs are like starry nights. He is perfect, laughing at all his silliness, giggling like ringing bells, clapping his hands with delight and the sun paints his face with golden and Minho swears he has never seen something more graceful in his entire life. But it doesn't feel like rainbows and stars but it feels special in the sense that he feels warm, alive. And he doesn't dream again, he doesn't hear the voice in his head yelling his name. It must mean something. It might be him. 

In the end, the 44th Jinwoo is the last one; Minho isn’t planning to find another one (not when this Jinwoo fits perfectly encircled by his arms, sliding into his life as if meant to be. And maybe they fight and argue and it’s not perfect all the time, but he feels completed - and maybe soul-mates don’t exist but Jinwoo is with him so he isn't worried; he has all he needs).