Hoseok could recognize that Namjoon was starting to struggle again. His usual friendly and approachable manner morphed into him trying to shy away from social confrontation, which proved to be very difficult since he was the leader of BTS. With all of their promotions in America and English speaking countries, he had to act as the translator and was the one who spoke up the most in interviews. He was overcompensating for the lack of speaking from all the other members of the group. 

Namjoon’s anxiety was nearly debilitating. He was medicated and made sure to take care of himself but sometimes, those inklings of mental weakness that edged into every one of his nerves on bad days seeped through and made sure to make it difficult to feel like himself. In high stress situations, such as touring and flying from state to state and country to country, it would catch up to him and prove fatal to his personality. 

Hoseok had noticed how off Namjoon seemed but it really confirmed his suspicions when Namjoon just stayed completely silent for their interview with a radio show and let the translator translate everything for the members. Namjoon had sat in the middle of the front row but he maybe said one whole sentence among all the broken English that was spoken by the boys. His eyes had stayed downcast and he avoided eye contact, a fake smile cracking his lips into a sad excuse of a smile. Namjoon’s real smile never looked like that, it was livelier and more genuine. This one looked horribly forced and made him look like a different person. One Hoseok didn’t know. 

Namjoon wasn’t one to ask for aid or consolation. His pride was a huge factor in it all, trying not to ask for help since he felt the responsibility as the leader to help the other members rather than they help him. Namjoon had voiced so many times that having bad days did not make him or others weak, but yet the fear of burden always joined the flight response to basic and daily functions. Namjoon didn’t want to bother others when the possibility of someone else having it worse than him was always ahead of him. 

Namjoon heavily held others’ needs above his own and it was blatantly obvious. He had pushed himself too far at this point and with everyone else’s schedules and the lack of time to check on others in depth, Namjoon’s dilemma left him swept under the rug. His needs were more or less ignored and Hoseok wasn’t going to let that go on any longer. 

Hoseok had his own anxieties. His perfectionism often blinded him from the end goal and forced him to focus on minuscule details that left him feeling inadequate in most of his product. Anxiety and fear of mediocrity controlled many of his actions and it showed. Most of the time, he had to be reassured from others that he was doing a good job to feel like he was indeed doing well. He had to be reminded every now and then what was okay and what was self destructive behavior. 

Namjoon was the same way, and this time, Hoseok was going to take it upon himself to remind his slightly younger friend that he was doing well and that he didn’t need to worry as much as he was. He needed to talk it out. Namjoon was very eloquent with his words, he just needed that push in order for them to flow out of his mouth. 

It was getting pretty late, the other members readying themselves for bed. Jimin had already settled into his bed in his and Hoseok’s shared bedroom. Taehyung had fallen asleep in Jungkook’s room since he had been playing with Jungkook on his game console. This was a usual occurrence and it was perfect since that left Namjoon alone in his room. It gave Hoseok the chance to leave and drop by for a visit without having to dodge questions from Taehyung. 

The door to Namjoon’s room was slightly ajar and Hoseok knocked on the wood while pushing it further open, peeking inside to see Namjoon sitting on his bed with his glasses on and reading a book. It was a self acceptance book, as cliche as it sounded. He enjoyed that type of literature and further learning how to help himself when mental blocks show up every now and then, but playing them in action wasn’t always the easiest thing. He had to admit that he was struggling in order to apply the new material and sometimes that was a bit hard for Namjoon to do. 

When the knocking registered past his focused brain, Namjoon looked up and smiled when he saw Hoseok. He placed a bookmark in his book and set it to the side, “Hey, Hoseok. You need something?” he asked, as if Hoseok needed more help from the slightly younger. Namjoon had already done so much for him and everyone else, but this time, he was going to receive that help. 

“Can’t I just visit my best friend?” he answered with a question, his award winning smile and bright teeth on display. The cheeriness it held was enough for Namjoon to smile wider as well and he shrugged. 

“There must be some reason you’re here to see me, right? It’s late, you would be asleep by now,” he noted, checking the time on his phone. Hoseok was typically a early sleeper, prioritizing his time so he had equal parts sleep and equal parts energy to work the next day. 

Hoseok responded with his own shrug, turning to grab Namjoon’s desk chair so he could sit, turning it towards the younger so they could talk, “I just wanted to see you and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, I’m doing alright,” a lie. The insincerity he held in his eyes was enough to give it away before he even spoke and the way he looked so tired proved otherwise. Mental wars with yourself were exhausting,