The people are leaving already. As you can expect, their smile is tentative with not much light and shine into it. their smiles are like a silent plead pushing me to move on and is telling me that I have no choice but to face every ing day of my life alone.

 

Easier said than done.

 

How can you teach yourself that the person who brought the sun into your dark world now lies six feet under the ground and will be gone forever. Is there a way to turn back the hands of time? Back to the days when he was still with me, waking me up with the touch of his hands. .making me warm by the feel of his warm breath on my cheeks. . .

 

Those were the good days, I mean, the best days. Now, I am all up kneeling on the ground, pouring all my tears, wishing that the rain can also wash away the pain.

 

I tried to push this pain away, this agonizing, scorching pain every waking moment by thinking all the days we shared. All the days that he was beside me, touching me, guiding me, teaching me, taking care of me, loving me. . . .Well, !! Everytime I tried to be happy by thinking of him, it only makes me miss him more and the more I miss him, the more devastating this feeling gets. I guess the art of letting go is not really my thing and i at moving on!

 

He was my only one and I guess, my only one forever. I met him on the library, I can't even remember where our conversation started, all i can remember is that he was smiling and his dazzling smile captured me. I don't know what he saw in me but i am damn lucky to have him.

 

We became official after a year, no yes or no, no ceremonies. . We just realized that we can't rid with each other anymore. i clearly remember the moment. . we were sitting on the grass staring at the stars (simply because we are bored) when he touched my hand and i stared at him. He smiled, a shy smile he gave me. I smiled too then he kissed me. That's not my first kiss but I know, that was the first real kiss I got. The chills run into my spine, , and i don't want to stop that damn kiss. We ended up in his room and that's the first time I spent a night with a guy, and the first time I gave my all. I have no regrets and I am willing to go through hell just to savior the moment again.

 

He never leave my side since. .

 

I spent every waking moment of my life looking at his face, gathering all the energy i can get to wake up and leave his side just to cook breakfast for him. I'll prepare his breakfats and he will suddenly embrace me from behind and kiss me on the neck. .We talk about our future together and how we're going to make a family.

 

One night, he didn't come home, the night i received the news that I am going to be a mother already. I was damn worried and scared. I found him on the hospital, lying asleep, I am not sure actually. The doctor said that I should be prepared to say goodbye.

 

I stayed by his side, cried all night, prayed to all the saints and gods to let him live. A gift as precious as him is all i have to go on with my life. He is my strenght, my rainbow, my life.

 

Luckily, he woke up after a month but we stayed on the hospital for observation. On the third night after he woke up, he smiled at me, saying that he really wish to have a baby boy. i smiled and said, "Your wish is my command." His eyes became teary. He hugged and kissed me, he touched my tummy feeling proud and all.

 

I woke up due to the heat brought by the sunlight. the room felt empty and i was agitated by that feeling. I found he bed empty, only a note lying on the ebd, saying. . .

 

my sunshine,

thank you and i am sorry. thank you for the joys you brought into my life and i am sorry for not having the right words to say to express how i feel.

thank you for i know i am your life but sorry for i have to leave you this way.

as mush as i want to stay, i can't. as much as i want to be a part of you, i can't.  as much as i want to help you with our kid, i can't.

i hope that you'll know that this pains me a lot too.

i know i am bringing you much pain and sorrow, i am sorry.

when you feel empty, just think of me as one of the stars at our first night together. i'll be always watching you, i promise.

all i want to say is for you to move on. .think of me as you find a descent guy for our kid. i love you.

when both of our sky collides we will meet again, i hope you will find the strenght to move on.

 

Upon reading, i can't even cry, i stared blankly at the wall.

 

And now I found myself reminiscing! stupid guy! didn't even gave me the chance to say i love him. .

 

How long will it take to move on, i wonder??

Does time heals or will i just get used to teh pain?

Who knows. . . .

Maybe when the skies go crazy we will meet again. .