the only other time sooyoung had been in love was when she was 13. there was a new girl at school whose name sooyoung had forgotten, but she remembered her cute glasses and ponytail. however, what really caught all of the students’ attention was how the girl was able to answer every question the teachers asked them. sooyoung was charmed, and by the end of the day she was already head over heels for the smart girl. but sooyoung didn’t know how to deal with this sudden crush, so she dumbly wrote “get out of my school” on a piece of paper and gave it to the girl, who walked away from her with a frown.

 

sooyoung didn’t see her the next day, or any other day, and she regretted having scared the girl like that. realizing she was a panicked gay who would do stupid things if she was in love, sooyoung swore never to fall for anyone ever again—until now.

 

another new girl just transferred to her high school, and she was the prettiest girl sooyoung had ever seen in her life.

 

the girl introduced herself as jinsol. while jinsol talked about her background, she made eye contact with sooyoung and furrowed her eyebrows, which sooyoung thought must have been because of her staring. sooyoung admitted that she didn’t really pay attention since she was too busy admiring jinsol’s beauty, but when jinsol said she wanted to joined the school’s math club, sooyoung groaned internally. for ’s sake, not again, sooyoung cursed under her breath. why are smart girls so attractive?

 

 ***

 

during recess, sooyoung arrived at the table she and her friends usually eat lunch at with a deep sigh. she sat next to haseul and vivi and immediately rested her head on the table. haseul looked at vivi knowingly, but jungeun and jiwoo, who were sitting across from them, were too engrossed with each other to notice. vivi tapped sooyoung’s hand lightly. “hey, you good, buddy?”

 

sooyoung winced. “no… i think… i might have a crush…”

 

haseul and vivi were too stunned to say anything, but that definitely got the lovebirds’ attention. jungeun pulled herself from jiwoo and gasped, and jiwoo’s hand reached across the table to slap sooyoung’s shoulder, as if saying, no ing way!

 

sooyoung groaned again. “i know, i know. you all thought i’m a cold-hearted who goes on casual dates because i don’t want any feelings involved… and i thought i was, too! but apparently not! ha ha…”

 

haseul quickly recovered from the shock and gave her friend an encouraging smile. “who is it? she must be very special, then?”

 

sooyoung shook her head. “a new girl just transferred to my class. jinsol. i don’t know about the special thing yet, but she... she’s really pretty and really smart, haseul. it’s only been two classes but i can see she’s a genius. you know the other smart girl—the only other girl—i’ve ever crushed on, like, years ago? the one i practically kicked out of school after just one day because i turned into a ing bully when i didn’t know how to deal with the crush? well… i’m pretty sure i like jinsol even more…”

 

jiwoo clapped her hands excitedly. “but that’s wonderful, sooyoung! you can ask her out and we can have a triple date! no more being a miserable, single gay.”

 

sooyoung squinted her eyes at jiwoo. “i haven’t been miserable, you ! i just—feelings make me stupid and pathetic.”

 

vivi caressed sooyoung’s back in sympathy. “but honey, she’s your classmate… you can’t just not talk to her.”

 

jungeun nodded. “yeah, and school just started, so you will spend a year in the same class as her. it’s not like you can just ignore her forever to avoid saying anything stupid.”

 

sooyoung shrugged. “i don’t know, i feel like that’s a good idea, actually.”

 

haseul rolled her eyes. “no, it’s impossible. not to mention rude. what are you gonna do if you have a project together?”

 

“haseul is right. i actually think it’s better if you just tell her your intentions. if she says no, then you can move on,” vivi advised.

 

"just act normal, you know," jungeun suggested.

 

jiwoo snickered. "we all know from the memes that that means sooyoung will not be acting normal."

 

jungeun grinned. "yeah, i just like teasing her."

 

sooyoung rubbed her temple and stood up to go back to class, not feeling the need to eat anything because her stomach was already full of nerves. "you two are no help. but thank you vivi and haseul, i’ll try to do what you told me. wish me luck."

 

***

 

it turned out that jinsol was also sitting in class, finishing the lunch she seemed to have brought from home. sooyoung saw this as a chance to introduce herself (and not it up).

 

hey, jinsol, my name's sooyoung. i hope we can be friends? by the way, i just want to say that you're really pretty.

 

sooyoung practiced saying those simple sentences in her seat in the back of the class a few times before going to jinsol's seat. she took a deep breath and tapped jinsol's shoulder lightly, but when jinsol turned to face her, she forgot everything she had prepared to say. 

 

"i... uhh... heh." wow, very elaborative, sooyoung cursed at herself again.

 

"um, is there something you need?" jinsol asked, her eyebrows raised.

 

"d-do you have a band-aid?" sooyoung heard herself talk, as if she wasn't in control of her body.

 

"what? i mean, no, but—"

 

"—because i scrapped my knees falling for you." sooyoung continued, internally screaming in embarrassment. she really, really didn't know why she did that. she could even feel her face heating and how red it must be.

 

jinsol didn't say anything, but her face looked amused.

 

it was awkwardly silent for a couple of minutes before sooyoung excused herself, mumbling i am so sorry repeatedly and going back to her seat before jinsol could even reply. she didn't try to speak to jinsol again that week.

 

 

***

 

 

after a while, sooyoung's sulking eventually made haseul snap. "listen, buddy, your crush is not going away whether you talk to her or not. so just talk, you’ve got nothing to lose!”

 

sooyoung grumbled. “have you been listening this whole time? when i’m around her somehow what comes out of my mouth is a cringy pick up line.. so i can’t talk to her at all!”

 

“how about you let her be the one talking?” jungeun suggested.

 

jiwoo nodded in agreement. “that’s a good idea, babe! soo, you should apologize for what happened last time and let the conversation go from there.”

 

sooyoung sighed. “it’s kind of weird how you two are always in sync with each other... but i have to agree that that doesn’t sound too bad.”

 

vivi chuckled. “good! go have a civil conversation because, honey, you’ve already got it bad yet she doesn’t even know your name? yikes!”

 

while her friends continued laughing and clowning her, sooyoung started to smile because, as annoying as they were, she was glad to have them.

 

***

 

sooyoung was sure she was ready with her apology when she approached jinsol, but when jinsol looked at her, she went into another gay panic mode. she forgot what she wanted to say… again.

 

jinsol looked concerned and sooyoung heard her ask something, but she could only focus on the cute eyebrow thing jinsol was doing. jinsol seemed to notice it and snorted. “did you scrape your knees again falling for me?” she smirked.

 

“yeah, i tripped because i was blinded by your beauty… i’m going to need your number for insurance purposes,” sooyoung immediately replied, then grimaced, because her stupid brain just took over again.

 

but jinsol gasped and laughed, so sooyoung joined her, and she got a little bit of confidence to continue. “i’m sorry, i really don’t know why i always do that around you..”

 

jinsol shook her head and smiled. “it’s okay, i had a feeling you were just really nervous the other day. you need to work on your pick up lines, though.”

 

sooyoung groaned in embarrassment. “ugh you’re right… wait, so you knew they were pick up lines?”

 

“of course. it’s kind of obvious what you’re trying to do,” jinsol smirked again.

 

“oh god, please don’t think i’m only trying to ‘woo’ you. i’d love to be your friend! it’s just, you’re so pretty.. and smart.. and my stupid brain can’t help but blurt out embarrassing things.. hhh sorry, i’m just gonna go back to my seat,” sooyoung quickly turned around but was stopped before she could walk back. she faced jinsol and found her chuckling.

 

“woah, take it easy! i didn’t say i don’t like it. and i think you’re pretty too,” jinsol grinned, and sooyoung could feel her knees buckle. she feels the same!

 

“now if you would just let me know your name….” jinsol said, and they both laughed. sooyoung’s chest felt a lot lighter, and she tried to be brave by offering her hand to jinsol, “you can call me sooyoung.”

 

“nice to finally know your name, sooyoung, i’ve waited for so long.” jinsol shook her hand and gave her a smile that seemed like she was holding a secret, but sooyoung didn’t care. she was just happy things went well.

            

***

 

[group chat]

 

sooyoung: hellooo :D :D

 

haseul:  oooh she’s all cheerful now? i take it everything was good with jinsol?

 

sooyoung: yes!! she didn't make fun of me for being a panicked gay, AND she thinks i'm pretty too! though, she did tell me to work better on the pick up lines..

 

vivi:  that just means you haven't found the kinds that she likes. what does she do in her free time?

 

sooyoung: uhh.. she told me she sings, plays the piano, has a gundam collection she wants to complete, and.. she works out to get abs

 

jiwoo:  so she’s not only pretty and smart, but she’s also musically talented, a dork, and probably healthier than all of us combined? what the hell?!

 

sooyoung: i knowww it's kind of scary how perfect she is....

 

jungeun:  and of course, out of all people, you just have to have a crush on her. a literal goddess

 

sooyoung: oh, shut up! no need to tell me how out of her league i am!!

 

haseul:  lmao

 

jiwoo:  lmao

 

jungeun:  lmao

 

vivi:  um

 

sooyoung:  all of you except vivi

 

vivi:  ..thank you? anyway, that's good though because it means you have so many topics to use!

 

sooyoung: omg you're right.. i'm gonna do a research now! byeee

 

haseul:  bye hag

 

jiwoo:  bye hag

 

jungeun:  bye hag

 

vivi:  bye hag

 

sooyoung: not you too, vivi.. you're older than me?!

 

vivi:  but your bones crack more often than mine!

 

sooyoung: ok you too then

 

***

 

the next day, sooyoung came to class too early because she was excited. she thought she would be the first to arrive, but to her surprise, jinsol was already there. she looked to be studying, though, and that wasn't much of a surprise. of course she's studying before class even starts... i'm literally crushing on the future president of south korea…

 

thinking that she actually really got nothing to lose now since jinsol also liked her, sooyoung cleared to let jinsol know she was there. "good morning, jinsol, what are you studying?"

 

"oh! morning, sooyoung. i'm studying math, it's my favorite subject. how come you arrived so early today?" jinsol asked, tapping her hand on the seat next to her, signalling for sooyoung to sit there.

 

sooyoung swooned. why am i so ing bare minimum?

 

"um, this morning i woke up at 5 and couldn’t sleep again, all excited because, woah, i'm gonna see you again.. and i do now," sooyoung smiled and ducked her head, feeling shy.

 

"aw, you're so cute.." jinsol nudged sooyoung's shoulder so she looked up. "i'm starting to think that you don't even need the pick up lines."

 

sooyoung's face fell. "oh... but last night i did a research on them based on the things you like to do."

 

jinsol chuckled. "for real? oh my god.. the dedication... well, should we hear them?"

 

sooyoung panicked (.....again). "now?! uhh aren't you supposed to be studying??"

 

"not really. we both know i'm way past the materials our batch has to cover this month. i just like to study," jinsol shrugged. she glanced at sooyoung, who seemed to be having trouble breathing and took sooyoung’s hand in hers. "hey, relax, it’s okay if you don’t want to. are you okay?"

 

sooyoung was definitely not okay. oh my god she’s holding my hand oh my god oh my god it’s so softtt.

 

jinsol tried again. “sooyoungie?”

 

the (really cute) nickname brought sooyoung back to reality. "i, um... yeah, you're just, um, really attractive when you’re being all smart like that…”

 

jinsol laughed. “really? so you like me just because i’m smart? what if my grades drop—you’ll ghost me?”

 

now it was sooyoung’s turn to laugh. “no, not like that at all. it’s just—i had this stupid experience where a smart girl moved to my school and i immediately had a crush on her the very first day. then, because i’m ing stupid, i—”

 

“—gave her a piece of paper with the words ‘get out of my school’ written on it?” jinsol cut her, all grinning, and sooyoung gasped.

 

“how did you…? did my friends tell you? but vivi and haseul are seniors and jiwoo and jungeun are freshmen… oh my god, did you befriend them behind my back? to ask questions about me? but why??” sooyoung was so confused.

 

“what, no, that’s not what i meant at all. you just—you really don’t remember me, do you?” jinsol was amused.

 

“no?? should i?? wait—oh my ing god!!! are you her?!” sooyoung was practically screaming at this point.

 

“YES! why do you think i looked at you weirdly on our first day, and why i said ‘i’ve waited for so long’ yesterday?” jinsol laughed again.

 

“i don’t know! i’m just glad you want to talk to me!! oh my god… i am so sorry if you thought i was bullying you… this is so embarrassing…” sooyoung groaned.

 

“hey, don’t worry, we were kids! my family was moving a lot too because of my dad’s job—like once a year—and at the time i just thought, ‘well, i don’t know what her problem is but i can just find another school’ so really, it’s fine,” jinsol explained. “plus, now i know that it was because you were crushing on me, so… all good!"

 

“but then i didn’t recognize you… and it turns out that both of my only crushes are the same person... still so embarrassing….” sooyoung sighed.

 

“i'm your only crush? aww, i'm flattered! and again, don't worry, i do look a lot different now. blonde, wavy, untied hair... wearing contacts… lost my baby fat also… i get why you couldn’t recognize me. i had an amazing glow up!” jinsol smirked.

 

sooyoung shook her head and smiled. “you certainly did. but young me also fell for your cute glasses and ponytail, so in my opinion you always look incredibly beautiful…”

 

her words were so sincere that jinsol couldn’t help but take a deep breath and squeeze their joined hands. “sooyoungie, trust me, if you can continue saying lovely things like that with confidence, you don’t need to worry about your gay panic ever again.”

 

sooyoung chuckled and squeezed jinsol’s hand back. “thank you… um, jinsoulie…”

 

jinsol beamed at the returned nickname. “now, shall we take a look at your pick up lines and have a laugh?”

 

“yes, yes, we should do that. but first, do you know what my shirt is made of?” sooyoung smirked, because, hey, jinsol enabled her.

 

“it’s girlfriend material, isn’t it?” jinsoul returned the smirk.

 

“it is. i am so happy to meet you again, jinsol. i like you a lot,” sooyoung grinned.

 

“likewise, sooyoung. i’m excited to see what the future holds,” jinsol replied, also grinning.

 

they spent the rest of the morning laughing at every pick up line sooyoung had found for jinsol, and sooyoung thought she would try to always be confident in declaring her love if it meant she could make jinsol this happy all the time.