Daddy Issues

Daddy Issues

The Neighbourhood - Daddy Issues

 

***

 

"Should I turn the heat up?"

"Hm... no. I'm fine," says a fragile voice.

Two girls sat in the moving car, one with a short, black bob just above the shoulder, the other with brown flowy locks tinted with red.

It was night time, and the brown-haired girl looked down to the dashboard, reading the time.

[Late O’Clock]

It wasn't as late, she thought. And the night sky was clear enough for her eyes to see the road. Looking over to the other girl that sat next to her in the front passenger seat, she exhaled deeply.

Why were two teenage girls out so late at night on a drive? How often is it that you would see a lone car driving on a long, empty road that led to who knows where at almost midnight?

The brown-haired girl laughed bitterly under her breath. The direct events that led up to now aren't such a long story to tell. But the years before? That was a journey to go through, even for their age.

It all started before Vivi could even take her first few steps, when her parents slowly came in and out of her life.

Slowly, but gradually, she watched as her father grew tired of his own family, treating his job as the most important thing in the world, while her mother had to endure both the physical and emotional pain of carrying her family on her back. She did her best holding the family together, like glue.

Ever since her dad decided money and greed was the most important thing in his life, it felt like the one person their family relied on the most had abandoned them in place of materialistic needs.

Vivi sighed, gripping the steering wheel tightly, although not enough for her knuckles to blanch. So many things flooded her mind, and the brightness of the headlights didn’t help the migraine that grew.

“Are you tired?”

“Hah, shouldn’t I be asking you, that question, Haseul?”

The other girl smiled daintily at Vivi. It was quick, just a flash, but her pearly whites were seen in the darkness of the night, and it was enough to distract Vivi’s concentration, almost forgetting that she was in the middle of driving, albeit at a reasonable speed, but she would rather not cause something in the middle of the night.

Turning to the younger girl beside her, Vivi eyed her up and down. The younger girl had been layered in sweaters, and her feet sat on the seat while she hugged her knees loosely, her hand being held up to her left cheek, rubbing it in steady, circular motions.

Vivi shook her head. “Well… .”

“…” Haseul mumbled faintly. It was like she read Vivi’s mind. “I should’ve gotten an ice pack or something.”

Vivi’s fingers trailed the steering wheel. “You should’ve waited for me like I told you to.”

Haseul shifted in her seat, turning to the brunette. “I- Hey, that isn’t fair,” she says, returning to her cheek.

Another sigh escaped the older girl. She knew Haseul was the stubborn type, but she didn’t expect her to go this far. Slowing the car to a halt, Vivi extended a hand, reaching over and removing the trembling hand off of the younger’s cheek, caressing it herself. She flinched at the older girl’s sudden touch, but she didn’t oppose it. As Vivi took a closer look, she brushed a thumb over the pinks that were fading into bluish hues. Her nose wrinkled, and she felt a burning in her stomach.

“...Haseul, you should have waited for me. Then at least this wouldn’t have happened!” Her voice raised with growing concern.

“I couldn’t help it,” the younger girl says, her voice meek in contrast with the older girl’s. She shifted in her seat once more, only this time, feet touch the floor of the car. “I just really needed to see you, Vivi.”

Hearing the ravenette’s voice sound so vulnerable made her heart wrench. If it weren’t for the fact that her seatbelt held them both in place, Vivi was sure she was about to pounce to the next seat over, crushing the girl in her arms. But that didn’t seem the most appropriate at the moment, at least, in Vivi’s perspective.

God, what were they supposed to do now? Two girls on a ride, past their bedtime (despite them being used to having to pull an all-nighter for tests they only decided to study for the night before), with nowhere to go, nowhere to turn to. Vivi didn’t even know where they were going, mostly letting her hands and feet think for her. None of this was ever supposed to happen, but given the history, maybe this occurrence was bound by fate.

What compelled them to run- drive into the night? The events replayed in the brunette’s mind as she set the car to drive again, keeping the steady pace from earlier.

“Do you have to graduate?” Haseul had asked her that morning. The two sat on one of their school’s more secluded stairwells. It was usually empty, barely being used by other students even as a means of getting to class. Perhaps it was near the mathematics department, and the classrooms closest to the stairwell were those that were mainly used by freshmen, and it didn’t seem like the most ideal spot to hang beside most people’s most hated subject’s territory. But it served as a good spot for Haseul and Vivi to escape to when needed. “Like, can’t you just pretend to be a junior for the rest of the year? You don’t look too old, anyway! Maybe dye your hair like those kids in the arts council, it’ll make you look like an edgy teen, aha.”

Vivi raised a brow at the thought. “So you’re saying everyone in the arts council are edgy teens?”

“I’m not saying that, but most, maybe?”

The older girl found it amusing, stifling a laugh while she covering with the palm of her hand. Vivi doesn’t quite think that’s how things work, but kudos to Haseul for even suggesting in the first place. It was obvious how much the younger girl was going to miss her, with graduation creeping around the corner.

“Oh my, I am definitely gonna tell Jinsol that you find her and her blonde hair edgy.”

“What? No! I already about her scalp yesterday,” Haseul says frantically. “She sits behind me for biology, and I don't think I could take another full period of her passive aggressiveness!”

Vivi wiped a fake tear away. “I'll miss you when you're gone. Tell Sooyoung that I call dibs on your Harry Potter collection.”

“You wouldn't even dare to touch it,” the ravenette gasped, “or else I'll take your car and crash it against Ms.Lee's.”

“You wouldn't! I've been a teacher's pet all year so that she could raise my eighty to a ninety.” The brunette pouted playfully, tapping her foot on the steps.

Haseul moved to her left, closer to the older girl. “What class was that again?”

“Film arts.”

“Ah, right.”

Silence fell. This would be their routine most days. Of course, there would be times that they would go out to eat or hang in the cafeteria with their other friends, but the rest of the time would be spent with each other, letting the sound of their voice, their laughter, echo against the walls. The very top of the stairs were usually where they hung out, since they could watch what went on outside due to the big window that stretched across the width of the stairs. Conversations usually started, but they do fade away at times. Not that either of them were complaining. They found peace in the silence. In each other.

Haseul looked down on her fingers, fidgeting with her thumbs. “Hey, Vivi?” She mumbled, only continuing when she saw the older girl turn her head towards her from the corner of her eye. “I really will miss you.”

The older girl was left gaping. The way Haseul looked at her with those eyes were too much to handle, especially the way she pursed her lips. If that was what a kicked puppy looks like, Vivi wishes to never see it again.

She gulped. What else was she supposed to say? Any normal person would think of something like “I’ll miss you too,” or “Everything will be alright,” but Vivi knew that no words would be able to let the younger girl know how much she would feel like losing the world being away from her for such long periods of time. Graduation was coming soon, and the university Vivi applied to wasn’t close enough for her to just take the subway or drive to, meaning she would have to live on campus.

“Yeah,” she says instead. Vivi mentally hit herself. Yeah? Of all the things she could have said, just yeah. Big fat oof. “I-I’m sorry, I know this is big for both of us-”

“-I’m happy for you,” Haseul cuts in, leaning back to rest her elbows on the steps behind her, a bittersweet smile plastered on her face. “I’ll miss you, but it’s not like either of us are gonna forget each other, right?”

Vivi blinked. “Huh? Yeah. Yeah, of course not. I could never.”

That bittersweet smile kept its’ place. “Right. Well, lunch is almost over. We should probably start packing up.”

Looking at the watch wrapped around her wrist, Vivi confirmed they only had a couple minutes until the next period. With a huff, she picked herself up off the steps, putting her half-eaten lunch back into her backpack. She would have eaten more, but today, she didn’t have much of an appetite.

And so, the two went on their separate ways, but not before throwing rushed glances at each other’s backs.

When Vivi was gone, who would Haseul have to turn to when she needed someone the most?

Vivi and Haseul knew each other since middle school. When they had first met, Vivi was in her second year and had just moved to the country, and pretty late into the school year as well. Haseul was in her first. Comparing the two together, Haseul already had an established relationship with her peers, having a few close friends as well, namely Sooyoung and Jinsol whom are still close friends up until high school now. Vivi? She had no one. Starting fresh is something not a lot of people would like, but sometimes, being alone is a worse feeling.

One day, Vivi excused herself to use the washroom, but it was only an excuse. She didn’t really have a need for the washroom, she just needed a place to calm her nerves down. When she finally reached it, she immediately hunched over the sink, staring at the mirror intensely. She knew no one. She didn’t know much of the material being covered in her classes since she had literally just came in halfway through the year, and she sure as hell didn’t feel like asking for help with understanding things. Would that make her seem dumb? Asking for help? Probably not, but she was too preoccupied with what others thought of her to comprehend that it was okay to ask questions. Just not too much, because then you'll just seem irksome to both the teacher and the classmates.

“Are you tired?”

The brunette hadn't noticed if anyone was inside. She had assumed she would be alone, but the sudden unfamiliar voice startled her. What startled her even more was the fact that they were talking to her.

“M-Me?” She pointed to herself. Turning around, she faced the unfamiliar voice, being greeted by a smaller girl with black hair that flowed almost past her waist, tied back into a tight ponytail.

“I mean, who else?” The other girl asked. “You just look like you were about to throw up or something, and I wasn’t so sure, so…”

Vivi coughed into a fist. “Uhm. Yeah, sorry. I’m alright. Thanks.” She made a few steps forward, ready to leave, but a gentle hand tugged at her sleeve.

“Hey! I don’t recognize you, are you new here?”

Surprised at the action, Vivi stopped in her tracks. This was the first time anyone really talked to her other than asking for a pencil or asking for homework related things in general. She scratched her cheek with an index. “Huh? I moved into the country about a month ago, so, yeah. I’m not familiar with this school…”

Upon hearing those words, the ponytailed girl’s eyes lit up. “You’re that new student people talked about! From Hong Kong, right??”

It had been approximately a few minutes since Vivi had met the girl, and already she had asked her more questions than that one boy in her core class that sat beside her, always asking for an extra pencil.

Wait. People talk about her?

“What?”

“Hm?”

“What do you mean that people talk about me?”

Vivi was genuinely curious. She was sure no one cared enough to befriend her. A few people came to her once, and Vivi had hoped, but they quickly forgot about her after a day, and damn, she took a mental note of not to have high expectations.

The girl cocked her head to the side. “People say something about a pretty foreigner? I don’t know. I assumed it was you since you look pretty.”

A blush spread across her cheeks pretty quickly, and if Vivi didn’t die from nervousness that day, her death would most likely be caused by embarrassment.

“What? I-I’m not really pretty…”

“Well, middle school years are supposed to be the awkward years, but other than your vibe, you sure as hell ain’t awkward looking.”

Vivi deadpanned. Ouch. She knew she was a bit off socially (In the new environment. She was a pretty sociable kid back in Hong Kong), but hearing that straight up from a stranger was, well. Ouch. At least the girl thinks she’s pretty, so that’s a given.

The other girl added on, “No one really approaches you since they think you’re way out of people’s leagues. Aha, rumour has it your fam is rich as heck!”

“They aren’t wrong, I guess.”

“Hm? What was that?”

“My dad owns a his own company, and we’re pretty well off, I’d say.”

A whistle came from the other girl, eyes widened. “Damn! Literally a princess!”

Vivi shook her head, returning to her timid posture. For a moment, she forgot she had been conversing with someone other than the washroom’s mirror. Shyly, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I- Uh, I should probably head back to class.”

“Oh, right! But hey, just know, if you ever need anything, I’m usually hanging near the library at lunch time,” she says, a smile appearing on her face that looked like it could touch ear to ear.

Was the other girl asking her to spend time at lunch with her? Does that mean it was no more having lunch alone in a packed cafeteria? No more lunches half-eaten because she lost appetite from the stress of looking lonely. She was lonely, yeah, but it’s not like she wanted to make that obvious. Now, someone willingly asked her to have lunch together, which was something she was more than grateful for.

“That’s… really?”

“Yeah! I have two other friends I hang with, but they’ll like you, I promise! If you don’t like them, that’s fine. They’re kinda dumb anyway.”

The brunette chuckled at the thought. “Thanks, uh…?” Vivi trailed off, looking through her brain if at any point of the conversation, a name was mentioned.

The other girl took the hint, replying with quick and cheerful, “Haseul! I'm Jo Haseul, nice to meet you…?”

“Ah, I'm Wong Kahei, but my friends called me Vivi.”

“Vivi it is, then!”

From that day, it was like the two were inseparable. Despite being a grade older, Vivi managed to stay close to Haseul and the other girls. The trio became four, and Vivi's life became livelier since then.

In a short amount of time Haseul and Vivi grew to know each other, understand each other.

Vivi’s family was- and still is more than just well off, and she knew that. People from the outside would assume she would have the type of life most people would dream of having. But not everything was as perfect as one would think. An egotistical, detached man for a father and a mother that followed along with whatever that man would ask of her. Let’s just say that Vivi grew up with an empty feeling in her chest. With no siblings, to turn to, life at home was pretty dull, and the added comments that her father would always throw against her didn’t help. She had friends back in Hong Kong, but nowhere near the title of close friends, much less a best friend.

Contrary to Vivi, Haseul’s family consisted of her and her father. They lived a modest lifestyle, nothing too fancy. Vivi learned that the girl did have a younger sister and a mother, which made her feel relieved at first. She assumed the worst when she had told her that she only lived with her father. But it was added on that her sister and mother lived separately due to their parents being divorced, and it was settled which parent would have custody on which child.

Other than their love for books and music and all the nerdy things possible, they had another thing in common. Their resentment of their own father.

Vivi’s was too full of himself, and Haseul’s was an utter mess. Mr.Jo, from what Vivi later found out, depended heavily on drinking himself away. Even now, she still doesn’t know the reason of the younger girl’s parents’ divorce, but she knew it must have been bad if that was how he turned out. There were times where Haseul looked too tired to go to school when she would show up, that Vivi began to worry.

“Is he… is he hurting you?”

“What?? No, thank God he doesn’t. He just kinda knows which words to use that annoys me, you know?”

Was what Haseul said. Vivi was glad that nothing terrible happened back at home, but clearly, the situation kept the younger girl up at night, and she looked worse than when all-nighters would be pulled.

At sixteen, when Vivi got her driver’s license, the first thing she did was take Haseul on a joyride. It wasn’t crazy, but they did have fun not crashing into a trashcan that Vivi almost didn’t notice. She was alright enough to bring Sooyoung and Jinsol along sometimes. Having such a new license, Vivi shouldn’t really be going out to drive without someone who has had a license for a longer time, but at that moment, she really didn’t care. At least Haseul was smiling cheerfully and not looking like she just came from the set of The Walking Dead. Instead of heading straight home, Haseul would make up the excuse of having a project to work on, not telling her dad that she had actually been with her friends.

The rides weren’t really what made Haseul cheerful. It was the fact that she got to spend her evenings with the older girl. After so long, Haseul really felt like she had another half, and Vivi didn’t feel as empty as she once was. Their comfort lied in the other’s arms. There were times that Vivi would park the car somewhere quiet and the two would sit in the back passenger seats, arms wrapped around each other, so close that they could practically hear each other’s soft breaths. Vivi was always the big spoon, that’s for sure.

Rides happened every week, but after a couple months, it soon turned into almost every day of the week, and Haseul’s father started to get suspicious. Why did she start coming home as late as he did? Why does she look happier all of a sudden? Was she seeing someone he didn’t know of? It’s not like he really knew her friends anyway…

“Oh, I see… it’s because I can’t make you happy, huh?”

“That’s not what I’m-”

“-Stupid kid! Don’t lie to me! You’re just like your goddamn mom, that !” Haseul’s father was fuming, face red, and it wasn’t just because of the bottle he had downed before she had come back home. “Fine! Be that way! Be happy without me!!”

Haseul ran up to her room, locking herself inside. She couldn’t take it when her father was in a fit of anger, and this time, he was really angry. When this happened, her room was her safe spot in the entire house. This is her daily life. Been like that since elementary days, and Haseul was wearing out. The constant comparison between her and her mother got to her head sometimes. Her mother wasn’t a bad mother. Maybe a coward, since she only ever cared for her youngest daughter, not caring about her eldest since Haseul reminded her too much of her overbearing husband.

Crying herself to sleep was a part of the agenda, but this time, she really needed someone’s warmth.

To BB Cream: hey… u still up?

From BB Cream: who, me?

From BB Cream: duh who would i be if i wasnt up late finishing this video edit thats due tomorrow LOL

To BB Cream: oh. does that mean ur busy

From BB Cream: for u? i always have time

To BB Cream: thanks

From BB Cream: anytime :)

From BB Cream: so whats poppin?

To BB Cream: idk,,,

To BB Cream: i just need someone to talk to rn

To BB Cream: but i cant talk over the phone since my dad…

From BB Cream: just wait for me

To BB Cream: huh??

From BB Cream: im already running to my car!

From BB Cream: idc if ur in pajamas. ill meet u soon just hold on

Haseul’s eyes felt heavy. The screen’s blue light strained, even more so that she wasn’t wearing her glasses.

Sighing heavily, the ravenette ran a hand through her hair, picking up a hoodie that was tossed aside on a chair next to her desk. It wasn’t too cold out, was it? Chilly, perhaps. That didn’t matter. At least she had Vivi. The one person that kept her truly sane throughout all this mess. The one person that she could trust all her deepest feelings with, the one person that-

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Haseul froze in fear. She had been past halfway down the staircase when her father appeared. She thought he was asleep, that he finally passed out. Clearly not.

“I-I was just-”

“-Just tryna leave me? In the middle of the night? Hah… I see. Just like your mother…”

“You're only like this to me because you were so insecure about your failing relationship!”

His eyes widened, and Haseul knew that he didn't like her talking back.

“So you're raising your voice at me now, huh? HUH?!”

Thwap.

In a second, she felt the stinging sensation on her left cheek. She couldn’t believe it for a moment, but it had just happened. Her father literally brought his fist down. In all those years, he had never once gotten physical, even with the situation. Was this really what he had come to?

Both her cheek and her eyes started to sting, with tears threatening to fall at any second. She pushed him to the side, a grunt escaping him as she rushed out the front door, drowning out the sound of her father’s shouts. She ran blindly out onto the street, almost missing the car that abruptly stopped, the wheels screeching.

Looking up, Haseul’s sight adjusted against the bright headlights, and saw a familiar face pop out of the driver’s side.

“Haseul?!”

The younger girl sighed in relief.

“Oh my God! I almost ran you over, are you crazy?!!” The brunette’s arms were around the younger girl instantly, pulling her up and guiding her to the front passenger’s seat. When the two were in, Vivi had shoved other sweaters and hoodies in the girl’s way. “I w-wasn’t sure which one you would to wear, so I kinda brought them all? Ah, but you’re already wearing a hoodie, that’s fine! You could just toss them at the back-”

“Thank you, Vivi.” Haseul chuckled weakly, appreciating the thought. She didn’t want to make the older girl feel bad, so she did the only thing that seemed right in her mind. Put them all on.

Vivi furrowed her brows, trying to hold back a smile. “I see you’re one of great style?”

“Most of these are your clothes, so they must be.”

For a moment, they savoured the moment, being able to joke like this. But the sound of a man yelling snapped them out of it, and Vivi already hit the gas.

Pretty much, that was a summary of what had led up to where the two were now. On a road they didn’t know. You would assume that they the only feelings they would have right now would be distress, but the only thing they felt was peace. A little distress. But peaceful.

Being able to get away from her dad sent so much relief through Haseul. She knew she would have to return at some point, but right now, all Haseul could think of was the now. For the first time in all those years, she actually dared to go against what the old man wanted. It scared her, thinking about what he could do when she gets back home, but the feeling of her fingers intertwined with the very person that’s been her source of happiness, that outweighed it all.

“I’m tired.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I haven't slept properly since freshman year.”

“Ha, me neither.”

“Sometimes it helps to cry if you wanna sleep.”

“I wouldn't really recommend it.”

“Hey, Vivi?”

Loosening her grip on the wheel, the older girl faced her left. “Hm?”

“Where… where are we going?” Haseul asked. As much as she could care less about wherever they ended up, she would at least like an idea of their destination.

“Honestly? I don't know.” Vivi's shoulders sagged. “Uh, maybe we could stop by a gas station? There should be one here somewhere. We could ask for directions as well, if we find someone there.”

Lifting her feet up to the seat, Haseul resumed to hugging her knees. “You know, I don't care wherever we go. As long as I'm with you…”

Vivi gulped audibly. The younger girl's voice was too much. Those were simple words, but she could tell the different emotions that were hidden behind those words, and she knew Haseul wasn't just talking about their random drive. Still, that made Vivi all the more compelled to unclasp her seatbelt and crush the ravenette in the tightest hug she could muster.

“Haseul,” she started, “wherever I am, I'll always be here for you forever, I promise!” And she was sure to never take back her word.

Haseul was the first person to have ever approached her when she was new, and the first person to have shown her what warmth felt like. She had long since forgotten that stone cold cave, and she would do anything to repay all the kindness and love the younger girl had given to her.

The tears from earlier came back, but this time, they fell without warning. “You promise?”

Vivi nodded her head vigorously in the crook of her neck.

That was enough to crack a smile. The most genuine smile she's made all of today. She knows that the other girl has her own life to fulfill, and she has hers, but they promised on forever. And that was a promise they were sure to keep. She let the stream run down her face, unashamed of how messy she must look. But that didn't matter. At least she had her.

“Hey, Vivi?”

“Hm?”

“If you get big, you better offer me a role in one of your films.”

“Only an if? Geez, I thought you thought higher of me!”

“Yeah… you're all I ever think about.”

 

***

(a/n)

that was longer than expected WHEW lmao i started this a week ago then i got distracted. comment down below how you felt about this oneshot! also idk about where you live, but here, you can get a driver's license at 16

twitter @ideallyves/@ideallyvesaus

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bedofnails
#1
Chapter 1: This is soo soo good
WenSeNim
#2
Chapter 1: Awwwww emotion hits all the right places
latenightlily
#3
Chapter 1: "youre all i ever think about" ma was i supposed to feel that one