Tw- self-harm

 They say my system is overloaded
(Girl, what's wrong with you? Come back down)
I'm too much in my head, did you notice?
(Girl, what's wrong with you? Come back down)  - Get Well Soon - Ariana Grande

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"How do I make this pain go away?" Yerin sobbed to herself as she stared at her reflection in her bathroom mirror. Within the mirror was a young girl, nineteen, tear-stained cheeks from the night of crying and silent screaming at how she wanted to stop feeling like this.

The feeling wouldn't stop, it never does. Its made its nest inside her and it waiting for its offspring to hatch and cause the innocent girl even more heartbreak. The girl had messy and ragged hair and snot dribbling from her nose where she had sobbed far too hard and released the flood gates.

Then, the idea sprung to her mind, like a jack-in-the-box as it always does. Every time she goes to do this, she wishes she didn't have to but her mind was far too controlling. It was a way of relief, to help her feel as though she was flying and nothing can stop her. Just how Eunha had felt while she did drugs, except this was Yerin's high. People knew of Eunha's addiction but there was no one on the face of planet earth who had any chance of knowing about Yerin's addiction, she hid it too well.

Carefully she picked up the blade, she held it up to the light, causing a shimmer and rainbow to appear onto the bathtub, where the light from the window shone on the mirror. The blade had turned blunt due to how often she had used it to get her high, this wasn't ever something she wanted her best friends so see, she knew they would get her help, then how would she ever cope with the pain she was enduring every second of every day. She had removed this specific blade from her shaving razor, in the mere hours of the morning. Her first time committing this act was just a once-off in her mind, three years later she is still here depending on a small blade to make her feel some sort of relief. 

Lifting up her sleeve, she placed the blunt blade at her upper left arm, using her dominant writing arm to start the incision. The depressed teen no longer winces at the first touch, there was some element of pain but Yerin was too far in and had done it too many times that she had gotten used to the feeling.  Yet once the violet-red blood suddenly gushed from the wound into the crystal white sink basin, covering the entire sink, the pain left her body as soon as the first drop of blood reached the sink. Yerin's head instantly leans back at the relief she was finally feeling, her breathing starts to slow down as the bloodstream also slows.

"Yennie, you ready? We will get detention if we are late again." Yuna exclaimed as tried to open the bathroom door, causing Yerin to jump, as she zoned back into reality.

", , wait, wait a second! Just having a bit of a dilemma. , I don't suppose you could you grab a plaster for me, I...I cut my leg shaving." Yerin lied as she washed her fresh wound under the tap at an awkward angle. As soon as Yerin heard Yuna go and get first aid box, she quickly washed the sink and put away her razor into her makeup bag.

"Sure, but what on earth were you doing shaving your legs, minutes before going to school?" Yuna asked as she passed the first aid box to Yerin through a slight hole in between the door and the wall.

"I had a few hairs, I missed last night. Got to impress my girl." Yerin faked laughed, trying to seem normal, despite the aching and pain in her arm. Yerin quickly shut the door in Yuna's face and opened the first aid box. Yerin quickly grabbed a bandage, before pulling back the shirt sleeves on her wound which had now stuck to her shirt due to the blood still slowly seeping out.

Soon enough Yerin was done with her normal attempt at first aid, she grabbed her school bag, that she had thrown in the bathroom when the urge overpowered her as she sprinted to the bathroom, and left the bathroom. Yerin quickly pushed past Yuna and left the building, walking to the car, trying her best to avoid any sort of conversation.

"Have you been crying? You know you can talk to me if you have a problem. I can't say I'll have the answer but I can always try." Yuna asked, noticing Yerin's make up had been ruined. She tried to grab the girls arms but Yerin quickly pulled her arm away.

"No, my eyes watered when I cut myself, now can we stop playing interrogate Yerin?" Yerin sighed, speeding up before getting in the car to drive the two of them to school.

The drive was fairly silent, Yerin winced a little when she had to change gears but only because she had to put pressure on her wounds and at an awkward angle. Whether Yuna noticed or not was a whole different story. Yerin just wanted to get to school and be in the arms of her lover.

"I'm really sorry if I was annoying you. I'm just worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately, you are really quiet. I just want to know you are happy because you deserve to be happy Yerin. You have so many people who care for you and want the same thing for you. So can we just forget whatever happened this morning?" Yuna asked, fiddling with the books in her lap, she didn't know why or how she had irritated Yerin but she could see she had.

"Of course we can. Sorry, I'm just a bit hormonal today...and yesterday, and the day before- the whole week really. Just had a really ty week, I'll be alright though, thanks for thinking about me though. Not many people do that anymore." Yerin smiled, with a hint of sadness showing through, as she pulled into the school's parking lot.

The two girls got out of the car, in complete silence and Yerin returned the keys of the car to Yuna as she was still learning and Yuna was allowing her to practise in her car. They walked together, again in silence, to the small cherry blossom tree that their group always met at. As soon as Eunbi set eyes on Yerin a small smile escaped Yerin's mouth. Yuna was the only one of the group of friends that knew that Eunbi and Yerin were a couple, and that's only because Yuna accidentally walked in as the lovebirds were making love for the first time. The couple was going to tell the others but they were trying to find the right time and they have yet to find the right time, even if there were many opportunities. They had decided that they were going to announce it tomorrow but Yuna had already decided the group would go out shopping for her first year anniversary with Umji, so it was just gonna have to wait a little longer.

"Hey babe, you okay?" Eunbi grinned as she gave Yerin a quick peck on the cheek before any of the girls could see, although there were a quick smirk and side-eye from Yuna none of the other girls noticed. She had noticed that once again her girlfriend had bags under her eyes and was looking just down. Down was the only way she could explain it.

"Just feeling a little ty, but I'll be okay. You okay?" Yerin explained as she moved to the other side to hold Eunbi's hand with her non-painful arm.

"I am now you are with me. But are you sure you are okay? We can go to our secret spot if you want to talk about it?"

"Eun, honestly I'm fine I swear. Just didn't get any sleep last night." Yerin explained.

"Yeah, I can tell even through your make up. Maybe you should go back to your doctor's for more of those pills." Eunbi suggested as she rubbed Yerin's arm up and down in comfort.

"Yeah maybe, anyways how is Sojung doing? She still not coming into school, she hasn't been answering my messages or calls either?" Yerin asked as she tightened her grip on Eunbi's hand.

"You know that kid that she somehow fell in love with...?" Eunbi said.

"Yeah, Eunha wasn't it?" Yerin questioned.

"Yeah, that . She has ed her up again, left her and hasn't been answering her calls or texts. All those things that Sojung has done for her and this is how she repays her. Plus, I've noticed that she has stopped taking her anti-depressants again. I'm scared she is gonna do something crazy. But I also want her to open up to us in her own time, and not seem like I'm prying. It's hard, I'm not sure how I'd cope all the time. I'm constantly trying to say the right thing and it doesn't work, it's starting to piss me off. I know she can't help it but she could try and give me some leeway."

"It can be tiring, she is emotionally exhausted. Just give her time Eun. She'll be alright, everyone deals with everything in their own way. Let's just get to class, the bell has already rung." Yerin sighed as she and the rest of the girls went their separate ways to class.