1

New Beginnings

 

 

new beginnings

do not mean

you get to

become a new

person;

new beginnings

mean

that you

finally

can be yourself

around people

who will not

judge you

for how you’ve

grown

n.m.

☾

 

The sun lazily made its appearance on the horizon, its light casting a golden hew across the room. The beautiful effect it had was unfortunately wasted. It was wasted on a day when you weren’t In high spirits and couldn’t fully appreciate it. After your late night walk with Courage, you hightailed it back home where you felt safe. The freezing feeling down your back never went away. Throughout the whole night, the sounds of your bed creaking profusely as you tossed and turned filled your room. It was bad enough that Courage eventually hopped down from the foot of your bed, deciding to sleep on a pile of blankets that had fallen off.

A groan escaped your mouth. It wasn’t doing any good just laying in bed no matter how much you wanted it to. So you decided to get up, your bones protesting as you did so. You cracked various joints before heading towards the kitchen. Simple toast with jam sounded good enough for breakfast, and that’s all that was really around. You would have to make a quick trip to the market later.

It was practically impossible to send your dad out to get groceries, it always ended up with a surplus of food that’s later wasted because it went bad before the two of you could eat it all up. He always said in his defense he’s used to buying for a whole crew, not just a scrawny teenager as he put it. You never blamed him but sometimes you wished the fridge would magically restock itself.

After a rushed breakfast you brushed your teeth. Figuring out what to wear was never hard, just a pair of jeans and some sort of top would do, sometimes a dress if you were feeling lazy. If you were ever feeling a bit extra you would put the effort into wearing something on the nicer end of life, going to extra mile to match something up. Today was not one of those days.

Hair pulled back into two braids and a hat plopped down on your head, you didn’t even bother trying to put your contacts in. Instead opting to put on a pair of glasses sitting haphazardly without a case. Usually, makeup was enjoyable to do but you quickly found yourself just doing enough not to look dead. A random sweatshirt from off the floor and a pair of jeans later, you were off towards the door. Your dad had gone ahead and made himself some breakfast. He was sitting at the table, eating some cereal it looked like. A pair of knuckles was your greeting and your farewell as you left the house walking sluggishly

The old red, or what used to be red now more a faded brick color, backpack you’ve used for years seemed way more burdensome than usual. It also took too much mental stamina to keep your eyes from closing and staying closed each time you blinked. Your muscles couldn’t stop from screaming every now and then from the dull ache that seemed to linger in each of your limbs. Each step seemed harder than the rest. Everything just seemed to take more effort than normal and you could already tell this was a start to a really dreadful day.

It took you twice as long to get to town, but you eventually got there or at least close enough. Going to do the world some good, instead of going straight to school coffee was high on the priority list. No one needed to deal with your cranky just because you woke up feeling gross.

The bell on the shop door chimed in the closed space. Many other students seemed to be in the same predicament as yourself and were all waiting in line to order some much needed caffeine to kick the day off. Faces of all sorts decorated the small space besides students along with an assortment of voices.

The older town citizens seemed to enjoy this spot as a group of older men and women gathered for what seemed to be a knitting club of some sort. Together they brightened up the area with a multitude of different colors of yarn and had varying levels of skills. It seemed a single couple was in charge of the group as a lovely pair sat together while helping lead the others and give advice when needed. Every now and then they would hold each other's hand for a quick squeeze or gaze at each other with love in their eyes. The sight was enough to make you smile.

The next generation down from them, adults from diverse jobs sat at a few of the remaining tables. All had a more decadent drink than you could ever care to afford for their morning drink of choice. Two housewives sat together, no doubt probably sharing the latest gossip of their neighborhoods. Everything seemed very normal. Or it did until you got to the last of the tables in the back of the store.

The group was rather large, having to move two tables together to fit all six of them. A quick glance around the store was enough to spot another odd figure waiting for their orders. What caught you as most striking about them was not the fact that they were new faces. It was more so that they were very handsome. Also, the fact that a lot of other people, mostly students, had noticed the new faces and were taking advantage of the situation. A few girls were giggling together with their friends while a few boys talked about maybe recruiting them for whatever sport.

You watched for about a moment longer before it was your turn to order. It only took about a moment for the worker at the register to catch your order and write it on a cup. After paying was when you had a small dilemma The situation came about in a strange way. Now that you had ordered, the normal thing to do would be to wait out of the way of others. For some reason, you didn’t particularly feel comfortable standing next to one of the strange boys when so many people had their eyes on them.

“Excuse me you’re kind of in the way?”

“Ah! I’m so sorry!”

You apologized to another student who didn’t seem very amused by your daydreaming before going to order her coffee. It seemed as if you didn’t have much of a choice. Not wanting to bother anyone else and not attract any more attention than needed, you forced your body to stand next to the stranger. You distracted yourself by scrolling through your phone for the time being, not wanting to pay too much attention to your new neighbor for the time being. The music volume turned up but one headphone kept out in order to hear, you went about your own business.

It got a bit crowded as more people gathered in the shop. It seemed as if news traveled fast about the new hot boys in town, not that you were all too surprised. It was only a matter of time until more people grew curious about them. The more people who piled in the small shop, the closer you were pushed closer to the stranger. It was making you grow anxious. When the shout of one of the baristas calling out for a large Americano, your hand stretched out quickly so you could bounce. Only it seemed as if you weren’t the only person to order an Americano.

His skin was boiling, cause you to retract your hand faster than lightning. He had to be running a fever with that type of body temperature, there was no way that was normal. You didn’t really want to pester into the life of another person, especially someone you weren’t familiar with, but you knew your conscious wouldn’t let you live if they really were sick. What made you open your mouth was the thought that they had no idea where to go because they were new to town.

“Hey, are you feeling okay?”

Your voice seemed to startle him, he turned his head so abruptly, you were now afraid he might’ve hurt his neck on top of having a fever. It wasn’t the time to take notice of such a shallow thing, but you couldn’t help but think that the grandma from the dock was right. He was truely handsome. He had a sauve vibe to him that would make any girls’ hearts to flutter, probably yours as well if you weren’t so anxious at the moment.

“Um, it’s just that you felt feverish.”

The strange but attractive boy continued to look at you as if you had two heads before speaking in a satisfyingly smooth voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

With that, he took the Americano and headed back to his friends where they were all watching. You flushed in embarrassment. For some reason, you felt as if you had been rejected for whatever reason or another. You let out a sight and went back to scrolling through your phone, way more aware of the various eyes from both the table of boys and various other people who had noticed your small interaction. It wasn’t more than a minute before the next Americano was announced.

The bite of bitterness was enough to make you forget about what just happened. The walk to the school was peaceful, but still hard on your tired body. After dragging yourself to the fourth floor, you plopped down in your desk not bother to stop by the lockers. The cold from the fake wood was soothing. Today has been going not so well as of yet, and you weren’t too sure how you were going to make it through the day.

A few students walked up to make some small talk which you happily engaged in. Anything to keep yourself awake at this point was greatly appreciated. The conversation continued even after more and more students poured in. You found yourself enjoying having others to talk to, though already starting to feel socially drained. Even though it was fun for now, there was only so many surface level conversations you could have before feeling like it was work.

When the first bell went off, telling others there was just ten minutes until class started, you politely excused yourself out of the conversation and pulled out your journal. Some drawing before class should keep you awake and away from talking about last night’s football game, that you didn’t bother to watch, for a while.

Drawing was preoccupying for most of the time, thought there wasn’t much time too begin with. When the two minute bell went off you took the time to put your journal away and grab whatever notebook you’d need to take notes in. It was uncharacteristically loud in the room, much noisier than usual. It seemed as if everybody was suddenly in the room or crowding around it, from standing in the doorway or simply being in the wrong classroom. Something was happening. Something that was out of the normal for this small town high school.

It was curious, the way everyone was acting. It had been a while since something interesting had happened in their defense, so people were probably excited about a change of pace from the average day. You observed your classmates and the extra students. Everyone was whispering to one another about something you couldn’t quite catch. Dire times called for drastic measures.

“Um, do you know what’s going on?”

You had turned to the next table over, asking another student if they knew anything. He was a nice guy, on the more quiet side of life. He was the smartest person you’ve ever talked to and was your person of choice when it came to group projects, more so because he did his part of the work as well. Namjoon was awfully tall, towering over you at 5’11 but was more like a gentle giant in your opinion. He was one of the few people you have found yourself enjoying talking to.

“Supposedly there are some new students coming in today, all boys what I’ve heard from the girls talking,” he motioned to the group of girls that were gathered at the table in front of him. “One of them is going to be in this class I think.”

He offered you a charming smile, which you returned with one of your own, less attractive by far.

“Thanks, I can always count on you to know what’s up.”

“No problem, the least I could do as the vice president,” he gave a goofy wink. How could you forget that this lovely boy sitting next to you was also on student council. You laughed, thanking him again anyways before letting him go back to whatever he was doing before. So all of this fuss was over some new students. It didn’t surprise you, but it was rather annoying to have such a loud room when you weren’t in your brightest of moods. Nothing you could change though.

Your thoughts couldn’t help but think about that strange group of boys from last night and the coffee shop this morning. There was a considerable chance that they were what was causing all the fuss. Today wasn’t going to go peacefully as you’d hoped it would. So much for trying to stay positive with so little sleep on such a chaotic day.

Eventually, all the rumors were confirmed true when a fresh face walked through the door, slightly hindered by all the other students gathered around. He seemed slightly annoyed with all the attention he was getting, but ignored most people’s stares like they never existed. It was definitely one of the boys from the coffee shop this morning, and what was worse was that it just had to be Americano boy.

You groaned and put your head down in your arms. It just had to be him specifically. Great. Today was really not your day. The sounds of footsteps coming closer caused you to straighten up immediately. He continued all the way to the back, sitting behind you in the back of the classroom next to the window. Having the stranger sit behind you was rather unnerving and was causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. Anxiety rippled off you in waves.

It was only a matter of time before the teacher came in, ushering out all the unwelcomed students in the class and telling them to hurry to their own class. You hoped with all your might that he wouldn't do what you thought he was going to do. This particular teacher liked to fill in the classroom as much as possible with people being pushed up as close to the board. Meaning he would have to sit next to you, being the last seat in the next row up. The situation . Today .

In the end, after starting class he did do what you prayed with all your mind he wouldn’t do. He had the stranger come sit next to you and making you way more uncomfortable than you had just been when he was sitting behind. A few girls threw envious looks your way, but still understood that you had no control over the situation.

Since as a class the teacher had already had everyone do ice breaker exercises at the beginning of the year, which you found highly unnecessary because everyone has been together in the same classes since kindergarten, the teacher found it a great idea to do them again. He had everyone go around and say their name along with one thing you enjoyed doing outside of school.

The guy complied, but you could already feel his annoyance. Everyone went by rows, saying their names and snaking around the room. As your turn grew near, you found yourself dreading it more and more. The thought of him knowing your name was unsettling. When the time came, you had no other choice but to comply with what the teacher wished.

“Hi, I’m Hyewon… Er, I like walking my dog Courage.”

Compared to the other students, your introduction was probably the lamest by far. A few people perked up at the sound of Courage’s name, all knowing exactly who your dog was. It was hard not to know most of the things people had said about themselves though. Everyone has been living in this small town for so long that you considered all of them to be “childhood friends” for the most part.

Now, it was mystery boy’s turn to introduce himself to the class. Oddly you found yourself interested in what his answer might be, though you’d never admit it. Even if he made you slightly uncomfortable you found yourself interested in what an outsider would find enjoyable. The only people you had interacted with for most of your life had been the very people in this building and most of the town.

“My name’s Myungsoo, but call me L. I like photography and painting,” he answered shortly but politely to comply with his new teacher’s wishes.

“So, L, please tell us more about yourself? Where did you live before? As you could probably tell, we don’t really get new people around here.”

Americano boy, or L like he called himself, pressed his lips into a firm line. He didn’t seem too excited to share any more about himself than he needed to. You couldn’t blame the guy though. Being watched like some sort of science  experiment must’ve been rough.

“I’m not that interesting, so there's really not much I can tell you,” he smoothly dodged the question.

“Well, there must be something else you could tell us about yourself. How about your family? Or why you decided to move to these parts of the woods?”

Americano stayed quiet. The teacher interpreted this as the new kid being shy but you knew better. His hands were already in fists under the table from being annoyed so it was good that the teacher dropped the question and quit pestering him for answers. The other students on the other hand seemed dissatisfied with his answers and started to blurt out questions of their own.

If it wasn’t rambunctious before, it was now. People were overly curious about having someone new, no matter the gender, in this small town were the only new people were casual tourists interested in fishing. It took the teacher some time to make the class settle down. Some students were more boisterous than others.

The stranger’s face seemed to get more annoyed by the second, his eye started to twitch and his jaw was set. It didn’t seem as if he enjoyed the attention from everyone, but it didn’t seem like they cared whether he was comfortable or not. The other student’s were consumed by their own curiosity.

You felt bad for the guy. It was his first day and it was already starting to be a disaster. If felt bad for not being able to do anything to help him, though it wasn’t really your problem, to begin with. He sat back down in his seat, ignoring the constant looks from the others. Even you were starting to feel uncomfortable with all the attention that was happening near you because if they were looking at him, they were bound to notice you more. That was not what you wanted.

Sitting next to him was anxiety inducing. No matter what you did, it was impossible to get comfortable. To think that the chair that you loved to sit in was now becoming a horrible decision. No amount of natural lighting was worth this aching feeling in your stomach. Everything was off, you hadn’t had a lot of sleep, and now this new situation. It seemed as if life was trying to best itself with the worst day ever as overly dramatic as it sounded.

You sat as still as a board for the next hour trying not to care about the problem sitting to the right. He was so close enough for you to feel his abnormally high temperature, more than likely running a temperature but for some reason not doing anything about it. You hate to admit it but the warmth he provided was almost enough to make up for the attention that was now pinned at your table. Almost. It was naturally colder next to the window but even with your jacket and having spent years outside in this type of weather you were never able to get used to the cold that draped the city.

As soon as the lunch bell rang, you bolted out of the room while others were quick to gather around your table. The new kid got swarmed, again making you feel bad, but there wasn’t much you could really do about the situation altogether. It seemed as if your class wasn’t the only class to get someone new. From all the gossip you heard while walking down the flights of stairs, you got a rough picture of what had all happened today so far.

It seemed to be that alone with the new kid in your class, the other junior class got a new kid as well. The senior class seemed to get a whole dump load of new kids, the total coming to four. The last new kid to be added would be the sophomore class. It seemed as all of them were boys, all of them were handsome, and all of them were capturing more attention than necessary. It seemed as if the quiet school life you were having was coming to an end for now.

It didn’t take much longer to get to the oak tree. You situated yourself just how you liked before immersing yourself in music and art. Today had been way too stressful and as much as you’d like to take a nap, you knew it would only make the rest of the day harder to stay awake. A distraction would have to do until you got home and into your cozy bed.

The lunch break was going well for the first 20 minutes or so. The air felt nice, the grass wasn’t wet, and the tree allowed just enough sun to keep you warm but not hot. It was an idle lunch period. Or it was until the sound of voices came near. It was immediately annoying, ruining the quiet space that you had made for yourself and other like minded students liked to use to escape from the school day for a while.

From how low the voices were it was no question it was a group of boys. You couldn’t make out what they were talking about, but you didn’t really want to know either. The back of the school had always been your quiet salvation for the past few years and people ruining it was pushing your buttons. A sigh escaped your lips as you capped your pen to keep it from drying out before you stood up to confront the trouble makers themselves.

That was what was going to happen before you realised much to your dismay that the group of boys weren’t just regular students. They were the seven new boys that were the talk of the school. So much for confronting them and getting your slice of quiet back to yourself. The confidence you had found so easily before vanished into thin air and was swiftly replaced by anxiety.

Not only did one of them sit in the seat beside you, but now they were all congregated near you as well. Your thoughts raced through your head trying to come up with a solution, but eventually you just decided to head back into the classroom. It was easier than trying to deal with them even though you had come out here to forget about school for a while.

You packed up your things as silently as you could, not wanting to catch their attention but the day didn’t seem to want you to experience any joy today. When you stood up and dusted your off from any extra dirt you looked up only to find most of them looking your way. Just great. You stood there awkwardly not certain as to why they were staring at you. It wasn’t like there was anything inherently interesting about yourself. Not attractive, not smart, not talented in anything except maybe art, there was really nothing about you that stood out. You would probably at walking if you hadn’t gotten so used to the uneven terrain of the shore near your house.

You shifted your weight from one foot to another, extremely uncomfortable with the intense stares being exchanged. After about a moment more of just watching one another, you took the initiative to walk past with a small nod of your head to which none of them responded to other than maybe one of them. He gave you a sort a smile, or a grimace you weren’t sure, as you passed by.

The exchange put you off for the rest of the day. Not even art class cheered you up. You got home to an empty house for the first time in a while finding a note on the fridge saying that your dad would be later than usual today and to not wait up for him. If it wasn’t for Courage being around you’d probably cry in frustration at how crappy of a day it’s been.

Instead of making food, you decided to skip dinner and went right in for desert. If your dad wasn’t here to cheer you up, a good alternative was some good old fashioned ice cream. The richness of the taste was just what you needed to soothe your nerves. Homework came next, though you didn’t do it nearly as thorough as you probably should’ve for someone with lack luster grades. After that you took Courage out for an early walk and went right for a nice hot bath to treat yourself to a little something extra.

The feeling of the hot water encapsulating your worn out body was lovely and the smell of roses relaxed your stressed thoughts. Courage was laying on the cool tile floor as he kept you company in the bathroom, he didn’t really like being by himself for too long. After it had turned 11 and the water began to cool, you drained the tub and wrapped yourself in an extra fuzzy towel.

You tried your best to keep the heat from the bath encapsulated in the towel as best as possible while going to get dressed in your room. After pulling on some sweats and a shirt you found yourself falling freely into sleep, knowing you were way too tired to try and stay up until your dad got home. It took less than a minute before everything lulled itself into a dreamless sleep. The sound of the front door opening is the last thing you remember hearing.

 

word count: 4561