"New Phone. Who Dis?"
ISWJY
With a brand new SIM card and a fresh AppleTM phone, Son Wendy addressed her group chat, populated by numbers she neither memorized nor recognized. Why she had to get a new phone, she'd rather not go into detail. Just know that it involved a sudden jumpscare and an ill placed vat of seaweed soup.
We begin with Wendy on the phone, currently on break at her radio station job.
Wendy 💙 :
Yoo hoo~
Everyone,
I got the new phooone!!!
I need to match your numbers with the right name though.
Please message me back with your name.
My contact list is wonky
Something to do with the cloud not syncing 😧
312-430- :
Yah
Have you not memorized mine?
You made such a big deal last time
312-210- :
I don't get the part about "clouds sinking", but okay.
My number's (312)-210-
312-017- :
lol
New phone. Who dis?
Wendy 💙 :
No no no
Sorry,
I'M the one with the new phone,
Not you...whoever you are.
NAMES
Please message me your NAMES.
...
Okay ❤️ ?
312-017- :
...
...
New phone. Who dis? 😂
312-430- :
...
😂
312-903- :
Ahh, this will be fun
Nobody tell her!!
Only hints~
🤫🤫🤫
312-210- :
...
Okay. Ready?
Hint number one
I am... ...
Ready Wendy?
Wendy 💙:
uggggh
Yeah.
Sure.
312-210- :
I am...
...a member of Red Velvet!
woooooh heheheh
Wendy 💙:
What?? No!
No more hints from you.
You're banned.
😤
312-903- :
Yes hints~
Wendy 💙:
Good grief...
312-210- :
Wendyyy
Wendyyyyyyy I am your unnie.
Use formal language or elssee!
312-017- :
I too am your unnie
OooooOOloolooo
Wendy 💙:
🙄
I'm going crazy
Real unnie,
Are you there, Miss Bae?
Lovely Joohyun? -ssi
Four identical Yes's popped up, impersonating the lovely leader.
"Yes" they claimed, simultaneously.
Wendy 💙:
😒
Please don't let the kids get away with this.
Irene unnie,
...oh nevermind.
I'll get back to you in a sec.
btw Seul
Wendy now addressed her same-aged friend.
Wendy 💙:
Just so the record's straight, you are not an unnie, mkay?
I'm on my way to your messy house to settle this once and for all.
Hope you washed my baking trays like I asked so I can pick them up.
312-210- :
What do you mean messy house??
I've been cleaning really well!
Seulgi's been, I mean...
Oops...
🤦🏻♀️
Please don't come over.
Wendy 💙:
HA
Hi, H-I!
Hi sSeul~
Her low level trap cunningly sprung, Wendy corrected the number to "Seulgi 💛", the heart added for consistency's sake. Consistency, and gloating rights.
Wendy 💙:
Yeah yeah whatuppp
Next?
Seulgi 💛:
Don't come by, pleaase.
I'm not even there.
I'll bring your trays over to the dorm tomorrow
Wendy 💙:
I'll stop by Yeri's place then, since it's in the area.
Seulgi 💛:
...
...
...
Don't go there either...
Above Wendy's forehead shined a bright light from a bulb, brilliant. In the symbolic way, yes, but also in the literal sense since she flipped the switch on herself.
Wendy 💙:
AH HA!
Somethings goin' on here
You two must be together, huh?
Ah, jeongmal
Two dumb dumbs for the price of one
Easy 💃
I'm comin' over
If anyone were to be considered succeptible, it'd be the other half of the pabo squad.
She could barely contain her glee, hoping to catch Yeri red handed.
312-903- :
Hold it, girls~
Don't fall for any more tricks!!
This Wendy person's a dangerous one, isn't she?
Think carefully over your answetr!
*Answers
312-430- :
Waah, she might actually show up.
Seulgi
Seulgi because you're eliminated, try not to give the rest of us away
Lock your doors if you have to.
Seulgi 💛:
I'll smile proudly at my phone then
Watching with lots of interest
huehuehue
🤓🤐
312-430- :
"Lots of interest"
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Putting away the first fool with ease, the new phone owner attacked from an alternative front. She put on her jacket and waved to the SBS staff as she typed her next statement.
Wendy 💙:
Beloved members, whom I hold so dear
Like, super dear
So dear...
In the interest of fun, I Wendy will ask you questions about to myself
Like a game -
A quiz?
You the members will answer truthfully to the best of your ability.
Seulgi-ssi can play too
Seulgi 💛:
Nice 🤓
312-017- :
What do we get if we win?
Wendy 💙:
Uhhhhhh...
My love :3
312-017- :
BOOOOOOOO
👎👎👎
Seulgi 💛:
Nice 🤓
312-430- :
She's dead serious
She offers this prize for everything
312-903- :
You too?
Gosh, I have plenty of "Seungwan's Love" leftover
😘 😘
I'll pass on it as wejj
As well*
Wendy 💙:
Suit yourselves
...Did I mention that my love involves baking?
🎂
312-017- :
Oh! Jinja?
That sounds delicious
Please continue
Quiz time let's go!
...
...
Quiz time gaja!
Wendy 💙:
Hang on a sec
...
...
...
Okay, I'm ready.
What is my blood type?
Most answered correctly with "O".
The "Human" blood type answer underwent heavy scrutiny, but ultimately earned acceptance.
Wendy 💙:
What fruit do I like best?
"Anything but durian and Korean melon", "Plums", "Mango", and "Apple" all passed the litmus test. Wendy liked fruit.
Wendy 💙:
High school?
MBTI?
Current favorite song?
Vocal influences?
The onslaught continued with contenders neck and neck in imaginary score - not that Wendy kept tally anyway.
She needed to buy more time.
As would Oprah giving away free cars, she announced with gusto,
Wendy 💙:
Phew!
Google users, eh?
Okay, I see. I see.
Well here's one you can't look up on kpop profiles
What protective case...
...will I use for this new phoonnne?
Guess
😜
312-017- :
Dunno
The personalized one that matches Irene's?
...
...
New case, who dis?
312-430- :
aaaaaaah
👏
This is a good question
Is it the Charlie Brown "Good Grief" one?
It must be.
312-903- :
This Wendy person won't use one at all, since she'll just destroy her new phone in no time
Trick question. Answer - None.
No offense.
Wendy 💙:
Offense taken...
No points will be awarded.
Seulgi?
Seulgi 💛:
Defintely not the one that matches Joohyun-unnie's
R.I.P.
It belongs to the soupy seaweed sea now.
Wendy 💙:
😢
Don't remind me
It's not the Charlie Brown - Bossy Lucy pair either.
Sooyoung decided to match with her boyfriend instead.
😬
I'll only use it again if they break up.
Thoughts? Joy-ssi?
...
This is the next question, girls
Seulgi 💛:
No comment
heheheh
I don't want to get in trouble
312-430- :
Use only if they break up?
Use only if they break up...
hmm...
I want to say yes
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
312-017- :
Yes.
Wendy 💙:
Any other answers? Last chaaance~
Wendy awaited the bubble of reply, grinning almost maniacally when it failed to display.
Wendy 💙:
Joy-ssi
By chance, could it be that are you the one who didn't answer??
Are you fixing another typo because your nails are too lonk
*loam
*lonh*
*long??**
ahahahaha
No response. Smelling victory imminent within her nostrils, Wendy delivered a brutal coup-de-grace
Wendy 💙:
Haetnim is ugly
312-903- :
....
...
...
OMG
You play dirty, unnie!!
I'm genuinely hurt this time
How could you??
Wendy 💙:
I thought you'd put up more of a fight
"Good grief" am I right? hahaha
Mianhae 🥺
Your man is a great guy, I swear.
Haetnim on the other hand...
I shouldn't say...
Joy 💚:
!!!
Seulgi 💛:
Poor Haetnim
Isn't this going too far?
Joy 💚:
If you want to apologize,
make us cupcakes separately.
You also have to bow 90 degrees to my precious
Wendy 💙:
I'll bow 180 degrees, I think
I''ll do a headstand for Haetnimee
Joy 💚:
I'll believe it when I see it
Only Joohyun-unnie and Yeremie remain.
Wendy-unnie
You get one question this tine
*time
If you guess wrong, you'll...
You'll have to get a phone case with mine and my boyfriend's faces on it
You'll become our ship president~
Wendy 💙:
....Fair enough.
I'm running out of questions anyway
Here is the last one.
Ready?
312-430- :
Would it sound arrogant if I said I was born ready?
I was born ready!
...
...
Ahhh, I'm nervous now 😓
My blood pressure's going up up up
312-017- :
👌
We get the cupcake
Wendy 💙:
Hang on, I'm losing signal here...
Okay, here's the scenario
Seoul
RV Dorm
September 3, 2022
Joy 💚:
So dramatic
Wendy 💙:
At approximately 5pm, an innocent owner of a handphone is startled by a second party.
We call this person the Startler.
The Startler claims that a third party - an Instigator - told them to do so to liven the atmosphere.
Said phone falls into an open pot of unidentified food liquid.
The pot, managed by fourth party Cook, was left unattended and bubbling over the lip.
Fifth party Witness knew all the events leading up but stood by, saying nothing.
In this scenario, who is responsible for paying the damages?
State your case. Go!
Seulgi 💛:
Ohhh, so that's your plan.
kkkkhhhhh
Smart Wendy
I blame the influencer, since she had the first bad intent
312-017- :
lol state your "case"
Startler 100%
Instigator can say anything they want, but the Startler chose to follow through
Also too much text, Wendy
Chill
Joy 💚:
The more I look back on it, the more I want to blame Phone Owner.
Who handles their device so carelessly?
Even if the pot wasn't there, it was bound to be damaged
At least from the Witness's perspective
Wendy 💙:
I don't think so, birthday girl.
Damaged, sure...but boiled?
312-430- :
Wae?
Waeyo?
It's a pot with food cooking
Of course it's boiling.
How would it cook if it's not boiling?
Ridiculous
You pay.
Wendy 💙:
I did
🥺
312-017- :
Whoa, girls.
Remember? **Hypothetically**
Clearly each individual should take some responsibility
If not as co-workers then as chingus.
Considering how each earns income...
...
....
...
Wendy 💙:
uhhh Yes? continue
312-017- :
...There's no difference if any of them pays the owner separately or if she pays it all herself.
It's all SM's money anyway
Hypothetically
Wendy 💙:
Not how it works.
Oh
And guess what
Hi Yeri.
Pay up Instigator
312-017- :
Nonsense, Seungwan-ah
This is Irene
I love you
Wendy 💙:
Heck no
You're not her, and I can prove it >:D
Wendy made some final adjustments to her contact list.
Yeri 💩:
Prove it?
Good luck
Irene 💖:
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Slightly amused, Yeri turned to an undisclosed number of girls lounging around in her living room.
"How do you think she'll prove it?" she asked.
Together, they all shrugged.
"Say, wouldn't it be funny if..."
Bzzztt bzzzt bzzzzt
Four heads turn simultaenously. The doorcam audio played aloud.
"YERIIIIII. COME OUT AND PLAYYYYAAAYY."
Wendy had shown up at her doorstep.
Yeri 💩:
Point proven
😨
Stop making so much noise!
I have neighbors.
There, I buzzed you in.
Get up here biatch
Wendy 💙:
Ah, I see
Was I right? Is this Yeri Kim?
Yeri 💩:
This is she.
We're all here at my place.
You hungry, unnie?
You must be after work
Wendy made some last minute adjustments, smiling as she does so with the pressing of a backspace and a 💜
Wendy 💙:
I can feel my ribs poking out
Might not make it up the stairs before a breeze carries me away
urrggghhh
Yeri 💜:
Hurry, before Seulgi-unnie takes another slice!
Seulgi 💛:
Heyyyyyyy...don't spread rumors.
Irene 💖:
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Joy 💚:
Wendy-unnie~
Yeri says be careful of one think on your way up.
One thing*
Wendy 💙:
What?
Yeri 💜:
...
...
New phone. Who dis?
Wendy 💙:
Just for that
I'm putting poo emojis next to your names
Joy 💩:
New phone. Who dis?
Irene 💖:
New phone. Who dis?
Seulgi 💛:
New phone. Who is this?
Yeri 💩:
New phone. Who dis?
Wendy, winded, rolled her eyes both physically and via emoji
Wendy 💙:
🙄
Alright
I see how it is...
New phone.
Dis Wendy
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