It took Taemin over four hours of watching Minho play volleyball until he had finally gathered enough courage. While Minho had spiked ball after ball, Taemin had thought until his head had turned hot – figuratively of course.

Now he was ready.

“Minho-hyung!” he called when he saw Minho jog over to where his water bottle was, probably thirsty from exercising so much.

“What is it, Taemin-ah?”

Minho immediately ran towards him, although his teammates had been skeptical when they had seen Taemin. They were probably just worried he was sick and contagious after Minho had told them he wasn’t feeling well, but Taemin had still felt out of place.

“I’m ready now,” he told Minho when the older was in earshot. “To go and see Kibum-hyung. Can you give me Jonghyun-hyung’s address?”

“Are you sure?”

Minho looked worried, but Taemin had already made his decision. He knew he had to face Kibum today if he wanted to sleep somewhat peacefully that night.

“Please tell me where Jonghyun-hyung lives,” Taemin said again, to emphasize the finality of his decision.

Minho let out a sigh but still told him what he needed to know.

“Good luck, Taemin-ah,” he said when Taemin was about to leave. “I wish you all the best. With everything, really.”

It almost sounded like he knew more than Taemin had told him, but the younger boy was sure that even Minho wasn’t insightful enough to guess that he and Key had kissed.

Now that he knew more about the main issue, Key’s father, Taemin found himself pondering on the kiss during the bus ride to Jonghyun’s house. All the thinking was threatening to give him a headache – he didn’t even know why Key had done what she had done last Friday.

The closer Taemin got to Jonghyun’s place, the more nervous he became. He felt guilty at the thought of Kibum’s boyfriend, wondering if he even had the right to come to his house. Key had given him more than Taemin deserved, but in the end, Jonghyun was the victim here.

Did he know about the kiss?

Taemin doubted it. From what Minho had said, it seemed like Kibum had been too preoccupied with his abusive father to confess a mistake like this to his boyfriend. A mistake, that was what it had to be. Nothing more.

That was what Taemin told himself as he stood in front of Jonghyun’s door, contemplating whether he should press the button next to it or act on his instincts and run away. He ended up ringing the bell.

It almost felt like waiting in front of Kibum’s home all over again, yet it was so different this time. Taemin prayed Jonghyun would be the one to get the door, or else he wouldn’t know how to explain himself.

His heart almost stopped when the door finally opened.

“Huh? Taemin, is it?”

Taemin’s prayer had been answered. It was Jonghyun.

“I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Taemin mumbled as he bowed deeply. “Do you… Is it possible for me to speak to K-Kibum-hyung? I promise I’ll be quick, I just…I really need to talk to him.”

“Of course, come in, Taemin-ah!” Jonghyun said in his awfully pleasant melodic voice that made it so hard for Taemin to hate him. “He really isn’t feeling well, but I understand you need to talk to him. You were with him, weren’t you?”

“I was,” Taemin confirmed as he slipped through the door.

He felt self-conscious under Jonghyun’s stare, afraid that the older might be able to tell that he had kissed his boyfriend from his facial expression or the burning tips of his ears.

However, Jonghyun didn’t confront Taemin. Instead, he motioned for him to take off his shoes and follow him into a small kitchen adjoining directly to the hallway. The scent of traditional Korean spices tickled Taemin’s nose and his stomach growled – he hadn’t eaten all day.

“Do you want something to drink? Or eat?” Jonghyun politely asked, but Taemin was too tense to nod.

The older still sent him an encouraging smile before saying, “I’m sorry, I held you up. Of course you’re only here to talk with Bum. If you don’t mind, I’ll go upstairs to see how he’s doing. He was asleep when I left him, but he might have woken up by now.”

Taemin felt incredibly awkward the whole time while Jonghyun was gone – that wasn’t to say he was better in the older boy’s presence.

The guilt was still gnawing at Taemin’s heart. He was just glad that Jonghyun had such a pleasant and warm aura. It was hard to imagine that he was the same man whose depression was so bad he couldn’t even leave the house and meet his boyfriend sometimes.

Taemin bit his lip as he stared at the door Jonghyun had closed behind him. Kibum’s boyfriend didn’t deserve this. He had been nothing but kind to Taemin each of the few times they had met – it had been wrong of Taemin and Key to kiss.

“He’s awake now!” Jonghyun reported as he pushed through the kitchen door. “He’s sick, so he’s staying in my room at the moment, but he said he wanted to see you. I’ll show you the way.”

His throat blocked by a lump and both of his hands forming fists, Taemin followed Jonghyun up a narrow staircase and into a room that was more spacious than it had seemed from the outside. Taemin’s view was blocked by a shelf filled with books, yet he could imagine what was lying behind it all too well.

“Bummie,” he heard Jonghyun’s gentle call and the sound startled him.

He felt like he shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be witnessing Jonghyun’s affection – Taemin was an intruder and he would always be.

“Taemin’s here to talk to you,” Jonghyun quietly said to the person on the bed behind the shelf.

“Tell him to come in.”

Kibum sounded way more hoarse then the last time Taemin had seen him, but he knew he should have expected this. Not raising his gaze up from the floor, Taemin stepped forward until he stood behind Jonghyun, who was playing with Kibum’s fingers.

“Hi,” Kibum quietly said.

An awkward silence followed. Taemin didn’t know what to do or where to look. A part of him hoped Jonghyun would leave them alone so that they could talk freely, but his other half was absolutely frightened at that thought.

“I guess I’ll leave you two alone,” Jonghyun finally said, sounding a bit more vulnerable than Taemin would have liked.

It felt like Kibum’s boyfriend was suspecting something.

“Come back afterwards, hyung?”

Taemin could hear the pout in Kibum’s voice and his urge to bolt out of the room grew. Kibum was obviously in love with Jonghyun and Taemin had no intention of hurting either one of them. He just needed to talk to Kibum and clear a few things up, but he was afraid that his visit would have consequences.

“I will, baby.”

Jonghyun left the room quietly, but not before pressing a little peck onto his boyfriend’s knuckles. Taemin had expected to feel relieved once the door was shut again, but instead, his heart was beating so wildly that it hurt.

“Taemin.”

Kibum’s rough voice almost startled Taemin to death. He visibly flinched, still not making eye contact.

“H-hyung,” he stuttered but didn’t know what more to say – his tongue was tied all of a sudden.

“Can you look at me, Taem?”

Despite Taemin’s panic, it was still as always – Kibum had him look up immediately at the mention of the fond nickname.

“How are you, hyung?” Taemin asked because he didn’t know what else to say.

While Kibum was still thinking of an answer, Taemin looked him up and down twice. He was sitting up against a few pillows, with a blanket covering his legs and most of his torso. Kibum’s hands were fiddling with the hem of his covers as if he was somewhat nervous.

And then, of course, there was his face – Kibum’s face, which sported not only one but two bruises now, both in stark contrast to his pale skin. His cheek wasn’t as swollen as it had been last Friday, but the injury still looked painful enough to make Taemin feel sick.

“I’m fine,” Kibum finally said in a groggy voice, blinking up at Taemin through glazed over eyes. “I have a pretty bad headache, but Jjongie is taking good care of me.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Taemin repeated. He could already feel himself getting frustrated. “How can you be fine when it’s like…this?”

He gestured at Kibum’s face.

“You’re obviously not fine. Stop with that bull.”

After a moment, Taemin added in a timid voice, “can we please talk about this? I feel so confused I didn’t even sleep last night.”

Kibum’s face fell at that confession.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “I really didn’t want to drag you into this. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“So you want me to explain the whole story to you?”

Taemin nodded, although he already knew it was going to hurt. However, he needed to know what had happened from Kibum’s point of view, or else he would never find his peace.

“There’s no point in keeping it from you anyway,” Kibum started off. “You are the only person who ever saw my dad…doing that. Hitting me. No one else ever…”

“Okay.”

Taemin wanted to take and hold Kibum’s hand so badly yet he didn’t dare to, afraid that it would destroy everything. He didn’t want to take Kibum away from Jonghyun.

“I’m really glad you were there, though,” Kibum continued, already getting choked up at the beginning of his story. “I never realized how much it helped to have someone by my side in those moments until you came around. Thanks to you, I wasn’t as afraid. And I’m always afraid.”

He raised his hand to rub at his eyes, though Taemin didn’t know why he was trying to hide his pain. Instead of saying anything, however, Taemin just listened quietly.

“My relationship with my dad is a really complicated one. He’s never accepted my gender identity. I didn’t come out to him either, but he saw me wearing my wig and freaked out completely.

“He hates it so much when I wear skirts or wigs or make-up or anything that’s even remotely considered feminine. When he witnesses it, he will yell at me or shove me or – if it’s really bad – hit me, you saw that.”

Kibum had to pause for a moment due to his voice breaking – whether it was from telling his emotional story or because he was sick, Taemin couldn’t tell.

“But that’s not all there is to the story. You need to know something else, Min.

“It’s not my dad’s fault. He isn’t a bad person and he tries to be the most wonderful parent for Jongin even though he works so much.”

For a second, Taemin didn’t know if he had understood Kibum correctly. How was any of this mess not his father’s fault? Was he seriously making excuses for the man who had made his face look like this?

“My dad is not a bad person,” Kibum repeated in an urgent voice. “Please believe me, Taemin. He’s just…broken.

“He loved my mum so much although they both knew she wasn’t going to make it. He wanted to have a daughter so badly so that he could always be reminded of my mother – and that’s why he can’t accept the way I feel.

“But I can’t blame him for it. God knows I couldn’t live without Jonghyun – and I get why he does what he does. I really do.”

It was a miracle how Kibum had managed to hold back his tears all this while. His bottom lip was trembling dangerously, but he wasn’t crying – yet.

Taemin, on the other hand, was enraged. He had never felt this angry before. The story of Kibum’s father and the way his child had ended up because of him made Taemin’s blood boil to a point where he didn’t know what he would do next.

“But he mistreats you, hyung!” it burst out of him the second Kibum had finished talking. “He insults you and I know you’re hurt – don’t try to tell me you aren’t! You’re suffering! Why won’t you acknowledge whose fault it is?”

The frustration that had build up inside of Taemin had made him blind when it came to Kibum’s feelings. He only realized how bad this whole situation really was when the older burst into tears at his words, once again shaken by sobs.

“I only asked you to believe me!” Kibum cried. “Why can’t you even do that for me? Stop saying it’s my dad’s fault when it’s not! He’s a good parent.”

“Oh god…”

For a second, Taemin could only watch with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape. Then, however, he abandoned all of his resolutions within a second and lurched forward, pulling Kibum into an aggressive yet comforting hug.

“I’m so sorry, hyung,” he whispered over and over, “I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll believe you, I promise to believe you.”

Fortunately, Kibum’s outburst was only a short one. Soon enough he had stopped crying, but he appeared to be exhausted and Taemin knew he didn’t have a lot of time left. On the bus ride here, he had made another plan – and no matter how afraid he was, he would try to go through with it today.

“Do you wanna lie down, hyung?” Taemin gently asked Kibum who had started shaking slightly.

“Hm,” Kibum nodded. “I’m a bit dizzy. Thanks, Min.”

After Taemin had helped him arrange his pillows, he took a step back from the bed, although he was still in reach. For this next step, he didn’t want to be too close to Kibum, didn’t want to smell his familiar scent or feel his breath hit Taemin’s skin.

“There’s another thing I wanted to talk about, hyung,” Taemin finally said, in a voice that sounded almost solemn. “Why did you kiss me?”

“I was waiting for you to ask that.”

Kibum’s eyes were tired yet full of warmth as he looked at Taemin, maintaining eye contact as he said, “I don’t really know why I did it. At that time, it just felt right, but it was probably wrong. You know I love Jonghyun…”

“Yes, I know.”

“I want to spend my life with him. I told you that before. But you need to know that I care about you a lot, Taemin. You’ve become so important to me in such a short while – just as important as Minho and Jinki-hyung yet still different. It’s hard to describe.”

Kibum let out a cough.

“I’m sorry if I confused you or overstepped your boundaries. I don’t want to lose you, Taem, you make me happy. You’re really, really precious to me.”

And suddenly, Taemin was completely calm. An hour ago, he had been shaking at the prospect of this and every time he had thought of Jonghyun, he had been afraid of hurting him with his plan.

But now, in this very moment, Taemin knew he wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Kibum and Jonghyun were meant for each other and his feelings could never change that. Therefore, he would be honest now, so that everyone could move on afterwards.

This was his time to confess to Kibum.

“There’s something you need to know, too, hyung,” he began. “My feelings for you were never platonic. Don’t get me wrong, I love being friends with you. But the day I met you – you were Key – I found myself getting infatuated.

“It’s ridiculous how much I like you because I’ve never felt that way for anyone. When I found out Kibum and Key were the same person, I was confused because I thought I only had a crush on Key. But after a while, I realized I still liked you, no matter what you looked like or what you called yourself.

“I have a giant crush on you, but it’s okay for you not to feel the same, hyung. I realized that you and Jonghyun-hyung complete each other and I want you to keep being together, as strange as that sounds.

“So please don’t feel bad about the kiss or our closeness or anything else. I love being friends with you and it’s more than enough for me – I just wanted to be honest with you. Hopefully, we can continue to be friends. Please ignore my feelings for you from now on!”

He had done it. Taemin had confessed to Kibum and he honestly hadn’t felt this relieved in a very long time.

A soft smile had appeared on Kibum’s face while listening to Taemin’s monologue.

“Don’t worry about it, Minnie,” he softly said. “Everything will be okay.”

Taemin clasped his hands together.

“I’ll leave you alone now, hyung. Rest a lot and get well soon, alright?”

“I will. See you in school. Don’t cause any trouble!”

“You’re done already,” Jonghyun said when Taemin came downstairs.

He was sitting in front of an old piano Taemin hadn’t noticed on his way in, but the lid was closed.

“You look happier,” Kibum’s boyfriend commented as he got up to Taemin to the door. “Did he explain everything to you?”

“We talked about his father,” Taemin truthfully said. “Among other things. I hate that hyung’s hurting, but I want to help him as much as possible.”

“The same goes for me.”

Jonghyun waited until Taemin had put on his shoes. Then he politely bid him goodbye, to which the younger boy responded, “take care of Kibum-hyung, Jonghyun-hyung. And please take good care of yourself, too.”

With that, Taemin left, a slight skip in his steps.

____________________________

here we are... already at the end of this story. when i started writing, i didn't expect this to be more than a two-shot, except the idea evolved into something more, something bigger and - to me - something more beautiful.

i'm honestly so glad that i started writing one day bc for the first time, i haven't really felt any pressure while writing. this story just flowed so easily and it's crazy that this is already the end.

to be honest, i'm quite proud of how this fic turned out. i've been wanting to write abt this topic - gender identity, but also dysphoria and transphobia - for a while bc i feel like despite its importance, it's not portrayed enough in books and fanfiction. i'm hoping i didn't do anyone injustice by writing what i wrote. 

most of you probably know by now why the title of this fic is 'let's talk about baby'. for once, it's nothing erted but a play on words, bc that's what the story does - it talks about gender and taemin, the protagonist, learns that there's more to the topic than he thought. i know that the words '' and 'gender' aren't necessarily interchangable, but i still had to pick this title after my friend suggested it bc it fits well enough.

now on to the more exciting news - i am already writing the second part of the story. the ending probably left many of you (esp the taekey shippers) unsatisfied, so you may be happy to know that the story isn't over yet. however, i have to say that the second part will hit a bit harder.

it focuses more on jonghyun and his struggles. i wanted to include jjong as a character - and his warmth and his love are just as much part of him as his depression and the other things he struggled with. that's why i will write about the latter topics as well, even if they may be very triggering to some. 

don't be afraid to read though, because i would never, ever, include major character death in my writing.

so now, this is really the end. i hope that many of you stay for the next part - it'll take me a few weeks to get it up, though, since i'm still quite busy rn even after graduation. but i'm trying my best and hoping i won't disappoint anyone. thank you all for reading and staying till the end! your feedback, your kudos / votes / bookmarks / subscriptions or silent reads are very much appreciated!

i'll update this once i post the sequel.