It was 04:16 pm when Taemin’s phone started ringing. He had just finished his dance practice for the day and was ready to leave, but the incoming call held him back.

Upon reading Kibum’s name on the display, Taemin immediately picked up and pressed the cell phone against his ear.

“Hyung?”

He was a bit surprised Kibum was calling, especially at this time. As far as Taemin knew he was supposed to be on a date with Jonghyun right now, one he had been looking forward to for days.

“Taem, you’re done with practice, right?”

Kibum was a bit hard to understand at first due to the bad connection, but Taemin caught his words nonetheless. He nodded but then realized that Kibum couldn’t see him.

“Y-yeah, I am.”

His cheeks were burning because of the silly little mistake he had made, but that was nothing knew when it came to his conversations with Kibum. More often than not, Taemin found himself blushing furiously whenever he embarrassed himself in front of him, which had been happening a bit too often lately.

“Are you free?” Kibum asked in a hopeful voice.

Before Taemin could wonder about Jonghyun’s whereabouts he added, “Jjong just texted me to let me know he’s not coming because he isn’t feeling well, but…I don’t really wanna be on my own right now. So I was wondering if you had time to hang out?”

“Of course,” Taemin replied without thinking.

He felt honored that Kibum had called him of all people, yet he also disliked the fact that Jonghyun had apparently ditched his boyfriend.

“Is Jonghyun-hyung sick?” Taemin wanted to know as he stuffed his exercise gear into his schoolbag. “Didn’t you stay over at his place last night?”

“He’s unwell,” was Kibum’s cryptic answer. “Look, Min, I’ll tell you when we meet up, alright? How much time do you need?”

“Depends on where you want to go. I’m leaving right now, but I still gotta put some things into my locker. That should take me about five minutes I guess.”

“Okay, let’s meet at the café near our school! You remember it, right? It was the one we went to after your English test, where I introduced you to Jonghyun and Minho. Let’s meet there in half an hour.”

“Make that twenty minutes, hyung. I’ll hurry!”

With these words, Taemin hung up and left the changing rooms in a hurry – he did not want to make Kibum wait.

Eighteen minutes later, he stepped into the café he had last been to a few weeks ago. It was warm inside and Taemin immediately took off his coat. He luckily hadn’t sweated a lot during practice because they were mostly planning their choreographies at the moment and although Taemin liked a good workout, he was glad he didn’t smell bad when meeting Kibum.

Jongin’s sibling was sitting at a table in one of the corners of the café, which was even more crowded than last time. People were chatting and making a ruckus left and right, and Taemin suddenly understood why the phone connection had been so bad earlier.

“Hyung!” he yelled in an attempt not to be drowned out by the noise around him. “I’m here!”

He had probably tried a little too hard because Kibum jumped, his head whipping around.

“Taemin,” he spluttered but recomposed himself quickly. “I’m so glad you’re here. Sit please. What do you want to drink? Hyung will pay today.”

“You don’t have to do that, Kibum-hyung,” Taemin reassured him after placing his order at the front counter. “I’ve got enough money to pay for myself.”

“No, no, it’s on me.”

Kibum shook his head and smiled.

“I called you up out of the blue and you answered. I’m really grateful for that, so I want to treat you.”

“What about Jonghyun-hyung? You didn’t tell me what’s wrong with him?”

“Oh, that…”

Kibum’s smile faded a bit and he glanced at the black screen of his phone.

“He isn’t feeling well. I don’t know if I ever told you but…”

He leaned in closer until Taemin could feel his breath ghost over his own skin. The feeling made him shudder.

“…Jjong has bad days too. He’s… Well, he’s depressed and sometimes he can’t even get up because of that. I thought he would be okay when I left this morning, but I was wrong.”

Taemin didn’t know how to respond. Everything he had heard from Jonghyun so far were good things, traits that made him seem like a perfect person. But even though he had been so jealous of him in the past, Taemin’s chest tightened as he listened to Kibum’s explanation.

Jonghyun had seemed like a kind guy; he didn’t deserve to be hurting.

“Does he do that often?” Taemin finally asked as he studied Kibum’s face intently. “Ditching you, I mean.”

To his surprise (and relief), Kibum quickly shook his head.

“No, actually. He always tries to make it to our dates and even if he isn’t able to, we mostly hang out at his place. He told me once that being with me made him feel better, even if it’s only a tiny bit. I want to help him.”

He paused for a second.

“But today, he asked me not to come and I…I need to respect that.”

“Okay.”

Taemin hated the downcast look on Kibum’s face, but he didn’t know how he could possibly make it disappear.

“Hey, let’s order chocolate brownie, hyung!” he suggested, suddenly remembering one of his first ever encounters with Kibum. “We can share if you want. You’ll pay for the drinks and I’ll pay for the cake, alright?”

“We could try, I suppose…”

The corner of Kibum’s mouth twitched upwards, but his eyes were still full of sadness.

Figuring that he could use some distraction, Taemin quickly changed the topic to something other than Jonghyun. He needed to make sure it wouldn’t be brought up again unless Kibum wanted  it to be.

For a while, Taemin chattered on and on about his annoying teachers and classmates, especially the ones that Kibum knew as well. Suddenly, he remembered something he had wanted to ask all along.

“Hyung?” he carefully said. “I…There’s something I was wondering about.”

“What is it?”

“Minho-hyung told me something – well, he didn’t tell me anything – but he made it sound like something had happened between the two of you before. He told me to ask you, though, so I was wondering…”

“…if I could tell you?”

Kibum sighed and for a moment, Taemin feared he had asked the wrong question. The older seemed tense, his fingers were clasping his coffee cup a little bit too tightly, but Kibum nonetheless nodded at Taemin.

“Remember when I told you Minho and I only met in high school? To make it short, our story is a bit different. You do know he plays volleyball, right? He’s really good too.”

“Hm,” Taemin hummed.

“Well, it wasn’t always like that. Minho used to play football. He was actually set on becoming a pro when I first met him through a few of my girl friends I had at that time. He was on the team with a few of my classmates, but I never realized that until it was too late.”

Kibum paused for a moment to stare into his coffee cup, which was almost empty.

“I wasn’t careful enough around them and I didn’t realize it because Minho has always known. About my gender identity and all… But when his team found out, they turned into real jerks – most of them at least…

“They started making bets and comments and one time they tried to- they tried to check what I was born as… They tried to make Minho turn away from me, but he stood up to all of them and quit soccer.”

Kibum trailed off and it was silent for a few seconds, as Taemin was still busy trying to get a proper grasp on the events Kibum had just recounted. What Minho had done sounded unbelievable at first, but the more Taemin thought about it, the more impressed he was.

He had known beforehand that Minho was a kind person, but he had never expected him to go this far for anyone.

“I told him he shouldn’t have quit soccer, but he’s always been so damn stubborn,” Kibum suddenly muttered under his breath. “I thought he was wasting his potential, but look at him now. He’s on his way to become one of the best.”

Taemin shivered uncomfortably. He knew what Kibum had left unsaid even after the older had stopped talking. But the “this time, I’m not going to ruin this for him” didn’t need to be spelled out anyway – Taemin could sense how bitter Kibum was.

The story he had told didn’t seem like a big deal at first and Kibum hadn’t made it sound like one either. However, he looked frustrated, guilty, as he took another bite of the brownie on the shared plate between them.

“Oh, by the way, Taem,” he said after a few seconds, never once lifting his eyes. “I’m not going to be at school the day after tomorrow. It’s my mother’s death date and,” he interrupted himself to swallow loudly, “my dad likes to keep us at home for it. Especially now that Jongin is living at home.”

“O-okay.”

Though Taemin didn’t know what to make of his new knowledge, he tried his best to react just right. He couldn’t seem too sympathetic, but at the same time, he wanted Kibum to know he was there for him if he needed him.

As they sat in silence, Taemin’s thoughts began to wander and he ended up with Jongin’s face on his mind. It had been so incredibly long since he had last talked to him. Truthfully, Taemin didn’t even know how he was.

Jongin had never seemed too fazed by his mother’s death, yet that could change now that he had his father to remind him of it. Suddenly, Taemin couldn’t help but worry about Jongin, too. He wanted his best friend to be happy.

“Do you- Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Taemin had noticed that the tension had never loosened its grip on Kibum’s body. He looked positively uncomfortable sitting in his chair and whenever there was a particularly loud noise, he flinched a bit even though the whole café was filled with the chattering of the strangers that occupied the tables next to theirs.

When he heard Taemin speak, Kibum finally peeked up at him through his fringe. Even his gaze was full of anxiety, darting from Taemin’s eyes downwards and back up again.

“I…” Kibum started, but he got choked up.

He opened his mouth to try to answer yet again, but Taemin raised one of his hands, slowly, as not to startle Kibum.

“Hyung, don’t worry,” he said in the softest voice he could muster up without being drowned out. “I’ll pay, you put on your coat and everything. We’ll be out in a minute.”

The lack of protests from Kibum was yet another piece of evidence that he needed to get out of here. Taemin couldn’t pinpoint when his demeanor had changed, yet at this moment, Kibum was practically radiating anxiety.

As fast as he could, Taemin made his way to the counter to pay for their drinks. He didn’t even wait for his change, even though he had never tipped a waiter before, and hurried back to Kibum, who was still keeping his head down.

However, Taemin knew he was barely keeping himself together. He quickly threw an arm over Kibum’s shoulder and led him through the mass of tables, careful not to let him bump into anything.

Soon enough, they were outside the café, but Taemin figured Kibum would need a lot more fresh air until he could breathe again. He gently pushed the older towards the park near their school, to one of the benches he had often seen from afar on his way to the bus stop.

They sat down in silence, Taemin’s arm still slung around Kibum’s shoulder. Feeling how cold it was, Taemin pulled the elder’s body closer to keep him warm.

Sitting here like this was great.

It was just the two of them and even though Kibum was so tense – because of the dooming death date or whatever else – Taemin couldn’t suppress the tiny smile that threatened to bloom on his face.

Bit by bit, he could feel Kibum’s muscles loosen up as the elder melted into his body. They fit together nicely, despite their thick coats, and suddenly, a memory popped up in Taemin’s head.

A few weeks ago, he had been walking home on a particularly gloomy day when he had passed this bench. Hadn’t he noticed a couple sitting here? Two persons that had seemed so painfully familiar?

Taemin felt like he was experiencing a particularly odd kind of déjà vu. This time it was him watching his surroundings through the eyes of one of the persons he had seen while the other one was Kibum – Kibum, who seemed to be trying to bury himself into Taemin’s side as much as he could.

A warm flash passed through Taemin’s body and his eyes widened as he snapped out of his daze. Suddenly, his thoughts were racing and so was his heart – the latter, Kibum could notice any second.

Fortunately for Taemin, though, Kibum seemed to be busy enough cuddling him half to death. When Taemin shakily called his name, he only responded with a grunt. His face was so close that Taemin could feel his breath on his skin and he swore he had never been this uncomfortable before.

“H-hyung,” he stammered, “maybe we should…go somewhere else…because it’s cold?”

Truth be told, he was just making up random excuses in order to stop Kibum from invading his space like this. The older looked fine now, his eyes weren’t shaking anymore. Instead, his shoulders were, and it took Taemin almost a minute to realize Kibum was laughing.

“You’re so cute, Taemin,” he said, his voice interrupted by laughter every few seconds. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“H-hyung,” Taemin spluttered, desperately trying to get away, but Kibum had other plans.

He held him even tighter and Taemin was honestly astonished by his strength. Kibum had always looked slim to him, skinny, but right now the muscles he had gained from years of dancing were definitely showing.

“Y-yah!” Taemin exclaimed – he wasn’t ready to accept his fate.

However, Kibum took it even further and heaved one of his legs onto Taemin’s lap. He climbed on top of the younger until he was basically straddling him, their faces merely a few inches apart.

Taemin thought his heart was going to stop.

“Taemin-ah,” Kibum said, in a voice that was much too deep and husky for his own good. “You do know how much you mean to me, right?”

His breath on Taemin’s lips, his eyes so close that every eyelash and every freckle on his lids was visible – everything was spinning too fast and Taemin wasn’t going to wait until this dizzying ride was over.

“Get off me!” he yelled a little bit louder than necessary while practically throwing Kibum off his lap.

He was so hooked on calming his pounding heart, on trying to stop himself from panicking that he missed the way Kibum covered his head with his hands as he instinctively tried to make himself appear as small as possible.

When Taemin’s brain finally started to take in his surroundings again, Kibum had already gotten up from the ground. He was standing in front of the bench, keeping a little distance between himself and Taemin.

“I’m sorry, I went a bit too far,” he said in a light-hearted tone, but the way he had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso betrayed him. “Are you ticklish or something?”

In any other situation, Taemin would have asked about his weird reaction, he wouldn’t have let it go that easily. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on anything but the lingering sense of panic that was still left behind in his chest.

“H-hyung, let’s catch the bus,” Taemin breathed.

He was still too confused and overwhelmed to comprehend the situation and in all honesty, he needed to be alone right now.

“Wow, I really scared you off, didn’t I?” Kibum laughed loudly. “Anyway, I was thinking of going to Jjong’s place anyway because I…I…want to make sure he’s alright. Hah, yeah, that.”

“So, are you coming or not?”

Taemin had hurriedly gotten up from the cursed bench and was on the verge of walking away. However, Kibum shook his head at him.

“No, sorry, hyung’s house is another way.”

“Oh…” Taemin tried his hardest not to sound to relieved, but he miserably failed as his muscles loosened up immediately. “Guess I’ll see you around, hyung?”

Even though they had recently adopted the habit of hugging each other goodbye, Taemin simply turned around today. He never once looked back like he usually did because he was afraid that if he did, Kibum would still be standing there and watching him.

The thought was more than unsettling, to be honest.

Taemin didn’t see Kibum leave. All he knew was that he was alone with his thoughts now, but not even the music from his phone was able to shut up his mind that evening. He kept pondering, kept thinking and replaying the scene from earlier in his head.

His lips were bone-dry so he wet them with his tongue, but when a sudden breeze hit them, it felt like Kibum’s breath on his skin all over again.

When he was back at home in his room, Minho’s words suddenly reverberated through Taemin’s head. ‘I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.’

He had been talking about his crush on Key that day. Key, Kibum – Taemin was more than confused. However, at the moment he felt an awful lot like he still liked Kibum a lot. It was more than that, actually.

Now that he knew who Kibum was, what he identified as, Taemin’s affections had become even deeper. It felt like he hadn’t even fallen for her half way yet when he had called Key his crush.

But now, what did Key – Kibum mean to him?

Taemin knew, he knew it all too well, but he couldn’t tell himself to think the word. To admit it.

Instead, he just groaned. Unrequited love was truly the worst.

_________________________________

heya, i'm back again!

just a short note bc it's late, but did anyone ever wonder why minho was a volleyball player in this fanfic? now you know...well, it's mostly just bc he's amazingly tall and i have a feeling that minho would be an excellent wing spiker, so i had to make my dream of seeing him play volleyball reality in this fanfic at least.

also, school ended for me - i'm done forever. i still have two oral exams left, but otherwise i'm free - finally, i've got enough time to try out my new watercolors, draw, write and study korean.

i hope you're all doing well - see you next week!