Part one: The Fall.

 

Baekhyun sometimes wondered if he was a bad person. If he was someone that maybe deserved what had happened to him. He thought back on the events of that night with a wistful longing. Because even through the chaos of it all, it had at least been simple in the sense of he knew that he had to get out, he knew that he had a goal.

But now, here, back in a life where nothing made sense no matter how hard you tried to make it, it sometimes seemed a little too much.

It was a hot night, hotter than any other so far that summer. Even after the sun had set, the air was thick with heat and sweat crawled over his body.

He kicked off the sheets that stuck to him with a frustrated sigh and rolled over to get out of bed. His fan had long since broken and whilst buying a new one had been on his to do list, he hadn’t yet gotten around to it. A thought that made him annoyed with himself.

He tugged at the thin t-shirt that clung to his body, wanting nothing more than for the sweet relief of cool air as he padded out of his room and to his kitchen to get a glass of water.

As he reached the doorway of the kitchen, he caught his foot on the frame and fell. He braced himself, ready to hit the hard floor. But nothing came.

Instead he kept falling, falling as though he would never stop, and then just as fast as it had started, the falling stopped and he was laying on a cold floor.

He blinked his eyes open and tried to make sense of where he was. It was dark, that was the first thing that really struck him. Just how dark it was. The sky above him seemed to go on forever, and there was nothing on any side of him either. The only thing that seemed to be there for miles was the ground that he was laying on.

He moved to sit up, his hands over the ground as he did. It had an odd texture to it, as though it were smooth but ridges lay unseen beneath its surface.

“Are you going to sit there the floor all day?” a voice floated towards him, and when he looked up, the vast nothingness was gone, and in front of him was a towering gate made of thick golden bars, lit up by tens of torches, seemingly floating in the air.

In front of the gates stood a man. He was around the same height as Baekhyun, if not a little taller, dressed in dark robes with the hood up, hiding his face.

“Where am I?” Baekhyun asked, staring at the man in surprise as he moved to get to his feet, staying where he was though he wanted to move closer to see the face of the person he was speaking to.

The man chuckled, “Welcome, Byun Baekhyun.” The man said in twisted amusement, “To your own personal hell”

Baekhyun frowned, “Excuse me?”

The man sighed and lifted his head, his hood falling down to reveal a familiar face. “You heard me” he said.

Baekhyun folded his arms over his chest, “Luhan, this isn’t funny” he said, “Where are we? Why are you dressed like that”

“Because I am not your Luhan” Luhan told him, “These experiences, they differ for everyone. I am the gate keeper. But if you would like to call me as your Luhan for familiarity, then I will allow it.”

Baekhyun let out a soft whimper, “I don’t understand” he said, “What’s going on?”

“You will understand in time, Byun Baekhyun. But you will have to enter the gates” Luhan told him calmly, gesturing to the towering gates as he did.

“And if I don’t want to?” Baekhyun challenged.

Luhan smiled, dark and unnerving in every way, “Then you can rot here forever. The only way back, is through.”

“How did I get here?” Baekhyun asked, ignoring the sense of impending doom that flooded over him.

Luhan watched him curiously for a moment, “You ask a lot of questions” he said softly, almost as though coaxing Baekhyun into a false sense of security.

And to Baekhyun’s surprise, he found that he had walked forward and was now stood only a foot away from Luhan.

“You fell, remember?” Luhan answered after a moment. “Only you fell a little further than you expected. We all end up here, Baekhyun. Now it’s your turn to see if you are worthy of returning to your life”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened, “I… Am I dead?”

Luhan really did smile at that, “Not yet” he said with a sly lilt to his voice. And then he was gone and the gates had opened.

Baekhyun had no choice but to walk through.

--

Part two: Lust.

 

As soon as Baekhyun stepped through the gate, it was like a thick fog had risen and no matter where he looked, he couldn’t see through it. He turned to face the gate again, but saw nothing that would have even implied there had ever been one.

And then, just as quickly as the fog had appeared, it vanished and Baekhyun emerged in a dimly lit room filled with reds, pinks and whites.

The walls were made of dark wood, as was the floor. It looked somewhat like a study that might belong to a rich man whom worked hard for a living and liked to reward himself with lavish surroundings.

A desk stood against the wall opposite him, upon which someone was leaning, a silhouette against the yellow light of the room.

“I was wondering when I’d get to meet you, Byun Baekhyun” the person spoke, their voice deep and alluring.

Baekhyun took a step forward as though compelled by the mysterious voice of this stranger. “Who are you?”

“Anyone you want me to be” The stranger replied, standing up and turning into the light so that Baekhyun could see his face.

Baekhyun froze as he recognised Kim Jongin standing before him. A boy he had once known in school, a boy that had a little but still treated him as a friend.

His first ever crush.

He had not seen Kim Jongin in years, and the years had certainly been kind to him.

He wore a pair of slim fitting jeans and a white shirt which was open all the way, revealing his pretty skin and abs of gold.

“Like what you see?” Jongin asked, a wicked smirk playing over his plump lips.

Baekhyun swallowed, “I… What are you doing here? Wherever here is…”

“I’m not here, or at least the real version of who you’re seeing isn’t. I’m an idea, Baekhyun. I’m a concept, you see. And I want to see if you’ll play with me. Or…” the smirk widened, “Let me play with you” he ran his tongue sensually over his lower lip, making Baekhyun feel a little more than hot under the collar.

“I don’t understand” Baekhyun whispered, “I just want to go home”

Jongin laughed, “Oh? Am I not entertaining you enough?” he walked smoothly forward until he was chest to chest with Baekhyun, “I can fix that, if you’d like?”

“How?” Baekhyun found himself asking, a little too curious for his own good.

Jongin looked pleased at the question, “Now we’re getting to the right questions” he said, taking a step back before turning on his heel and walking back over to the desk, where he pulled out a bottle from one of the draws and placed it beside two glasses that Baekhyun had not noticed before. “Wine?” he offered.

Baekhyun thought maybe he shouldn’t, that this might be a trick. He didn’t know where he was and his mother had always taught him not to accept things from strangers.

But Jongin wasn’t a stranger, was he? Even if the person wearing his face was.

Despite his gut instinct, Baekhyun nodded, “Uh, sure” he agreed, following Jongin over to the desk and setting himself down in one of the lush leather chairs as Jongin did the same before pouring them each a glass.

He grinned as he handed one over to Baekhyun. “There you are” he said, “I always find red wine to be the best thing for a little Dutch courage.”

“And why would you need that?” Baekhyun asked.

Jongin snickered, “Not me, Byun Baekhyun. Courage for you.”

Baekhyun’s brows furrowed in frustration, “Me? What would I need courage for right now?”

“To say yes to what you want. What you’ve wanted for years” Jongin reached out to fun his fingers over Baekhyun’s cheek.

Baekhyun froze against the touch, his heart rate picking up.

Jongin moved back just as easily as he had reached out, bringing his glass to his lips and tasting the wine, “Mmm. You should drink, it’s really good stuff”

“I’m sure” Baekhyun hummed, seeming to come back to himself a little as he copied Jongin and drank.

To Jongin’s credit, the wine tasted fantastic, and for Baekhyun who was by no means a wine person, it was quite the surprise.

“Good, yes?”

“Yeah” Baekhyun nodded, “It really is”

Jongin grinned flirtatiously, “Play your cards right and tonight could get even better than the wine”

“You’re a bit forward, has anyone ever told you that?” Baekhyun mused, slightly uncomfortable as he sipped his wine just to give him something to do.

Jongin laughed, a sweet sound that made Baekhyun want to smile, but he held back. This wasn’t his Jongin, he had to remind himself, this was someone else entirely.

“Forward. That’s an interesting way of putting it. I like to think I’m just… opportunistic” Jongin said, his voice a blanket of enticement.

Baekhyun regarded him thoughtfully, “I see,” he said softly, gazing around the room and taking in his surroundings.

It was nice, very much to his taste. There was a bookshelf the length of the wall just to the right of him. Without thinking he stood and wandered over to it, wine glass in one hand, whilst the fingers of the other ran along the spines of the books resting on the shelf just below his eye level.

“See anything you like?”

Baekhyun jumped as Jongin’s voice floated out from right behind him. He hadn’t heard the other man move, and the shock caused his wine glass to drop to the floor, the glass shattering and the deep red liquid spilling out.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry” Baekhyun gasped, he moved as though to bend and clean up the mess he had made, but Jongin’s hand came to rest flat across his chest, pressing him back into the bookshelf.

“Let’s not worry about that” Jongin said, glancing down and shaking his head at the mess. “It’s only some spilled wine”

Baekhyun gnawed on his bottom lip, “Even so…” he argued.

“I said not to worry” Jongin sighed, pressing himself forward against Baekhyun, “How about I take your mind off of it?” he suggested.

Baekhyun frowned, not understanding how the other man would do that, but then soft plump lips pressed against his own as Jongin kissed him, and without thinking, Baekhyun let himself get a little lost in this stranger that wore Jongin’s face. Let himself be kissed so thoroughly and in just the right way.

Until he realised what he was doing.

He pushed Jongin away, a little too harshly perhaps, but he needed to clear his head. Needed to be able to think straight.

“Is something the matter?” Jongin asked.

Baekhyun shook his head, no, but as his eyes settled on Jongin again, he allowed himself to really see the other man.

He was beautiful, that much was true, but beneath that beauty was something that unnerved Baekhyun. Something that didn’t feel safe. Like looking into a bottomless pit of darkness, where one wrong move would have you falling in and you would never find your way back out again.

“I don’t want this” Baekhyun said simply.

Jongin frowned, his eyes glowing with mirth, “What do you mean you don’t want this?” he demanded, “Of course you do. I felt the way you kissed me just now”

“No,” Baekhyun said, “No, something weird is going on here… This isn’t…. I just want to leave. Please, just let me leave”

Jongin advanced on Baekhyun against, a finger down his cheek, “Just give in,” he whispered, his voice the picture of lustful entrancement. “Let yourself go for once and just take me”

Baekhyun breathed out harshly, “Something tells me,” he said, “That you need to start thinking with the head that’s on your shoulders for once.” He pushed Jongin away again and walked over to the other side of the room, his back to Jongin.

“Baekhyun. We can’t change who we are.” Jongin said, he sounded a little taken aback, but not angry. Just… as though he didn’t understand. As though being turned down had never happened to him before.

“I’d like to leave” Baekhyun said firmly, not looking back.

A sigh sounded from behind him, “As you wish” Jongin’s voice sounded faint. And when Baekhyun finally turned to face him, he was gone, and along the wall, where the desk had been, stood a door.

--

Part three: Sloth.

 

As Baekhyun came through the door, he was automatically taken aback by the drastic difference from the previous room.

Where the room with Jongin had been sweet and sensual, the one he was in now was nothing but chaos.

There were papers scattered all over the floor and furniture. Music played out from speakers over the sound of news coming from a small television in the corner.

There was a mix of smells in the air; coffee, burning, dirty laundry, something that Baekhyun couldn’t quite place.

And then finally, his eyes landed on a tall boy sat in the midst of it all. Oh Sehun.

Oh Sehun was someone that Baekhyun had known practically all his life. His brother for all intents and purposes. Someone that was familiar to Baekhyun to the point of being a part of him.

But Baekhyun had never known him to be this much of a mess.

“Byun Baekhyun” Sehun smiled slightly.

It made Baekhyun groan, “Oh not you too” he said, “Let me guess, you’re not my Sehun, you just wanted me to be comfortable, blah blah ing blah.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t have been so bland about it” Sehun laughed, patting the space beside him, “Come.” He said, “Sit with me for a while.”

Baekhyun did as he was told, sitting crossed legged on the floor beside Sehun, “I’m already getting tired of this” he said to nobody in particular, “First creepy not-Luhan at the gate. Then creepy not-Jongin trying to seduce me. And not you, creepy not-Sehun. What’s your game?”

“Game?” Sehun frowned, “What are you talking about, Byun Baekhyun. There is no game. This is only about discovering yourself”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, “What? Am I playing Jumanji and got stuck in some ed up underworld land where I can never get out?” he asked sarcastically.

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, you know” Sehun said pointedly. “There is a reason for your being here, Byun Baekhyun. But you have to figure it out on your own”

Baekhyun flung himself backwards to lie on the floor. There was something digging into his back, and something smelled odd next to his head, but he didn’t care. This was all too weird for his liking. “What if I don’t want to?” he asked, “what’s the point of all this?!”

“I don’t know” Sehun shrugged, “Never really cared enough to find out, if I’m honest”

“That’s dumb” Baekhyun snorted, “I can see what you chose to look like Sehunnie now. He’s about as bright as a lump of coal, too”

Sehun rolled his eyes, “Be that as it may,” he said, “What about you, then? I mean, at least I have my reasons for being here. But you? What are yours? You didn’t even ask me anything relevant. You just walk in, shoot your mouth and then lay down on my floor?” he pointed out, not unkindly, but curiously.

That irritated Baekhyun a little, he figured if anyone should have the right to be curious, it should be him.

“Oh leave it out, will you” Baekhyun said tiredly.

Sehun smiled slightly, “So what, you’re going to stay here with me forever then?”

“Maybe, why should I care at this point. I don’t know if I’ll ever get home. So here’s as good as anywhere, right?”

Sehun didn’t answer. And when Baekhyun looked over at him, he was surprised to see that he looked almost pleased at Baekhyun’s lack of care.

“What?” Baekhyun asked, sitting back up straight and feeling a little snappish all of a sudden, he didn’t like the smile that painted Sehun’s face. It made him uneasy. As though something bad would happen.

Sehun looked up, his eyes glittering in the low lighting of the room. “Hmm?” He quirked a brow at Baekhyun, still looking a little too impish for Baekhyun’s liking.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Like you know something that I don’t?” Baekhyun demanded. Shuffling backwards, away from Sehun and further into the mess that surrounded them.

Sehun shrugged, “Maybe I do” he answered easily, “But maybe you know things that I don’t too.” His hand wondered idly, fiddling with a broken porcelain figurine that lay next to his leg.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun said with a sigh, “Or, whoever you are… Whatever you are… Why am I here?”

Sehun looked at him thoughtfully, “I don’t know” he answered, “Only you can answer that question”

“But I don’t know!” Baekhyun stressed, “I don’t know what any of this is, or what it means, or how the hell I got here!”

Sehun looked oddly sympathetic, though Baekhyun could tell it was only a surface emotion, his eyes gave him away. His eyes showed that Baekhyun’s frustration made him feel nothing. “Well, then you’ll have to figure it out”

“Well, what about you?!” Baekhyun huffed back, getting to his feet and looking down at Sehun angrily, “Why are you here?!”

Sehun looked up at him, amusement clear on his features, “Should I say that I’m here for you?” he teased a little harshly, “The reason that I am here, doesn’t concern you, nor does your being here concern me.”

“That’s stupid! That is so damn stupid!” Baekhyun seethed, “Why the hell would you choose to stay in this… in this squalor. I mean, god only knows what’s in this . You could get a disease from this mess!”

Sehun stood then, looming over Baekhyun darkly. He didn’t look angry, he didn’t even look like the comment had upset him in anyway, he just looked hollow. “I don’t expect you to understand me. God knows nothing. God is filth!”

“What ARE YOU?!” Baekhyun screamed, shoving Sehun harshly. Though any good it did him, Sehun didn’t budge. “Why stay here?! Why stay! Answer me, damn it!”

Sehun sighed, “Sometimes,” he said coldly, “It’s too hard to clear through the chaos. So I don’t.”

“Bull” Baekhyun replied, “You act like this is all fine. Like this is okay. But won’t it feel better once the chaos is gone? Why not try?!”

“Because it’s impossible.” Sehun said calmly. His face a picture of blankness.

Baekhyun shook his head, suddenly more tired than he had felt in a long time, “Impossible just means try again”

“Then leave!” Sehun snapped. “Go, for all I care! If you think you’re so much better than this. If you think that there is some magical solution to getting away from what I am, then by all means, go and find it. But I cannot escape what I am. And neither can you, Byun Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun said nothing, he just stared until Sehun turned away and moved into his mountain of mess. He watched him until Sehun was gone and there was nothing more to watch. And then he turned to the wall on his right, and he wasn’t surprised to see a door there, waiting for him to walk on through.

--

Part four: Envy.

 

As Baekhyun emerged into the next room, he was a little surprised to find it was cosy. But he was more surprised to see a place that he recognised.

It was a bedroom, small and neat, shelves lined with various trophies and photos. Bed made. Desk on the far side with a laptop sitting atop of it, and a familiar jacket hung over it. That damn green jacket that made Baekhyun’s insides twist uneasily with a feeling of both awe and annoyance.

It smelled as it always had when Baekhyun had been in it when he was seventeen. Like a mix of lavender and laundry detergent.

He looked around the room of his high school friend, waiting to see that face, waiting for all the feelings that had finally gotten over to come rushing back to him at the sight of it.

But the person was nowhere.

The sound of the door closing softly behind him made Baekhyun turn, but he was met with nothing but wall where the wooden door should have been. It made him nervous all of a sudden, though this had been the case for the last two places he had visited.

And then he turned back to face the room and it wasn’t empty anymore.

He saw that familiar head of hair first. Even from the back Baekhyun would know this person anywhere. He was the reason for all of Baekhyun’s self-consciousness. The reason for his feeling so inadequate.

A deep red-ish brown, styled up in a way that made it seem effortless. Something that grated on Baekhyun, though he knew it was irrational.

He was sat on the desk chair, his back to Baekhyun as he fiddled with a pencil, tapping it against the wooden surface area of the desk.

Baekhyun wanted to say something, but words failed him. Instead he moved over to one of the shelves and reached out to touch one of the gleaming trophies.

“Don’t,” Said the person without looking at Baekhyun, “Touch those.”

Baekhyun froze with his hand halfway out, “Hyung,” he whispered. “I…” he turned back to face the person, who was now stood facing him, looking none too happy to see him.

“Byun Baekhyun,” he said, “To what do I owe the pleasure?” His voiced oozed sarcasm, making Baekhyun swallow nervously.

“Minseok…” he breathed, “I’ve not seen you in a while”

Minseok smiled tightly, “Technically you aren’t seeing him now. I’m not really your friend, remember.”

“Neither was he. Not really,” Baekhyun said, looking at Minseok with wide eyes, as though he couldn’t believe who was standing before him.

Minseok smiled, sickeningly sweet as though Baekhyun’s discomfort caused him innumerable amounts of pleasure. “Well, we can’t always have what we want, can we?” he said.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Baekhyun asked, taking a step back as Minseok stalked forward towards him.

“It means,” Said Minseok with a hiss, “That maybe sometimes it would be good for you if everything didn’t go your way for once.”

Baekhyun scoffed, “That’s rich! Coming from you, who chose to look like Kim ing Minseok. Golden boy of the year!”

Minseok’s eyes darkened, “Maybe I just wanted to make you feel like I do” he said.

“So you decide to what? To… To torture me by looking like the one person I could never live up to?” Baekhyun asked, his voice catching slightly as Minseok came to a stop right in front of him.

Minseok laughed, “Oh, there’s somebody you couldn’t live up to?” he jibed, “Perfect little Byun Baekhyun, with his happy little life and wonderful little friends”

“Believe me, I’m far from perfect” Baekhyun said lowly.

“Tell that to everyone else, then!” Minseok snapped.

Baekhyun let out a small whimper of frustration, “Honestly, what is it with you people?” he said, “First the creepy guy that kept coming on to me as Jongin. Then Mr-I-Don’t-Care as Sehun. And now you! Trying to make me feel bad about myself as ing Minseok?! What is this, some kind of mission to make me feel like complete and make me feel bad about my friends?!”

Minseok looked as though he was about to come back with a snarky retort, but paused and looked at Baekhyun oddly, “Wait,” he said, “How did you get through two already?” he demanded.

“What?” Baekhyun asked, rather taken aback.

Minseok slinked forward and grabbed Baekhyun harshly by the arms, hard enough to bruise and making Baekhyun yelp out in a mixture of shock and pain. “Why you?! It’s not fair!” he screamed, turning suddenly and throwing Baekhyun to the floor none too gently.

Baekhyun’s knees hit the ground first, making him hiss out in pain as the rest of his body followed suit.

It was as he looked back up that he saw the dangerous glint in Minseok’s eyes, and it was that that made Baekhyun disassociate everything he knew of Minseok to this person looming over him.

As much as he resented Minseok, he knew that Minseok would never be horrible to him, never want him to be hurt or upset. He knew that because it was just one more of the things that he resented about the older man.

And this person in front of him, he obviously wanted Baekhyun to hurt.

“It’s always you. Always! But why not me?! Why is it never me to get the gold!” Minseok demanded.

Baekhyun sat up, shuffling away from Minseok on the floor, “Because,” he said, “You spend all of your time worrying over what everyone else has instead of going for what you really want.”

Minseok’s brows furrowed. Baekhyun wasn’t sure if it was out of rage or just disbelief.

“You don’t get it” Minseok said, voice soft and dangerous, “You just don’t get it…”

“Minseok…”

“I am not your Minseok! I cannot stop being who I am! And I am not him!” Minseok hissed, “Get out.”

Baekhyun blinked, “What?” he whispered. This was different. The other two had tried to make him stay at least.

Minseok’s eyes narrowed as he pointed towards the window of the room, “I said get out. I don’t need you sitting there on your high horse telling me what is wrong with me! So leave. Since you obviously think you’re so much better than me.”

Baekhyun clambered clumsily to his feet and walked over to the window. He paused as he reached it, pulling it open before back to Minseok with a sad smile, “I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I can promise you that” he said, and then he climbed onto the windowsill and jumped.

--

Part five: Greed.

 

Baekhyun landed with a thump that didn’t hurt at all. He shook his head to rid himself of dizziness before looking up and taking in his surroundings.

He realised the reason that the landing hadn’t hurt is because he was smack bang in the middle of a large, plush bed with thick quilts and more pillows that he could count.

The room was lavish, made up with dark woods and high ceilings. There were shelves full of things everywhere he looked, trophies and trinkets, books and films, photos of various people – some he knew of, some he didn’t but he could tell from the way they looked that they were clearly important.

There were platinum records hung on the walls, and a whole glass case dedicated to music albums, on the cover of each was a very familiar face indeed.

Zhang Yixing. A ghost from Baekhyun’s past. Somebody he both admired and somewhat hated.

He admired the boy’s passion, his drive. But hated that he would do anything, including throwing away people that cared about him, just to get what he wanted in life. To him, there was nothing better than to keep getting more. Keep achieving more. No matter the consequence.

“Brilliant, isn’t it?”

Baekhyun turned to see Yixing stood by the glass case, a smile on his lips as he admired his work.

Baekhyun felt his heart sink. Yixing was still as beautiful as he had always been. And the part that hurt the most for Baekhyun is that he was genuinely such a nice person, he was, he just didn’t realise how much he was willing to choose his career, his wants, over people. Over Baekhyun.

Baekhyun swallowed hard. Now wasn’t the time for him to relive old feelings. He had moved on from that. He had found the love of his life since then.

But he hadn’t seen Yixing since the day he had left, and it hurt so much to see him now and know that it wasn’t him.

“Why him…”

Yixing tilted his head cutely to the side, “I’m sorry?” he asked.

Baekhyun took a slow, deliberate breath, “Why Yixing. Why did you choose to look like Yixing?”

“Oh,” Yixing laughed. The same laugh that had once made Baekhyun weak at the knees, “Because, Byun Baekhyun, I know his secrets, just like I know yours. Zhang Yixing. You know, he always has regretted letting you go. And you… You feel the same. Don’t you?”

“You don’t know anything” Baekhyun said faintly, “Yixing made his choice because he cared more about getting what he wanted than staying with me. He… he used me”

Yixing smiled easily as he walked over to sit down on the bed beside Baekhyun, “Alright, let’s pretend that I don’t get it. That I’m making all of this up. Don’t you want another chance? Don’t you want to just… pretend with me? That way we both get what we want, don’t we?” he propositioned.

Baekhyun almost wanted to. He almost wanted to pretend that Yixing still wanted him. Wanted to pretend that what they had gone through was just a bad dream. Wanted to pretend that this really was Yixing. But he knew that he couldn’t.

Not only was it not fair on himself, it wasn’t fair on his boyfriend. The person that had brought Baekhyun back from caving in on himself. The one who had been there for him and never left. The one who he realised was his soulmate.

And so he shook his head, “I can’t” he whispered, “Yixing was a dream for me. He was something that I always wanted, but I knew I could never have”

Yixing looked confused, “I don’t understand” he said, and it sounded so genuine that Baekhyun wanted to cry.

“Please don’t make this harder for me,” Baekhyun practically begged, “Please. Just… Don’t.”

Yixing looked almost sad, “But… You want him. You always did. Why would you just give up?”

“It wasn’t me who gave up on us” Baekhyun said, “It was him. It was always him.”

Yixing shook his head, “No. No, that isn’t quite true, is it?”

 “It wasn’t on me, if that’s what you’re trying to imply” Baekhyun said.

Yixing chuckled, “Mm, but did you really try to keep him? Be honest, you didn’t try as hard as you could have, did you?”

“There was nothing more I could have done, and hanging on to something that clearly wasn’t going to work was just idiotic. And painful. So I just…. Didn’t”

“You mean you stopped trying” Yixing pressed.

Baekhyun shook his head, a sad smile playing over his lips, “It isn’t about stopping,” he said, “It’s about knowing.”

“But why not just take it? Why not have it all?” Yixing asked, determined not to be pushed down.

Baekhyun looked at him very seriously, “Then you have to ask yourself; did you earn it? Was it ever really yours to take?”

“Sometimes, Baekhyun, you can’t just accept that things don’t belong to you. You have to make them belong to you. Isn’t that what I did with you? I mean, when you really think about it?” Yixing smirked, his face a leer of greed, as though he wanted Baekhyun to suffer.

And Baekhyun realised, he probably did, “Excuse me?” he breathed.

“Oh come now, do you not remember how we met? Or, I suppose how you and the real Yixing met?” Yixing grinned, “I remember it. I remember it like it was only yesterday. The bar, you kept telling me that you couldn’t drink any more, that you had class in the morning, but you still drank everything I bought for you… You still came home with me. Still missed your morning classes…”

“Stop…” Baekhyun whispered, “Please stop…”

But Yixing only chuckled, “I knew that I wanted you as soon as I saw you, and I wasn’t going to stop until you were mine. And by the end of the week, you were just that. My little play thing, until better offers came about”

“I wasn’t his play thing!” Baekhyun screamed, getting to his feet and turning on this imposter Yixing, “What we had, it was real! It was real! He loved me, okay! He did, I know he did! This isn’t…. My life isn’t just some game for you people to play with! I don’t even know why I’m here, or if this is real… I just… Why are you doing this?!”

Yixing stood too, walking over to Baekhyun coolly, “It’s real Baekhyun. Oh, it’s real all right. Why, indeed though. Who knows… Perhaps you’ll stay and figure it out with me?”

“I can’t. I won’t. It doesn’t matter what you say, this isn’t Yixing” Baekhyun said.

Yixing shrugged with one shoulder, “I can’t change who I am.” He said.

Baekhyun shook his head, “No,” he said, “No, you don’t get to win like that. You don’t get to stand there and with my head and tell me to stay here… Wherever this is. I don’t want this. I don’t want to think about this. And I sure as hell don’t want to stay here like this!”

Yixing pursed his lips in thought, “But wouldn’t it be better like that?” he asked, “Better to just stay in a place where you could have everything you ever wanted? A place where you know that nothing is going to keep you tethered to a life where you know you’re just settling for second best?”

Baekhyun’s demeanour darkened at that “Second best?” he breathed, “You wouldn’t know what best was if it hit you in the face. What I have is not second to anything. What I have is better than anything I could have dreamed of. Now let me leave.”

“Don’t be irrational, Baekhyun. Think about what you’re giving up if you leave here!” Yixing snapped.

But Baekhyun stood his ground. “I said, let me leave.”

Yixing sighed, but nonetheless he gestured lazily to behind Baekhyun.

Baekhyun turned and saw the door waiting for him. He didn’t bother to spare the not-Yixing another glace before he pushed it open and stepped through.

--

Part six: Pride.

 

Baekhyun didn’t know what to expect when he stepped through this door, didn’t know what horror awaited him this time. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

The room he stood in was pretty standard compared to the ones he had been in before. This was an office with a wall made of windows. Though they were foggy and he couldn’t see anything through them. There was a desk in front of the windowed wall, shining wood, holding a Mac and various other gizmos and gadgets.

The walls were adorned with pictures sporting a familiar face. A face that made him hurt like hell.

He hadn’t seen this face for a long, long time. This was the face of a ghost from Baekhyun’s past. The face that still appeared in his nightmares.

The photos were boastful, they sung of praise and high standing. Pictures of that familiar face next to kings, queens presidents, celebrities. Name it, it was there.

“Amazing, aren’t they?”

Baekhyun turned to face the person that had spoken, his heart sinking to his knees as he did. He was almost unaware of the whimpered “No” that left his lips.

The man smiled, “No?” he laughed, “Oh but they are. Because they have me in them”

“No, not him” Baekhyun’s eyes were beginning to water as he stared into the eyes of Kim Junmyeon. “Anyone but him…”

Junmyeon smirked, “Byun Baekhyun, why the long face? I thought you’d be happy to see me. After all, I was your hero, wasn’t I?”

“Not you. Him. He was, but you aren’t Junmyeon. Junmyeon is d-… He’s gone” Baekhyun managed to get out. He brought his hands up to his check, grasping at himself like a lifeline. He felt like he might be sick, like he might scream or cry, or maybe just cease to exist if he kept looking at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes, he made his way over to his minibar at the side of the room and poured himself a slug of whisky, “Do you want one?” he asked, ignoring Baekhyun’s obvious grief, “It’s the best this side of Scotland. Only the best for the best you might say”

“No” Baekhyun declined.

Junmyeon shrugged, “Suit yourself.” He made his way over to the beautiful desk by the window and sat in the tall back leather chair behind it. He waited a moment then tiredly sighed, “You might as well sit down” he said.

Baekhyun was hardly aware that his feet were moving until he bumped into one of the chairs in front of the desk. In his right mind, he perhaps would have stayed standing, but as it were he felt like his legs were jelly.

“So, who have you seen up until now?” Junmyeon asked before tossing his drink down the hatch, “Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m obviously the most interesting person you’ve come to, but I do like to know what you had to crawl through to get to something as good as me…”

Baekhyun let out a shaky breath, “I saw people that I know. Only, it wasn’t them” he said, “I saw Jongin, Sehun, Minseok…. Yixing… Now you. It’s like you people want me to hurt. You keep showing me people that… that I love, that I loved…. Why are you doing this?”

“Don’t you want to see me?” Junmyeon asked, false woe painted on his features as though he already knew that Baekhyun had been dying to see him.

“You aren’t Junmyeon” Baekhyun whispered. “You aren’t him. Junmyeon left me a long time ago”

Junmyeon hummed, “What a shame that was” he said, “And all for – what was it again? His reputation?”

“It wasn’t like that” Baekhyun’s voice broke, “He was trying to protect us…”

“HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HIMSELF!” Junmyeon heaved.

But Baekhyun shook his head, “What good was pushing me out of the way if it got him killed?!” he snapped, “He wasn’t protecting himself!”

“Is that really what you believe?” Junmyeon asked, “He got hit to save you? No, no, no. Baekhyun, he got hit because he knew that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be seen as a saviour. He’d be nothing but scum like the rest of you.”

“He wasn’t like that” Baekhyun argued vehemently.

“Please. I won’t sit here and argue with you over who is right. Because to do so would be to play this tired game of yours. And I won’t allow myself to stoop to that” Junmyeon retorted.

He stood again then, only to pour himself another drink before returning to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun swallowed, “You think you’re better than me? Than my friends?” he asked.

“I don’t think I’m better. I know I am” Junmyeon said easily.

Baekhyun scoffed, “Did it ever occur to you, that maybe. Just maybe, the reason that you’re in this place all alone is because you ruin your relationships?” he asked, “Did you ever think that maybe if you weren’t so up yourself that you could actually have people stand to be around you?”

Junmyeon froze for a moment before turning to Baekhyun with a menacing look in his eyes, “I will not stoop to the level of those beneath me” he said, “I’m better than that.”

Baekhyun looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, “If you truly believed that, you wouldn’t have to keep trying to convince me of it” he said.

“Then stay a while,” Junmyeon challenged, “Let me prove it to you. It won’t take me long.”

Baekhyun laughed without humour, “As tempting as that sounds… I’ll pass.” He stood up then, moving away from the desk before pausing. “Hyung…” he said.

Junmyeon stood also, moving gracefully around the desk until he was in front of Baekhyun, “You can’t leave yet, Baekhyun. You have unfinished business with me.”

“No,” Baekhyun said softly. Before he could talk himself out of it, he swept the imposter Junmyeon into his arms and held onto him as though his life depended on it. “I know you aren’t him. And I know this means nothing to you. But I need to say it. I’m sorry you died for me. I’m sorry about it every day. You were the best mentor anyone could ever ask for and I love you so, so much. I just hope that wherever you are now, Hyung, you’ll learn to forgive me for taking your life away. For costing you your future.”

Junmyeon tensed in his arms. “I am not him” was all he said before allowing himself a second to hold Baekhyun back.

Baekhyun was the one to pull away, with tears in his eyes as he looked at this hollow shell pretending to be his friend. “I’d like to go now” he said.

“Baekhyun…”

“I’d like to go now” Baekhyun repeated.

“I cannot change who I am, just as you cannot change who you are” Junmyeon warned.

“I said, I would like to go now.”

Junmyeon said nothing, he only his heel before walking away and leaving Baekhyun on his own.

Baekhyun grew scared for a moment, worried that he might be trapped, but then the fog cleared from the window and it was as though he was looking through water into another room.

He walked forward and held out a hand, getting closer and closer to the window, until all at once he fell through it.

--

Part seven: Wrath.

 

He felt like he was floating. Like his body was drifting through the air. And then all at once gravity took a hold of him again and he was falling hard and fast towards a vast pit of emptiness. And then with a bruising crash, he landed.

“How dare you come into my home!” A voice raged from above him.

Baekhyun felt his blood run cold as he looked up and came face to face with his best friend in the entire world.

Only this wasn’t his best friend. This was a monster in his best friends skin. A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

The anger that radiated from the other man was harrowing. It made Baekhyun want to cry, but worse that the fact it was happening at all, was the fact that it was directed at him.

“’Soo…” he tried.

He was met with a swift kick to the ribs, “Don’t try to trick me, Byun Baekhyun!! You won’t win here!”

Baekhyun shifted onto his bottom, scuffling away from the onslaught of attacks that he feared would come at the hands of his fake best friend.

“Kyungsoo,” he tried again, “Please don’t do this. This isn’t you”

Kyungsoo paused, “I’m not really Kyungsoo, though” he said tightly, “You do know this?”

“Of course I do,” Baekhyun said carefully, not wanting to tread on thin ice too much, “But you look like him so I don’t know how else to call you…”

Kyungsoo his teeth in thought, “I’ll allow it” he decided, “Now tell me how you managed to get here. Nobody is meant to get this far. Nobody has gotten this far. Not for a thousand years at least! And even then, they begged me to let them turn back. What makes you any different, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun hesitated, “I….”

“SPIT IT OUT!” Kyungsoo flared in rage again, taking a step forward, making Baekhyun cringe back in fear.

“I don’t know!” Baekhyun gasped, “I don’t even know where I am! I don’t know what’s going on!”

Kyungsoo tilted his head to the side, “Lies!” he hissed, “You don’t fool me. Your deceit won’t work here!”

“Why are you so angry?!” Baekhyun yelped, slapping a hand over his mouth in surprise.

Kyungsoo stopped still and regarded Baekhyun, “Why?” he asked, his calm anger worse that the fire-y rage that had been pulsating out of him only seconds ago. “Because being kind gets you nowhere in this world. Here it’s simple, you can let out everything you ever bottled up. All that anger inside of you, screaming to get out, to be let free. Here you can let it. Here you can get back at everyone that ever wronged you. At everyone that ever hurt you. I got so tired of being nice, Baekhyun. And now I don’t have to be. Tell me, wouldn’t it be nice to not pretend anymore?”

“Being angry forever won’t help anything” Baekhyun said, “If anything it just makes things a whole lot more difficult.”

Kyungsoo scoffed, “And what would you know about it?” he asked, sarcasm laced in every fibre of his voice.

“More than you think” Baekhyun smiled a little woefully, “I used to get angry a lot. I had real problems controlling it sometimes. It’s like everything little thing would set me off and I’d go crazy. I’d scream and fight and shout and break things, but in the end what good did it do?”

Kyungsoo scoffed again, “You couldn’t even show your anger right, what good is that?” he said, “What good is being angry if you don’t let people see, don’t let people feel what they’ve done to you?”

“Sometimes,” Baekhyun said softly, “It’s better to move on. To forgive and forget”

“Forgive and forget?” Kyungsoo raised a brow, “Why should those that have wronged me get off so easily?”

Baekhyun smiled kindly up at Kyungsoo, “Because the only person that loses by being caught up on this is you. Not them” he said, “You can keep on being angry, keep on wanted people to hurt, but those people will just move on and live. They don’t even spare you a second thought as they carry on with their lives, so why should you let them hurt you? Why should you let them have any power over how you feel by holding onto this… this rage. It’s senseless, Kyungsoo. If you spend your life worrying about how to get back at others, you won’t actually spend any of it living. And that’s no way to go about life.”

“Fool,” Kyungsoo spat. “You think that’s the answer? You let down your walls like that and more people get in. More people learn how to find your weak spots. More people learn how to destroy you!”

Baekhyun shook his head, “No, I don’t think that’s true. And I think deep down you know that it isn’t too. I think you’re just scared”

“Scared?” Kyungsoo’s eyes narrowed, “What about me makes you think I have anything close to fears?!”

“Everything,” Baekhyun told him. “Because the only thing you know is being angry. Let go of that and what are you? You don’t have a clue, and that scares you. It scared me too at first, but then you learn that you’re so much more than all this anger that you’re holding onto. You just have to have a little faith”

“Faith is for children” Kyungsoo glared, “I cannot change what I am, Baekhyun”

Baekhyun let out a small toneless chuckle, “It’s funny. I’ve been hearing that a lot today. And it’s utter bull” he said, “The whole point of growing is changing who you are. It’s learning about yourself and becoming better and better every day. Without changing who we are, we can’t grow. We can’t learn. We can’t… Evolve. We’d just be stuck. And that’s really what you are, isn’t it? Stuck…”

“You think that things will change if you make it through this?” Kyungsoo asked, “Things will never change! What happens will happen again and it will always be so. History forever repeats itself and there is nothing you, nor I, nor anyone can do to stop it.”

Baekhyun got to his feet, taking a step towards Kyungsoo, “Maybe,” he allowed, “but unless we try then we’ll never know.”

“You’re a fool.”

“But at least I know that I have a chance. Not like any of you. You’re all so content to be told what you can do, who you can be that you don’t even bother to try. Well I’m done with being told who I am. Now let me go” Baekhyun demanded.

Kyungsoo growled, low and deep, “Go?” he said, “You think it’s that easy?”

“I don’t care if it isn’t. One way or another I’m getting out of here, Kyungsoo. So either to you let me go, or I will make you let me go”

Kyungsoo let out a laugh of something akin to amusement, “So be it. But let me tell you now, if you think things have been hard up to this point…. You’re in for a world of pain when you walk out of this room.

“Well,” Baekhyun said, “That’s a chance I’m willing to take”

Kyungsoo nodded once before stepping aside to reveal a black door behind him. “I think I hope that you succeed in your journey, Baekhyun.”

“Thanks. I hope you find a way of letting go of your anger” Baekhyun said.

“If only it were that simple”

Baekhyun didn’t say anymore. He knew that it was futile. He simply walked on through the door and tried not to dread whatever the next room had in store for him.

--

Part eight: Gluttony

 

Baekhyun was almost unsurprised when he fell face first into the next room. To say that it was lavish would have been an understatement. It was a huge room, décor modern but with a homely feeling to it.

Baekhyun almost felt at ease in this place. Almost.

From this room alone, Baekhyun could imagine just how amazing the rest of the place – if it actually existed – was. In front of him was a plush sofa that seemed fit for royalty. It was obviously expensive, and if the expense of the place wasn’t given away by just that, one only had to take in the white marble walls and hard wood table that was centred over the lush rug beneath it.

“Holy …” Baekhyun muttered, clambering unceremoniously to his feet. He took a moment to take in the room, running his hands over the arm of the sofa and taken aback by how soft it was.

“Nice, isn’t it?” a voice came from behind him.

Baekhyun spun so fast that he was almost sent tumbling back to the floor, but managed to steady himself before it happened.

He looked over at the person the voice had come from and felt a lump in his throat. He should have known this was coming really. Everyone else had been there, so it only made sense that he was.

But he had hoped beyond hope that they would leave this person alone.

“It’s lovely” Baekhyun whispered once he had found his voice, “A little much for my taste, maybe. But I can’t deny that it’s beautiful.”

The man in front of him hummed in amusement, “I can’t tell if you’re trying to flatter me, or if you’re just nervous…” he said, “But I’m willing to bet everything I have on it being the latter. And trust me – I have a lot”

“Nervous….” Baekhyun contemplated, “No… Just, taken aback. Who you are doesn’t make me nervous, more than anything it just makes me sad because I know it isn’t him”

The man chuckled, “I guess that’s fair. After all, he is your everything, isn’t he?”

“Chanyeol is my other half” Baekhyun nodded, “But you aren’t him. No matter how much you look like him,” he said, taking in all that was the other man, the thing that was dressed in his boyfriend’s skin.

“We could pretend, couldn’t we?” Chanyeol proposed. He took a step towards Baekhyun and smiled when the other didn’t move back, “You could just stay here with me. Be mine and I could give you everything…”

Baekhyun took a shaky breath, “You couldn’t, though. Because you aren’t Chanyeol. You may look like him and sound like him, but all the things that make him Chanyeol, you could never have those things. You could never be what makes him, him”

Chanyeol seemed a little annoyed at that, “You don’t know me. You can’t know that I couldn’t be everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“I just feel it. What I feel around my Chanyeol isn’t here right now, and that isn’t something I could live without” Baekhyun said, “Can I sit?” he added easily. “It’s been a pretty long day.”

“Be my guest” Chanyeol gestured to the sofa. He waited for Baekhyun to settle himself down before moving to sit beside him, “Could I offer you something to drink? Tea, coffee, juice? You name it, I have it.”

Baekhyun shook his head, “I’m okay, thank you. But there is something you could give me…”

“Name it.”

“Answers” Baekhyun said steadily, “Who – or what – are you?”

Chanyeol smiled at that, a little glimmer of joy in his eyes, “Oh you really don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

“Not really my thing” Baekhyun said, “Seems like you do though. Are you going to answer me?”

Chanyeol paused for a moment, he looked over Baekhyun with clear interest and smiled, “What’s in it for me?” he asked.

Baekhyun sat tall, not to be shaken, “What do you want?” he asked.

Chanyeol grinned at that, a somewhat evilness to the toothy smile he flashed at Baekhyun. It was unnerving, but Baekhyun needed answers, so was determined to stand his ground.

“Now that is the question, isn’t it?” Chanyeol said jovially, “what could the man that has it all possibly want from little you?”

Baekhyun said nothing, he waited, watching Chanyeol with careful eyes.

Chanyeol looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well, I can’t ask you to stay. That’s against the rules, since it has to be of your own free will. I won’t ask for anything unsavoury of you, that isn’t really my style. The one that appeared as your Jongin – he might try that. But not me.”

“Then name your price” Baekhyun said calmly, folding his arms and watching Chanyeol with unwavering eyes.

“A kiss” Chanyeol decided. “I don’t get much company here, as you can imagine. And I like you, you intrigue me. So I will answer your questions in return for a kiss.”

Baekhyun sighed, “Alright. I accept. But I want my answers first, and then you’ll get your kiss. Deal?” he held his hand out towards Chanyeol.

Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand in his, “You have my word” he said as he shook. He held onto Baekhyun’s hand a few beats longer before finally letting go. “You wanted to know what I am? It’s complex to say the least, I have many identities. Some call me a feeling. Some a demon… But my name, if you must know it, is Gluttony.”

Baekhyun froze a moment, he thought back in his head at the people he had been to see and let out a soft gasp, “Sins….” He said, “The seven sins…”

“Oh you’re clever, little pup” Chanyeol said, “Yes, the infamous sins. But it doesn’t really matter what you call me. Do you have more questions?”

Baekhyun nodded, “Yeah, yeah I have more. Where are we?” he asked.

“Hell” Chanyeol said easily, “Or at least, a layer of it. There’s a lot more to hell that mortals are lead to believe, some have a deeper understanding of it, some have none. But for the purpose of keeping this as simple as it can be, hell is my answer”

“Will I be able to leave?” Baekhyun asked, a soft hint of fear in his voice.

Chanyeol’s smile softened somewhat, “I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “Not a lot of people make it this far, so I cannot give you an answer to that one”

“How many people have made it to you before me?” Baekhyun asked.

“One” Chanyeol said, “Only one has made it this far before you.”

Baekhyun took a moment to steady himself. “Why did you appear as Chanyeol? W-Why did the others appear as people I’ve known?”

Chanyeol smiled sadly, “I think deep down you know that answer. But I’ll humour you. Lust appeared to you as Kim Jongin. Someone that you wanted but never had. That one was pretty simple if you ask me. But your loyalty to your Chanyeol won over. And you passed.

 “Sloth appeared to you as Oh Sehun. As far as I am aware, that was because Sehun was something easy. Something that you could fall back into enough that maybe you wouldn’t be bothered enough to try anymore.

 “Envy appeared as your Kim Minseok. I think that one is pretty self explanatory. It played on your jealous nature. Tried to get you to give in to that little green monster that lives deep inside of you. But no,” Chanyeol said with an air of almost being proud, “No, you didn’t succumb to that. Impressive, I’ll be the first to admit.

 “Then you met Greed. Greed came to you as none other than Zhang Yixing. You resented Yixing for choosing his career over your relationship. And you were offered a chance to be chosen instead. You were offered the chance to live out what you had secretly always wanted. You were given the chance to know what it would have been like to not regret. And you said no. You walked out as though you didn’t know how to sin… I liked that.

 “Then you met your friend, Kim Junmyeon. Or, as I have always known them, Pride.  A battle of wills was played and you came out on top. You beat the thing that cannot be outdone. Truly, that was spectacular.

 “Wrath reared their ugly head next in the form of your best friend, Do Kyungsoo. That little guy is full of rage. It seemed only fitting really. But more than that, it was to scare you. It was to turn the person that you love more than anything, to turn the family that you chose against you. To make you angry too…. But you didn’t get angry. You just…. Moved on.

 “And that,” Chanyeol let out a small sigh, “Brought you to me. Gluttony. And here I am, shown to you as Park Chanyeol. Because he is everything you want and more”

Baekhyun felt like he might cry. But he kept hold of himself, “He is,” he agreed. “But you…. Gluttony. I thought that was the whole overeating thing….” He said.

Chanyeol shook his head, “No. No, I’m a misunderstood concept that way. Sometimes, Baekhyun, you can’t have enough of a good thing. So I just… don’t stop”

Baekhyun looked on at Chanyeol sadly, “Sometimes, “He whispered, “It isn’t about stopping. It’s about knowing…”

“Knowing?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun hummed, “Yeah, knowing. Because one day, you’ll keeping wanting more and getting more, and more and more until you forget what you already have. And then you’ll end up losing the real things. The important things. And then you’ll just end up being alone and have nothing.”

Baekhyun was surprised at the reaction that came from Chanyeol. From the others, it had been indifference, even anger, but Chanyeol just looked sad.

“I know that better than anyone” he told Baekhyun, “But I cannot change what I am. Try as I might, I cannot. I was doomed from the day I was put in this place, and my punishment is to bring unto others as has been brought to me.

 “I wish to all that I could be good. I truly do. But I cannot change what I am as much as you. The difference between us, Baekhyun, is that you have a choice. You may get to go home and live out your days as you hope. I get to be stuck here for ever. So I suppose the joke is on me. My curse is to have it all. And so now I have all the time in the world and then some.”

Baekhyun couldn’t help the tears that began to fall at that, “Why can’t you leave? Why can’t you start over?” he asked.

“I’m one of the devil’s playthings. Nothing more. I wasn’t born, like you – or maybe I was… Many, many lifetimes ago. But for all that counts, I was made into what I am now. Just like the others. Though they accept what they are and they thrive from it.” Chanyeol said, “And I wouldn’t be too sympathetic if I were you, Baekhyun. After all, it is my job to make you stay here. Maybe this is all a ploy to pray on your weaknesses.”

“I don’t believe that,” Baekhyun said. “You said it yourself, you have an endless supply of everything you could ever imagine. My guess is that includes an endless supply of sadness. I don’t doubt it gets lonely here. But you understand that I can’t stay in this place?”

Chanyeol nodded, “Of course I do.” He said, “It doesn’t make it any easier to hear”

“Just like it doesn’t make leaving you, as you look like my everything, any easier” Baekhyun countered. “But I have to go…”

Chanyeol nodded, “But before you do….” He stood and looked down at Baekhyun with a weak smile, “I believe I am owed something from you?”

Baekhyun stood also, “I’m nothing if not a man of my word.” He said, moving in as Chanyeol leant down to catch him in a sweet kiss.

Had it not been for the fact that this person had openly admitted to not being Chanyeol, Baekhyun could have pretended in that moment that it was his love.

He tasted like a bitter version of Chanyeol. Smelt like Chanyeol with a hint of something a little off. Felt like Chanyeol, only colder.

It felt like forever before Chanyeol pulled away, leaving Baekhyun a little lightheaded and breathless.

“If it’s all the same to you,” the taller of the two said, “I’d like to go first. It’s hard to watch people walk away”

Baekhyun nodded, “Wait, Chanyeol. I have one more question…”

“Ask away”

“The other person that made it this far….” Baekhyun said, “Did they pass this test too?”

Chanyeol looked at him in surprise as a single tear fell from his eye, “No.” he said, “No, they didn’t”

“So what happened to them?” Baekhyun pressed.

Chanyeol let out something of a whimper that sounded more painful that anything that Baekhyun had ever heard. “He took over as Gluttony” Chanyeol said, “Because seeing the person that he loved the most in the world was too much for him to bear. Because he knew that when he got back – if he ever got back home – that person wasn’t going to be there. So he lost. He stayed. And he paid the ultimate price”

“You….”

“Goodbye, Baekhyun” Chanyeol said, and before Baekhyun could say another word, the floor beneath him crumbled and he began to fall.

--

Part nine: The pit.

 

Baekhyun felt as though he had been falling forever, there was nothing but darkness around him and his body felt like it was as light as a feather.

He wondered if this was it, if this was how it ended, but a brilliant red light broke his train of thought. And then, all at once, it was like everything had sped up and he was plummeting to the rocky ground.

He landed with a hand thump that he knew would bruise. He took a moment to catch his breath before shifting into a sitting position.

It was different, was his first thought. The other places had at least been something of a room. But this was something else entirely. He was sat on rocky ground, uncomfortable and too hot. In front of him was a throne of deep red with black accents.

“What the …” Baekhyun got out under his breath. He looked around, but there was nothing but rock and heat.

He could feel the beads of sweat pooling around his hairline as he got to his feet and turned in a slow circle in the hopes of finding something. Anything.

There was nothing as far as he could see, but to his surprise, as he turned back toward the throne, it was occupied.

“Well hello, Mr Byun”

A shudder ran through Baekhyun’s spine at the words, there was something inviting about them, something warm and coaxing, but there was also something that screamed at Baekhyun to run. Screamed at him to not trust this familiar face that sat before him.

“Cat got your tongue?” the man before him smiled, catlike and wicked.

Baekhyun swallowed, “I don’t really have anything to say” he managed to reply.

The man’s smile didn’t waver, “Should I be offended?” he asked, “Surely you can muster up something for your best friend?”

“Kyungsoo already had his turn” Baekhyun said, “Second best friend, if we’re being technical. But you aren’t Jongdae, right?”

“Right indeed” Jongdae chuckled, “You surprised me, I have to admit. I didn’t think you’d get this far”

Baekhyun shrugged, “I’m used to that. People only ever think what they want to about you. So living past their expectations isn’t something I’m unused to…”

Jongdae nodded easily, “That’s fair,” he agreed. “But nonetheless, I’m impressed. Nobody has ever made it to me before…”

“Well, first time for everything,” Baekhyun sighed, taking a few steps towards Jongdae and folding his arms over his chest, “Question is, how to I get back home?”

Jongdae’s face twisted into an exaggerated pout, “Are you really so keen to leave?” he asked.

“Yes,” Baekhyun answered flatly. “I’d like to go home. I think I’ve been pretty clear about that from the get-go”

Jongdae laughed softly, “You’re stubborn. I like that” he grinned, “But enough of that for now. You might be here a while, so sit with me. Let’s chat it out over a drink,” he raised his hands and snapped his fingers once.

Baekhyun let out a gasp as he found himself sat opposite Jongdae in a chair equally as exuberant.  He opened his mouth to ask what the hell had just happened, but was cut off as Jongdae’s voice raised and he called out;

“Selaphiel!!”

There was a sound so high that it hurt Baekhyun’s ears as a bright light appeared before them. It was only there for a matter of seconds before it disappeared and in its wake stood a tall, dark haired figure.

“Tao…” Baekhyun whispered.

The one that looked like Tao looked at him curiously, “Is this whom I appear to you as? Interesting…”

“Why is that interesting?” Baekhyun asked.

Tao smiled, “Do you feel like this Tao has betrayed you?” he asked.

Baekhyun frowned, “Its complicated” he said, “We had a falling out and we haven’t really spoken since. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well,” Tao smiled, “I am Selaphiel. One of seven fallen Angels. Known for my betrayal of God and servitude to Lucifer. Hence, why I assume that your Tao betrayed you in some way. Or, at least, you see it as a betrayal whilst he may not.”

Baekhyun blanched, “Wait, L-Lucifer? As in… As in the Devil?!”

Jongdae broke in with a growl then, “Enough chatter” he directed towards Tao. “I did not call you here to make conversation with my guest!”

“My Lordship,” Tao bowed, “Accept my apologies. For I forgot myself for a moment. How is it I can serve you?”

Baekhyun watched in something of disgust as Tao knelt before Jongdae on his throne. Never mind how he and the other man had left things. This was too horrifying to watch.

He tore his eyes away and focused instead on Jongdae.

Jongdae looked down upon Tao with mirth in his eyes, clearly enjoying himself and the power that he had “Drinks.” He said, “Bring us something cool and refreshing. Now!”

“Yes, master. It shall be done” Tao stood again and took his leave.

Jongdae turned back to Baekhyun. “You’ll have to excuse Selaphiel. It has been a very long time since he has seen company other than those whom reside here.

“All he did was talk to me,” Baekhyun pointed out, “Hardly something inexcusable.”

Jongdae rolled his eyes, “For you, perhaps. But he has been sworn to serve me and that should have been his first priority. Nonetheless, I’m willing to let it slide this one time. Since I have been rather looking forward to meeting you.”

“I’m sure” Baekhyun scoffed.

“You think I haven’t?”

Baekhyun looked at Jongdae levelly. “I don’t know. But, say that is true, you must know a lot about me. Whereas I know practically nothing about you…. So, at least tell me your name?”

“I have a lot of names” Jongdae said softly, “One you have heard from your Tao. I am Lucifer. The first of the fallen. Cast out by God for loving too fiercely. But for the sake of today, you can call me by your friend’s name”

Baekhyun nodded, “So, you’re Satan? Appearing to me as Jongdae? Wow. This is all kinds of ed up…” Baekhyun laughed humourlessly.

“Satan… Sure. But let us not get caught up in names. Ah,” he smiled, “Here comes Selaphiel with the drinks”

Sure enough, Tao returned with a silver tray in hand, upon it stood two tall glasses, condensation falling down the outside of each.

“Your drinks,” Tao announced, offering the first to Jongdae, who took it easily before turning to Baekhyun and offering the second.

Baekhyun hesitated for a moment before reaching forward and taking the drink. “Thank you,” he told Tao, whom simply nodded and turned back to Jongdae.

“Is there anything else I can get for you, Sir?” Tao asked.

Jongdae waved him away, “No. But you can tend to Cerberus, he has been restless of late and needs to be walked. Take him to the river of lost souls. He loves it there”

Tao nodded and took his leave once more.

“This is too much,” Baekhyun breathed, daring to take a sip of his drink. “Oh,” he let out in surprised. He hadn’t really known what to expect, but lemonade would have been last on his list.

Jongdae had to laugh at that, “What?” he asked, “Did you think I’d feed you blood or something?”

“I mean, you are typically the embodiment of evil, so…” Baekhyun shrugged.

“Hurtful,” Jongdae jeered playfully, “I like to think I’m just realistic.”

Baekhyun sighed, placing down his drink, “Realistic? So that to you is to mean that everything is just… bad? I get that things aren’t always how we want them to be, but to think that there is nothing good is just a bit, I don’t know, naïve. Don’t you think?” he asked, trying his best to remain clam given the situation that he was in.

Jongdae smiled at him, “Tell me something,” he said softly. “What do you think brought you here?”

“Falling through my kitchen floor” Baekhyun deadpanned. “But I don’t know.”

“Don’t you?” Jongdae challenged. “Because I’m sure you must have at least thought about it? Given it a guess as to why you might have been given an all-expenses paid trip to hell?”

Baekhyun let out a soft sigh, “I’ll be honest with you. I was too busy having my mind ed to contemplate the reasons I might happen to be here. But I’m sure you know, so please, enlighten me”

Jongdae smiled a dangerous smile and placed his glass down before standing and moving over to Baekhyun, “My darling,” he purred, “You’re here because you deserve to be here.”

“Oh? How’s that?”

Jongdae’s fingers played along the side of Baekhyun’s face and softly, “Because you’re just like me. You’re just like every other person in this god forsaken world. You can’t be good, Baekhyun. You can’t. Because when it comes to it, people are born to be monsters. Tell me something, when you go to bed at night, do you worry about the boogie man? Do you worry that Frankenstein’s monster will come and get you? No. You worry about if your neighbour is a killer. You worry that one of the people you passed in the street is a , a terrorist, a e. Because that’s how it works. There is nothing more evil that man. And man is God’s creation, so my design, isn’t God just as evil as me?”

Baekhyun shook his head, “No. I refuse to believe that. If people are as evil as you believe, then what of all the good things? What about people that spend their lives protesting for what’s right? What about people that make the future better by trying and trying and TRYING! What about Mother Teresa, Martha P Johnson, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Ghandi?! What about all the people demanding that those without a platform get a voice. What about the people that just want to see some good in the world.

 “You can’t tell me that a baby seeing the face of its mother for the first time, or a dad helping his little girl learn to play baseball, or an old person reading to kids at the library for fun, you can’t tell me that any of that stuff is evil! You can’t.

 “You act like the world is already on fire, and yeah maybe some of it is. Maybe as a race we aren’t that smart, we aren’t helping ourselves when someone looks in from the outside,  but there are people that keep this world turning and I will be damned if I don’t make it through this for them!

 “For the kids learning how to fight and get away from the bad. For the women demanding their equality. For people of colour making their voices heard. For the people that might not be okay right now, but with the right help, the damn well can be!

 “I am not giving up so that you and your…. Your subjects can make things worse! You revel in the suffering of people, but I revel in the hope that people give themselves. So no, I don’t think that God is evil like you. I think that God might be exhausted at fighting a battle that his kin started..”

Baekhyun’s chest heaved in anger as he heard the silence scream around them. He was standing now also. Nose to Nose with Jongdae, his breath heaving and his eyes wet.

Jongdae looked taken aback, calm even. But there was clear rage beneath the surface.

“Well. Hasn’t somebody been thinking a little more that they let on” Jongdae said after a moment. He took a deliberate step back and regarded Baekhyun intensely. “Is that what you truly believe?”

“It is” Baekhyun said defiantly.

Jongdae nodded, “So be it.” He sighed, “I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, but you have your free will and I cannot take that away.”

“What now, then?” Baekhyun asked.

“Now…” Jongdae said in a drawn out breath, “You can go”.

Baekhyun stood straighter, “Home?” he asked, trying not to sound as hopeful as he felt.

Jongdae smiled at that, amusement plain in his expression, “Not quite” he said, “Not yet…”

“Then where?!” Baekhyun demanded. “HOW MANY MORE TESTS DO I NEED TO PASS? HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS BULL DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH BEFORE I CAN HAVE MY LIFE BACK?! I AM SO ING TIRED OF THIS. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING, I’VE GONE THROUGH ROOM AFTER ROOM. THROUGH THING AFTER THING, SEEING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY TURNED INTO EMTIONLESS SHELLS AND THAT ISN’T ENOUGH?! I WANT TO GO HOME. JUST LET ME GO HOME!” he screamed.

But it was as though it had simply fallen on deaf ears.

“Goodbye Byun Baekhyun. I can’t deny it was a pleasure.” Jongdae said, and before Baekhyun could scream anymore, he was falling again.

--

Part ten:  A God among Men.

 

Warm, but not too warm. That was the first thing that popped into Baekhyun’s head when he came around.

The last thing he could remember was falling, falling, falling forever. And then nothing.

He awoke slowly, the light around him was bright, he could tell before he even opened his eyes. He was laying on something soft and pillow-y and he wanted nothing more than to just let himself drift off back to sleep.

For the first time since the beginning of this awful trip, he felt peaceful and like there wasn’t anything to worry about.

He supposed that was the red flag that made his eyes open almost with a start.

He was on a bed, he realised, a vast white bed with what seemed like endless pillows, enveloping him in a comforting bliss.

He sat up with some reluctance and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Ah, sleeping beauty has finally joined us”

Baekhyun had to stop himself letting out a small shriek as he scanned the room for the person that had spoken. It wasn’t long before his eyes landed on a smiling figure leaning against the wall.

“Kris?” Baekhyun gasped softly, “Holy …”

Kris shook his head easily, his soft blond hair falling into his eyes, “Watch your profanity” he said, “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up so that we can talk”

Baekhyun frowned slightly, “Okay” he spoke deliberately slow, “So what level of hell am I in now? I figured I’d met all the monsters around here”

“I am not a monster. And you are not in hell. This is salvation, Baekhyun. You have ascended to the next level of living” Kris said, standing up right and walking over to where Baekhyun sat on the bed. He perched himself on the corner and turned to Baekhyun with a sweet look, “This is where you can be truly happy”

Baekhyun shook his head, “No. No, I’ll be happy when I get back home. So please stop beating around the bush. Where am I?” he demanded.

“Heaven” Kris said simply, “You’re in heaven. Or at least, you almost are. This is the pre-heaven interview, if you will”

Baekhyun was starting to feel a headache coming on at all of this, “And so that makes you..?”

“God” Kris beamed, “I am the creator of worlds, the father of mankind”

Baekhyun nodded, almost in disbelief. He’d met the devil, so why not God. “Okay. Well, thanks for your hospitality, uh, God…. But I’d very much like to go now”

Kris frowned at him then, “Why would you want to go? You could have everything you desire here. Everything you ever wanted could be yours at your will. This is not something to give up so easily, Baekhyun. You need to think about it”

“Thought about it, grateful for the offer, but I’m not interested” Baekhyun said flatly, clambering out of the bed to stand defiantly beside it. “I don’t want this. I just want to go back to my life”

Kris sighed, standing also. As he did the bed vanished and in its place was a lush sofa. He said on one side and waited patiently until Baekhyun reluctantly sat on the other. “You can have your life here” he said, “And then some. Look” he gestured in front of them.

Baekhyun felt a lump in his throat as he saw Chanyeol standing before him, his eyes fall of love and warmth. Beside him stood his friends, Kyungsoo, Jongdae... On his other side was his mother and father along with his brother.

“This could be our home now, Baekhyunnie” Chanyeol said, “We could have everything we ever wanted”

“Baek, come on” Kyungsoo said softly, “This would be so much better for us all. No more debt, no more being hurt, we could be happy here”

His mother stepped forward next, “We could be a family again, Baekhyun-ah. We could live together and be how you’ve always wanted us to be…”

Baekhyun turned back to Kris, “Why are you doing this?” he asked.

“Because I want you to be happy, Baek” Kris said, “That’s all I’ve ever wanted, isn’t it?”

“No. I don’t know you” Baekhyun argued, “You’re not Kris!” he was crying now.

Kris let out a soft laugh, “No. But you know why I look like him, don’t you?”

Baekhyun said nothing.

“I look like him because he was your saviour, wasn’t he? Took you in when your parents found out you liked men. Picked up your broken pieces and put you back together… Don’t you want to be able to see him again? Thank him for all that he’s done?”

“I can’t do this.” Baekhyun said quietly, “You… You claim to be this almighty being that wants me to be happy, but how is this making me happy? Making me relive my worst moments. Making me remember the people that I’ve lost? That isn’t persuading me of anything, it just makes me angry! I always thought about this day, you know. I always thought about what it would be like to meet my maker, and I guess when people say never meet your heroes, they really knew what they were talking about, because you’re everything I never wanted you to be.

 “You’re callous, and I get now what those… those devils were saying now. I understand it better than I ever could have without meeting you.

 “This isn’t heaven. This isn’t happiness, this is a lie! This is a lie that you keep telling people so that they’ll bow to you and take everything you say as law, but it’s bull. BULL! AND I WANT TO GO HOME!!”

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol said from in front of him.

Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut, “Stop it! STOP IT! You’re not him. None of you are. LET ME GO HOME! LET ME GO! I WANT TO GO HOME!”

Kris stood then, “ENOUGH!!!” his voice rang out dangerously, forcing Baekhyun’s eyes to snap open in pure shock. “Is this what you want then?!” he demanded, “You’ll throw it all away for the sake of being a childish brat! Fine! Go then! Go and live your awful life and be miserable forever! But remember this, Byun Baekhyun, you will not be welcomed here upon your death!”

“I don’t care” Baekhyun said forcefully, “Send me home”

“BE GONE!” Kris bellowed.

And then it all went dark.

--

The Final Part: Home at last.

 

Baekhyun felt like he was dying. He ached all over and his head felt like it was seconds away from imploding.

“Baek?”

He squeezed his eyes closed tighter. He couldn’t deal with anymore. He just couldn’t.

Firm hands grasped him then, and he felt himself being lifted and carried off. Maybe this was the end. Maybe he had ed it up and really had been sent to his death.

“Baby, come on. Open your eyes. You’re worrying me, Baek…”

Reluctantly, he did. He was met with the sight of Chanyeol’s frantic face full of worry. “Yeol?” he whispered, tears pooling and falling from his eyes.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I got you. I got you, Baek. It’s okay” Chanyeol cooed. “It was just a bad dream. I’ve got you”

Baekhyun shook his head, “Please don’t leave me” he whispered, “Please…. Never leave me”

“Never” Chanyeol promised. “Come on. Let’s just have a day in bed. We don’t have to talk or anything if you don’t want to. But I’ve got you, Baekhyunnie. I’ve always got you”

Baekhyun let himself be carried to the bedroom, where Chanyeol held him as promised. And as he calmed down and his surroundings made sense again, he realised something.

He realised that the world wasn’t always black and white, and he wasn’t either. But he knew with certainty that he had made the right choice, because no matter how hard life came after him, the people he loved made it worth every moment.

 

 

Fin.