Keshi - like i need u

I recommend that for each chapter you at least listen to a part of the songs to get a feel as to what this chapter is going to be about/like

***

The dark haired girl slumped over on a couch, the couch being littered by empty bottles of what seems to be soju and other beverages of an alcoholic manner. The living room of where the couch was located in was dimly lit, only a single lamp along with the light coming from the single clock that hung above the television, in front of the couch, reading,

3:15

The girl's eyes fluttered open, realizing the hours she had been switching between being awake and passing out. She must have been there for hours since she got home if all she could remember was throwing herself onto the couch, opening as many bottles that she can find in the fridge. That had to at least be six hours ago.

Pathetic,

Was all she could think about in the moment, repeating the word over and over in her head, all while clutching onto the roots of her hair from the miniature knives poking at the walls within her head. A hangover, to put it simply. But was it a hangover or just a simple migraine? She still felt drunk. Or maybe it was just her true nature, not being able to focus on the real problems at hand, drowning herself away in the substance that made her feel numb to the pain, only to be reminded of it right after, leading to not being able to differentiate between emotional and physical pain.

Pain is pain,

She thought, straightening her back, feeling it crack a little from being slumped over on the couch for so long. It wasn't a healthy position to sleep in.

Pain is pain, and it hurts. She wanted to ease it, to remove the thorns that pricked from within her, but all she could think of was to wash herself away with the smell of soju. Well... she wasn't always like this, she wasn't always found half dead late at night, early in the morning. She used to be found with more life in her eyes, more vibrancy in the brown orbs that were now glazed over, likely from the tears that were spilled countless nights. Missing. That... feeling was missing. The feeling of having someone in your arms, being held tightly as if there was no tomorrow, with the room being filled with the sweet scent of strawberries. Now, the room held an unbearable stench. Either from all the alcohol or from the pitiful aura that she released. It was nights- or mornings- like these that dumb decisions would be made. Maybe a little more than dumb. And maybe that dumb decision this time was what led the girl to reaching for her phone that sat still on the carpet beneath her, clumsily dialling a number that she had to redial a few times as she fumbled to press the right keys. She held the phone up to her ear, feeling more and more anxious at the sound ringing.

Ring, ring, ring... 

The girl waited a few more seconds, ready to cancel the call until she heard a beep and a familiar voice.

"...Hello?"

A pause.

"Hey."

She let out a heavy sigh. 

"It's past three in the morning," the voice said, sounding a bit more than fatigued on the other end.

"How are yo-"

"Why are you doing this."

A pause once more. Why was she doing this? Or what was she doing? Clearly, she didn't know, she didn't understand.

"...I don't know."

The sound of faint breaths could be heard over the phone. The other sounded as if they were still laying in bed, understandably so, since normal people would- should be asleep at hours like this.

"It's been a while since you've called... although I didn't think you would be calling me like this."

"It's only been two months." She took a deep breath in, setting her position on the couch more close to that of laying down. "I wanted to hear your voice, Woo."

For a moment, she thought the call had come to an end, since nothing could be heard but the empty room being filled with the sound of the clock ticking and tocking from across the couch.

"Soo. I don't need any of this anymore..."

"Of what-"

"Of you!"

The voice on the other end immediately got aggressive, raising their voice more than what is liked at past three in the morning. The dark haired girl's grip on her phone tightened at their tone.

"Maybe this call is still too soon, but I'm sorr-"

"I don't need your apology, Soo, especially when you sound like you're dru- Soo. You're drunk, aren't you?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know, but I do feel worse than a hangover." The girl ran a hand through her dark locks, shutting her eyes after another jab was sent through her skull. Surely, this was a hangover. "But please, Woo. I just wanted to hear your voice, needed to."

"Sooyoung. There's nothing left. Nothing left for you, for me. For... US!"

Another jab.

"Jiwoo, I know. I'm a wreck, and you did this to me. I'm sorry I called... I'm glad you even decided to pick it up, though. Did you not erase my number?"

"...No. No, I didn't. But that means nothing. But that's besides the point, Soo. Other than being... drunk. Why did you call. I thought we had a mutual understanding that we were over."

She didn't want to believe what she heard. She didn't want to accept it. "Woo. I'm a mess-"

"-I know."

"I know..." She hadn't expected her to be this direct. She was never like this, so quick to answer, using such a tone she had never heard come out of the other girl before. She guesses she was her first. She was her many firsts, but not like this. She didn't want it to be like this. Never. "I hurt you many times. I'd need more than both hands to be able to count the amount of times I hurt you, Woo, I knew that, know."

"...If you knew," a sniffle. "Then why would you keep doing it, why would you always come home to find you not there. I'd wake in the middle of the night hearing you open the door with you looking all- looking like a mess, Soo. Other times I'd find faces I didn't know in your arms. In your arms! When I should have been the one in them!" Her voice was getting tenser and tenser, and the girl barely understood how she was supposed to respond.

"I'm an idiot. I don't know why I was like that. But hear me out, Jiwoo, please." Tears started to build up at the edges of her eyes. "You were the first person to ever really make me feel more than just the pathetic excuse of a human being that I am. I drown myself with these bottles because I don't know how else to ease the pain when I see you hurting because of me."

"Yet you had the audacity to keep going."

"...Yeah. I did. But I don't now."

"Really-"

"Yes, really! Jiwoo, ever since you were finally fed up with my ups, all I can think of was you, and how I just can't live without you!" I was practically yelling at my phone by this point. "When I another's lips were on mine, my thoughts always went to you. When they looked in my eyes all I can see, it was you! It's always been you! And I- I'm nothing without you..."

"Soo..."

The other paused. 

"Please, Woo-"

"-You're right."

"Huh?"

"You're right, Sooyoung." The dark haired girl held her breath. Could this be her moment? Her moment of forgiveness? She waited in anticipation, waiting for the words she was hoping to hear. "You're right. You're nothing without me. And that is what makes you pathetic, Soo."

The girl felt her heart drop to the lowest of lows. What did she even hope for. What was there even to expect, other than the dread that she currently felt. Now that would have been a more accurate prediction.

"Hah... You always find a way to pierce my heart, now don't you."

"In one way or another."

"...I would probably be able to count the amount of times I was able to repay the love you gave to me on one hand compared to the amount of times I hurt you instead." Other than the aching she felt in her liver, her heart ached just as much. "I don't expect you to forgive me, especially when you have no reason to... But at least let me say that I- God there's nothing else for me to say but I'm sorry."

"Sooyoung..."

She waited.

"I love you. I loved you. When we promised our forevers with each other, at that moment, I thought to myself that you were the one. At that moment, you were my other half, the half that completed me. That completed us-"

"-And I could still complete us, only if you gave me a chance."

The girl could hear the sigh from the other end. "...I don't get it. After the countless times that you've hurt me, my feelings for you still linger."

"Jiwoo-"

"-That's why I think it would be best for us to let go." The dark haired girl's breath hitched. "It's because of these feelings that my life has been at its' worst, even after the amount of time we've separated ourselves from each other."

No.

"There's nothing left for the both of us, Sooyoung."

Please don't do this.

"We're both faded wrecks, and we need to fix that."

This can't be. I'm too afraid. Please, stop. Stop stop stop- if time could stop, I'd stop and rewind back to when things were okay. Please. Please please please-

"I wish we'd have never met. At least then, neither would us have to keep being in pain."

Please don't say that, please don't say those words. Alongside all this hurt, I never felt as happy as the days you were by my side.

"I think... I think we're both better on our own. Maybe we should stop this altogether. Just forget about everything."

The girl stumbled, almost collapsing from her weight as she shot up too quickly from the couch, still feeling sickly. "W-What? Jiwoo, no, please. Please. You don't need to forgive me, but you can't just erase the memories! Of- of us!"

Her breaths quickened as her heart pumped.

"This isn't healthy for either of us... And I don't want to make this any harder than it should be. Especially when I can't even tell if you've sobered up or not. I don't even know if you would be able to remember all that was said when you wake up. So I want to end it here." The girl felt the tears that threatened to fall at the corners of her eyes. At every word being said, she could feel them get closer, at the verge. "Everything. I want to end everything we have. And I'm starting with the memories of us, because even the good ones are too painful for me to look back to."

The tears fell. They fell, like the harsh rains that fell from the dark clouds that would cover a spring sky. The rain would have been melancholy if not for the nullified emotions associated with that melancholic scene. 

"This is the last time, Sooyoung."

She knew that, but it still hurt to hear.

"I loved you... goodbye."

The single beep that ended the call rung in her ears, along with the same voice that left her collapsed on the grey carpet below, giving into the weight of her heavy heart, and the weight that seemed to be added on her shoulders, still clutching on the very device that allowed her to experience these events. How could this be? What was once a dream of the future and love, now forever an unfulfilled dream of bleakness and sorrow. All that was left was the promise that left an imprint that could never be filled again. It was all too much. Far too much. Cupid must be a fool, allowing his children to fall, yet fall apart. They always said love was never perfect, but why can't it be? Who's law was it that love can never be perfect. If love was perfect, she wouldn't have felt this pain, this unbearable pain. How does one fix this? With pain. Pain, that's an option. More pain. Ease the pain with pain, as ironic as it sounds. She knew she was terrible, that her actions should be punishable by law, continuously hurting the one she loved, knowing that even the happy memories hurt her beloved, that was worse than the idea of death itself. She doesn't deserve to feel happiness. It sounded insane, but the toxins that ran through her just fueled the idea, the nauseous idea of ever feeling loved again.

What hurt even more was knowing that her beloved still felt for her, even if those feelings were barely there. It was at that moment that the words were released audible that she could barely even hold herself up. She laid slumped over on the floor, at the very least safe, with the impact being lessened by the carpet beneath her.

I wish you just said that you didn't love me. At least then, it wouldn't hurt this much.

She cries out, angry at herself, at the world.

The dark haired girl let the tears fall from her eyes, only sobbing quietly, not caring about the mascara that ran alongside the tears. She could barely even lift a finger, using up all of the remaining strength that she had to squeeze her grip on the phone tighter. She hoped that after she cried herself to sleep, the only thing she would wake up to was the throbbing in her head from her past night's intoxicated self. She didn't want to let go. To let go of the memories, the ones filled with happiness and love, nor did she want to forget the ones filled with pain. It hurt, because she knew. Because I knew,

You don't need me, like I need you.

And that was what hurt me the most. 

The End.