Under these bedsheets, I still felt cold. Without Hyukjae beside me, I'll always feel cold. It's been a month since we broke up, I wonder how he's doing. Has he met someone new yet? I glanced over at the clock, 3:37AM. Great. I'll be spending another night lying here wide awake, while thinking over what could have gone better between us.

***

4:18AM. 

I can't take it anymore. It's been like this for the past few days, and I can't stand it anymore. I opened my laptop and started to type a lengthy email to none other than Lee Hyukjae.

I was coward, Hyukjae, I never had the confidence to give you happiness, our fate had washed away like a harsh storm. Don't meet someone like me again. Don't love another person like me again, unless of course, you come back to me.

The scars of our past love will never fade, for our love, for you at least, had crashed and burned much earlier. But not mine, oh definitely not mine. I still love you, Hyukjae. Even a million years later, this will never change. The way you smiled, the way your eyes shined in the moonlight on our first date, the way you talked to me whenever you were embarrassed, the way we embraced each other all those nights.

That night, those words I said because I cared, those words that came from my cowardliness, those words I said because I was sorry, those torturous, bitter words, in an effort to stop your pain, I wish I could take all those words back. Instead of those words, I wish I could've had the courage to wrap my arms around you, and whisper multiple I Love Yous in your ear. But no, because I was a coward, look at where I've gotten myself. I'm noe sitting in an empty room, yearning for you, with only the sound of my breathing and the nearest ticking clock to accompany me.

Someday we will meet again, as two individuals with a common memory of a fate shattered like glass. You may continue to loathe me, but I'll still love you. 

Maybe there's already someone else you're thinking of, someone who deserves you way more than I ever did, I hope you've met someone who loves you so much, that they can't go a day without you. Don't cry in pain counting the time that has passed, I hope you'll live well without me. But just know that, if you ever feel the need, I'll always be here welcoming you with open arms, and ready to make mends to wha