I lost my mind 너를 처음 만났을 때,

너 하나 빼고 모든 것은 gets in slow motion

내게 말해줘. 이게 사랑이라면.

매일 그대와 수많은 감정들을 나눠주고 배워가며

싸우고, 울고, 안아주고.

내게 말해줘. 이게 사랑이라면

I lost my mind, the moment I saw you
Except you, everything gets in slow motion
Tell me, if this is love
Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you
Fighting, crying and hugging
Tell me, if this is love

~~~

No... I won't let him... He's not ready...

 I stood there with the rest of my label mates - my SME label mates. The sun was beating down on us, but I couldn't feel it. It seemed like time was at a standstill. There was no sound... All I could feel was the wind whisping around me...

My tears made it hard make out the figure waving to his fans, about to get into the company car. The car taking him away. Away from me.

I wiped the forming tears in my eyes, warm against my cold hand. Now, I could make out the paleness of his skin - like porcelain. The dark tuffs of hair, barely visable on the top of his head, shined all they could as he kept turning and waving. His hair used to be so beautiful... A shaved head wasn't him...

In that instant, the tears came flooding back, making me remember...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on Jae~!" He pressured, stifling his laughs.

We were sitting at a table in Ping Dae Fong Diner, our usual Friday hang out. This time, we were trying to see how many dumplings I could fit into my mouth without killing myself.

I lifted my chopsticks with the 8th dumpling in them to my already swelled cheeks, almost unable to keep the others in my mouth from opening it and trying not to smile.

"Ookay ookay, dis is dee lass won." I tried stuffing it in my mouth, looking at his expression as I did so. The sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes matched the wide grin on his face, almost giving him a wild look. His tousled black hair was always perfection, no matter how he styled it or dyed it. I was lost in him...

"GO GO GO GO GO YOU CAN DO IT GO GO FIGHTING~!" He kept cheering and shaking his fist, but that only made me smile wider.

I pushed the last dumpling in my mouth, using my hands to move my jaw seeing how I couldn't chew properly with 8 ing dumplings in my mouth.

When it was all swallowed, I heard him yell with approval and chuckle the way that only he can. I felt embarrassed and exhilerated all at the same time~

Not wanting him to see my beat-red face, I put it down in my arms. I looked downward and saw a pair of heels at the foot of our table. I sat up and realized it was the waitress:

"I'm sorry, but you two are making too much of a racket. We've gotten complaints and the manager has asked you to leave."

HeeChul's grin faded, replaced with a scowl. "Come'on Saeng," he growled, grabbing my upper arm. "We can just go back to my dorm." I nodded and got up with him.

He pushed passed the waitress, pulling me along. When we got to the door, he called back, "WE'RE NOT PAYING FOR THOSE JANK DUMPLINGS EITHER ㅋㅋㅋ" He giggled to himself and pulled me through the doors. I just shook my head. He's always such a derp.

~~~

After we got to his dorm, he rented a movie for us to watch together. Of course he had to pick the scariest ing one that he hasn't seen. The Grudge. 

It was a pretty scary movie to be honest, and to top it off, he was off being a man, laying under a blanket on the recliner and I was left to lay on the couch by myself and almost piss my pants. The lights were also off, making everything out in the darkness seem like it was going to attack me.

I pulled the covers up to my face. "Oppa, this movie is scaring me."

He looked at me; "O-oh!" Getting up, he grabbed his blanket and got off the folding chair. Even in the glowing light of the TV he still looked like royalty~ "Let me help you with that," he said getting to the couch. He smiled and climbed over me to get to the snug spot behind me and against the back of the couch. My eyes widened and my face reddened as I felt his body pressed against mine, his warm breath against my ear... "Better?" He asked.

I just nodded again.

At my nod, he slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me even closer. I gasped at the suddeness of his grip, and I felt him smile against my neck.

We laid like that for a while into the movie. Everytime a scary part popped up on the screen, I tensed and his grip tightened.

"Jae..." He whispered. The movie was almost over, and he hadn't said anything the entire time before then. "Hm?" I asked. As if in an answer, his hand slid from my hip to under the waistline of my sweats.

My eyes widened and I placed my hand on his forearm. "Oppa... What are you doing?"

He just kissed my neck in response, and I could feel my face redden again.

He started to go lower with his hand, reaching the curve of my inner thigh with his fingers. "Dongsaeng... I have to tell you something..."

I tensed at his touch cupping me. Although I didn't feel his smile.

"W-what is it, love..?"

He stopped all moving of his hand on me, and pulled it out from under my pants. I sensed his awkward hesitation before I felt the same hand touch my upper arm, signaling me to face him.

I turned around into his chest, looking up into his eyes. The sparkle from this afternoon was replaced with the sparkle of tears, fresh against his face.

"OPPA!" I was in shock~ Out of reflex, I cupped his face.

He placed his hands over mine and looked away. "I... I'm leaving for the military next month..."

He looked back at me, and my heart skipped a beat.

The pure agony in his eyes... His beautiful eyes...

Before I knew it, my lips were on his, trying to comfort my Cinderella...
 

간절히 바라고 바란다면 이뤄질까? 동화 얘기처럼

영원한 둘만의 해피엔딩, happily ever after.

나만은 널 믿어주고, 지켜주고 달래줄게.

네 편이 될게. 네 곁에서 절대 안 떠나.

If you wish and wish earnestly
Will it come true, like the fairytales?
A never-ending happy ending, happily ever after
I will trust you, protect you and comfort you
I will be on your side
I will never leave your side

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked at his waving hand, down his arm, and then his eyes. I couldn't see the color, but I remember the sparkle... The sparkle that would be gone... Replaced with an empty and glazed look...

My eyes were then brought to his smile... The smile that once used to be so fun and weird... I shut my eyes and looked away in frustration. The smile he wore now was fake... Just fan service. He always had great fan service...

I balled my hands into fists. This wasn't fair. He shouldn't have to leave.
I looked back at him.

His gaze
His sweet, caring gaze
Was on me.

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as he walked up to me. At that moment, nothing else mattered. Just him... Holding me in his arms...

"Hey..." He said. "Don't cry for me... Alright..? I'll... I'll be back... I'll be safe..." He flashed a small smirk, but the tears that rolled down his cheeks and passed his raw and red nose gave away his true feelings. He wasn't fooling me...

I started to whimper, and his smile erased itself.

My childhood friend who I had known since we were trainees. We were 7 years apart, and known each other for 7 years.

Kim HeeChul.
My lover.
My oppa.

I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed into his chest. "O-oppa... Don't g-go!" I choked out.

He my hair before pulling away. He was crying harder than I was.

Walking back to the car, he called out to me; "No more tears, ok? I'll be back Jagiya! I promise!"

Jagiya..? Jagiya...

He got in the car, and the door closed.

I'll always stay waiting...

~~~

세상남자들 모두 날 부러워해

너를 가진 내가 질투나 죽겠나봐.

My babe, baby babe, baby. baby~

널 알아보는 것, 이게 사랑인걸까?

아이처럼 널 자주 웃게 만들고

친구처럼 널 가장 편하게 만들거야.

My babe, baby babe, baby. baby~

말해줘 내게 what is love? 
 

All the guys in the world are jealous of me
They must be jealous to death of me, for having you
My babe, baby babe, baby baby~
I can tell, this is love
I will make you smile often like a child
I will make you feel the most comfortable, like a friend
My babe, baby babe, baby baby~

Tell me, what is love?