Sehun watches his boyfriend’s arm wrapped around the lead vocalist’s waist. Chanyeol’s bright red hair dripping sweat, his face flushed and a smile on his face that has always taken Sehun’s breath away. If he was asked to describe Chanyeol’s smile he would say it’s like a ray of sunshine, and Sehun a sunburn.

Chanyeol didn't just play his electric guitar, he rocked it. And he didn't just rock the guitar, he rocked the whole venue. Everything vibrated when he treated the crowd with his Pink Floyd solo rendition.

Sehun should have been with Chanyeol right now, celebrating the success of their concert in Beijing but all he can do is watch him through the flat screen because Chanyeol had said that he didn’t need to come with him, it was a 2 day trip and he will be back in no time also Sehun has to study for his exams. It sounded reasonable a part of Sehun can’t help but think that Chanyeol didn’t want him to come. Now looking at Chanyeol laughing and teasing Baekhyun, Sehun’s stomach knots.

The live streaming of the concert ends and Sehun immediately calls his boyfriend but it rings and then straight goes to voicemail. Funny how Chanyeol asked him to stay because of his studies but since he is gone Sehun hasn’t been able to go through one word.

             X

Sehun’s best friend Jongin knew about his not so subtle crush on the lead guitarist and had taken him to the band’s after party. Jongin’s cousin Minseok was friends with Yixing who played the bass for Rated R which Sehun thought was quite an apt name because when they were on stage with they looked intense and exuded raw passion.

Thanks to Minseok they had gotten a pass for the party. Jongin with his outgoing personality managed to blend in but Sehun felt out of place. He stood in the corner sipping his beer, the music was too loud and neon lights were flashing like police sirens all over the room.

“You don’t look like you are enjoying” a deep rumbled from beside him, It was Chanyeol.

Sehun could barely think seeing him so close.

Chanyeol seeing the shock register on his face a small smile played on his lips. Gorgeous was an understatement.

“I-I really don’t know anyone” Sehun mumbled taking a swig of his beer.

“Umm you probably know me, would you like to dance?” Sehun nodded and Chanyeol had taken his hand guiding him to the dance floor.

Being a dancer luckily he didn’t feel out of place in the dance floor. He was never much of a talker but when it came to dancing his body truely knew how to speak. Sehun moved along with the music, only stopping when he realised that two strong arms were gripping his shoulders gently, Chanyeol was staring at him his head tilted to one side and a hopeful smile playing on his lips. Chanyeol leaned closer and whispered in his ear, “Go out with me?”

And they did, ditching the party they kept walking around the block aimlessly, talking about everything and nothing. Sehun had felt at ease. Chanyeol was nothing like the cliched bad boy guitarist Sehun thought he will be, he was sweet, funny and had a warmth about him that seemed to pull him like a magnet.

“You know Minseok told me that his cousin’s friend has a crush on me but in no way did I think that the friend will be so beautiful” Chanyeol said smirking, while they sat on one park bench. 

Sehun flushed in embarrassment. It was supposed to be a secret between him and Jongin but apparently his best friend was loose lipped.

Sehun has gotten several complements over his looks or his dancing but never in his life did someone call him beautiful. He always thought that was reserved for girls. “Am not beautiful” he said eyes on the floor blushing.

“You are to me” Chanyeol smiled

“For a rock band guitarist you are quite cheesy—“ before he could finish Sehun knew they were kissing, a soft pair of lips pressing against his, their foreheads touching, Chanyeol’s hands caressing softly along his back. Sehun could feel his heart soaring dizzily.

After breaking free, they stared at each other, exchanging silent promises of the beginning of something beautiful under the glowing of a full moon, beckoned by star. It wasn’t magical because it felt real.

For some people falling in love grows like a ebbs in tide, for some it is like storm, for Sehun it was lying next to Chanyeol, brushing his hair falling off his face, or when Chanyeol’s eyes would keep searching for him in the crowd of audiences until he found Sehun’s, his face breaking into the most beautiful smile, their failed attempts at making dinner, the long drives, the simple touches, the stolen kisses it was the most endearing feeling.

                                        X

When did things get so complicated ?

Sehun can’t tell exactly when but it had something to do with the night they hung out in Junmyeon’s apartment after a gig by Rated R in one of the posh clubs, everyone wasted decided to play never have I ever,the barrage of embarrassing questions accompanied with friendly teasings.

When Jongdae their keyboardist, slurred ‘never have I ever had with one of band mate’ and everyone except Baekhyun and Chanyeol looking slightly uncomfortable, but Baekhyun quickly chugged the remaining soju of his glass saying “we dated in college okay it was long back we are friends now” he threw a wink at Sehun’s direction, then smiled at Chanyeol, his eyes lingering on the other a bit too longer for Sehun’s liking.

Even though his fingers were intertwined with Chanyeol’s his mind wandered off to places that felt wrong. Thinking of all those times Chanyeol would comeback late because of rehearsals or cancel their plans saying he has other engagements or look distracted staring at his phone....the rest of the night he couldn’t really make out any words, laughter rang in his ears but his mind wouldn’t seem to register anything.

“Did something happen? You seemed to be so quiet the whole time? Chanyeol asked as he pressed the codes on the keypad door lock.

Sehun bit his tongue looking away, “nothing”

“Cmon Sehun tell me what happened?” Chanyeol opened the door to his apartment.

“W-why didn’t you tell me that you dated Baekhyun?” Sehun blurted. 

“What” Chanyeol turned around looking surprised.

“You heard me” Sehun said avoiding eye contact with the other, he just stood there at the door step.

“Just get in, we can talk inside...my neighbors don’t need to know about this” Chanyeol gestured him to come in, a hint of smile in his face...yet Sehun didn’t find any humour in the whole situation.

Sehun walked in reluctantly, while Chanyeol closed the door shut, he turned around facing Sehun and nudged on his shoulder playfully.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sehun repeated knowing how clingy he sounded. 

“I didn’t think it was important, we dated in college and...it’s in the past.” Chanyeol shrugged. 

“I think as your boyfriend i have the right to know who you dated” Sehun said gritting his teeth.

“Oh cmon like you didn’t date others before me...don’t make this a big deal Sehun” Chanyeol sighed waving his hand dismissively.

“At least I am not friends with someone I dated before” Sehun replied bitterly.

“Is this because of us dating or is it about the question? Are you mad because we had ?” Chanyeol chuckled.

Sehun hated how casual Chanyeol made it sound.

“Yes I am, but you obviously think am being over dramatic right now” he could feel the angry tears forming in his eyes.

“Not overly maybe a tiny bit dramatic” Chanyeol smiled reaching out to hold Sehun’s hand.

“You know what forget it” Sehun jerked his hand away, he turned around so the other won’t see the tears.

“Sehun look at me, are you crying? Please look at me?” Chanyeol’s voice sounded gentle.

“Am leaving” Sehun roughly wiped a tear from his face and clutched the door knob to twist it open.

“No you are not” Chanyeol pulled Sehun to himself and lowered his lips to Sehun’s. Despite of his anger Sehun closed his eyes as their lips touched. The room seemed to spin around him. He clutched Chanyeol’s shirt desperately, never wanting this moment to end. Sehun could feel being pulled closer, as close as physically possible. The urgency in the kiss felt unbearable. Sehun wanted him, he wanted to make sure that Chanyeol wanted him as much as he did. The insecurities were gnawing at him. Sehun ran his hands through Chanyeol’s hair, pulling the other’s face close to his.

Chanyeol turned him around shoving  him to the wall, gripping his hips with both his hands he glanced down at Sehun through his hooded eyes, he murmured, “I love you Sehun please don’t think about anything else...” Sehun nodded dazed. Then he felt Chanyeol pressing open mouth kisses along the length of his jaw. 

“I love you too” Sehun whispered breathily as his body arched with every kiss and touch. 

As if sensing his emotions, Chanyeol removed  his hands from his hips and cupped his cheeks, pulling him into a deeper kiss, Chanyeol’s insistent mouth was parting his shaking lips, sending wild tremors along Sehun’s nerves. 

In the morning when Sehun still curled into the other, Chanyeol’s arm still draped over his bare waist, he noticed the raw red marks decorated on the other’s pale neck...Sehun had done it out of sheer selfishness last night...a part of him wanted to make sure that others knew that Chanyeol belonged to him. He gently touched it with his finger tips feeling guilty...the contact made Chanyeol stir a little in his sleep and his hols on Sehun tighten making a small smile appear on Sehun’s lips. 

                                     X 

Sehun immediately jumped from his couch to open the door as the doorbell rang. He knew it was Chanyeol. Their flight landed an hour back, he had called him from the airport saying that he was coming over. 

After keeping his bag on the floor, Chanyeol hugged Sehun and pressed a kiss to his mouth. He pulled away too quickly making Sehun wonder if he had missed him if even a little. 

“Why didn’t you pick any of my calls yesterday” Sehun asked as he sat beside Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol had his eyes closed and his head rested on the backrest of the sofa, “huh? Oh yesterday we had an after party I was completely worn out”  

“You could have called me before?” 

“I don’t know Sehun, it wasn’t a vacation I went for a concert we were on the clock, and after that I got busy with the party and stuff” he replied rubbing his temples. 

Swallowing the obvious bite, Sehun continued, “ I know you went for a concert, I just wanted to know why you were avoiding me” 

Chanyeol opened his eyes, and turned to face him scowling “ You don’t even ask me about the show but you jump into arguing with me the moment I get back?” 

“I had to watch your concert sitting here when I could have been there for you, I am only asking because I was worried obviously you can’t tell the difference” Sehun spits.  

“I thought we already went over this as to why I asked you not to come, you have exams...I didn’t you want you to waste your time...I don’t know why it seems hard for you to understand but I care about you” Chanyeol runs his finger through his hair frustratedly. 

“Right, did you care about me when you had your hands wrapped around Baekhyun’s waist“ the words just tumbles out of Sehun’s mouth. 

Chanyeol glares at him with wide eyes,” Jesus, that’s how fan service works, and he is my friend...don’t you trust me at all?” 

“I trust you, it’s him who I don’t trust...” Sehun could feel the jealousy bubbling within him.

It’s not like he hated Baekhyun, but since that night he had grown a resentment towards him, every time he saw the other he compared Baekhyun to himself...it was unnecessary but he couldn’t help it. Baekhyun was out going, held everyone’s attention unlike him,how he would just grab Chanyeol’s arm and say something making Chanyeol laugh the kinda laugh that Sehun wanted to be reserved only for him.  

“I don’t even want to know what you mean by that...your jealousy is out of hand, you don’t even know Baekhyun and you are judging him. Stop making everything about yourself Sehun” Chanyeol says a bit too loudly throwing his hands in the air making Sehun flinch. 

With his eyes wet with tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks Sehun looked away towards the window. Swallowing the growing lump in his throat again and again. 

“I love you but but you need to stop being like this...you are hurting me and you are obviously hurting yourself” Chanyeol’s words came out soft yet it burned like acid on Sehun’s skin. 

Did Chanyeol even understand that “but” took the focus off of the love, something like that didn’t make Sehun feel loved not even a little. 

He watched Chanyeol standing up, tiredness clouding his face, “ I think I should go now” he said dryly. 

Did he even notice the tears streaking Sehun’s face? He wants to tell Chanyeol to stay, to make him understand that there is more to him than a jealous insecure lover, but seeing  the desire to flee the situation written all over Chanyeol face Sehun stops. 

He nods his head as he watches Chanyeol pick up his luggage and leave, he doesn’t move until he hears the door shutting close. Finally he shuts his eyes letting the tears fall uncontrollably. 

                                              X