one
stainsFor her birthday, some of Haseul's coworkers take her out to a new restaurant in town to celebrate over dinner. While her memories are pretty fuzzy of that night, the one thing she can remember is eating leftovers the next day while hungover, and she loves the food they serve there. So when Haseul gets a little sick of the places she stops by for lunch each afternoon during work, she decides to visit that restaurant for something new, something different.
Haseul walks in and takes off her jacket, laying it down across from her in the booths. Other patrons sit in the nearby booths, or there's one or two other singles sitting at the bar. She slides into the seat and glances up at the TVs hung around the restaurant. It's the time of day when most broadcast stations play soap operas, and Haseul rolls her eyes at the overplayed soulmate drama. She watches as the main female character witnesses her male love interest touch another female, leaving an orange mark on her skin from his fingertips. Too many soaps milk the reality of soulmates for an almost ridiculous amount of drama and tragedy. Haseul hasn't yet left a mark of color on anyone's skin, finding her soulmate, but she figures that when she does, it won't be as ridiculous as the dramas make it out to be.
Haseul's so caught up in watching (and judging) the drama that she doesn't notice the waitress walk up to her booth. The waitress doesn't really say anything either, instead she traces Haseul's line of sight to the TV and sees what has Haseul so engrossed.
"You're a fan of these shows?" The waitress asks. She's doing an impressive job at masking her judgment of Haseul, should her answer actually be yes.
Haseul blinks, finally noticing the waitress. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, a ghost of a grin on her lips. "Not at all. They're obnoxious."
"Couldn't agree more." The waitress says with a quirk of an eyebrow, "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Coffee's fine." Haseul says, and her smile widens a little to hear the waitress agree with her. The waitress leaves and places a menu on the table for Haseul to look over, and Haseul watches as she leaves before glancing at the menu. Now, if only she could remember what drunk her ordered that night of her birthday…
The waitress comes back a few moments later with a cup of coffee and a tray of creamers for Haseul, and Haseul thinks she's finally used reverse psychology to figure out what she ordered before. After giving her order and after the waitress leans down to grab the menu of the table, Haseul watches as the blonde hair off the waitress's shoulders uncovers a part of her chest with her name tag. Haseul tries to make out what it says so she can put a name to that face.
"Oh, your name is Kimberly?" Haseul asks and flashes a smile, "Are you from abroad?"
By the time the waitress stands up straight, the hair covers her name tag again. She blinks at Haseul, utterly confused until she remembers her name tag, and she just laughs under her breath and shakes her head. "Uh, no. That's not my actual name." She tilts her head to the side, letting Haseul see the male bar patrons who have their eyes subtly or some not-so-subtly trained on 'Kimberly.' "Would you trust your real name out there to people like that every day?"
Haseul laughs faintly to hear it, and she glances down at the table. "I guess not, no. So what do I call you, then?"
Kimberly seems to think it over for a moment before she places a hand on the top of the booth and leans in a little closer. "Jungeun, but don't let any of those guys over there hear you say it, hm?"
"You don't have to tell me twice." Haseul grins, "I'm Haseul."
"Haseul.." Jungeun tries the name on her tongue, and she pauses for a moment before she eventually just nods, "Right, Haseul. I'll put that lunch order right in for you."
"Thank you." Haseul says, and Jungeun walks away shortly after. Haseul's gaze drifts over to the male patrons at the bar, and she watches how their gazes linger, watching every single moment they can of Jungeun walking away as possible before she disappears into the kitchen. Haseul grimaces and looks down into her coffee.
Jungeun's more right than Haseul originally gives her credit for.
Haseul ends up going to the restaurant again a week later, and she sits in the same booth that she did previously. She waits for a few moments after sitting down, checking her phone, and soon someone slips into the seat across from her in the booth, and Haseul looks up to see Jungeun there. She doesn't mind, really, but Haseul still furrows her eyebrows, confused to see her.
"Hey." Haseul says.
"'Sup." Jungeun says back, eyeing over Haseul's side of the booth, "Sorry. I'm lying low for a bit. Coworker from hell got an angry customer earlier and she won't live it down."
"Say no more." Haseul flashes a smile and crosses her arms on the table, leaning closer to Jungeun, "How's your day been? Aside from the coworker from hell, of course."
Jungeun smiles faintly in relief to hear it. "It's been alright. My usuals haven't come in so the tips have been a little low, but it's less ogling I gotta put up with, so I'll take it."
"Those men are tiresome. I'm sorry you have to put up with them." Haseul twists her lips in a frown.
Jungeun shrugs. "They do tip well though… That's their only redeeming quality."
Haseul smiles. "I suppose so."
"Besides, I think I made a new usual to make up for it." Jungeun looks Haseul over with a raised brow, "Good to see you back."
Haseul lowers her head and laughs, avoiding Jungeun's gaze. "I mean, it's good food and good service. It's a nice place to visit for my lunch break."
"You work nearby?" Jungeun asks, tilting her head, listening along with a faint smile.
Haseul nods. "Yeah, I work as a secretary for the accounting firm down the road."
"Nice smile, pretty face… Yeah, I can see why people trust you with their money." Jungeun teases, leaning back against the booth at her leisure.
Haseul laughs again and shakes her head. "Oh, please… I don't handle the money. I just handle the paperwork."
"Ah, right…" Jungeun laughs, "Someone's gotta do that too."
Smiling, Haseul opens to say more, but she's cut off by a voice shouting for Jungeun.
"KIMBERLY!" A female voice shouts, and Jungeun just sighs and hangs her head in defeat.
"I've been found…" Jungeun groans, sliding out of the booth. She adjusts her apron around her waist and glances down at Haseul, "Coffee, right?"
Haseul nods. "Yeah, if it's not too much trouble with you-know-who on your plate."
"Don't worry." Jungeun winks, "I can handle her."
Another waitress comes up to Jungeun and crosses her arms. "Kim, I've been calling your name for the past five minutes, what the hell have you been doing?"
"My job." Jungeun rolls her eyes, walking away, "Get back to work, Sooyoung. Leave me to it."
Haseul just scoffs to herself and focuses her attention away. She can just tell that this Sooyoung is a fun person to be around…
So when she leaves after lunch and sees her receipt, she adds a nice tip and writes a little message for Jungeun.
Sorry for the coworker from hell and the lecherous men. xoxo
Haseul returns to the restaurant a few days later, and admittedly hoping that Jungeun would be working that day. She waits a little restlessly at the booth, and while she hopes for Jungeun as her server, she honestly just prays that she doesn't get Sooyoung.
And soon enough, Jungeun slips into the seat across from Haseul, leaning back against the booth comfortably.
"Sooyoung getting on your case again?" Haseul asks when Jungeun joins her.
Jungeun shakes her head. "Nah, she's off today. I just wanted to join you. Wasn't expecting you today."
Haseul shrugs with a slight smile to her lips. "I like to mix things up sometimes."
Jungeun grins to hear it, though that grin vanishes as she bites down on her lip, tapping her pen on the table between them. "I got a weird question for you."
"Shoot."
"Have you ever been here before?" Jungeun asks, eyebrows furrowed from curiosity, "And I don't mean your past few visits. I mean before that."
Haseul doesn't think much of the question and just nods. "Yeah, my friends took me here for my birthday a month or so ago."
Jungeun smiles darkly. "Were you with a group of, oh, I don't know… five girls? And they made you wear a crown?"
Haseul freezes, piecing together her fuzzy memory of that night. She doesn't know why Jungeun knows those details so specifically, though… "I… Yeah, maybe so… Why?"
"Did you flirt so, so terribly with the waitress who was being hit on by a table full of guys so they'd back off?" Jungeun by now knows the answer, but she still asks, smile widening.
"I-I don't know…" Haseul sits up a little straighter and looks away, "I can't remember much of that night…"
"I was the waitress, Haseul." Jungeun laughs under her breath, "I had a feeling it was you, but I didn't know for sure. You were so pushy… You were almost worse than the guys."
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Haseul covers with a hand, "I-I totally had way too much to drink, and I know that doesn't excuse anything, but… I'm sorry!"
Jungeun just bursts out laughing, leaning back into the booth and drumming her fingers on the table. "Relax, relax. It wasn't hard to tell you were drunk. It was funny, at the very least."
That doesn't really help Haseul feel better, and she just hangs her head, embarrassed. "Do I want to know the things I said…?"
"Ah, let's see… 'I'd rate you about a nine, oh, but why not a ten? Because I'm the one you need.'" Jungeun snickers to herself, "There were a lot of other terrible lines like that, but I think my favorite was how when I gave your table your check, you grabbed my arm and pouted like, 'can I tip a pretty girl like you with my undying love and affection? I left my wallet at home but my heart is full…'"
Haseul resorts to hiding her face behind her hands, far too embarrassed and far too cherry red to show her face to Jungeun. "I'm sorry! That's so terrible!"
"I won't lie, it wasn't the best pickup line I've had customers use on me." Jungeun teases, "Also, how dare you. I'm a ten without your one."
"You are! I'm sorry!" Haseul still feels like an absolute mess. She wishes she could just explode at that very moment so she doesn't have to face Jungeun, "I forgot everything from that night, I… I had no idea…"
"Relax. You were drunk. No hard feelings." Jungeun's smile mellows out, "You're not nearly as insufferable sober, and even then, it wasn't that bad. I prefer it to any drunk male hitting on me. At least drunk women can take a no."
Haseul finally lowers her hands to her lap, though she keeps her gaze plastered to the table. She still can't face Jungeun. "This is mortifying…"
Jungeun just smiles and slides out of the booth, quirking a brow. "Would a nice coffee make it better?"
"Please…" Haseul mumbles, pouting her lips. She crosses her arms on the table and lowers her head onto them, absolutely mortified. She can't believe herself, and in that moment, she swears off drinking. It's too dangerous…
Later, when Haseul gears up to leave, she sees Jungeun pass by again, and she motions for Jungeun to join her for a brief moment again.
"What's up?" Jungeun asks, sliding into the booth again.
"Well, I was gonna ask this earlier, but the, uh, revelation kinda threw a wrench in those plans. I promise these two things aren't related." Haseul begins, keeping her gaze off Jungeun still, "My friend gave me two tickets to a festival night concert this weekend because something came up, and, ah… I wasn't going to use them. I wondered if you were into that stuff and if you'd want them."
Jungeun raises an eyebrow, curious. "Is that for the DJ festival?"
Haseul looks into her purse and pulls out the tickets, reading them. "Uh, yeah… Looks like it."
"I was actually thinking of going…" Jungeun muses, and she reaches over and plucks a ticket from Haseul's hand, "Alright, I'll take one."
Haseul blinks at the ticket still left in her hand and looks back at Jungeun. "Don't you want the other one? You can bring a friend?"
"How about you come with me?" Jungeun offers with a grin, "It wouldn't feel right taking both. Besides, could be fun."
Haseul blinks again, still as confused as before. "Really?"
"What, you won't try and flirt with me again, will you?" Jungeun laughs, "I said it could be fun."
Haseul can feel her cheeks flare red to remember the story. "I-I won't! Okay, we can go… And definitely no flirting. Gosh, I don't even know why I did that in the first place…"
"I get it. I'm just that pretty." Jungeun flips her hair over her shoulder, but she breaks out into a laugh, unable to act that arrogant for long.
Haseul only responds by covering her face with her hands again. It's too much for her… "God…"
"Don't worry, I'll forget it even happened." Jungeun says, seeing how Haseul is still hung up over it, "Let's just have a good time."
Haseul calms to hear it, and she meets Jungeun's eye again and nods. "Yeah… It'll be fun." She says, and she even smiles.
Glancing down at the tickets, Haseul just grins and feels a warmth in her chest. It'll be fun…
It's too easy for the two of them to become friends after that.
They just mesh so well together, and Jungeun loves to pick on Haseul for any small little thing. Haseul is far too easy to fluster, but she doesn't really care. It's a good time, and she enjoys seeing Jungeun at the restaurant and spending time with her on her off days. They become friends so easily, and Haseul loves it.
One day, Haseul goes to the restaurant as usual, and she eats her lunch and chats with Jungeun whenever she's available. The restaurant is fuller than normal, so Jungeun doesn't spend as much time with Haseul as she normally does, but Haseul doesn't mind. She knows it's Jungeun's work, and she can always catch up with her later. She also knows Jungeun doesn't care either, because more customers means more money, and Haseul grins a little to herself to see Jungeun spin around and walking away from a table, dropping her nice facade into a grimace instantly. Haseul finds it cute how Jungeun uses that cheery persona to get better tips, and it's even cuter how quickly it vanishes, too.
It's a day before Haseul's payday, so her bank account is a little low, so she opts to use the cash on her to pay. Though she only has two twenties, and her bill is a little over twenty dollars. Jungeun teases that Haseul won't be seeing any of her change, and Haseul pouts enough to persuade Jungeun otherwise. But as soon as Jungeun carries the change back to Haseul's table, she gets called over by one of the nearby tables, and it's elderly males, so Jungeun can't keep them waiting, god forbid.
Jungeun mutters an apology to Haseul, quickly passing off the receipt and the bills and the coins into Haseul's hands. Their hands fumble awkwardly together in the exchange as they try and pass it off without dropping anything, and fortunately Haseul holds on to everything. However, when Haseul looks at the change in her hand to put together Jungeun's tips, she notices how streaks of cherry red mar the skin of her hands. It's by no means natural, since Haseul's skin cannot turn such a vibrant shade of red, but Haseul pieces it together as the red slowly fades.
Her eyes shoot wide and she looks over at Jungeun talking with her other table, and Haseul's mouth falls agape from shock. Where Jungeun touched, she left a cerise trace on Haseul's skin, and Haseul realizes it in an instant.
Jungeun has the ability to color Haseul's skin at every brush of her fingertips.
Jungeun is Haseul's soulmate.
Shortly after that encounter with Jungeun, Haseul leaves from her work for the day, and she unlocks her phone to see a few recent notifications. goes dry to see who they're from, and Haseul has to bite down on her lip at the sight of the messages.
[Jungeun:] hey sorry about the other day. you know how men are…
[Jungeun:] you free this weekend? let's do something
Haseul draws in a sharp breath. She's unsure if Jungeun saw the color on her own hands that day too. Does Jungeun know that they're soulmates? Haseul wonders what color she left on Jungeun's hands. Is she a blue? A yellow? She hopes she leaves a pretty color.
[Haseul:] Why not?
[Haseul:] Have anything in mind?
[Jungeun:] just something lowkey. like drinks at a bar or something
[Haseul:] Yeah a few drinks would be nice.
[Haseul:] I'll see you then. :)
Haseul feels her chest flutter as she locks her phone, sliding it back into her purse. A smile curves her lips the more she thinks about it, and instead of dread, Haseul feels excited. She even laughs to herself, so eager to see Jungeun again. They're soulmates, and Haseul's too excited to see how this will change things. She wonders how she'll break the news to Jungeun. Will she touch part of her arm and leave a color trace for Jungeun to find? Or will she tell Jungeun outright?
Haseul shakes her head, though her smile doesn't fade. There's so many possibilities, but Haseul figures she'll know what to do in the moment.
Maybe drunk Haseul at her birthday was onto something. The more Haseul thinks about it, the more she agrees how gorgeous Jungeun really is, how nice she is, how infectious her laugh is… Haseul's chest feels even lighter when she thinks about the way Jungeun's teasing makes her smile so wide to see Haseul's flustered reaction. She can get used to that smile and that teasing…
Haseul's cheeks start to hurt from how widely she's smiling.
She just feels so lucky, having Jungeun as her soulmate.
It's too perfect, Haseul thinks, when she sees Jungeun for drinks. Jungeun wears a sleeveless top, leaving much of her skin exposed. Haseul can leave her color on it however she pleases. Though she doesn't do it immediately. She wants to wait for a perfect moment.
They're laughing over something that really isn't funny on their second round of drinks. Haseul only vaguely feels an influence of the alcohol, so it's nothing too big. Jungeun, as Haseul's come to find out, can drink pretty much anyone under the table, so she's definitely not drunk either. Yet they're both still loosened by the bar atmosphere and the drinks they've had, so Haseul knows it's the perfect time. Now, she just needs some way to execute her plan…
Fortunately, Jungeun gives her the perfect in.
Jungeun sits facing forward, staring into her drink a little sheepishly. Her arms rest crossed on the bar, and she has a faint grin on her face.
"I got accepted for the scholarship for my masters degree." Jungeun admits quietly, a little nervous.
"That's great!" Haseul says, reaching out to place her hand on Jungeun's arm, "You'll start teaching after you get your masters, right?"
Jungeun nods with a grin. "Yeah, and I'll get my certification and everything."
"You'll be a great teacher, I just know it." Haseul smiles widely, and she pulls away to grab her glass and hold it between her and Jungeun, "Cheers!"
Jungeun grabs her drink too, clinking the glass against Haseul's with a small grin. "Cheers." She laughs under her breath before downing the drink.
As Haseul drinks from her glass, she peers down at Jungeun's arm. No color stands out to her, and she furrows her eyebrows. Did it fade already and Haseul just didn't see it? Maybe her color is just really light so it fades quickly… Haseul doesn't pay it much heed, since she knows she can try again and pay better attention this time. Her attention was divided from her excitement for Jungeun's scholarship, after all.
Haseul tries again later during the night, resting her hand on Jungeun's arm. She keeps her gaze on her hand, and she moves it slightly so she catch a peak of her color. Yet she doesn't notice anything different, and her focused gaze on her hand on Jungeun's arm catches Jungeun's attention. Jungeun glances down at her arm, taking a drink from her glass.
"What?" She asks, confused.
Haseul opens , but closes it almost immediately after drawing in a breath. "Sorry… My vision got a little blurry for a second." She pinches the air above Jungeun's skin randomly and flicks her fingers, "You had a little fuzz."
Jungeun just snorts to hear that. "Drunk already, Haseul? Looks like I'm driving us home."
Haseul fakes a laugh and a smile, but both fade before long. Her gaze still remains on the place where she touched Jungeun's skin, seeing absolutely no trace of a color. "Yeah… Yeah, sure."
And Jungeun thinks nothing of it, instead glancing up at one of the TVs, catching up on a game she's been half-watching the whole night.
Haseul just watches that spot on Jungeun's arm with furrowed eyebrows and parted lips.
Why doesn't she leave a color on Jungeun's skin?
That night at the bar haunts her. She doesn't understand why none of her touches color Jungeun's skin, yet Jungeun has the full ability to color hers. Her skin is always such a cherry red after Jungeun touches her, colored so beautifully and vibrantly, yet Jungeun's skin bears no trace of Haseul whenever they touch. None of it makes sense. Haseul thought they were supposed to be soulmates…
It wouldn't have been that bad, Haseul thinks, if she hadn't fallen for Jungeun, if she still didn't fall for her every day. Everything that she feels around Jungeun is what Haseul's always pictured one's love for their soulmate to be, and Haseul's grown so comfortable in Jungeun's space even as friends, so when Haseul discovered Jungeun was her soulmate, falling for her was so instantaneous and natural. It feels right to fall for Jungeun. So why does Jungeun not bear that same soul mark too?
Haseul's been avoiding the restaurant if she's able. Sometimes Jungeun texts her something cheeky, like hey, missed you at the restaurant today lol, work busy? and Haseul feels her heart drop into her stomach. Jungeun's so absolutely clueless. She doesn't even know that Haseul bears her soul mark. Haseul doesn't want her to find out either, not until she figures out why her fingertips leave no mark on Jungeun's skin. There has to be some reason why…
One day, Haseul feels so overwhelming tired of all of her other lunch options that she just goes to that restaurant, just wanting a nice bite to eat. As Haseul walks to a booth, she sees Jungeun talking with one of her tables, another single blonde. Haseul stops and watches despite herself, just curious, intrigued by the way Jungeun laughs so brightly around that blonde. They're caught in some lively conversation, and Haseul sees how the blonde lifts her hand for a high five, and Jungeun returns it before walking off to go handle another table.
And Haseul sees how the woman's hand is stained bright red, and as Jungeun's arms sway by her sides as she walks, Haseul sees her hand stained bright blue.
Haseul skips lunch that day. She leaves the restaurant without another word.
It's only made worse by the text she receives the next day.
[Jungeun:] so i got some news…
[Jungeun:] i think i found my soulmate
Haseul's too grateful it's the weekend, because that way she doesn't have to worry about crying at work when the tears start to well in her eyes.
The only plus to this being over text is that Haseul can lie so easily, fake being okay, with Jungeun being none the wiser of the way Haseul's heart breaks into two.
[Haseul:] I'm so happy for you!
[Haseul:] They're so lucky to have someone like you, Jungeun.
[Haseul:] Beyond lucky, even.
[Jungeun:] haha aww… thanks Seul
[Jungeun:] let's hope
[Jungeun:] she's cute so far… let's see where this goes
Haseul just turns off her phone and hangs her head in her hands.
That's one development she truly does not want to see.
Jungeun asks Haseul about two weeks later if she wants to come over to her apartment to catch up, apologetic that they haven't seen each other a lot. Haseul hates how Jungeun's apologizing for Haseul's avoidance like it's her fault, like it's because of her hours getting moved at work. It's all Haseul's fault for being too weak to look at Jungeun. Haseul figures it's best to force herself to go, just to reassure Jungeun it isn't her fault. She can ghost her again afterwards, but she doesn't want Jungeun blaming herself… Haseul hates that idea more than seeing Jungeun.
The night together is casual at best. They watch TV in silence, and Haseul can't tell if it's comfortable or not. She doesn't feel very comfortable. She's hyperaware of her heart split in two in her chest as she sits there, not saying a word.
"I think the universe messed up." Jungeun says without prompt, a mere whisper.
Haseul's eyes go wide in surprise as she looks over at Jungeun. "How so?"
"Jinsoul's nice, but…" Jungeun sighs from frustration and shakes her head, "I don't feel anything yet."
Haseul just blinks. "Oh."
"I get that sometimes it takes a little while to warm up to your soulmate, but…" Jungeun shakes her head again, taking a drink from her bottle, "I'm overthinking this. But it's just been ing with me for a while."
Before Haseul can even think to stop herself, the words leave her in a whisper. "It's okay. I think the universe messed up my soulmate too."
Jungeun's expression contorts with sympathy, glancing softly at Haseul. "Wanna talk about it?"
Haseul keeps her gaze locked ahead of her and shakes her head, her response just a hoarse, choked sound, "No."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"You can find someone better than the universe's taste."
Haseul snorts, a wry smile rising to her lips. "The worst thing about it? I actually wanted her. But I guess she's just not mine to have."
"I'm sorry, Seul…" Jungeun says softly, unsure of what else to say.
"It's okay." Haseul breathes heavily, "It just… still hurts."
Jungeun's silent for a while, though eventually she glances over at Haseul, expression softened. "I got harder stuff than this in my cabinet." She says, shaking the empty bottle in her hand. Haseul's glass of wine is empty too. "If you wanna get smashed with me and stay the night so you don't have to drive home, then you can if you want."
An offer like that is dangerous, and Haseul knows it. She really shouldn't.
"Okay."
So she drinks. And she drinks, and drinks, and drinks. She doesn't feel any better afterward, but it distracts her, even when she sits next to the root of her problems for the whole night. It doesn't hurt as much, but she still feels like utter garbage one way or another. She retains one ounce of responsibility to drink water once she cuts herself off, but that's all she manages to do.
"I'll sleep on the couch." Haseul mutters once they finish, frankly too tired to want to put up with anything anymore.
"That couch is uncomfortable as hell. Just share the bed with me." Jungeun says, running a hand through her hair.
Despite all the warning signs in her mind going off, Haseul still says yes. At this point, she doesn't care. She's lost the ability to care two shots ago.
The bed isn't that large, but they fit on it fine. Haseul stays as close to the edge as possible without falling off, laying on her back with her head turned away from Jungeun. Very early on into the night, before either of them even fall asleep, Jungeun rolls onto her side, moving closer to Haseul, and her hand falls on Haseul's arm. Haseul just squeezes her eyes tightly shut, thankful that it's so dark that it hides the inevitable red handprint on her upper arm. And Haseul does her best to ignore Jungeun, but even then she can't stop herself from shifting a little closer, reaching up to place her hand over Jungeun's before she falls asleep.
Waking up in Jungeun's arms is too bittersweet.
On one hand, Haseul's never felt this safe in her entire life, but on the other, she's never felt so exposed and raw. Haseul knows it's some sort of fluke, that it isn't real, so even though it feels so nice in her arms just like she's always dreamed, it still hurts so much.
Haseul carefully moves out of Jungeun's arms, not wanting to wake her and trying not to agitate that piercing headache of hers. She sits on the edge of the bed, and she still feels the alcohol in her system from the night before, and it's just enough that everything hits her and she just loses control, with the tears forming in her eyes. She just covers her eyes with her hands and lets herself cry, trying her best to be as quiet as possible, though she still chokes out a few stifled sobs and sniffles. It's just loud enough to make Jungeun stir awake, and it's not long before she recognizes what those soft sounds are.
"Seul, talk to me…" Jungeun says, voice heavy with sleep, though she still wants to help.
"Nothing… It's nothing." Haseul shakes her head, sniffling and trying to get herself to stop.
"Haseul, please…" Jungeun sits up and moves to the edge of the bed to sit next to Haseul, wrapping an arm around her back, "I just want to help."
"I'm fine… I just… needed to get that out." Haseul sniffles again, even turning to Jungeun with her reddened face and flashing a smile. She tries to move Jungeun's arm off of her, not wanting to be touched at risk of her secret getting out.
Jungeun frowns, face sympathetic. She does the best thing that she can think of doing even when Haseul doesn't want her help, so she lifts her hand so she can wipe Haseul's tears away. Haseul barely catches sight of Jungeun's hand as it moves, and she tries to back away. "Jungeun, stop!" She pleads, but she's too late, and Jungeun's hand falls on her cheek.
Haseul freezes, eyes wide as she watches Jungeun's face and sees the realization settle in when the red of Haseul's cheek shows under Jungeun's thumb wiping away her tears. Jungeun's eyes widen at the reddened skin, seeing how she leaves her mark on Haseul's skin with every touch. Haseul reaches up and grabs Jungeun's wrist to pull her hand off of her, not wanting to give Jungeun the chance at another touch. She slaps her hand over the marked skin, absolutely petrified, knowing full well she can't hide it now that Jungeun's seen it. The worst is that she can't look away, that she keeps looking at Jungeun, unable to protect herself from heartbreak by having to see Jungeun's reaction.
"Haseul, you… I…" Jungeun shakes her head, unable to form the words. She turns her wrist over and moves Haseul's hand to see if there's any color where Haseul touched her, but there's absolutely nothing, and it makes Jungeun's eyebrows furrow deeper than they already have.
"Stop touching me!" Haseul shouts, yanking her blood-red hand away from Jungeun and backing away on the bed.
"I'm sorry, I'm-" Jungeun reaches out again to try and calm Haseul, but she catches herself and forces her hands behind her back, "...sorry…"
Haseul clutches her reddened hand, gritting her teeth at the sight. She knows there's streaks of scarlet across her cheek too, but she focuses on her hand, nearly covered entirely with red. "Why can't it just ing go away…" She growls, furling her fingers into a tight fist.
"I'm sorry, Haseul, I…" Jungeun keeps trying to speak up, but the words never come to her, "I didn't know that it was me…"
"You couldn't have known. I don't leave a single mark on you, but just mark me up however you please." Haseul's voice bleeds with her bitterness, each emotion finally bubbling to the surface that she suppressed for so long.
"I'm sorry…" Jungeun just whispers, lowering her gaze to the space in between them.
Haseul just shakes her head from frustration, standing up from the bed and walking off, ignoring the pounding sensation piercing through her head from her hangover. She doesn't notice the pain, not when the pain she feels in her heart is far worse. "I need to go."
"Haseul, wait!" Jungeun reaches out for Haseul's wrist, pleading with her to stay. The imprint of Jungeun's hand burns onto Haseul's skin, and she rips her hand free from Jungeun's hold.
"Don't touch me!" Haseul shouts again, holding her wrist as far away from Jungeun's reach as she can.
"I'm sorry, Haseul! But please-" Jungeun pleads, "Don't just… don't just go…"
"And stay here so I can put up with the torture of your fingertips marring my skin?" Haseul hisses the word, hating how her skin gets colored by Jungeun, "You can't possibly ask me to do that to myself. I'm leaving."
"That's not- Haseul- please…" Jungeun stands up too, but she doesn't chase after Haseul, instead she lets Haseul leave.
And when the door slams behind Haseul, Jungeun flinches before she sits back down on the bed, covering her forehead with one hand, looking at the empty color of her skin where Haseul touched.
[Jungeun:] i miss you
Haseul feels an anger surge through her to read the message. It's been weeks, and she doesn't respond, feeling merciful enough to spare Jungeun of her bitterness and anger. But no response doesn't stop Jungeun. It hasn't, not since that morning.
[Jungeun:] this doesn't have to change anything Haseul
[Jungeun:] i'm sorry that i do this to you
[Jungeun:] i just want my friend back
Against Haseul's better judgment, she finally responds.
[Haseul:] How can you expect me to be around you when it hurts so much?
[Jungeun:] i don't know
[Jungeun:] we can figure something out
[Jungeun:] i don't want to lose you
[Haseul:] Staying hurts more than leaving.
[Jungeun:] please Haseul
[Jungeun:] it hurts me too
[Haseul:] You don't know how it feels.
[Jungeun:] in case you've forgotten, my soulmate isn't exactly working out for me either
[Jungeun:] i don't feel anything when she kisses me
[Jungeun:] it feels like a chore to spend time with her
[Jungeun:] she's nice but i don't ing feel anything
Haseul doesn't want to imagine Jungeun together with Jinsoul, with every kiss and shared touch, but she still does, hating how it's something she can never have with Jungeun.
[Haseul:] You don't know how it feels.
[Haseul:] At least you didn't fall for her.
Jungeun doesn't reply.
Haseul doesn't think she wants her to, either.
[Jungeun:] Jinsoul fell in love with someone else
Haseul pinches the bridge of her nose. Why should she care? Is Jungeun trying to play with her feelings, bringing up Jinsoul when Jinsoul's the reason Haseul's heart snapped in two? Does Jungeun want sympathy when Haseul's been hurting for how long now?
[Jungeun:] there's no mark between them, but she loves Sooyoung more than she ever loved me
[Jungeun:] Sooyoung loves her more than i ever did, either
[Jungeun:] she's finally happy now
[Haseul:] Good for her.
[Jungeun:] i want to see you again
[Jungeun:] i miss you
Maybe Jungeun's cry for sympathy works, if it even is one. Haseul doesn't even fight the sliver of an urge to see Jungeun again. She misses Jungeun too, even if every second around her hurts.
[Haseul:] Then let's do something tonight.
[Jungeun:] wait- really?
[Jungeun:] let's grab drinks
[Haseul:] Sure.
Haseul doesn't really know how she ends up in Jungeun's apartment again that night, after an evening of stunted pleasantries and an attempt to put things back on the mend. They do a marvelous job of avoiding the problem the whole night, but they sort of rebuild things still; they talk again, but there's that wall and that tension that wasn't there before. Jungeun also tries her best to keep space between them at all times, not wanting to touch Haseul when she's made it clear that it hurts too much.
Haseul lays in the bed on her back, feeling drained from all the alcohol. Maybe it's just easier to crash at Jungeun's place since it's closer to the bar they were at. Maybe they don't want to walk further in the cold. Haseul doesn't know. She just feels Jungeun near her side, turned the other way so she won't face Haseul.
She's almost asleep, but she hears a faint whisper from Jungeun that catches her attention.
"Haseul?"
Haseul's eyes flutter open and she glances over at Jungeun's back to her. "Hmm?"
"Did you really fall for me?"
Haseul draws in a sharp breath. She wonders how long Jungeun's been wanting to ask that, considering how she only poses the question in the dead of night.
"I did."
"Do you still love me now?"
Haseul lets out that breath she's been holding in and closes her eyes.
"I do."
She only hears Jungeun shift next to her, but she doesn't open her eyes. She just wants to sleep.
"Sorry to ask."
"Just go to sleep, Jungeun."
"I missed you, Seul."
"I missed you too."
Haseul feels a weight on her hand, with Jungeun holding onto the back of Haseul's hand. Yet there's a sheet in between where their hands touch. No color marks Haseul's skin.
"I miss you, Seul."
And Haseul misses Jungeun's touch. There's a relief to have Jungeun's hand on hers yet to be freed from the color mark. It feels normal again. Haseul turns her hand over to hold Jungeun's hand through the sheet.
"I miss you too."
She feels Jungeun squeeze her hand through the sheet.
"Good night."
"Night."
When Haseul wakes up, she's alone. She slowly pushes herself out of bed and stretches, catching in the mirror how her shirt rides up a little over her stomach as she does so. Haseul sees a small bit of red on that exposed skin of her stomach, and she knits her eyebrows together, walking closer to the mirror and lifting her shirt some. A red handprint covers her stomach, and on closer inspection, Haseul sees thin red streaks down her hairline, behind her ear, down her cheek. They're all fading, more pink than red, but Haseul still sees them clearly.
Haseul just clenches her jaw, using her hair to cover the marks over her face and lowering her shirt. She doesn't know what Jungeun's doing, but she just wishes she'd stop.
[Jungeun:] you know, people date outside their soul marks all the time
[Jungeun:] take jinsoul for example. lol
Haseul furrows her eyebrows at the messages. She knows this. She's accepted that she'll have to find someone else. Why does Jungeun bring this up now of all times?
[Haseul:] Yeah, I guess so.
[Jungeun:] you think it's possible, right?
[Jungeun:] to date people other than your soulmate and still be happy?
[Haseul:] Why are you asking me this?
[Jungeun:] i just want to know what you think, Haseul
[Haseul:] I think you can.
[Jungeun:] thank you
[Haseul:] Don't mention it.
Haseul doesn't see the point in any of it.
Haseul needs to start drawing the line somewhere. Her apartment is so unlived in that she might as well stop paying the rent and move in with Jungeun. Or maybe she just needs to stop drinking so much so she go home on her own whenever she spends time with Jungeun. Neither option really appeals to her.
Regardless, Haseul lays in Jungeun's bed once more. Neither of them are really tired yet, but they just want to relax. For once, Jungeun seems to drink more than Haseul does, and Haseul just frowns. She must've had a rough day. Jungeun's never been less sober than her before.
A hand comes to brush some of Haseul's hair behind her ear, and Haseul glances over to see Jungeun beside her, laying on her side and using her elbow to prop herself up. Haseul just furrows her eyebrows, confused at the touch, but she otherwise does nothing and just tries to close her eyes and rest. Yet Jungeun's hand moves to the other side of Haseul's face, making Haseul look towards her. Jungeun leans forward and closes her eyes, pressing her lips softly to Haseul's cheek.
"Jungeun-" Haseul mumbles, narrowing her eyes, "What are you doing?"
Jungeun doesn't say anything back, but rather she trails her lips downwards, kissing Haseul's jaw and neck. She lets out a breathy hum against Haseul's neck, letting her one hand move to grip Haseul's waist.
Haseul feels chills spread through her body and she tenses immediately. She grabs Jungeun's hand and shrinks away from her lips, trying to put space between them again. "Jungeun, stop."
Junegun opens her eyes and meets Haseul's own, dark and unreadable. She moves a little closer again, her face mere inches away from Haseul's. "Please…" She whispers, and Haseul can smell the alcohol off her lips.
"You had too much to drink." Haseul turns her head away, "Go to sleep before you do something you regret."
Jungeun just groans from frustration and backs off, turning onto her side and keeping her back to Haseul.
Haseul shakes her head and closes her eyes. She's growing tired of Jungeun's game.
"Do you remember last night?" Haseul asks the next morning. She sits in the bed, having just awoken, while Jungeun gets dressed.
"No." Jungeun lies.
Haseul knows it's a lie too. She's too tired to say anything about it though. It's too much for her to want to understand and deal with.
[Jungeun:] can you come over tonight?
[Haseul:] I don't want to drink tonight.
[Jungeun:] i don't want to drink either
[Jungeun:] i just want to talk
Haseul sighs. The hurt is normal by this point. It doesn't bother her anymore.
[Haseul:] I'll be over at seven.
[Jungeun:] thanks, Seul
[Haseul:] Yeah, no problem.
"Is everything alright?" Haseul asks when Jungeun lets her into the apartment, sparing a glance as she heads to the couch.
Jungeun nods and draws in a sharp breath. "Yeah, I think so. I've officially decided to say this soulmate business."
Haseul looks over at Jungeun and raises an eyebrow dryly. "You didn't tell me to come over just to tell me this, right?"
Jungeun pauses and glances downward, caught off-guard by Haseul's bite. "I… No."
Reading Jungeun's reaction, Haseul just closes her eyes and sighs, realizing how harsh she's being. "I'm sorry… That was harsh. I've been way too snappy with you lately. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I know you're just… frustrated. I don't blame you." Jungeun walks over to join Haseul on the couch, sitting down and patting the space next to her so Haseul will join, "I called you over because I wanted to see if I could make this all hurt less."
Haseul raises an eyebrow again, though it's more intrigued than bitter like before. "How?"
"I miss my friend, Haseul. I miss you." Jungeun says, words laced with a heavy sigh, "It's so bland and dull between us. I miss how we could joke with each other, how I could tease you and make you smile. All we do is drink and be miserable now. I hate it. I miss the life in your eyes, Haseul. I miss your smile, too." She reaches out to take some of Haseul's hair and brush it behind her ear, "It was such a beautiful smile…"
Haseul feels her breath hitch to have Jungeun's hands on her like that, and to hear those words spoken to her. "I'm sorry, Jungeun… I know I haven't been much help throughout this… I've just been a miserable, moping mess… I didn't even try to see you as a friend again. I just felt too sorry for myself." She nods faintly, averting her gaze, "I'll do better. I'll get over it."
"You don't have to get over it." Jungeun says softly, fingers still tracing over Haseul's hair.
Haseul shakes her head. "No, I need to. If I just see you as my heartbreak, then I'll never be able to see you as a friend again."
"I don't want to break your heart anymore."
"You won't once I stop being so dramatic over it."
"Well, doing that will help, sure, but…" Jungeun just tilts her head, meeting Haseul's gaze. She draws in a breath and tries to steel herself, summoning her courage, "Do you still love me?"
The answer leaves Haseul without hesitation. "Yes."
"I don't want you to stop loving me." Jungeun whispers, and her hand drifts to rest on Haseul's cheek. The light touch leaves a cerise color on Haseul's skin, and Haseul just holds her breath.
"That won't get us anywhere, Jungeun." Haseul says, studying Jungeun's expression, trying to get her angle.
"No, Haseul. I don't want you to stop loving me because I love you."
Haseul's eyes shoot wide and her lips part faintly. Her mind goes blank, with those calculations she was trying to run before vanishing since none of them apply to the situation anymore. "I just… don't understand…"
"I don't think I realized how good I had it until I lost you." Jungeun says quietly, lowering her gaze, "Seeing you so upset and so broken made me realize just how beautiful the vibrant you is, and how much I loved being around her… I don't want to keep breaking your heart like this. I want to help you be happy again. I miss your smile and your laugh… I don't even care if you're not supposed to be my soulmate, I just… I love you. I'm sorry I only realized it now… I could've saved you from so much heartbreak…"
"It's not your fault, Jungeun. I-" Haseul shakes her head and sighs, "I'm sorry I made you feel so guilty… I did this to myself, letting myself get so heartbroken and miserable… You didn't do this to me. I'm so sorry I made you think you did."
"I want to fix this for real this time." Jungeun says, "I want to see you at the restaurant for lunch again. It's terrible without you there. No one tips as good as you did."
Haseul shakes her head and laughs under her breath. "You want me back for my money, hm?"
"There's that smile…" Jungeun grins to hear Haseul laugh, "I missed that smile."
"I missed giving you that smile." Haseul says, smiling a little wider, "I missed it all too."
"Can we fix this?" Jungeun asks, and it's hopeful.
"I think we can." Haseul smiles, and she leans forward and wraps her arms around Jungeun, letting herself indulge in Jungeun's touch for the first time in a while.
Jungeun lets out a content sigh as she holds Haseul in her arms, closing her eyes and resting her head against Haseul's. "I'm so happy you're here…"
Haseul closes her eyes too, nestling deeper into Jungeun's arms. "I'm happy too."
Comments