Past

(but is actually Present)

 

 

The wind was blowing awfully hard that day.

Seeing that she would have to wait about 30 minutes or so until the bus comes, Jessica buried her face snuggly behind her favorite green scarf and rubbed her hands together in an effort to keep them warm, after blowing warm air on them didn't help. 

The stores around were still closed and there were barely any other people around. It was early in the morning but the sun didn't seem to be coming up soon. She watched as somebody around the corner tried to pull a cart up a hill.

Oh, how hard a life it must be to have to work outside on a day like this.

Jessica stood there doing nothing else but trying as much as she can to keep herself warm. Her hands were freezing even after she shoved them on her coats pockets, and she hated that, of all the days, she chose today to forget her gloves. Jessica frowned, resentment filling her again, as the memory of the mess she woke up to this morning crossed her mind.

It happened every year during this time of the year. Her mother would come home reeking of alcohol and drunk enough that she couldn't recognize Jessica as she stagger inside their house. She'd slumped on the kitchen floors with a dead look on her eyes and an empty smile as if she was reliving some good old memories that Jessica wasn't a part of.  If left be, her mother would thrash the whole house, so Jessica always kept her in check. She wouldn't talk with her, because she tried that before, and the hate in her mother's eyes after Jessica told her that drinking wouldn't bring them back had given Jessica nightmares for days, and Jessica needed good sleep if she was to pass her exams.

Besides, she knew her mother wouldn't listen anyway.

Her mother would wake up the next morning feeling sorry for what she did but then do the same thing again and again and again. 

Jessica couldn't wait for the day she can finally leave but she was also scared of what would become of her mother if she also leave her behind. 

Sighing under her breath, Jessica let the cold bring her back to reality; she was again standing at the same bus stop and the weather was miserable.

Now, she noticed that the wind had gotten too loud and it was thrashing the roof and the walls of the bus stop. She pulled her arms closer to her and buried her face deeper in the green softness of her scarf and settled in whatever warmth it offered. Worry started to fill her. They didn't have a lot of winds and snow back when they were living abroad. She rarely experienced weather as bad as this before.

Looking down at her watch, Jessica stifled a groan when she realized only 10 minutes had passed. She would have stomped her foot just to let some of her frustrations out, if not for the hearty chuckle she heard coming from behind her. 

"Time flies when you're having fun, eh?"

Jessica almost did a double-take when the cheerful yet breathy voice felt awfully close to her. She stepped back after turning, only to see a girl, dressed almost too bare for this kind of weather.

The girl wore an oversized jacket over what looked like a jersey, her thumbs hooked on the straps of her backpack while one of her feet fiddled with a lone leaf on the ground. She didn't have a beanie, nor gloves, though she did wear a tired-looking green scarf that looked awfully familiar. Jessica raised an eyebrow at the girl's untied shoelaces then raised her gaze back up. She opened to let the girl know. but then stopped halfway when she realized that the girl, who had been looking down this whole time, was now staring at her with a look so strangely soft, that it made Jessica wonder if they'd met before. The girl's cheeks were reddened by the cold, and her breath formed vapors with every huff and blurred her face. She seemed to have only just managed to catch her breath when she smiled at Jessica with the radiance of the sun. 

It rendered Jessica unable to look away.

That smile was something to remember. 

"Hi," The girl said, her smile only widened, "Your name is Jessica, right?"

 Jessica frowned, taken aback. "Do we.. Uhm.. do we know each other?" She took a step to the side to look at the girl fully. It didn't help Jessica to recognize her but she did notice that the girl, though looking a bit stressed, had a certain youthfulness about her, with an aura a little too bright for Jessica and this awful weather. 

"Not yet," The girl said teasingly as if she'd just made a joke to herself. "But I figured we went- no, go, in the same school together." 

"Hmmm," Jessica said not because she was trying to recall, but because she was rather bad at small talk, and she didn't know what else to say.

"Nice," She added shortly after, before taking another step away, deciding she'd rather wait for the bus in silence. 

The girl followed her with her gaze, amusement in her eyes, before she said, "I'm Yuri. Kwon Yuri-" 

Jessica nodded with a tight-lipped smile, although she wished the girl would take the hint and stop talking to her. She looked at the clouds, or at the lack of it, as an excuse to look away. She hoped the signal was enough.

"I figured, you help out in the library, around this time, yeah? Also, debate club?" The girl asked, nonchalantly so. 

Jessica turned to the girl again, perplexed. She didn't have tons of friends and rarely talked to anyone she didn't know and the girl seemed to know too much about her despite being a stranger. She tilted her head, annoyance showing a twitch of her brows when she found the girl laughing silently. 

"Excuse me?" Jessica snapped. 

The girl just shook her head, her smile annoyingly sweet. "Nothing. I just still can't believe that you'd be in the debate club." 

Jessica felt a tinge of defensiveness. She joined the club for curricular merits only and though she's not the best debater they have, the girl didn't have to mock. Besides, they didn't know each other.

"And what is that to you?"

"Nothing... just wondering where I should frequent if I want to see you."  

"See m-... What do you mea-"

"Oops, look! Here's the bus!" The girl pointed out, almost too cheerily, as if trying not to look suspicious, but Jessica already decided not to spend much more effort thinking about it and readied herself to go up the bus. 

The bus was almost empty. There were about only 4 people and they all looked like they wished they didn't have to go out and Jessica perfectly understood. She shuffled through the narrowed path and took the nearest seat. It was when she already sat down that she noticed the girl was having trouble with the bus driver and it would take a fool not to understand what it was about. Huffing for having to leave the comfort of her seat, Jessica stood up and readied her money. 

"Sorry," The girl began, and quickly added, "I'll pay you back!" before scratching the back of her neck shyly, then holding up a strange card Jessica had never seen before."I kind of forgot my own wallet." 

"It's okay. Just pay me back when you ever have the chance," Jessica said, taking the space beside the girl to give the already pissed-off driver their fee. She winced as her coins hit the driver's purse. There went her lunch money. 

Letting out a sigh, Jessica went back to her seat, purposely looking out at the window when the girl walked right past her. 

The motor rumbled into life and the ride continued in silence. 

Inside the bus, only the swooshing of the wind from outside could be heard, but the way the signs of the building outside rattled aggressively from the wind, made Jessica nervous. As the bus turned to the corner, she felt the wind blow the bus slightly more to the side. She held tighter to the handle on the seat in front of her. 

At some point during the ride, the driver turned the radio on to drown the noise from outside. Everything seemed to be fine. Until all of the sudden, they all felt the bus jump to what felt like bumps, followed by a loud sound of steel giving out and a sharp noise of something metal hitting and gliding on the surface of the road.

The bus suddenly tipped back, and bumped, even more, sending some of the passengers out of their seats.

It pushed Jessica against the glass of the bus window, her left hand slipping from its grip.

Panic rose in Jessica, she couldn't fathom what was happening aside from the fact that the bus was spinning now.

She heard a loud screech and closed her eyes, waiting for the blow. 

In a matter of seconds, everything turned into what Jessica thought was a dreadful void.

Silence.

Then a hand so cold took her hand and pulled her in.

Suddenly she was enveloped by something warm. 

The bus went to a full stop, sending Jessica's head right to the glass. 

If not for a hand that cushioned her head, she would have out from the impact. 

One big loud thump almost sent Jessica out of her seat. 

When Jessica finally got the courage to open her eyes, she saw the face of the girl she met at the bus stop.

She heard the girl let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief.

The girl clicked her tongue. "I told him to be careful this time."

The last thing Jessica saw was the girl's reassuring smile before she lost all strength and her world turned black. 

 

---

 

When Jessica woke up, she was already in a strange room, her head hurt a little and the white lights above her hurt her eyes. She sat up and figured it was a bad idea because it made everything go round and she found herself immediately falling back down. 

"Hey, nurse, this girl looks like she just woke up," Jessica heard somebody say. 

She heard steps and something metal being rolled down towards her. Jessica only managed to turn her head to her side, not hearing what the woman in white was saying, distracted by the strangely comforting, "Ouch!" coming from the bed across hers. 

She found herself smiling, when she saw the girl, almost jumping in her seat as a nurse dabbed brownish cotton on her wounded knees, while she wrestled with an ice pack, that almost fell down from her head. 

"...Stupid." 

 

---

 

Her mother was not happy about the bills. She ushered Jessica out the door and they both held their heads down in shame because her mother had to promise the doctor to come back with the rest of the money and signed some papers before they warranted her discharge. 

Jessica nursed her bandaged arm. She dislocated her shoulder from the accident and it would have to rest for a couple of weeks before she could use it again but aside from that, she didn't get any other injury. That was lucky because they honestly could not afford for Jessica to be admitted longer. 

They were silent on their way home. They stopped by a general store to get Jessica some painkillers and get something to cook for dinner and probably get her mother some more alcohol. 

Jessica didn't say a thing. She's sorry for the trouble but it had been an accident and she clearly didn't mean for it to happen. 

Going inside their house, her mother set the grocery on the table, put some leftovers in the microwave, and told Jessica that Jessica should probably have to live with her father soon. Her mother couldn't afford to live with her anymore, and Jessica didn't reiterate. She knew. Her mother worked part-time and the financial support they get from her father mostly went to her mother's drinking. Her mother left as soon as saw that Jessica could manage to eat on her own.  

 

---

 

Jessica watched in silence as the snow trickled down the sky. She's tired and her mother didn't come home last night but the feel of the snow against her skin gave her comfort and good memories. She propped her backpack on her shoulder and adjusted her scarf. Her arm still hurt, but it didn't bother her much. She knew pain before.

The bus came right on time, a different one now, and the driver who used to glare at every passenger in the morning wasn't there anymore. 

Jessica was counting her coins, slower, for she could only use her left hand when an arm reached over her with a bill. She glared behind her. They were taking the same bus and they would get to their destination at the same pace but the disrespect was true because the person's hand brushed against Jessica's hair and Jessica didn't like that.

She was about to snap when she found a familiar face, smiling at her with disconcerting self-content that Jessica had to point, and she pointed with her right hand, which was wrapped in a bandage and was bound to her neck and chest, so it didn't really help to get her point she across. "You!"

"Hi," The girl from the bus stop said, reaching out to get the change. She looked out of breath again and counted the coins as if she was still chasing her breath. The girl craned her neck to the side so she wasn't talking to the driver through Jessica, and said, "I want to pay for her, too." A nudge of the head indicated she was talking about Jessica. She reached out to give the driver Jessica's fee. 

Jessica glared even harder. She didn't consent to this.

"It's for the last time. I owe you, remember?" 

Yes. Jessica remembered so she had to let it go. She huffed, picking up the coins, which she had spread right by the trunk of the bus, then went to her seat after muttering a thank you that she was mostly sure the girl didn't hear. 

"You're welcome," The girl said, walking right behind her, proving her otherwise. Jessica took her usual seat first then the girl sat on the seat right in front of her. She glanced at Jessica over her shoulder and smiled smugly.

Jessica cleared and looked away, determined to ignore her.

Her gaze wandered to the girl in front of her, nevertheless. At the bandage around her head. At the little trace of blood that had seeped through it. Jessica gulped at the sight and turned away. She wasn't exactly someone who can look at anything bleeding directly. Not if the blood wasn't hers.

Outside, the snow continued to fall from the sky. It made Jessica wish she had a cup of warm chocolate with her. 

"Hey, here, this is for you."

Jessica glanced up and saw the girl who had sat on her knees on the seat in front of her to hand her a thermo cup

"Chocolate." The girl said it like it's the most natural thing in the world to give a stranger warm concoctions inside a moving vehicle. Jessica found it ridiculous but she took the cup because the girl looked like she would probably drop it if Jessica didn't take it fast enough.

The girl plopped back on her seat as soon as Jessica held the cup.

Jessica's first instinct was to blow on it to ease the hotness. She glanced at the girl absently and saw her looking ahead now. "Thanks. But why are you giving me this?"

"We still have around half an hour till we reach school from here, right?"

Jessica perked an eyebrow. Why is the girl asking her when she should know that, too? Also, the girl didn't answer the question.

"I brought enough for two," came the answer. The girl turned her head to her a little, looking at her over the back of her seat. Her eyes were bright just like her smile. "And I think you saved my life last time." 

Jessica narrowed her eyes at the girl. She couldn't really remember what happened in the accident but she remembered being on the same bus as this girl. She shrugged the curiousness off and took a sip. She liked her chocolate warm. Her curiosity would have to wait.

They stayed in silence and Jessica enjoyed the view as they were now leaving the outskirts and nearing the inside of the town. A week ago, the weather continued to be so bad that the municipality decided to have school closed until the weather settled down. Everything was different now when the wind and rain had been replaced by white and gentle snow. She saw a bunch of children on the way to school with their mother, one of them begging their mother about something. She bet they wanted to ditch school and go sledding down the hills instead. Jessica knew that the hills were only a few minutes walk from where they were. She chuckled quietly, remembering how she and her sister used to do the same. 

A few minutes passed and Jessica finally reached their stop. She downed her cup and stood up, just when the bus halted, sending Jessica forward. It hurt her shoulder a bit and the low "Hing!" she let out managed to wake the snoring girl sitting in front of her. 

The girl stood up in a panic, looking around before her dazed gaze stopped on Jessica. 

Jessica blinked up, realizing for the first time, that the girl was almost a head taller than her.

She'd seen the girl before but she felt like she didn't really see her.

Jessica blinked again.

... And pretty, too.

Jessica watched as the girl quickly gathered her backpack and scrambled for the thermos that fell down on the floor when she noticed that almost everyone was leaving. She put the green scarf around her neck haphazardly. Jessica thought that maybe the girl could pass as looking disheveled if only the girl didn't look so gorgeous despite being so clumsy.

"We're here," Jessica blurted uselessly after a pause. It wasn't needed but she forgot what she was about to say, so it should work. She almost shoved the cup back to the girl, not meeting her eyes. "Thanks again for the drink."

Jessica hurried down the bus. She wished the girl didn't see her blush. 

 

---

 

It had been days since she 'met' the girl. From the way, the girl acted around her, and the casual acknowledgment they gave each other whenever they happen to take the same bus to school (which was every day) Jessica guessed they probably have seen each other enough in school to warrant the fact that the girl stopped whatever she was doing just to wave at her, whenever she noticed that Jessica was looking. 

One day, her friend was with her when the girl gave her a nod of acknowledgment from afar and smiled before continuing to run.

(Jessica was observant enough to gather that the girl was a school athlete. Though she still didn't know which sport. Sports didn't really interest Jessica. She'd only ever watched a game or two of volleyball before because her sister insisted.)

"Do you know her?" Her friend asked.

"Who?" Jessica asked absently, going back to her book. She had been reading classics. It wasn't her cup of tea and she only liked Little Women so far, but it was something she tried to get herself used to because she knew she would be reading a lot of them if she was to take a major in literature in the future. 

"Her," Her friend pointed out. "Kwon Yuri." 

The name sounded familiar. Jessica didn't know when for sure but she thought she heard it before. 

Jessica looked up enough to see where her friend was pointing. She found the girl looking at her from afar, who then jogged away when Jessica's gaze found her.

"We take the same bus to school," Jessica said, turning her gaze back to her book, skimming the page. She didn't understand a word.

"But... don't you live out of town?"

Because it was a well-known fact that Jessica's family wasn't the richest in the bunch. 

"Yes," Jessica said, annoyed. She flipped to the next page even when she wasn't finished reading the current page. "What of it?"

"Well, I heard Yuri's parents are loaded. They lived near the square. Theirs is one of the big gated houses overlooking the river." 

"Hmm. Maybe they moved?" Jessica closed the book and began packing up her things. It wasn't easy to do with just one hand but her friend didn't even offer to help. She would have to sit down somewhere quiet if she wished to finish her reading assignments before her shift in the library started. She started walking ahead and noticed that her friend wasn't following. "What?"

"Nothing." Her friend gave her a look before setting her gaze elsewhere. She scratched her neck. "Maybe you're right." 

Making their way to the school building, Jessica stopped when the students hanging out in the schoolyard started shouting. She saw the girl, Yuri, running backward after scoring a goal. The girl ran to her teammates, pumping her fist with theirs as if they just won a real game. 

Soccer, Jessica realized. 

They were playing soccer.

Their school became famous because of soccer.

No wonder the girl sometimes talks to Jessica like they're friends. She probably thought everybody liked her. 

 

---

 

Sometimes Jessica swore to god the girl was following her. 

She saw her in the halls sometimes, when she was on her way to another class. Staring. Smiling. Nodding. Jessica smiled back from time to time because that was common courtesy and she learned enough in social studies class that smiling can make people like you better. Jessica knew she kind of needed that. 

If not for having a few classmates, she talked with frequently enough to call friends, she would be labeled as a loner because of the countless times she spends alone and the scarce number of interactions she actually initiated with anyone. For some reason, that only made them more interested in befriending her. Though, it's not really any of Jessica's interests. She liked the invisible distance she had from everyone else. In that way, no one would be close enough to ask personal questions about her. Just thinking about it was already making Jessica uncomfortable. 

That barrier didn't seem to be working on this girl though.

Yuri, if Jessica remembered her name correctly, was a little dense, because if Jessica read it correctly, Yuri was trying to befriend her. 

For some reason, the girl found Jessica's fake smile as a signal to approach her.

"Hi, Sica!"

The nickname irked her, but Jessica didn't care enough about her to correct her.

"Yuri," Jessica curtly replied

The girl walked with her. Her distance made Jesica gulp. She's always almost too close. "You doing okay?" 

Jessica hugged her books closer and wished her irritation didn't show on her face. "Yes, and you?" She asked out of courtesy and wished she didn't.

"I'm okay, we've been a bit busy lately because of the coming game but I like it. Also, my head's all good now. Just saying. In case, you're curious." She titled her head, watching Jessica from the side. 

Jessica feigned a smile, focusing her eyes on the way. She hoped Yuri would find it as a cue that it was the end of the conversation but the girl didn't. Yuri was clearly not the most perceptive. 

"How about you? Are you busy?" If there was a slyness in her question, Jessica didn't notice. 

 Glancing briefly at the students around them, Jessica noticed then that they were being watched, though the other students tried not to be obvious. Jessica stopped for a second to glare and everyone instantly pretended to be occupied with something else. Jessica huffed. She hurried her pace. Yuri followed, seemingly unaware. 

"Not really," Jessica answered distractedly, too self-conscious of the stares they were getting.

Yuri still didn't seem to notice. Come to think of it, the girl probably wasn't oblivious. She just didn't care. 

Jessica quickened her pace and continued, "I have a group project, but Jiyong said he could manage without me. Though, I do have a shift in the library later." 

"So you have time."

It was said as a statement.

Suddenly, Kwon Yuri was standing in front of her. Jessica almost crashed on her but Yuri didn't seem fazed. Her smile was wide and pretty, and there was something comforting about them that Jessica couldn't name. Jessica fixed the girl a cold gaze, ready to tell her off but she didn't have to. Yuri took a step back playfully, giving Jessica her much-needed space. Her smile grew wider.

"Then you can go out with me." 

Jessica couldn't make sense of her words. She only stared.

In the modern world, they would call it lagging. 

"What?"

A grin.

Jessica watched Yuri's lips. She couldn't help it. 

"I said," The lips said, looking pillowy. "Go. out. with. me." 

 

---

 

How Jessica had gotten herself in this position, only Yuri could explain, because all of the sudden Jessica was not the Jessica Jessica knew and Jessica couldn't make sense of it because it's not a Jessica thing to be crowded by strangers, asking if Jessica and Yuri were dating. 

 

---

 

"Hey," The girl gave a wave at Jessica from afar and a part of Jessica wondered how the girl was able to recognize her when she had her sunglasses on, used her reserved jacket instead of the other one, and propped her favorite green scarf instead of the yellow ones she was using before. Jessica had also let her hair down instead of doing it up in a ponytail because she remembered one of her friends saying she looked very different when she let her blonde tresses fall. 

Jessica pretended not to see and continued walking straight.

This evading strategy almost always worked on her mother but it didn't seem to work on Yuri. 

"Hey," Yuri popped beside her, "Sica." 

The way Yuri said the nickname sounded like a sweet dessert. That's the only reason Jessica didn't snap at her.

"Hey yourself. You made a mess," Jessica scoffed. She continued walking away.

Yuri followed seemingly unfazed and clueless.

"Everyone thinks we're going on a date now," Jessica accused. Looking around, there were barely any students, really. Jessica was almost always the last to go because she needed to finish doing her homework at school after her shift and was trusted by her superiors enough to hold the keys and close the library herself when she was finished. Still, it's embarrassing. 

Jessica glanced behind her to make sure the girl was following, only to pause when she noticed Yuri was hugging herself. The girl was probably freezing. Taking a deep breath to stop herself from scolding Yuri, Jessica pulled her scarf off and handed it to the girl. "Here. You shouldn't have waited for me." 

Yuri stared at the scarf, looking at it like she had never used one before. Eyes darted up as if to read her expression before Yuri took the scarf. She looked shy when she wrapped her neck with it. "Well, you did agree. So I waited," Yuri said, her voice muffled by the scarf. 

Although Jessica thought the scarf looked good on the girl, she couldn't help but scowl. As she remembered, she didn't agree. She kind of out when everybody stopped what they were doing to eavesdrop on them, waiting for her answer, and Yuri took that as a yes. But it's too late to clarify that now.

Jessica put her sunglasses up on her hair, eyeing Yuri. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I dunno. What do you think we should do?" Yuri asked and cowered a bit behind the scarf when Jessica gave her a judging look. She cleared .  "Okay. Ummm... we can go back to the library if you want," She offered.

Jessica tapped her feet. She didn't know a lot about dates but she hoped it would be better than that.  "I thought you said we should go out. Now you're asking me to come inside again."

Yuri scratched her head, smiling apologetically, "Uhmm... To be honest, I didn't really think that far. I didn't think you'd agree with this so easily."  

Jessica huffed. She turned her back on her and kept walking. Yuri only followed.

There was silence between them and noises around them as cars and other vehicles drove past them. Too prideful to turn behind her, Jessica tuned her ears to the sound of Yuri's footsteps to make sure she was still there. After a while, Jessica decided the sound felt comforting.

It's nice not having to walk home alone today.  

 The thing was Jessica dreaded what she'll be coming home to tonight. It was the anniversary of the day her father left them and took her younger sister with him. Jessica wouldn't leave her mother so they left her behind, too. On this day every year, Jessica always walks home to lengthen the time away from her mother and their broken home. 

Jessica stared at the ground, fighting the urge to look over her shoulder. To look at Yuri; the girl she didn't know but always felt safe being with.

Yuri saved her the trouble but skipped ahead to look at something curious in a bed of flowers that somehow endured the freezing weather.

Jessica watched her back, then caught her gaze when the girl turned to her with a serene expression.  Yuri smiled softly before continuing to walk. She kicked every rock that dared to block her way. Jessica let out a breath. For some reason, being able to see for sure that Yuri was still there made breathing easier.

"Yuri?" Jessica asked after they had walked for quite a while. The numbers of cars that crossed their way had gotten lesser and lesser, and they were the only ones who dared take a stroll. 

Yuri looked up from staring at her feet and perked an eyebrow up. "Hmm?"

"Who are you?" A weird question it was, Jessica knew. But sometimes, Yuri felt like she'd been there all this time, though it's not been that long since they met and they barely talked.

"Hmm.. you mean, right now?" Another weird question, but Jessica tried to ignore it because this girl kept talking weirdly, ever since the day they met so maybe that's just the way she was. Maybe, that's just how they both were.

"I'm your schoolmate."

"Yes...." 

"You mean...?"

"Yes."

"Hmm... I'm just a normal kid. My parents are lawyers. I have an older brother and he's kind of an , so I didn't really miss him that much.  Also, I play soccer and am quite good at it. They're talking about getting me a scholarship and a playing deal in the future. I guess, I really loved the idea before." 

Yuri crouched down to fix her laces.

Jessica glanced at the top of her head as she walked past her. She kept quiet, listening.

"But to be honest, I'm not sure if I want it anymore," Yuri admitted quietly. She let out a deep breath. Jessica could hear her brush her uniform when she stood up.

They're nearing the hills now. The sun was setting but Jessica could hear the distant cheering of children, probably high from all the sledding the whole afternoon. The sun wouldn't chase them home so easily. 

"I'm quite popular at school, I guess?" Yuri continued, "I didn't notice it before. I didn't notice a lot of things before, actually," Yuri said looking at Jessica in a way that would probably make Jessica want to look away.

But Jessica wasn't looking. 

"How did you know me?" Jessica asked, looking down and making sure her steps were aligned. She avoided the dark bricks and only stepped on the lighter once. The snow on the way had been swept to the side, a part of Jessica wanted to walk off to the part where the snow was, but she didn't want to get her leather shoes wet. 

"Well, technically. I don't," she heard Yuri say from behind her. "Not you."

Yuri looked flustered when Jessica turned her way. The girl kept her head down, avoiding her gaze, and smiled to her feet."We haven't even met, met before," She said quietly before her eyes darted towards Jessica. "Let's just say that I only heard about you." 

Jessica nodded, though she didn't understand. "So, you like me because of that?"

"Uhmm," Yuri bit her lips like she was trying not to smile. She shoved her hands in her pockets and kicked a stone. "No, not really. I think I kind of liked you before that," She admitted. Again with not making any sense,

"You're kind of weird, you know that?" Jessica said a matter of factly after a long pause, but she couldn't help but smile.

Jessica guessed Yuri agreed to that because her smile grew bigger. "I knew you would think so." 

 

---

 

"I didn't think you'd be like this."

"Like what?"

"Not like you."

Jessica decided from then on, that she would probably never understand half of the things Yuri talks about. 

 

---

 

When they reached the front of Jessica's house, it was already late. They walked for about 3 hours because Jessica dragged her feet and Yuri only ever matched her speed.

Jessica knew she should probably ask if Yuri would like to get a cup of tea or coffee or water inside before she goes, but she knew it wasn't a good idea. Her mother wouldn't let her go and she wasn't sure if she'd be able to explain to Yuri that this woman, who's now her mother only by name and blood, had been someone, who once had been good to her. Besides, Yuri probably lived somewhere near. 

"Here's me," Jessica said, a part of her was embarrassed by how their house looked from outside, so she was glad Yuri didn't insist on coming in. She just thanked Jessica for the walk and happily waved goodbye before leaving.

She let out a breath as she watched the girl disappearing from the distance. She felt both relief and dread, from knowing what was about to come, and the fact that Yuri wouldn't have to see it. 

 

---

 

Jessica didn't come to school for a whole week and when she came back, there were still some traces of the black eye she got from the bottom of her mother's wine bottle and she still had to force her left eye for it to fully open. 

She found Yuri at the bus stop waiting for her again, just like every day before that. The girl was smiling but there was also something else in her eyes that made Jessica feel bare.

"Hi, Sica." 

"Hi, Yuri." 

They stood there in silence as they waited for the bus. When the bus came, they paid their own fee but shared a seat. Yuri blew on her cup of warm chocolate before giving it to her and Jessica took it without looking at her. 

With how Yuri was being too quiet, Jessica felt like the girl had questions to ask, and Jessica didn't want to talk about it. 

 

---

 

"I missed you." 

"Thank you."

The rest of the bus ride was spent in silence.

 

---

 

They were the talk of the school for a while. Same- couples get that but since they're both beautiful, and Yuri had always been popular, they got away unscathed. Jessica thought it was because the other students didn't really get it. They saw them more like a fad than a real thing.

Jessica kind of liked that.

Sometimes, they also didn't feel real for her. 

 

---

 

There was something about Yuri, that Jessica couldn't understand. Really. Sometimes, it felt like Yuri knew more about Jessica than she let on. She never pried. She was surprisingly quiet at times, patient, and warm, and all the things Jessica didn't expect her to be because Yuri is Yuri, while Jessica...

She...

Who was she? 

 

---

 

Jessica sat on the benches as she watched Yuri take what Jessica remembered was called a free-kick and hit the goal. 

Jessica stood up, clapping her hands because she was... proud. 

Her heart perked up when Yuri craned her neck to make sure Jessica was watching, before putting her hand to her lips and putting kisses on them before sending them to Jessica.

Jessica was blushing when she sat down again. She put her hand against her chest because her heart was beating too fast. She didn't know watching sports could do something like this to her heart. 

No wonder Soojung loved seeing games.

 

---

 

Jessica watched Yuri the whole game. Only her. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off her.

She watched intently and noticed how Yuri seemed to express her joy, her frustration, her victory, her courage, and her fear with her whole body.

An epiphany hit her as another player a goal and the crowd stood up simultaneously; a mixture of rage, excitement, and joy.

She realized, she couldn't remember the last time she herself did the same. 

 

---

 

Yuri made her feel nice. She was always there. She waited for her after school, invited Jessica to her games, and introduced Jessica to her friends, who welcomed her like she had always been one of them.

They made projects together. They looked at college application forms and talked about ways how they could make it work. Jessica helped Yuri with the subjects she found hard to understand and Jessica genuinely thought Yuri made her world better. There was hope now. She found peace in her arms, belonging in her eyes, and security in the way Yuri would give her warm hugs and whisper it'll be all better soon and she will always be there like she knew that Jessica always wanted to hear that.

"I love you," Yuri told her one day. She was wearing a tired-looking green scarf, even if it was only autumn. The trees were orange, the skies a shade of lavender, and Yuri was hiding behind the bushes behind Jessica, but the awfully ugly gray beanie she always wore over her raven black hair made her hard to miss, even for Jessica. 

"What did you say?" Jessica asked, turning on her seat and bending forward to see who was hiding behind the bush. 

Yuri caught her face between her hands, enough that Jessica wouldn't be able to pull away. She craned her neck and stretched her knees good enough to give Jessica a slow and tender kiss.

"I said, I'm in love with you, Sica." 

And maybe, Jessica felt something that day. Something raw. Something true. Something safe and warm and patient.

Jessica wasn't sure if she got it right, but she said it, anyway. The words felt foreign on her tongue.

"I love you, too."

 

---

 

When Yuri brought her home to meet her parents, Jessica's first thought was, "Of course."

The house was big and gated and overlooked the river. Inside the town.

Which meant that Yuri had walked all the way to her bus stop every morning just to ride to school with her.

 

---

 

Parents were not Jessica's thing. She was afraid they wouldn't like her. Her own parents did not, so how could Yuri be so confident when she introduced Jessica to hers?  

After entering the house, the first person who welcomed her was Yuri's mother. She was small in stature and Jessica almost had to bend her knee to give her a proper hug, but the woman's energy was probably bigger than hers and Yuri's combined. She cooed at how beautiful Jesica was, before hugging Yuri and congratulating her for finding a fine woman. Her father came after that, giving her the biggest hug. "You take care of our girl, okay? She's our only one." Jessica straightened her back, feeling fuzzy inside us Yuri's parents ushered them and her on a tour around the house before they all sat together for dinner. Yuri gave her hand a squeeze, while they listened to her mother's stories about Yuri's childhood and how the girl used to like running around the house . Jessica's smile came of its own volition. 

Yuri's mother gave her a hug before letting them go. "Jessica, you're one of us now, okay? Remember, you can always come here." 

It wasn't said out loud but Jessica heard it. 

They knew.

 

---

 

"Sica? Where are you going? Sica! Hey, Sica, wait! Let's talk about this! What happened there?" 

"..." 

"Please, say something."

"...How long did you know?" 

"What?"

"Don't act stupid, Yuri. You know what I'm talking about. How long?!"

"..." 

"How. Long?"

A pause. "...For a long time."

"When?" 

"I can't tell."

"Why not?"

"Because you wouldn't believe it even if I told you!" 

"You'd been lying to me! You made me look like a fool!"

"A fool? Wha-... I love you!"

"No. You pity me!"

"... yes, but I love you first."

"Why? Why didn't you say something then? Why didn't you call me out!" 

"Because... Because I was scared! I was scared you'd react like this! I was scared you'd leave me!"

"....then maybe, I should."

"No, don't. Come on, don't go. Sica, please ~ Let's talk about this first. Don't just leave, when we're fighting like this." 

"..."

"Sica, come on. Please, just, listen..." 

"..."

"I'm sorry. I.. I...I knew you didn't want me to know." 

"But how would you even know that!"

"It happened before, okay? I know. I just... I just know." 

"..." 

".... Believe me, it wasn't hard to know if you're looking. And I was... I wanted to wait until you say it to me yourself. I didn't want to force you. And I didn't tell my mother, okay? She meant the words she said. You're one of us now and you can always come to them. I love you, Sica....... Jessica? Sica? What's wrong? Did you hurt your hand?"

"No, I..."

"What is it?"

"I'm... crying."

 

---

 

It didn't stop there. It took months. Because Jessica's mother kept drinking and they couldn't talk and Jessica couldn't leave her mother when she knew she could easily drink herself to death. 

Instead, she let Yuri nestle her in her arms whenever it happened, kissing the bruises as if they would go away, but they didn't. Though, it did help with the pain. 

 

---

 

Jessica liked holding Yuri's hand. They're a bit rough, brought on by playing soccer, though Jessica wasn't sure how it affects your hands when one can only 'kick' with their feet. She liked holding them nonetheless, tracing every pattern as Yuri sat beside her, either eating, or reading a book, or doodling or tracing Jessica's face or smoothing down her hair or tracing a mark her mother had left, that was still sore, sometimes swelling, too... with the hand Jessica was not holding. 

"Jessica," Yuri rarely called her by her full first name but one day she did.

That day her mother had threatened to send her back to her father again because she reminded her of him, even though Jessica knew that wasn't true. (People say she looked more like her mother.) Her mother was drunk again, and Jessica was tired of her. Jessica ignored her when she called so her mother stood up, took her by the hair, and dragged her back to their kitchen. Jessica still remembered the hate in her mother's voice as she shouted how everything was Jessica's fault. Jessica heard it enough that she believed it and didn't fight back when her mother hit her again. She knew that the hitting couldn't last forever, and she was so used to it that it almost didn't feel like anything. Her mother went out again, taking the last bottle with her. How Jessica's mother managed to go to work sober the next morning, Jessica would never know. It wasn't like her to ask her mother questions.

"Jessica," Yuri repeated, more firmly this time, when Jessica did not answer and only stared at nothing; not really there because sometimes it felt like she's always, always with her mother.

That her mother would always stay inside her.

She turned to Yuri, confused as if she has just gotten there but the eyes that met hers didn't look like Yuri's. Because Yuri had never been angry at her.

The look in her eyes scared Jessica that she felt the need to step back and try to make some distance but Yuri was holding her arm. 

"No, Jessica, look at me-" Her voice sounded so commanding. Jessica knew she had to listen. She looked back at Yuri, afraid. She was so afraid.

"Look at this." She looked down at what Yuri was holding; an arm so blue and black and red. It was anything but loved. "This. This has to stop, Sica! Do you understand? This has to! We're informing the police. You shouldn’t have to live with someone like that." 

Jessica pulled her arm away. The word police brought her back to her senses. "That someone is my mother! She's all I have!" 

 "You have us, Sica. We'll be here. And, they could help her."

"They'll put her in jail!"

"Maybe. Or not. But she could get help and you can go live your life. Happily. Safe. That's more important. I will make the call."

"Don't." 

"..."

"If you report her, I will leave you!"

"...Is that a threat?"

"..."

"Then, leave."

"..."

"Hello? My name is Kwon Yuri. I called to report about an abuse..."

 

---

 

The days after that weren't easy but Yuri's family's persistence made Jessica agree to move in with them in the end. She missed her mother because, despite everything, her mother was her mother. Her father and sister came from the US and visited Jessica a month after her mother went to rehab. Krystal was taller than her, posh on the outside but always soft on the inside, and she ran to Jessica and held her with determined and caring arms like she was the bigger sister and she didn’t use to steal Jessica’s dolls and cut their hair. Her father told how he kept asking her mother how he could contact Jessica, but she guessed her mother, just for the sake of keeping for herself something her father badly wanted, kept denying her father whilst lying to Jessica about him.

Yuri was there when they offered to take Jessica with them. 

 

---

 

"How can you be so okay with this?" Jessica looked up from packing her clothes and sent Yuri an accusing glare.

Yuri was sitting on what had been Jessica's bed for the past few months. She was folding Jessica's clothes, or, at least, trying to. She sighed because she knew Jessica expected a reply, but she didn't stop folding Jessica's clothes.

"Because I know you'll get better treatment there and I also know you missed your sister a lot."

Jessica plopped back down on her legs, a pout forming on her face. "Aren't you going to miss me? I feel like you're too eager to give me away." 

Yuri chuckled and shook her head. This was still new for Yuri. Jessica acting cute was amusing, but what needed to be done must be done. Besides...

"You'll come back and I will love you just the same."

Jessica crawled to her just enough to put her chin on top of Yuri's thigh, looking up at her, "How are you so sure?"

"I just know."

"But how can you act like you're so sure about something that will happen in the future?!" Jessica complained, absently tossing her favorite green scarf in the luggage Yuri was filling. She scoffed.

"Trust me, Sica-yah," Yuri said, smiling as she folded the green scarf and put it together with the rest of the girl's other clothes. "...I've been there." 

 

 

-END -

 

 

 

 

 

Or is it really?

 

---

a/n: it's been a while since plot bunny hit me.i wrote this much just 14 hours straight and wow thats a lot of words. good job, self!  

this fic is something i planned on writing for a long time but i didnt know how to start. yesterday i opened the draft and bwalah, this story just wrote itself. i feel like it's all because of the comments and praises i got from my other fics. i went and read my old stuff, mostly to edit, and then read the comments and when i woke up yesterday, i was inspired for some reason, and i wanted say so thank you, if you are one of those people who read my stuff before and left some nice words. and thank you to anyone who would read this and leave some of your thoughts here before you go. i'd love to hear them! - dancingpasta, 18-02-2021 

twitter @kwonleah23