Kang Hyewon is thinking. No, she is contemplating. After a while of the inner fight, she finally speaks up.

“Can I have a Japchae, some fried chickens and maybe Gimpap if we still have some?”

“That’s so Hyewon unnie“

Yujin comments and everyone in the room bursts out laughing. 

Everyone, including her girlfriend.

It is a short lunch break during the pre-rehearsal of the Music Festival in the evening. Everyone picked their lunch and so did Hyewon. Just a little more compare to the other members. 

She looks around while everyone is laughing, raising her eyebrows amusingly. Her gaze meets her girlfriends’s. Instantly her heart skips a beat.

The girl is also laughing among their fellow members, covering with her right hand while holding her lunch with the other hand on her lap. Her hair is tied into a ponytail for tonight’s appearance and that makes her look even more attractive. Hyewon feels an urge to walk up to her and pull her into a tight hug. Yet she restrains herself successfully, diverting her gaze from the girl, with a bit of force. 

Instead, Hyewon walks up to a couch at the corner. Yuri and Minjoo on the couch are still chuckling, looking at her lunch boxes. Yuri kindly opens up some space and helps Hyewon settle beside her. Hyewon leans to hold Yuri thankfully and rests her head on her shoulder for a while.

After the rehearsal, all IZ*ONE members are dismissed until their performance in the evening. All of them are marching back the corridor to their waiting room excitedly. Hyewon feels a warm hand grab hers. 

“Kkura”

Hyewon looks at her girlfriend with a hint of surprise. She doesn’t anticipate Sakura to initiate a physical contact in the middle of the busy corridor. Hyewon quickly studies her face to see if there is any sign of trouble. None detected.

“Is everything alright?”

Hyewon still asks away with a slight concern.

“Uh-huh. I uh, just want to walk back with you”

"You sure?"

“Yeah besides, I thought you also want to talk to me”

"Absolutely, always. But Kkura"

“Well, thanks to you, we were already very close from the beginning. Nobody would doubt about us holding hands like this”

She pauses and looks at the girl with a long hair with the narrowed eyes.

“Unless someone overdoes it again” 

“Ugh, I knew you are still mad at me of that day Kkura-ya. I promise I won't do that again” 

Hyewon apologizes almost instinctively with a puppy look. Sakura chuckles, giving the other girl a relief.

“Let’s walk back slowly. We still have some time before the show anyway”

Sakura looks at the members walking a head of them and face Hyewon for a nod. Hyewon smiles back brightly, gently the girl’s cheek quickly.

“By all means, baby”

Sakura’s cheeks blush. Just like that day.

It was a mere accident. A very cheesy accident to be exact.

Hyewon was having an ice cream at that time with Sakura next to her. Their eyes were fixed on their favorite youtube channel on the phone.

Hyewon held the ice cream cup, feeding both of them occasionally. She scooped a bite for Sakura but apparantly, Sakura was too into the channel. So instead, Hyewon decided to have it and moved closer. Only then Sakura also noticed it and came closer. 

They softly crushed into each other with their lips, with a bit of rich vanilla flavor.

Both of the girls halted for a moment, trying to process the situation. When the realization came slow but clear, they pulled away and looked each other. Their eyes were busily moving up and down between the eyes and lips. Hyewon finally spoke up hastily.

“I-I’m sorry. I thought you pass on the -“

“N-no, I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking“

“No no it was my fault. I should’ve waited a bit longer”

“No it was mine. I was too slow”

The bewilderness was displayed on their faces. Sakura added awkwardly.

“Well, what’s done is done. It was an accident”

“Right. An accident”

“Hope you are okay with that”

“What, definitely. I’m more than okay”

“Aha, of course it’s Kang Hyewon who goes around hugging and kissing, it’s a small matter for the queen of skin ship huh?”

Sakura tried to banter with her, hoping to clear up the awkward mood. Unfortunately it worked otherwise. Hyewon looked hurt and that made Sakura feel guilty. If the word came out from the other friends or members Hyewon wouldn’t care, but not Sakura. She simply could not contain the frustration.

“I know I’m clingy but I won’t go kissing around for real”

Hyewon grumbled while staring at the other girl. A slight pain and an anger were reflected on her eyes. 

“I don’t mind because I like you, Sakura”

Her eyes flashed with a burning emotion, leaving Sakura gasp at the sight. Hyewon didn’t add any word but Sakura knew exactly what she meant by the intense look on her face. Her usual indecisively was nowhere to be seen and her onyx eyes were piercing through Sakura.

The break is over in 5 mins!

A staff announced. Both of the girls stood up immediately and went to prepare as if they were running away from each other.

They barely interacted after the kiss as Sakura avoided Hyewon nonchalantly. Hyewon felt more dead than alive all the time.

She evidently started regretting what she did. She wished at least a hundreds times if she could go back in time and smack herself before she sheepishly confess to Sakura. Unfortunately it was irrevocable.

Hyewon had to make a quick decision. Pushing her true feeling on Sakura or withdraw what she said and take Sakura back in her life as friend. Well, there was no dilemma or conflict when it comes to Sakura.

She somehow managed to gather the courage to apologize to Sakura and decided to visit her at her dorm. However much to her surprise, Sakura came to visit her first. And not only that, she actually returned her feeling. 

Hyewon never imagined this would happen. If that kiss never occurred, she had no intention of confessing to her in the first place. It was like a story in an anime, it didn’t look real to her.

Hyewon had to ask Sakura over and over whether she was not lying or joking, and every time the girl nodded with a bashful smile, Hyewon's heart was squeezed with the overwhelming happiness. Tears overflew from her eyes and Sakura had to sooth her in fluster.

They eventually made two conditions. The first was to keep their relationship a secret from everyone and the second was if this relationship doen’t work, they go back just being friend/member immediately. Sakura didn’t mention but it  seemed like this is her first relationship considering her long idol carrier. 

Hyewon fell into raptures over the fact that she finally has Sakura, the dream girl she never thought she could have. And the girl chose her for her first! (Maybe)

The future never seemed so bright. IZ*ONE was unstoppable, receiving multiple prestigious awards and now Sakura became hers. There’s literally nothing to afraid of.  She felt like she could do anything as long as she has Sakura and IZ*ONE.

Hyewon tightens her grip on Sakura's hand, looking at her girlfriend beside her.

She is always stunning but Sakura in a ponytail is a kill. Her side profile shows her perfection. The revealed pearl white nape of her seems extremely soft and fragile. Hyewon squints in a slight pain. Every time she feels an urge to feel Sakura, she suppresses it when they are in public. No, when someone is around and it’s almost all the time. This self-control causes a prick of pain in her chest. Just as her unfulfilled self gets hurt by her own action.

Furthermore, she also has to surpass her anger towards some staff looking at Sakura the same way she does. Hyewon resented herself when she realized that. They are both idols. Being the object of aspiration is part of their profession and it should be some sort of an achievement.  

Lately it feels like she is torn in two individuals, half soaring with happiness of having Sakura, the other half mired in a well of frustration and pain. There are times when she just wants to snatch Sakura