End-November.

They haven’t had the time to sit down and make a video announcing their “relationship”. Oh, “relationship”. The quotation marks haunts Joohyun everywhere she goes. It’s silent and neither of them talk about it anymore but it’s still there and they remind her of how it’ll be the only time Joohyun can ever have Seungwan. 

And, after struggling with boxes and dust and lots of stairs, they have finally moved out of the dorms, and into a dingy apartment they can finally call home.

(Seungwan has promised Joohyun a state-of-the-art washing machine as payment for helping out with her whole scheme. And the way Seungwan holds her hand while they shop for washing machines flusters her more than she cares to admit.)

They haven’t announced their “relationship”, but Seungwan has put an effort into including her in more of her vlogs. Seungwan says it’s because she cared for Joohyun’s privacy in the past, and didn’t want her to receive unnecessary attention that she didn’t ask for. Before, all that was shown of her was either her voice, or the quickest glimpse before Seungwan cut to the next scene.

She’s also questioned Joohyun about a million more times if she really wanted to go through with the plan, cute with her cheeks bunched up. Flushed and worried and all Joohyun wants was to see Seungwan happy.

Because a happy Seungwan means a happy Joohyun. 

-

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell the girls before this.” She is perched on her new bed. A queen. It’s way bigger than the single bed she had back in the dorm, and the linen her mother has sent her is soft and emulates the warmth of her parents. 

“No way. I want to see their reaction when I upload the video,” Seungwan says. 

The glint in her eyes terrifies Joohyun, and for the briefest moment she regrets agreeing to this whole plan knowing that it would just hurt them (and her most of all), but then Seungwan bounces onto the bed, jostling her, and sits there, one leg swinging off the bed, smiling and staring at her , glistening and shiny, as if the stars found a home in her eyes. 

She can’t regret that. 

Not when her best friend is already jabbering away, a thousand words a minute, into the camera, and all Joohyun wants to do is kiss her senseless. 

-

Later, when the video goes up at midnight, and she’s curled under the safety of her comforter, their group chat blows up. 

what the actual I can’t believe neither of you said anything. the Audacity. 

-  Yerim

And I thought yerim and I were the cutest couple... how dare you wendy. hOw dare you. 

-  Sooyoung

why is everyone dating and I’m still single D: life is unfair 

 -  Seulgi

On the other hand tho, holy unnie, your subscriber count is exploding!!!!  

-  Yerim

She reads the messages, watches the chat bubbles fly up faster and faster. 

The moment she sees Seungwan’s name pop up with the three dots, she switches off her phone, and tosses it onto her bedside. 

For once, in the darkness of her room, the comforting weight of her mother’s duvet on her, Joohyun decides to be selfish, and let her heart shatter just the little bit more.

She can piece it back together tomorrow after all, under the scrutiny of Seungwan’s sun-filled smile. 

-

Nobody in the group chat questions the authenticity of their relationship.

When they meet the next day, two weeks before graduation, for their house-warming party, Yerim cackles.

“At first I thought you guys were fake dating,” she says, hands waving everywhere in her drunkenness. Joohyun feels Seungwan stiffen beside her, smile slanting and eyebrows on the brink of a furrow. She presses her palm against the small of Seungwan’s back, and feels her relaxing. “But Jesus the way Joohyun-unnie stares at Seungwan-unnie in the video-“

“Or the way they look at each other on a normal basis-“ Sooyoung butts in, eager to tease.

“Yes like, all the time. It’s so cheesy it makes me want to puke.” 

Seungwan’s expression returns to being genuine, and morphs into playful annoyance when the girls begin teasing them about hiding their relationship from everyone. She reluctantly pulls her hand away from Seungwan’s waist. But even though the quotation marks are invisible to the world, the glare at her, angry and taunting from their place on the word, little mocking voices in the back of Joohyun’s head reminding her that it is all fake. Even if Seungwan feels real and everything she does feels real. 

It’s not.

Joohyun nurses her wine that night, mind racing. At some point, Seungwan stumbles back to her side, curled up and drunk on exhaustion. She leans into Joohyun, clingy in the way she only is when she’s tired, and takes hold of Joohyun’s free hand.

If Seungwan feels her clammy palm, she doesn’t comment. 

Nor does she let go.

The girls are fiddling with their cameras, eager to get footage of them. They laugh from behind the camera, whispering conspiratorially even though Joohyun can hear every word. 

Seungwan sticks her tongue out at the camera, when Seulgi pokes fun at them, and buries her face in the crook of Joohyun’s neck. She can feel the softness of Seungwan’s lips against her skin, air brushing gently as she breathes. 

She must look besotted, because Sooyoung chooses the time to shout across the hall. 

“Yo lovebirds, stop being grossly in love and actually start hosting your guests!”

Later, when Yerim and Seulgi are sufficiently distracted playing Mario kart, and Sooyoung is sprawled across the living room floor fast asleep, she finally asks the question that has been plaguing her for the whole night.

“Seungwan-ah,” she whispers out, eyes closed. Seungwan is still pressed against her side, warm and loose and her fingertips tickle where they brush against her waist. When Seungwan hums in acknowledgment, she continues. “Don’t you need to vlog this?” This... intimacy?

Seungwan chuckles, short and soft. Her voice is breathy when she speaks, high, airy. She sounds amused. “Oh unnie.” 

She doesn’t say anything else after that, and Joohyun does not want to question too much and stoke the fire. 

They sit there, listening to the other girls scream at the television. Joohyun hopes their loud voices can muffle the sound of her erratic heart. 

This is one moment she can keep for herself - Seungwan being soft by her side, the domesticity. 

She can deal with this. She can take it, if it means she gets moments like this. Just once. 

And then Seungwan shatters whatever pretence she tried to conjure up. “Besides, Seul’s said she’ll send me footage so it’s not like I’ll have nothing to edit. Don’t worry so much unnie.” And grins up at Joohyun from her place on her shoulder.