[the journalist team’s cryptids]
 

nako: ok im boutta start on my part

nako: even though its Not the last day! shocking

nako: actually

nako: nvm

nako: ill just work on it tomorrow to stay in character

sakura: didn’t i tell you not to procrastinate!

nako: suddenly i cant read!

nako: also hii-chan, eunbi-unnie said ur topic is regret

nako: fighting

hitomi: hold on how am i supposed to write regret,

nako: u start it with r and end with t

hitomi: sometimes i really regret asking you things

nako: thats the spirit!

nako: now stay in that mood and write

nako: goodlucc :3c

 

-

 

Let’s preface this by stating that Honda Hitomi is not, in fact, a cryptid—and neither are Miyawaki Sakura nor Yabuki Nako, for that matter. We will revisit this issue later, preferably after Hitomi is done strangling the topic of regret. Which could mean never, or, when Hitomi is feeling especially optimistic, some time in an unforeseeable future—which is just never in a lot more words.

Hitomi drops her head onto the table and miserably groans.

When she agreed to join the journalist club with Sakura and Nako to aid the former’s quest in wooing the mysterious blonde-haired stranger she glimpsed standing inside said club’s basecamp one afternoon, she didn’t know that she had also subsequently agreed to sleepless nights and wonderful dates with sweet, sweet caffeine. Gone are the days Hitomi indulged herself only in milk, tea, or a curious mix of the two. Hitomi only knows coffee, now, living off of it to help her beat the despicable manmade monster named deadline.

It kind of feels like losing her innocence.

Sighing to herself, Hitomi shifts to look at the clock. The night is still young, but Hitomi feels so old. She absently wonders if with age comes the greater sense of dramatic, because she’s fairly sure she didn’t act this theatrical two years ago. That would actually explain Hyewon, the upperclassman assigned to the monthly food column. The tall girl can often be found in the basecamp with a specific food or two before her, mulling over them with a serious narrow of her eyebrows. “Presentation! Impression! Taste! Synergy! Aftertaste!” she would always say, and then the nearest journalist member available should be prepared to aid the Kang in her quest to do a character study on said food.

But enough of that, and back to Hitomi’s own quest.

She wearily rubs her temples, head tilting to cast a glance at her closed laptop. Let’s evaluate the predicament she’s in: on the bright side, the deadline is Sunday, which still gives her roughly two days to work. On the dark side, the submission is usually closed at 9 am instead of somewhere close to midnight, which translates her two days into a little less than thirty-six hours. Still, a silver lining to the looming grey cloud is the fact that Hitomi has actually submitted an article for the upcoming issue, and this new topic is only an additional piece Eunbi assigned her to because she’s ahead of practically everyone and an upperclassman has fallen ill, leaving a slot—so it’s not like Hitomi hasn’t contributed at all, should she fail to submit this one.

On another, wholly grim side, however, not completing this task means having Eunbi being disappointed in her, and Hitomi isn’t sure she’s ready to face that. A disappointed Eunbi is not an Eunbi anyone would want to meet, and there’s little to no chance Hitomi can go a week successfully avoiding the older girl; Eunbi can be everywhere when she wants to—it’s kind of scary.

Hitomi sighs despairingly, reaching out to bring her laptop nearer.

So much for a silver lining.

 

-

 

[the journalist team’s cryptids]
 

sakura: okay, so

sakura: did you two hear the news yet

hitomi: what news?

nako: if its not about food keep it

hitomi: this is why everyone keeps saying that you’re hyewon-unnie’s successor,

sakura: the deadline for our next issue’s entries is moved up to Saturday

hitomi:

nako:

hitomi:

nako:

hitomi: SATURDAY?!

nako: im GOING to

hitomi: SATURDAY AS IN TOMORROW?!?!

nako: mr. stark i dont feel so good

hitomi: I JUST RECEIVED A NEW TOPIC AN HOUR AGO

nako: i think im going to throw up

hitomi: IT’S ALREADY 9 PM

nako: ma i miss japan

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 12 hrs.

hitomi: why has God forsaken me

nako: end me now, turn off my life support

sakura: if you two are done being dramatic

sakura: submission should be straight to boss kwon’s email before 9 am good luck!

hitomi: saku-chan why are you so relaxed,

nako: she has the power of God and lee chaeyeon on her side

sakura: that is correct

hitomi: life is so unfair

nako: knew that ever since i stopped getting taller, but thanks for the reminder

 

-

 

Hitomi is about to throw some hands.

Preferably her own.

Down the goddamned drain.

At least then she will have a legitimate excuse to not submit the regret paper Eunbi’s expecting her to. As for living the rest of her life handless, well, that does seem to be a problem that could quickly get out of hand, but—

Hold up. Pause. Rewind.

A problem that could quickly get out of hand?

Hitomi lets out a groan. She can’t believe this. She can’t believe her mind decided to throw in a pun, not even a good one at that, at times like this. Betrayal is what it is. If she isn’t being chased down by a regret-shaped deadline she would have taken her sweet time to look up how to exchange one’s mind with a new one, but alas.

Starting up the internet browser, she sets out to open three tabs—almost automatically, at this point. One for an English dictionary. One for Japanese. One for Korean. The linguistic definition of regret would help her by two sentences; three at most. Not much, but it’s a start.

Tilting her head, she opens one more tab and goes to youtube, for when she’s in need to cheer herself up with some cat videos.

Hopefully she doesn’t end up watching cat videos ninety percent of the time; she can’t afford procrastination.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 12 hrs]
 

nako: im supposed to review 9 songs for the new column

nako: and what did i end up doing? speed them all up by 1.5x

nako: the ballad one is still choking me with feelings

nako: but in 1.5x speed

hitomi: that’s nice

hitomi: wish someone could come and choke me too

sakura: how many songs have you gone through?

nako: idk 2?

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 10 hrs.

nako: MOTHERPUMPKIN

nako: speeding them up by 2x now

hitomi: saku-chan do you take constructive criticism,

sakura: no

hitomi: Then I’ll Leave

sakura: be careful outside!

nako: buy me a cup of coffee while ur at it

hitomi: full offense but you guys are a bad support system

sakura: that’s fair

nako: understandable have a nice day

 

-

 

Is there any Satan nearby for Hitomi to sell her soul to? Or a shooting star for Hitomi to chase for so she can stand right at the spot it will inevitably crash onto, thereby killing her in one shot? Is there a time machine in the world? Hitomi would like to interview the creator for they must have had a stratospheric regret to be working on a time machine in the first place.

She stares at the blank document before her, a twitch to her left eye. At least the upperclassman’s slot isn’t the one with poems—Hitomi will legit die if it was poems. She has no poetic bones in her, except for when she’s roasting someone or herself.

Lips unconsciously puckering into a pout, Hitomi presses the space bar and watches as the page is slowly filled with… well, space.

She wonders if she can get inspiration by dunking her laptop into a sewer. There should be regret, but mostly impeding anger at herself and maybe an urge to maniacally cackle in the middle of the street. Never mind finishing her piece, there’s a bigger chance someone would witness the whole ordeal and phone a mental hospital to report her in.

Hitomi releases the space bar and sighs forlornly at the offending white sheet on the screen.

She really needs to be less dramatic.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 10 hrs]

hitomi: actually

hitomi: i think i’m going out for real

hitomi: i need a change of the atmosphere before i chuck my laptop out of the window

sakura: don’t follow strangers you don’t know, hii-chan!

hitomi: i’m not five!

nako: dont forget my coffee

hitomi: are you ok with waiting i’m planning to brainstorm at a café

nako: no problemo

nako: with ur luck the waitress in there will be a ty one and run u off with their revolting habits within 15 mins

hitomi: what happened with wishing me a nice day,

nako: a nice day? in this economy

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 9 hrs.
 

nako: see what i mean?

nako: unrealistic

hitomi: i hate you both

sakura: we love you too

sakura: which café are you heading to?

hitomi: the one we’ve been planning to visit but somehow never got around to

nako: wheremstve

sakura: wheremstve

hitomi: that new place across the cherry blossom tree near the main library?

hitomi: we talked about going there when we got the flyer a week before it opened

hitomi: the one that’s around 10 mins walk to the south of our dorm,

nako: o

sakura: i see!

nako: still no idea which one that is

sakura: same

hitomi: inhales

hitomi: i want to roast the Hell out of you two hopeless people,

hitomi: but i just realized i’ve forgotten to bring mY LAPTOP

nako: so proud of u

sakura: it’s okay, we’re all hopeless

nako: cryptids solidarity!

hitomi: i'm so tired……

sakura: every minute you spent walking back to retrieve your laptop is every minute nearer to the deadline you’re never going to get back

hitomi: [cries in katakana]

nako: we in korea now

hitomi: [cries in gee gee gee gee baby baby baby]

nako: thats more like it

 

-

 

Yo, Youtube! It’s ya girl, Honda Hitomi, back at it again with a brand new review of another café she finally gets to visit after a bazillion plans that never come into fruition—curse young people and their list of empty promises. Not that Hitomi doesn’t have her fair share of meaningless plans, herself. Just last week she had agreed to Hyewon’s enthusiastic invitation to go try out the tteokbokki vendor near the bus stop in front of the campus’ gate, even though she knew that the stall’s owner had planned to move out today.

But that’s beside the point. The point is the café.

The point is always the café.

Compared to the last café she’s ever been to, this café is already vastly different and Hitomi can easily list top three reasons why. First off, she comes alone, without Sakura nor Nako. Nako can be argued to be there with her in spirit, considering she occupies a small part of Hitomi’s mind following her request of a take away cup of coffee. The same can’t be said for Sakura, but Hitomi doubts the older girl care. Not when she’s probably comfortably cuddling with Lee Chaeyeon, the formerly-blonde-haired girl that caused the three of them to be trapped in the life of journalists in the first place. Chaeyeon had washed the colour off of her hair the day after Sakura confessed to her, and, man, if only a journalist club membership was as easy to get rid of…

Hitomi sighs, setting up her laptop on the table she gets to occupy—just the one next to the window glass, a fair distance away from the entrance door so she won’t get distracted every time someone enters. Not that a lot of people come and go, anyway, considering it’s already sometime past midnight.

Well.

What was she monologuing about, again?

Ah, yes, top three reasons why.

Hitomi purses her lips, thinking hard. To be honest, she’s already forgotten what they are. Running on a criminally few hours of sleep does wonders on someone’s memory term, research has stated. Not that Hitomi needs research papers to tell her so; she already knows, she’s practically living the life now.

“Excuse me,” a voice sounds, and Hitomi looks up, blinking. And oh.

This is going to sound ridiculous, but an angel.

An angel is setting down a cup of what looks like the right coffee Hitomi has ordered earlier. Maybe. Should be. She has forgotten what she ordered. Another point of credibility to those research papers.

“A cup of caramel macchiato,” the angel says with a smile, as though reading her mind. Hitomi’s eyes flicker to the nametag pinned onto the mint green uniform, and mentally notes the name. Chaewon. “Minjoo—she’s the one who took your order, you see—said that you wanted an iced americano to go with later, but you seem like you’d stay for a while, so. You can come up to us when you’re about to go back, give the receipt to Minjoo, and we’ll whip up an iced americano real quick for you. Sounds good?”

“Yes,” Hitomi manages, nodding. “Thank you, Chaewon-sshi.”

Chaewon’s eyes widen. “How do you—” Hitomi motions to the nametag, and Chaewon realizes. “Ah, right. Of course, my nametag.” A brief laugh escapes her, and Hitomi watches, entranced.

What a beautiful sound.

If Chaewon notices, she doesn’t make a comment on it, instead inclining her head at Hitomi’s laptop. “I hope you enjoyed your stay, then. Good luck writing.”

Something inside Hitomi is screaming at her to prolong the conversation, so she wields the topic in hand and violently squeezes it until it gives her a new direction she can take.

“How do you know I’m here to write?” Hitomi asks, raising an eyebrow. “I could be a graphic design student, for all you know.”

Chaewon grins, “I’m a graphic design student.” Oh. Wow, seriously? That’s ridiculous, all the majors in the world and Chaewon’s coincidences with Hitomi’s guess? Maybe Hitomi needs to look into fortune-teller as a career, should she fail college.

Oblivious to Hitomi’s mental musings, Chaewon carries on, “I think I would’ve been able to spot a fellow sufferer, by now. You are not one.”

“Sufferings are universal,” Hitomi solemnly declares, bringing her cup near.

“Can’t argue with that,” Chaewon agrees, eyes sparkling with so much life that contrasts the quiet night blanketing the entire city. “But they differ from one person to another, at the same time. So there is a degree of difference in the way people experience each of their sufferings, falling under one big term though they may be. Don’t you think?”

Hitomi wrinkles her nose as she digests the words. “I wish I was writing about the wonders of suffering,” she laments, picking on the straw and absently stirring her drink. “I could have gotten at least a paragraph out of this conversation.”

Chaewon laughs, airy and light. She likes that sound, Hitomi decides. It kind of feels like strolling in the park and watching the green leaves turn orange, something akin to warmth. Idly, she wonders if Chaewon has the shift during ungodly hours because she has this air around her—the power to turn the dark night into something less cold and more bright.

When Chaewon bids Hitomi one last good luck and turns away, Hitomi can’t help but follow her movements with her eyes until the other disappears behind a door labelled with ‘employees only’, the letters glaringly big and red. Then she shifts her gaze away, and it falls on the cashier—Minjoo?—who has been watching her from behind the cash register all along.

Hitomi blinks.

Probably-Minjoo blinks back.

Then, from what little the distance between them allows her to, Hitomi sees her wink.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 9 hrs]

sakura: i have finished my part

nako: i have finished half of my part

hitomi: i have
 

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 8 hrs.

hitomi: regrets

hitomi: a lot of it

nako: Oof

sakura: are you okay

hitomi: i'm Fine

hitomi: just heading straight into my death

hitomi: wherein there would be no more room for embarrassment, or regret

nako: Big Oof

sakura: aren’t you too old for an emo phase

hitomi: aren’t i too old to live?

nako: Holy to

sakura: mochi, what in the world is the café doing to you,

nako: hii-chan quickly get out of there!

nako: hii-chan?!

nako: hii-chan?!?!

sakura: oh my pumpkin god she pumpkin dead

hitomi: i detest your fluency in vines with passion

sakura: are you a ghost now

hitomi: i wish i was

nako: it do be like that sometimes

 

-

 

Coming to the café is a Great Decision. Hitomi is absolutely elated. She has churned two pages before her cup gone empty. The writer block is nowhere in sight. It’s brilliant. Ground-breaking. Perfect!

Except life is far from rainbows and roses, so everything stated above is a lie. Well, mostly, anyway.

The two pages Hitomi has written hold less coherency than Nako and Sakura sleep-talking together that one time they held a sleepover. Actually, now that Hitomi rereads them, it looks as though five different people are writing it, each contributing one line one after another. It’s choppy, it flows as nicely as a car trying to race with square-shaped wheels, it’s a wordy nightmare—Eunbi will probably print them out to hang in the Hall of Shame. Never mind that their basecamp doesn’t actually have it; Eunbi will invent one right away, just to make sure no one sane will ever attempt to recreate this—this—abomination of a draft.

Hitomi heaves a big sigh, opening a new blank document to revise her work. Fleetingly, her eyes flit away from the screen and towards the cash register, where Chaewon is currently lounging at, Minjoo nowhere in sight. Hitomi allows herself the sight for five seconds before she ducks her head, face heating up as her gaze returns to her laptop again.

This. This is why she knows where Chaewon is at all times, as well as why her draft is a mess. It’s because she can’t help but steal glances every now and then, eyes drawn to where Chaewon might be, and the moment she shakes herself out of it, she has already lost the track of thought she’s trying to tie down onto the paper. Ergo the brilliant amount of consistency in her work—which is deep in negative numbers, as of now.

Hitomi puffs her cheeks, fingers click-clacking away as she edits out an entire line. She’s not sure where she got the idea to begin babbling about hakuna matata mid-sentence, but alas. That reference has to go, no matter how fond Eunbi claims to be of Lion King.

See, this is why she said she has a lot of regret in the group chat. The café is nice, don’t get Hitomi wrong. But it’s too nice. It has the right temperature that could have lulled Hitomi to a comfortable sleep if her laptop wasn’t literally in front of her and Sakura’s doing a countdown to the deadline in the group chat. It has Chaewon, whose mere presence in her peripheral vision keeps Hitomi awake just a little more. It has Minjoo, who keeps catching Hitomi’s admittedly not-so-subtle glances and winking at her every time, all smug and knowing.

It’s a big meatball of terrible things.

Hitomi can already hear Hyewon loudly protesting the use of meatballs to paint a less than stellar image, but Hitomi is tired and running on caffeine, so whatever. It’s a big meatball of terrible things, end of discussion.

How’s something nice even begin to also be terrible, you ask? Well, you see. It throws Hitomi into an imbalance, for one. And not even the regret-inducing kind of imbalance. While Hitomi gradually grows flustered with each glance—and wink, courtesy of Minjoo—none of that is inherently a bad thing and so Hitomi doesn’t really regret. No, Hitomi isn’t in the mood of regret, which is bad, because she needs to write about regret.

Instead of regretting, here she is, teetering between despair, fluster, embarrassment, and distracted.

Editing out yet another line blabbering about the bee movie—that she doesn’t even remember writing—Hitomi wonders if she should hold a summoning ritual. Surely there’s a spirit that embodies regret with whom she could consult the topic, somewhere in another realm. The only problem would be to find the exact sacrifices to satisfy them so they won’t get pissy and request a ridiculous payback, thereby dooming Hitomi into some kind of an eternal regret.

On second thought, that sounds like too much of a hassle.

Pass.

“Not going well, is it?” a voice that sounds very much like windchimes says. Hitomi looks up, eyes widening ever so slightly at the sight of Chaewon with a plate of what seems like a cream puff in her hold.

“It’s going well,” Hitomi can’t help but say, sarcasm sneaking out of her system. When in doubt, unleash the sarcasm, Sakura once said over a cup of chamomile tea. Hitomi has a distinct feeling that the older girl regretted having given her that advice. “Kind of feels like riding a bike from the top of a mountain, actually.”

Chaewon arches an eyebrow, disbelieving, and Hitomi can only brave the lie for five seconds. She sighs, admitting with an air of defeat, “While being on fire. Towards a minefield. And without any brakes whatsoever.”

Chaewon chuckles, setting the plate down. “Do you want a glass of water to at least put the fire out?”

“No,” Hitomi shakes her head. “It’s fine.”

“As long as you don’t burn down the café with your fire.”

“No promises,” she says with a slump of her shoulders, as though the request burdens her greatly. Chaewon’s chuckle grows into a laugh, and Hitomi snorts, abandoning her little charade. She gestures to the newly delivered plate, “Though, I don’t remember ordering this little guy—”

“This little guy’s on the house,” Chaewon tells her, laughter already subsiding, but the corners of her lips are still upturned into a smile. Hitomi thinks smiling suits her a lot, but courage is hard to come by and so she doesn’t say it. “You’ve been there for, like, two hours. You’ve unlocked a food support, congratulations.”

Hitomi eyes the cream puff dubiously, “A food support.”

“Yes,” Chaewon nods.

“This cream puff?”

“This supportive cream puff.”

“Unlocked after two hours of staying?”

“More or less.”

Hitomi looks up and squints, pointing an accusing finger at the other. “Is this a subtle way to remind me that I haven’t ordered anything else in the past two hours, and it’s about time that I do?”

Instead of being offended, Chaewon blithely crosses her arms, feigning a frown. “Well when you put it that way,” she begins.

“As I thought,” Hitomi deflates, theatrically dropping her hand. “Business is evil.”

It earns her a snicker, which is more than what she would get should she re-enact the whole situation to Sakura or Nako. And then, because Chaewon is actually an angel incarnate, a warm hand pats Hitomi’s head.

“I was just joking. It’s really on the house, and not at all an attempt to passive-aggressively tell you to buy something. Please enjoy it.”

Hitomi stiffens, even as her insides melt. She only dares to look up when the hand retreats, and upon catching her gaze, Chaewon’s smile widens until her eyes smile along. Her fingers curl into a fist, posed as though she is about to challenge Hitomi into a round of arm-wrestling,

“You can do it, dearest customer. I believe in you!”

Chaewon is a bad café worker, honestly. Who needs coffee when Hitomi has one free cream puff and a sweet cheer to keep her awake? If every customer is like Hitomi, the café would probably go bankrupt before Sakura and Nako could come to visit.

“Thank you, Chaewon-sshi,” she manages, giving a small grateful smile.

Chaewon’s smile, if it’s even possible, widens even more—lighting up Hitomi’s view like nobody else. “Fighting,” she says once more, giving Hitomi a two- salute before turning around to stalk off towards Minjoo—who’s holding up a broom and a duster in front of table number one.

Honestly? If Eunbi found a flowery Shakespearish excerpt somewhere in her draft, it’s one hundred percent Chaewon’s fault.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 8 hrs]

nako: hii-chan, a question, if u would

hitomi: no the café is not, in fact, turning me emo

nako:

nako: good for u but

nako: not that actually

hitomi: oh

hitomi: what do you want to know then

hitomi: if you’re asking me about my draft i’ll leave the gc just putting it out there

nako: does the café peeps not find it weird ur there past midnight

hitomi: ah,

hitomi:

hitomi:

hitomi:

nako:

sakura:

nako: OP wheres the continuation

sakura: did hii-chan’s phone undergo a sudden death

nako: wouldnt be the first time

sakura: or maybe the waitress snatched it?

nako: wig

nako: and they scrolled up until they found my prediction about ty waitresses

nako: twitter poll did the waitress a) decide to make me nostradamus and run away with hii-chans phone for real

nako: b) decide to reply here and vehemently defend their un-ty-ness and insult hii-chan in the process

nako: c) actually not know how to operate hii-chans old- phone so nothing happens

sakura: is waitress c boss kwon

hitomi: oh my god

sakura: oh there you are

nako: vote wisely ur decision will affect the course of the story!!!

hitomi: OP why are 2 of the options sad!

nako: bc life is sad, little one

hitomi: little one

nako: shut

sakura: so which one is the right option, hii-chan?

hitomi: oh

hitomi: uh

hitomi: u h h

hitomi: d) the waitress is really beautiful and kind and ah i can’t concentrate help

one message was deleted.
 

sakura: the

nako: HII-CHAN?!

hitomi: DON’T YELL

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 7 hrs.

hitomi: saku-chan… why…

hitomi: please i can’t handle two kinds of crisis at the same time,

nako: HII-CHAN?!?!

sakura: i have nothing to contribute to your revelation so

sakura: i’m sorry but the grind never stops!

hitomi: [SCREAMING]

sakura: DON’T SCREAM

nako: HII-CHAN?!?!?!?!

hitomi: OH MY GOD NAKO-CHAN STOP

nako: WHO ME!

hitomi: YOU!!

nako: I BREATHED!!!

hitomi: YOU ARE LOUD!!!!

nako: I GOTTA BE LOUD ESPECIALLY WHEN UR ARSE IS OUT THERE!!!!!

nako: CAFÉ-ROMANCING

hitomi: THAT’S NOT EVEN A WORD WHAT

nako: WELL IT IS NOW

sakura: OKAY CHILDREN CALM DOWN

sakura: let’s all breathe in and start typing in lowercase letters,

nako: NO

sakura: wHY NOT

nako: LOWERCASE LETTERS R FOR LOWER CLASS

sakura: how about you stop being a capitalist first

hitomi: did you just

hitomi: .

sakura: yes

nako: i walked right into that one

sakura: nako is a capitalist [not clickbait]

nako: im sorry everyone the rumors r true

hitomi: i’m done with the both of you goodbye

 

-

 

It’s around motherpumpkinly miserable 3 am when Hitomi finally finishes beating her own brain trying to get her draft into a decent piece of work. Her eyelids feel heavy, and she can’t help but yawn every five minutes. The group chat is oddly silent, to the point that Hitomi does a double-take when her laptop’s clock shows 03:05. Without Sakura changing their group chat’s name during a countdown spree like this, it feels like it’s not officially 3 am yet.

Hitomi leans back and runs one hand down and over her face. She closes her eyes briefly, relishing darkness after the constant exposure of light coming from her laptop screen. She still needs to proofread, which can be as gruesome as brainstorming and fleshing it out. By the time this article ends, she swears, the next time someone as much as says the word regret, Hitomi would probably scream in the corner for two minutes.

“Is it done?”

Hitomi opens her eyes, straightening up when Chaewon fills her sight. The girl has occasionally approached her table throughout Hitomi’s battle against Evil^TM; first to make sure the air conditioner wasn’t too cold or too hot, then to ask Hitomi if she’s sure she didn’t need a second cup of coffee, then to deliver said coffee after Hitomi conceded that she couldn’t get through the next hour awake without one more dose of caffeine in her system, then to retrieve the empty plate formerly occupied by the cream puff—

“Um—partly.” Hitomi gives her a wry smile, wondering if it’s okay to be hopeful a little bit, if it’s okay to think that Chaewon comes by often because Hitomi intrigues her, even if slightly. “I still need to edit things and be more immersed with the topic.”

Chaewon’s smile—she smiles a lot, Hitomi notices—is now tinged with subtle concern. “You look really exhausted, though.”

“That’s already an improvement,” Hitomi informs her. “I feel dead inside.”

Chaewon snorts, and, to Hitomi’s surprise, pulls the chair located across her. “You know,” Chaewon lightly says, casually taking a seat, “you never did tell me what the topic is. I have wondered for a while now.”

Hitomi stares at her for a moment. And then, “Is your shift over?”

“Goodness, no,” Chaewon grins. “I still have it until five. But we have no customers except you, and we’re done cleaning up, so.” She shrugs. “Minjoo is not fun to play with at 3 am, so I have a bit of free time now.”

“And so you decided to bother me,” Hitomi says, not unkindly.

“Are you bothered?” Chaewon asks, the barest hint of worry to her tone.

“No,” Hitomi truthfully answers, shaking her head. “Not at all. I like it—conversing like this, I meant.” Then, unable to help herself, she yawns again.

“Not used to staying up?”

Hitomi blearily blinks, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “No, I do, truly. College student starter pack, you know? It’s just—this topic exhausts me to Hell and back.” She feels like whining, which is not at all elegant and image-friendly, but Chaewon only nods in understanding, prompting her to continue. “It’s about regret, you see. I suppose the sensible way to tackle it would be to write a motivative piece that revolves around the many forms of regret and how it can propel you forward—”

Chaewon scrunches her face up, and Hitomi nods in agreement.

“It’s kind of boring, yes.”

“So I take it you chose the road less travelled.”

“It’s tempting to go with the logical choice,” Hitomi allows, casting a side glance to her laptop, the screen already dimming from lack of activity. She sighs and returns her gaze back to Chaewon, a small smile on her lips. “But I figured I could at least have a little fun trying to write something that would make you regret ever reading it, so.” She decided on it when her last attempt at editing left the draft in an even more ridiculous place. Then she said to herself, to Hell with this, and threw everything she had edited out back in. Hakuna matata? In you go. Bee movie? Perfect. A weirdly detailed history of a bowl? Bet. A short excerpt of Harry Potter’s The Cursed Child severely taken out of context? It doesn’t get better than that. Eunbi can make a Hall of Shame board and paste this draft on for all she cares. As long as one of the reasons is because Eunbi regrets reading it, then Hitomi’s job is done.

Chaewon stares. “You didn’t.”

“Oh but I did, Chaewon-sshi.” Hitomi leans forward and drops her voice conspiratorially, “If you don’t believe me, you can check it out in our magazine’s upcoming issue.”

“A true cliff-hanger,” Chaewon remarks, smiling in amusement.

“It’s just how us writers roll,” Hitomi says, then she hastily covers with her palm, yawning again. “Oh God. I’m so sorry—”

“You should take a nap,” Chaewon lightly suggests. Like it’s normal. Like anybody running on twenty waking hours and two cups of coffee can simply take a nap for ten minutes or so without ending up sleeping through a whole day.

Hitomi clears . “This can be rather shocking,” she heavily begins, “but a nap is a myth. A bedtime story that speaks of the luxury not meant for us college students to have, unless it’s by accident—”

Chaewon arches an eyebrow. “You can set an alarm,” she says, “or three, or five. And I will wake you up if you slept through them.”

Hitomi wonders if that sort of deals is common to be offered to customers. She attempts to hum, the sound ending up a lot more round because of another yawn that rebels through her.

“Take a nap,” Chaewon softly repeats. “Just for a bit, to let your mind breathe.”

“That’s a tempting offer—"

“You’ll feel better when you wake up. The file won’t go anywhere.”

Hitomi closes her eyes and lets out a defeated sound. Then she looks at Chaewon apologetically, “You’re sitting here because you want to talk, though.”

“I’ll manage,” Chaewon waves away. Absolutely an angel, Hitomi decides. Chaewon smiles, “I can browse the net or maybe write an article about regret myself.” At Hitomi’s mock-glare, her smile grows into a grin. “Just take a short nap, Hitomi-sshi. I’ll wake you up later.”

Her conscious has started to blur as she reaches for her phone to set up three alarms, but something in Chaewon’s last sentence tickles the back of her mind.

“Wait,” Hitomi finally says, a tiny bulb lighting up inside her mind as she sets her phone aside. “You know my name.”

“Seems like I do,” Chaewon says, sounding amused.

“You can just call me Hitomi,” she says, holding back another yawn. “Hitomi-sshi sounds weird.”

“Alright,” Chaewon nods, propping up her elbow on the table and resting her chin on her palm. The small smile on her lips never quite fades, and it’s oddly surreal how that would be the last thing Hitomi sees before sleeping. Well, a nap, technically, but still.

“Off you go to nap, Hitomi. Good night.”

“Are you sure I can—”

“One hundred percent.”

“You’re not going to run away with my things—”

“I would have dosed your first glass with sleeping pills if that was the case.”

“Mmkay,” Hitomi mumbles, flashing a brief, sleepy smile at the other. “G’night,” she murmurs and then she moves to bury her head inside her arms.  

It really doesn’t take her long to drift into slumber.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 7 hrs]

nako: its almost 4 am whys the gc name still 7 hrs

nako:

nako: is u sleeping @sakura

nako:

nako: if ur up pls change the gc name its making me anxious @sakura

nako:

nako: have u romanced that waitress of urs yet @hitomi

nako:

nako: w e ll

nako: hey this isnt very nice!

nako: everyone?

nako: dont leave me alone without supervision what the pumpkin

nako: hello gc its ya girl yabuki nako and im boutta set our dorm on fire

nako: with one lighter, a candle, and a gallon of dedication

nako: execution in 5

nako: 4

nako: 3

nako: 2

hitomi: h

nako: o

hitomi: HHHHHHH

nako: there u are!

nako: dont breathe too hard ur lungs might jump out

hitomi: naskdo-chasn i swaer im goign to set your hairb on fire

nako: naksdo

nako: goign

nako: hairb

nako: such typos, much violence, and for what

hitomi: SH ESAW HT E NOTIFCIATION FRO YROUR ROAMCNED QUERSTION

nako: what language is that

hitomi: I’M,,,

nako: u got this u can do it speak to me

hitomi: i’m never ever going back to this café again

nako: now thats what id call korean

hitomi: i’m dropping out from college!!!

nako: wait no—

hitomi: i’m changing my identity and selling all my things to go be a youtuber living at one of the hill stations in himalaya, befriending yeti and becoming disconnected from the modern world as years go by,

nako: hii-chan,

hitomi: There’s No Hii-chan Now Call Me Himalayan

nako: im calling up the hospital for u

hitomi: I’M SNOT INSADNED

nako: ur snot what now

nako: why u a snot

nako:

nako: hii-chan?

nako: u know what setting the dorm on fire would be much simpler than this

 

-

 

Hitomi craves death. She legitimately wants to die.

Trust Nako to send scandalous messages right after Hitomi’s first alarm went off. Trust the universe to set everything up in a way that caused Chaewon to lean over and check Hitomi’s phone for her just in time to see said messages. Trust fate to arrange it so the subject of those messages was exactly her.

Hitomi can barely look at Chaewon when she realizes the predicament she’s in, murmuring a strained thanks after she stops freaking out in the group chat and responding with a brief nod when the latter excuses herself from the table.

“Call for Minjoo if you need anything,” Chaewon kindly says, not commenting at the messages nor Hitomi’s refusal to look at her. Thank God for small mercies.

Hitomi nods again, secretly wishing for the ground to split open and swallow her whole.

She’s so not going to come back to this café, ever.

After Chaewon departs from the table, Hitomi scowls at her phone, checking to make sure the alarms are all off. She lets out a sigh, then, looking at her laptop. The wise course of action would be to edit her draft in the dorm instead of staying longer, especially after a life-changing, image-destroying blunder she has just experienced. Thanks a bunch, Nako.

She absently wonders if she will ever see Chaewon again, outside of this café.

At the thought, she casts a furtive glance towards the cashier area, expecting to see only Minjoo—but ‘lo and behold, Chaewon is actually around, and she’s looking right back at her, expression unreadable from the distance.

Hitomi quickly looks away and begins praying for a giant meteor to immediately hit the Earth.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 7 hrs]

sakura: uh

nako: UR HERE

sakura: i’m sorry i fell asleep for a moment

sakura: in my defense, chaeyeon’s embrace is really comfortable so it can’t be helped

sakura: she’s making me a cup of coffee to help me stay awake now

nako: u left me alone

nako: came back

nako: disrespected my single status

nako: i deserve BETTER

sakura: i’ll treat you to lunch later

nako: forgiven

sakura: thank you

sakura: but it’s already 4 am?? oh my god what
 

sakura renamed the group chat: mayday mayday deadline in 5 hrs.
 

sakura: how’s your progress i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to fall asleep

nako: its ok

nako: mines finished

nako: my ears boutta fall off bUT we good nakonation we safe

sakura: nice

sakura: and hii-chan?

nako:

nako: well

sakura: …i’ll scroll up

nako: w e l l

sakura: wh

nako: u see,

sakura: why does she want to be a Himalayan

nako: sometimes when ur in love,

sakura: oh my god nako what have you done

nako: how am i supposed to know the waitress would see the notification

sakura: YABUKI NAKO

nako: IM SORRY DONT SELL ME TO A FLEA MARKET

sakura: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO SET THE DORM ON FIRE

nako: oh that

sakura: ‘OH THAT’?!?! OH THAT

nako: IT WAS A BLUFF I WAS BORED

sakura: DO YOU WANT US TO GET DEPORTED TO JAPAN

nako: STOP I DONT EVEN HAVE A LIGHTER NO ONE IS GOING TO GET DEPORTED CALM UR ITALIA DOWN

sakura:

nako:

sakura:

nako:

nako: italics. i meant to say italics

sakura: i was about to ask when did italy enter the chat

nako: probably around the time hii-chan disappeared and i started to crave pasta

sakura: do you want to know what pasta you can get right now?

nako: no—

sakura: copy-pasta your draft and send it to me for proofreading

nako: in hindsight i really shouldve said pizza

sakura: copizza-paste your draft and send it to me for proofreading

nako: now ur just pushing it

sakura: copushing-paste your draft and send it to me for proofreading

nako: pls stop

sakura: copls

nako: im sending it IM SENDING IT

 

-

 

“Going back so quickly?” Minjoo asks.

Hitomi raises her eyebrows, disbelieving. “I’ve been here for almost four hours,” she reminds her, passing the receipt as per Chaewon’s instruction hours ago. “At any rate, the word you should’ve said is ‘finally’.”

Minjoo snorts, accepting the receipt and fiddling with her phone for a moment. Then she nods, “Okay. Now we wait a bit while Chaewon-unnie makes your iced americano.” She catches Hitomi’s gaze, and winks.

Again.

Hitomi literally doesn’t know how to translate that wink. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. Or any wink Minjoo’s sent her way, for that matter.

“Are your eyes okay?” Hitomi finally asks with faux concern. “That’s the twenty-sixth wink you did today.”

“Twenty-sixth?”

“Twenty-sixth.”

“You counted.”

“I didn’t, I made that number up.”

Minjoo laughs openly. “I can see why Chaewon-unnie enjoys talking to you, now.”

Hitomi flushes, embarrassed. “She’s just too nice,” she tries to deflect, adjusting the straps of her backpack. “She would probably enjoy talking to any customers.”

Minjoo isn’t easily swayed. “Really.”

“Yes. Anyone would enjoy talking to her, too! She’s so smiley, and—”

“Chaewon-unnie is smiley,” Minjoo flatly repeats. There’s enough amount of deadpan in her response that Hitomi pauses for a moment.

“Er… yes? She smiles a lot.”

“Chaewon-unnie smiles a lot,” Minjoo echoes, the corners of her lips twitching with mildly concealed amusement. “I see.”

“What?” Hitomi asks, failing to see which part of her sentences warrant that kind of reaction from the cashier.

Minjoo huffs out a laugh, shaking her head. “Chaewon-unnie is a professional, I’ll give you that,” she begins. “She would extend common courtesy to any customers, but—” at this, Minjoo leans in and cups a hand around , voice dropping into a whisper.

“I’ve only seen her going far and beyond that for you. She even paid for your cream puff! She never does that for me, and I’ve been her partner in crime for years.”

Hitomi stares, and stares, and stares.

Then she opens , and proceeds to produce a somewhat calm, if bewildered,

“What.”

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 4 hrs]

sakura: yabuki nako

sakura: which part of red velvet’s power up do you think

sakura: warrants the description ‘a heart-wrenching ballad with touching guitar riffs and soft, melodious chorus that stand out great alone and even better together’ like hELLO?!?!?!

nako: .

nako: wait

nako: WAIT I PUMPKINED UP

sakura: A BALLAD

nako: IM REVISING IT NOW

sakura: POWER UP, A BALLAD,

nako: PLS forgive me i have sinned

nako: i love red velvet i swear its not on purpose please forgive

nako: saku-chan Bls

nako: im sorry ill repent ill reflect and come back with a better image

nako: DONT LEAVE ME ON READ ITS SCARY I CANT TAKE IT

sakura: treat to lunch is nullified

nako: i—

nako: [cries in dumb dumb]

 

-

 

“Are you sure you’re fine waiting for the next shift alone?”

“Yep. I’ve messaged Sian-unnie and she said she’s already on her way.”

“What are you going to do if a customer shows up before Sian?”

“Call Sian-unnie and yell at her to come quicker.”

Chaewon snorts. “You’ve got it covered, huh?”

Minjoo gives her two thumbs up. “Don’t worry and begone!”

Hitomi stares at the exchange, Nako’s iced americano in her hold. When Chaewon came out from the employee-only room, she brought not only the take away order, but also a bag that seems to hold all of her belongings, hanging loosely on her back. She’s changed out of her mint green uniform, instead wearing a grey hoodie and black snapback that suit her more than they are legally allowed to.

And then she started to talk to Minjoo about going back early, which carried on to the very conversation Hitomi is currently witnessing, herself completely clueless as to what’s going on.

“Um,” Hitomi says.

“Oh, right,” Minjoo exclaims, turning to face her. “I forgot to give you the receipt back.” She promptly hands the piece of paper to Hitomi, who’s now no less confused than she is a moment ago.

“Uh,” Hitomi tries again.

Chaewon finally looks at her, with a smile that Hitomi can’t believe isn’t always present on her face. “This is a bit sudden,” she begins, “but would you perhaps—that is, I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy or anything, but I was just wondering if I could—”

Minjoo smacks her forehead. “She wants to walk you home!”

“Minjoo,” Chaewon hisses, and oh. Oh, so there’s that side of Chaewon, too, Hitomi notes.

But wait.

What did she say again?

“You want to what?” Hitomi asks, a little dazed.

“Mumblewumble,” Chaewon says.

“In Korean, Chaewon-unnie,” Minjoo helpfully supplies, grinning. If the iced americano in Hitomi’s hand isn’t already paid for, Hitomi has no doubt Minjoo would snatch it and take a sip like she’s watching a movie unfolding before her eyes.

Chaewon takes a deep breath, her right hand coming up to briefly pinch her own nose. “I want to walk you home,” she reaffirms, and Minjoo begins doing a slow clap.

She and Nako would get along swimmingly, Hitomi distractedly thinks.

Chaewon shoots the cashier a glare, and Minjoo is subdued in instant.

“But my dorm is far,” Hitomi says. At least Sakura thinks so.

“10 minutes away,” Chaewon says. “Not that far, and my dorm’s to that direction, too.”

Hitomi blinks. “Why did you know where my dorm is?”

“She’s a professional stalker,” Minjoo quips from the side.

“I’m not,” Chaewon grits out, swatting a hand to Minjoo’s direction. Hitomi almost wishes she succeeded. She doesn’t. Chaewon huffs, but when her gaze is back on Hitomi, so is her smile.

“I know a lot of things because of Eunbi-unnie.”

Hitomi blinks again. “Eunbi-unnie.”

“Yes.”

“Kwon Eunbi?”

“The one and only.”

“She’s our magazine’s editor in chief.”

“I’m aware.”

Hitomi blinks, and urgently clutches the top of the cash register with the hand not holding Nako’s coffee. “I need a moment to process this.”

“Please don’t break our cash register,” Minjoo says.

 

-

 

[mayday mayday deadline in 4 hrs]

sakura renamed the group chat: finding hii-chan.

nako: u make it sound like shes missing

sakura: What If She Is

sakura: she hasn’t appeared here for a decade

nako: a decade is stretching it

nako: shes just gone for 5 years

sakura: her last words were her announcing that she’s going to be a Himalayan

nako: [narrators voice] famous last words

sakura: as well as a severe case of typocella pneumophilia

nako: u cant trick me into googling that i KNOW ur making that up

nako: also

nako: @hitomi mochi

hitomi: yes?

sakura: oh

nako: there she is

sakura: how is your progress, hii-chan?

hitomi left the group chat.
 

nako: .

sakura: .

nako: well

sakura: she’s not accepting the gc invitation

nako: gc name checks out

sakura: i’m sending a search party out

nako: and when u need ur impulse control the most, chaeyeon-unnie vanished
 

nako renamed the group chat: avatar the last cryptidbender.
 

sakura: .

sakura: you know that chaeyeon laughs at nearly everything, right

nako: yEET

sakura: she’s dying at our gc name

nako: ur welcome

 

-

 

They have just left the café for a minute, and Hitomi is already dying because of the awkwardness. And because it’s almost 5 am and she’s lacking sleep. But mostly because of the awkwardness.

“This is awkward,” Chaewon calmly states.

Hitomi nods, gaze resolutely on the road. “Even just walking is awkward.”

“Blinking is awkward.”

“Breathing is awkward.”

“That’s not how you romance someone, Hitomi.”

Hitomi freezes, backs away, and forms a questionable-looking cross with her hands, considering she still has a glass of iced americano to hold.

Chaewon turns to stare at her, amused. “Why are your hands like that?”

“I’m doing the hand seal from Naruto,” Hitomi replies, keeping the cross up. “Hyewon-unnie said this one’s supposed to help me disappear.”

Chaewon coughs into her fist, stifling a laugh.

“Please forget what you saw,” Hitomi pleads. “It’s not like what it seems, I swear.”

Chaewon just shakes her head and walks towards her.

“Don’t come nearer!” Hitomi squeaks, shaking the hand seal warningly. “I’m supposed to vanish any moment now.”

“That hand seal doesn’t even exist in Naruto.”

“What are you, a Naruto expert?”

Chaewon laughs, and the sound catches Hitomi off guard. Enough that she forgets to maintain the arm distance she’s enforced, allowing Chaewon to reach out and break the so-called hand seal.

“There goes your escape plan,” Chaewon lightly says, fingers curling around Hitomi’s wrist, eyes alight with stars that should’ve been up in the sky overhead.

Hitomi isn’t sure she wants to escape in the first place.

 

-

 

[avatar the last cryptidbender]
 

sakura: i think your draft is fine now

nako: PHEW

nako: thank u for proofreading it

sakura: chaeyeon did most of it

sakura: she said your korean has improved so much, she barely has anything to correct now

nako: saku-chan im stealing ur gf

sakura: do that and i’ll sic hii-chan on you

nako: H

nako: but also u know im expecting hii-chan to join back

nako: and the first thing she says would be

nako: sorry nako-chan coffee machine broke

nako: heres a glass of mineral water for u

sakura: after everything?

nako: especially after everything

nako: actually u dont have to sic her on me

nako: shes probably already planning my demise

sakura: you might have made an excellent point

nako: thanks! i hate it

 

-

 

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just told me you know me?”

They have resumed their walk again, though the awkwardness has significantly decreased from before. It’s now Nako-sized, if you will—still there, but small enough to not make Hitomi worry. Unless the Nako-sized thing we’re speaking about is Nako herself, for which case Hitomi should absolutely be worried, as evidenced by her past experiences.

“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Chaewon admits, shrugging. “And I’m just, well… I’m not the best at socializing, actually. So I was lowkey at loss.”

Hitomi tilts her head. “Your cashier friend might have said something similar to that.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes with something akin to fond exasperation. “Of course she would.”

Hitomi ducks her head, and briefly tightens her hold around Nako’s coffee. “Thank you for the cream puff,” she murmurs.

A pause. “She told you that too?”

Hitomi smiles, glancing at the other. “Is she in trouble?”

“That depends,” Chaewon lightly says. “Should she?”

Hitomi shakes her head. “She shouldn’t, it was nice to know.” She considers what she’s about to say briefly, and slowly exhales. “You’re sweet, Chaewon-sshi. Thank you.”

Chaewon is silent for a moment, and it feels a little like being left on read. Before Hitomi can try to attempt another hand seal, however, Chaewon speaks up.

“As a payback, would you drop the formality?”

Hitomi inhales.

Business is evil.

 

-

 

[avatar the last cryptidbender]
 

sakura: wait

sakura: hii-chan actually sent a draft into my email

nako: o

nako: hii-chan responsible

sakura: .

sakura: oh my god

nako: what

sakura: chaeyeon snorted

sakura: she’s laughing now

nako: what

nako: what in the world did hii-chan write

sakura: oh god she won’t stop laughing

nako: isnt she supposed to write about regret

sakura: she’s crying-laughing now please send help

nako: I Am Confusion

 

-

 

“Oh,” Chaewon says, pointing at the building ahead. “That’s your dorm, right?”

Hitomi lets out a gasp. “You recognized it before I do,” she says, feigning surprise. “Maybe you are a stalker.”

“More like Eunbi-unnie likes to talk about her minions a lot,” Chaewon retorts.

“Minions!” Hitomi narrows her eyes, faking offense.

“To be fair, one of you is small,” Chaewon states.

“One of us?”

“The cryptids,” Chaewon clarifies, raising an eyebrow at her. “Though I don’t know why you’re named so. Eunbi-unnie won’t tell.”

Hitomi snorts. “It’s really just because the three of us are from Japan,” she explains. “Korean is hard, and almost no one understand enough Japanese in the club, so. We barely talked for the first months joining, even in the main group chat, so we were kind of there but also not. Like cryptids.”

Chaewon lets out a soft ‘oh’. “Right, that makes sense.”

“Curious, weren’t you, Chaewon-unnie?”

“Hard not to. I’ve been wanting to know more about you for long,” Chaewon quietly says, lips curving into a smile. “I didn’t know that day would be today, but I’m thankful that it is.”

Hitomi blinks. Something warm unfurls inside her, and it’s odd, but it’s not unpleasant. This is perhaps the first time someone ever said that to her—that they have been wanting to know her, after a quiet walk and a nice amount of laughter at 5 in the morning.

Chaewon is really one of a kind.

“I’m not that impressive, no matter what Eunbi-unnie says,” is what Hitomi ends up saying, because how is one supposed to address such things?

Chaewon hums. “Actually, from what I’ve seen today—” Chaewon throws her a glance, but then she never looks away. “You’re pretty impressive.”

“My mental breakdown in trying to write a piece about regret is impressive?”

Chaewon huffs out a laugh, and they arrive in front of Hitomi’s dorm—even after their steps underwent a decrease in speed, even after they paused occasionally to point things out, like the pretty pebbles near a bush, or the sign of a store with one or two missing letters. Because every good thing has to come to an end. Because sometimes a good thing comes in form of a café, an angel wearing mint green uniform, and a deadline chasing her arse like mad—leading her into doing things she usually wouldn’t do.

Like falling.

The warmth inside Hitomi’s stomach begins to colour in cold, and it’s not because of Nako’s iced americano.

It’s regret.

 

-

 

[avatar the last cryptidbender]
 

sakura: i regret reading hii-chan’s work

nako: i want to ask u to forward it to me but im also Scared

sakura: then don’t

sakura: save yourself

sakura: let me bear this regret alone

sakura:

sakura: with chaeyeon

nako: THATS NOT WHAT ALONE MEANS

 

-

 

“Do you know what regret is, Chaewon-unnie?” Hitomi asks, unwilling to turn and acknowledge the gate to her dorm just yet.

“Let me see,” Chaewon says, holding up a finger. “A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has been done or failed to be.” Another finger, “Remorse.” Another finger, “A feeling wherein you wish for something to never happen.” Another finger, “Or for it to happen differently—often accompanied by guilt or dissatisfaction.” Chaewon stares at her curled thumb, and nods. “That’s about it, I think.”

Hitomi’s jaw drops.

“I researched a bit about it while you were napping,” Chaewon grins, amused at her expression.

“And why would you do that?” Hitomi shakes her head. “Actually,” she corrects herself, “why did you do the things you did today?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Hitomi stares at her, speechless. “Chaewon-unnie, you’re so weird.”

“That’s coming from the person who asks about regret when they’re about to part ways,” Chaewon easily returns. “Why is that? Do you have a regret, suddenly?”

“This iced americano is no longer iced,” Hitomi tells her.

“Lukewarm americano,” Chaewon solemnly says, causing Hitomi to snort. “But surely your dorm has a fridge.”

“Yes, but—the iced americano is no longer iced because of a series of experiences,” Hitomi continues.

“They interact with the environment, heat gets passed around, the ice melts,” Chaewon nods. “Science.”

Hitomi hums in agreement. “It’s perhaps time for the americano to be iced again, thus ending that series of experiences, but—” she looks at the lukewarm americano in her hold, feeling her own lips twisting into a frown, “what if in undergoing that chain of events, something in the americano fundamentally shifts?”

Chaewon wrinkles her nose. “Like they’re never going to be the same again?”

“Like they’re never going to be the same again,” Hitomi nods. “Science—defines routines, maybe. A cycle. And it’s supposed to be the same, one to another. But what if—one day—a certain cycle strikes deep, leaving a mark, making a profound difference somehow… compared to the previous ones. When that happens, and the world still commands time to turn, it will pass, too—it has to. And that’s okay, usually, but this time,” her hold around the cup imperceptibly tightens, “…what if they don’t want it to end?”

She doesn’t look up, but she can feel the weight of Chaewon’s gaze on her. Time stills for a moment, heaving in a sigh in the form of silence—

Then,

“Are we still talking about the americano?”

Hitomi looks up, gaze drawn into pools of dark with stars scattered upon them like a galaxy, and she’s the astronaut chained to her spaceship destined for a journey million light years away.

She smiles faintly,

“Was it ever about the americano?”

 

-

 

[avatar the last cryptidbender]
 

sakura: i've sent the final drafts to boss kwon

sakura: hii-chan’s too, according to chaeyeon there’s nothing needing to be said about it

sakura: good work!

sakura: wait hii-chan hasn’t joined back

nako: shes probably asleep in a café in the middle of nowhere

sakura: i’ll be looking into a search party

nako: can u get me a coffee while ur at it!

sakura: wh

sakura: wait you haven’t gotten your coffee,

nako: NYEAH

nako: when i agreed to wait i didnt mean for five hours and counting

nako: im so

nako: depresso

sakura: all the more reason to send out a search party, i’d say

nako: why are u so obsessed with search parties

nako: chaeyeon-unnie please control saku-chan shes scaring me

sakura: it was actually chaeyeon’s idea

nako: chaeyeon-unnie... i trusted u

 

-

 

“In any case,” Chaewon says, “fridge the americano for an hour or so, and you’ll be fine, I think.” She smiles, “I thought you were about to redefine the word regret, honestly.”

“I guess I was trying to,” Hitomi admits. “But then, it will just amount to something like… having to let this moment go?”

Chaewon’s smile widens a tad. “This moment.”

“Just an example.”

“It sure is.”

The corner of Hitomi’s left eye twitches. “Okay,” she says, “maybe it’s not purely said as an example.”

“Mhm.” Hitomi is sure she can detect a hint of teasing in there. “I don’t see a problem in that, actually.”

Hitomi regards her with a slight sink in her stomach. “You don’t?” Does she not realize what the americano represents, or does it simply not matter as much to her as it does to Hitomi?

“Well,” Chaewon says, “if what you would regret is seeing it ends—” she moves to remove her snapback, gently putting it on Hitomi instead, “you make it a start.”

Hitomi blinks owlishly.

“Get some sleep, Hitomi,” Chaewon says, smiling brightly like it’s not a goodbye. “Sleep until evening, if you want. You’ve worked hard today. I'm going now.”

“Wait,” Hitomi interjects, reaching up to touch the snapback on her head.

“You keep that,” Chaewon tells her, legs already moving past Hitomi’s stunned form. “So you have a reason to find me and return it to me some other day, alright?”

That’s a ridiculous idea, and Hitomi could have just kept it forever, starting a career of a hoarder—but Chaewon is walking backwards and waving at her, smile never quite fading, and Hitomi knows that scenario won’t come to pass.

“Thank you for walking me home!” Hitomi yells, with a rush of warmth overpowering the numbing colours of cold inside her, turning it bright again. “And walk properly! Be careful! See you later!”

Chaewon laughs, yelling back ‘see you later’ before she turns away to walk properly, and Hitomi grins so wide her jaw is starting to hurt.

Maybe it really is not a goodbye.

 

-

 

[avatar the last cryptidbender]
 

hitomi joined the group chat.
 

nako: O

sakura: ah there you are

sakura: was about to seal the deal with a search party boss

nako: MOCHI MY DEPRESSO

nako: *americano

sakura: that’s not how autocorrect work

nako: tell that to my 0.5 braincell

hitomi: nako-chan!

hitomi: i put your fridge in the coffee :)

hitomi: wait no

hitomi: i put your coffee in the fridge :)

nako: why do i feel strangely let down

sakura: yeah would have liked to know how you put a fridge in a coffee

hitomi: saku-chan!

hitomi: thank you for proofreading :)

sakura: y

sakura: you’re welcome

hitomi: i’ll prepare to sleep!

hitomi: thank you for tonight :)

nako: hey why the smiley face!

sakura: are you okay

hitomi: i am!

hitomi: good night i love you both :)

nako:

sakura:

nako: regret changed hii-chan

sakura: honestly her regret article changed me too

sakura: but good night, hii-chan!

nako: night-o, thank u for my americano <3

 

-

 

Hitomi climbs onto her bed, sighing contentedly as she sinks into her pillow. She thinks of Chaewon, and looks over at the snapback she’s carefully placed on top of her work table. She suppresses a smile and shifts her gaze away to the ceiling instead, mulling over the events that have transpired ever since Sakura shook their group chat as a bearer of bad news.

Funny how a pushed forward deadline leads her into everything she’s encountered today.

As if on cue, her phone vibrates, and Hitomi reaches around blindly to pick it up. She squints, and squints even more when the message pulled up on her screen is from Eunbi.

From: Eunbi-unnie | JC
i approve.

Hitomi hurriedly types a reply.

To: Eunbi-unnie | JC
i’m glad, unnie! i hope im-sunbaenim would bounce back soon, though. i swear i’ve gained grey hair from rushing this up :(
 

Eunbi’s response is uncharacteristically fast.

From: Eunbi-unnie | JC
what
 

Hitomi blinks. Why is she saying what? She hesitates, trying to formulate a response—

Another message.
 

From: Eunbi-unnie | JC
oh, i wasn’t talking about the article.
 

Hitomi frowns. She… wasn’t? Then what—

Another message comes in, and this time, it’s from an unknown number.
 

From: 0264xxxx [unsaved]
hello, hitomi! i got your number from eunbi-unnie, i hope you don’t mind. i wanted to say good night, so. um. good night?
- chaewon
 

Hitomi bites her lower lip, failing to contain a smile.

[Are you sure you want to save contact as Chaewon-unnie?]

[Yes]    [No]
 

Hitomi types a reply, fingers slowed by the pull of sleepiness, but she pulls through.
 

To: Chaewon-unnie
it’s morning, though?
 

Her phone buzzes almost immediately.
 

From: Chaewon-unnie
it’s not morning if you haven’t slept yet! go sleep >:[
 

She snickers.
 

To: Chaewon-unnie
i willllll!
thank you for today, chaewon-unnie.
 

She curls up, shifting noisily to find the best position. It’s silent for a while, save for the insistent ticking of the clock.

Then a reply comes just as she’s about to doze off.
 

From: Chaewon-unnie
right back at you, tenfolds.
 

She smiles, eyelids heavy but heart light. And then, because sleepiness always lends her a significant degree of foolish bravery, she types a reply without much a thought.
 

To: Chaewon-unnie
i’m soryh i’m sbad at romasnbing peopel
 

She hits send before her sanity could question the wisdom behind them. She wonders if she would regret it later, when she's awake, but—

The last thing Hitomi remembers is the dim vibration under her fingers, and a reply that seeps through into her dream.
 

From: Chaewon-unnie
i’d say you’re doing well, actually.
go to sleep, your typos are out of hand!
sweet dreams, hitomi.
:] ♡

It’s the best sleep she’s had in a while.

 

 

 

end.