It’s naturally hard when people fall in love, but falling in love with your best friend is way more difficult. I mean, all the feelings involved and the fact that you probably will end up ing with your friendship is too much to process about. And everyone KNOWS THAT, that’s why we have so many stories, movies, songs and about this situation. And I guess every lesbian in the world had fallen in love with her best friend, right? 

Well, the situation isn’t different with me. I didn’t know I was in love with Luda until that very moment, though, so you give me a safe point. But to make everything clear: she’s dating a boy, one from her class, and I feel like my stomach is being twisted in agony. I AM IN AGONY. At first, I said to myself: “calm down, Juyeon, you’re just worried about that because she’s your best friend”. But then another half of my brain said: “that guy is going to hurt her. If it was me in his place I could never...” 

BUT WHY I WAS THINKING IN REPLACING HIM AS LUDA’S BOYFRIEND?  

I mean... 

GIRLFRIEND? 

You got me.  

That’s when things in my head got really weird and a lot started to make sense. My jealousy, my dreams, my thoughts, my feelings... everything towards Luda were somewhat romantical. And when the idea of me being in love with her started to feel real, I lost it. I panicked.  

But in my place, wouldn’t you do the same? If your best friend is currently dating someone and you fall in love with her, but don’t know until the moment you start projecting yourself as her girlfriend, you would do the same as I did. And I guess you’re wondering what my actions were? Well, I’m a shame. 

I stopped talking to her. 

It’s a lot to deal with and I’m not the best person to figure out how to keep my feelings in balance. I know it’s somehow selfish of my part, but I can’t do nothing about it. Every time I’m close to her I start to sweat and my legs start to tremble and all I want to do is tell her about my feelings... or maybe just scream. Screaming is good. But no, I can’t. 

It was the worst time to stopped talking to her, though, because her boyfriend was being a total jerk lately and she needed me by her side. And what was I doing? Yes, being the worse best friend in the entire world! 

Great, Son Juyeon, you always know how to things up.  

[…] 

“I miss you. Where have you been?” I read that phrase again and again and my heart is beating fast. It’s been two days since I last answered any of Luda’s texts. I’m traveling with my classmates for biology camp work, so messages it’s all we got. I feel like total in not replying to her, but I’m afraid I’ll ruin our friendship. I’m really dumb sometimes.  

But Luda saying she misses me? It’s because she really does. And because something is happening. My heart aches and I take a deep and long breath, typing as fast as my fingers can. 

“Hey, Donny. I miss u too. I’ll come back tomorrow!” I send it and seconds after I block my phone. I really want to scream now.  

“Finally! I can wait to see you. Movie night tonight?” Her reply makes me choke in my saliva. Me??? Sharing the same space as Lee Luda??? Alone??? Not happening at all. 

“Sorry, Lu :// I have work to finish. Maybe another time?” WHAT AM I DOINNNNGGGGGGG?  

“ahhhhhhhhh... ok? I guess.” 1:45:56pm. 

“I broke up with Johnny.” 1:46:13pm. 

“I really need my best friend.” 1:49:33pm. 

— AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Would I do anything more than screaming? Hell ing no. 

— What the , Juyeon? Are you out of your mind? Shut up. — Eunbi said in a low voice and I just look at her in panick. 

— She broke up with him. SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM!!!!!!!! — I exclaim with happiness in my voice even though I know I shouldn’t be happy. Luda is probably sad. Yeah, she’s probably sad. BUT SHE GOT RID OF THEM!!!! 

— And what? Why are you happy? — My friend answers me in confusion and, yes, my reaction is probably too much. 

— I’m sorry. — It’s all I can say before I unlock my phone to read my best friend’s texts again. Then I realize I haven’t texted her back. 

“Sorryyyyyyyy. I was helping Eunbi with her analysis.” 

“But anyway...” 

“I’m sorry, Lu 🙁 I knew how much you liked him. Are you sad?” I finally send the last message. I’m feeling my heart pounding so fast. It’s selfish, isn’t it? 

She replies me right after. Wow.  

“I guess you can call this sadness.” It’s all she says and I frowned my eyebrows. What kind of vague answer is that?  

“Ok, movie night. I hope you know what we’re watching because yknow how I am a loser in deciding things.” I change the subject because I don’t think it’s healthy for both of us to keep talking of her EX boyfriend.  

[…] 

We’re in her house and the lights are off and she’s sitting really close to me in the couch and there’s a blanket covering us and she can’t stop yawning. I know her and I know that in no time she’s going to fall asleep as she always does, but this time I’m not sure if I’m ready because SHE IS GOING to lay down in me.  

And what do I do? Of course, I put an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer to me. She’s almost resting in my chest and that’s the best feeling in the world. I can tell. That’s why people are addicting to cuddle, I guess. After all, she is really sleeping. My eyelids start to get heavy and I know if that’s the situation or if that I'm really tired, but I just rest my head above hers and let my mind wandering until the