“Yeah, sorry, but I am not feeling it today.” You whined into the phone, rolling your eyes as your friends yelled loudly from the other side.

“Oh, come on…” Andrea groaned in the distance before picking up the phone herself. “Look, we’re going and you’re never feeling it. You know that you always end up having fun, so we’re picking you up at 8:30 and you better be ready.” Before you could push back, you were greeted by the beeping sound of a disrupted call.

            Somehow, you could never say no to her. You’d always had mixed feelings when it came to Andrea. She was fun and spontaneous and everyone seemed to like her. She just was that kind of person, but you weren’t. So being the little anxious being that you were, her presence always seemed to make you uncomfortable. Always pressuring you to live up to the standards she imposed – to be bubbly even when you did not feel like it, otherwise you’d be left with the thing that scared you most: isolation.

            So about 7 p.m. you began browsing the clothes in your wardrobe – looking for the ones that made you look as if you belonged with the rest of the group, because you knew they would go looking the best that they could. About 7:30 you were already mad and ready to throw a fit because you had nothing to wear. Not that your closet was empty, but there was nothing there for who you were… or at least were trying to be right then. You peaked at the clock on your wall and felt your heart skip a beat. You only had 1 hour to be ready and suddenly you became overwhelmed by a feeling of not giving a .

            You grabbed a pair of vintage high waisted denim jeans, washed-out black and a white t-shirt with a high collar. You did not care for being y right then and even so, those jeans were tight in all the right places. You began putting on make-up just like you usually did, prepping yourself psychologically for a party you did not feel like attending and by the time you were done, you already felt a lot less anxious. You slipped into your favorite pair of shoes – a pair of red converse, threw on your leather jacket and grabbed your backpack before heading out the door.

“Damn girl…” Your friend laughed as you were walking towards the car. “I know you don’t want people to think you’re trying too hard, but this outfit looks as if you aren’t trying at all.”

“I not trying at all would have been me walking out in my pajamas.” You replied sarcastically, getting into the car. She laughed before driving off. Just as you had expected, they all looked like a group of models: tiny, skin-tight, flashy dresses, loads of make-up and fancy looking hair-dos. Not that you had an issue with all those, but they did not look as if they were going to attend a house-party at all… until you saw the house. It was a two-storey house with a pool, in the rich neighborhood.

All of a sudden, you were not sure who, how or why you’d been invited, but it was too late to back down. You walked among the Gucci wearing people that made you feel incredibly uncomfortable and out of place.

“Hey!” Andrea yelled, waving at you from across the room. “Let’s go get some drinks.” She invited and you ran to her. A shot or two would have been enough to numb down the part of your brain that was pushing you into hyperventilation. “The rest of the girls went over to the other room to play Would you rather. We should join them. Cheers!” You clicked your glasses. “We will need a long drink as well.” She said pointing you into the direction of a table filled with vodka.

“I’m counting on you, I’ll go say hi to some more people and I’ll be in the first room on the left.” She said thanking you fugitively and running out of the kitchen before you could protest.

“Hey Andrea!” A guy greeted just as she walked out of the kitchen.

“Jimin!” She exclaimed back before you rolled your eyes and stopped listening. You made your way towards the table and began mixing vodka and cranberry juice for her. For yourself, you were going to make your favorite cocktail: Amaretto Sour, so you began looking for lemons around the kitchen.

“It’s impossible to not have any lemons in a house like this.” You thought, looking inside the fridge. As you were doing so, you heard someone walk into the kitchen and your heart had immediately began beating faster. You hated being alone and you became so nervous meeting new people – but at the same time, nobody in the world was better than you at hiding it.

            So you continued looking inside the fridge, realizing that if you spent enough time, you might not even need to socialize. Your ears, however, were following every sound the stranger made… up until he stopped right behind you. Your pulse was racing once more and the sudden adrenaline rush made you pick up the courage and look behind you. You grabbed a lemon and turned around to see a guy who you could tell had just been staring at your . He raised his gaze, analyzing the rest of your body as he did so and finally met yours with a cheeky, dimpled smile.

“Hi.” He said biting his lip lightly, out of reflex, but stopping suddenly when he realized it.

“Hello,” you laughed at his cheekiness, because he was rather cute and rather surprisingly, his presence did not make you feel uncomfortable at all. On the contrary, for the first time that night, you felt fine. You walked past him and went about your business, squeezing the lemon into a glass.

            He poured himself a glass of water and then leaned back against the island behind you.

“What are you doing there?” He asked curiously.

“Amaretto sour… hopefully.” You laughed, pouring some Amaretto into your glass and adding sugar. You stirred for a bit as your mouth began watering and finally tasted your favorite drink. “Wanna taste?” You asked, seeing the still-curious look on the guy’s face. He nodded excitedly and you passed him your cup.

“Woah!” He exclaimed, “it’s delicious! Can I have one?”

“You can have mine.” You offered, smiling.

“I’d rather you teach me how to make it.”  He answered, pushing himself off the counter and walking next to you.

“It’s nothing special, really.” You opened the fridge’s door and pulled out another lemon. “Basically you…”

“Y/N!” Andrea called from outside the kitchen’s door just as you were cutting the lemon into half.

“Yes?” You asked and he looked at you curiously.

“The game’s about to start! Where’s my drink?” You rolled your eyes, but for some reason got both drinks and gave the handsome guy an apologetic look.

“It’s squeezed lemon, Amaretto and sugar… sorry.” You mumbled and ran out the room, right into the other, to see about 10 people standing in a circle around a table.

“Yo-yo everyone!” A tall guy spoke loudly just as you entered the room. “J-Hope here, welcome welcome. So this is how we’re playing: each one of us has to ask a question in the form of would you rather ________ or _________ , then clarify to whom we are addressing the question. The person has time to think, while everyone else at the table assumes which option they will pick. The chosen one then says what they would rather and all who were wrong must drink. Ok?”

            Everyone nodded and you sat next to Andrea, handing her the drink.

“Andrea, how about you start?” Another guy asked and she clapped excitedly.

“Of course! Jimin – would you rather live without the internet or live without AC and heating?” She asked and everyone laughed before theorizing which option it is.

“Rich people dilemma.” You thought, laughing to yourself and as you looked over the table, you noticed that the guy from before was staring at you, so you smiled out of reflex and buried your eyes into the ground. Everyone began debating the (what sounded like) apocalypse and concluded with a majority voting to live without AC/heating. Predictable.

            The table went a few rounds, with you ending up barely drinking as you were so good at reading people and it was shortly Namjoon’s turn.

“Y/N,” he began and your head shot up, “would you rather die in 20 years with no regrets or die in 50 years with many regrets?”

“Uhm…” Your voice came out slightly shaky and you coughed uncomfortably.

“Definitely in 50, everyone has some regrets, but there is so much to do in life!” Andrea yelled over everyone else – she loved hearing herself speak.

“Agree.” Jimin approved and J-Hope nodded. There were a few indistinct voices leaning towards 20, but you did not know their names.

“I say 20 with no regrets.” Namjoon spoke confidently, making you smile at the ground. With him concluding the debate, you finally gave your answer.

“I’d rather die in 20 years with no regrets. What is the use of a long life filled with unhappiness? I’d rather die young and have peace.”

            There were a few disappointed groans as the losers drank from their cups, but Namjoon was smiling from the other side of the table.

“Would you rather know what happens when we die or know if there is extra-terrestrial life?” You asked, but forgot mentioning who the question was addressed to; because for a moment there, you forgot there were other people in the room. When you realized, you blurted out, “uh, Namjoon!”

            The murmur began again as people argued whether there is life after death or life outside planet Earth, but you knew the answer. You were merely testing him. You liked the fact that he began this game in between the two of you by stimulating your mind.

“What happens after death.” You said confidently when your turn came and another girl laughed loudly.

“Figures, you don’t know RM.” A tall, blonde girl with legs that seemed to go on forever, wearing a tight, red, flashy dress laughed all-knowingly from an armchair on his left. She was gorgeous, so you lowered your gaze.

“I’d rather know what happens after we die.” Namjoon answered as if having not just heard her, but you did not react. You locked eyes and waited. There was an outburst of reactions, ranging from mocking ‘I didn’t know you were that spiritual’ to frustrated ‘seriously?’ while the losers drank. “Because I know that there are other forms of life in the Universe.”

“How? Have you spoken to them?” The blond girl laughed obnoxiously, taking a sip from her glass and slapping his shoulder playfully.

“It’s ignorant to assume that a specie that hasn’t even managed to discover 100% of the planet they are living on and as little as 2 planets in their own solar system – going on 3 – is the only living creature in an Infinite universe. Of course there are other life forms.” You explained and she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Nobody likes an insufferable know-it-all.” She mumbled despitefully, reminding you that you were an intruder and had apparently exceeded your boundaries. Your first instinct had been to apologize, but you caught yourself in time to realize that you had nothing to be sorry for. So you smirked and grabbed your drink off the table.

“Right.” You agreed, raising your eyebrows and hands defensively.

            You played a few, uneventful, turns filled with ‘would you rather only wear Chanel or Prada for the rest of your life?’ and ‘Would you rather only wear high heels or sneakers forever?” before deciding that this game was not how you were going to spend your evening.

“Excuse me.” You spoke softly, quietly getting up from the couch and leaving the room in search for a quiet, deserted place, to wait until the party was over and you could finally be reunited with the comfort of your own home.

“Who invited her anyways?” The blond girl’s friend asked, laughing. “She clearly does not belong here.” Andrea sipped from her drink uncomfortably, shifting her position.

“I did.” RM answered, glaring at the two girls that were mocking you. “And she was obviously right earlier. If you spent half the money that you invested in these clothes on books, you’d know.” He then excused himself and left the room.

            You had finally managed to find a quiet spot by a small pool, in a dimly lit corner. There was no outdoor lightning there and the place was hidden by some tall bushes – there were only some forgotten white Christmas lights – but it had a hammock, so you laid there with your drink, stargazing. You loved to have alone, quiet time to think and theorize about pretty much everything and anything and that place was simply ideal. Right then you were questioning your own existence and why it was so hard for you to be like everyone else.

            You thought about the universe, so this song called Jupiter came to mind. You were humming it, so you did not hear footsteps approaching.

“I did not manage to make it as tasty as yours,” a familiar voice interrupted the silence and you turned abruptly to see Namjoon smiling at you. “That sounded beautiful.” Not sure how to take a compliment – under pressure – you blushed and tried to change the subject. You were not accustomed to be heard singing.

“Can I taste it?” You asked looking at his drink and he handed it to you. You took a sip and your face changed into a disgusted grimace. He laughed. “It’s terrible. There’s no sugar in it and way too much lemon.”

“I could not hear the last part.” He said walking over to a chair, on your left, sat by an old table. “I haven’t asked if I can join you…” His brown eyes looked into yours just before he was going to sit.

“Uhm, of course.” You answered, taken aback by how caring he was. He finally sat and exhaled loudly, looking up to the sky. You sat in silence for about a minute.

“So, what’s your story?” He asked out of the blue, making you turn towards him, kind of trying to figure out if he was talking to you.

“My story?” You asked and he nodded. “I’m afraid I have none.” You laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, we all do.”

“Then I’m still trying to figure mine out. It kinda feels like I’m missing pages off of it.”

“You might be more efficient if you stopped contemplating the universe.” He laughed, making you smile as you took another sip of your drink. You offered to share yours and he poured his drink into the grass before filling up half of his cup with yours.

“But what if the answer is there?” You asked as he passed back your drink.

“True.” He agreed smiling. “What are you doing here?”

“You mean on Earth or this party?” You questioned smiling cheekily.

“Baby steps – this party.”

“I honestly do not know the answer to either, but my friends talked me into it.” You shrugged.

“So where are your friends?” He asked, looking around.

“I felt like having some good company for a while.” You mumbled, having another sip.

“Were you expecting me?” You smiled, looking at the stars.

“I was talking about myself, but you were a nice surprise.” He laughed at your blunt answer and bit his lip.

“What about you? What brings you here?” You asked, looking at him from the corner of your eye. He looked handsome in the dim light. His blonde hair suited him so well and it might have been the drink in your hand, but you felt chemistry.

“Well, it’s two things.” He replied thoughtfully. “This is where I always come to think, but I was not going to come until I saw you wandering in.”

“Me?” You asked curiously. What was so special about you? There were hundreds of dressed-up, gorgeous women all over the house and you were sure he was one of the reasons why. “Why?” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“You caught my eye.” He said looking into your eyes.

“I did not mean to.” You blurted out, before realizing he was trying to compliment you. He laughed at your clumsiness.

“That is specifically why.” He answered in a low, calm voice that made your heart slow down its beats. “’Cause everyone’s here just getting wasted and/or hooked up and there you were, in the kitchen, looking for lemons to make yourself a drink you’d actually enjoy.” You smiled, but bit your lip and looked away. “Do you think free will exists?” He asked out of the blue and you turned to look at him once more, trying to make sure he was still talking to you.

“Uh, me?” You asked clumsily, before slapping your forehead and laughing. Of course he was talking to the only other person there. “Sorry, uhm… Yes.”

“So you don’t believe in destiny.” He replied thoughtfully.

“No, I do.” You answered right back.

“How is that? Aren’t they concepts cancelling each other out?” He asked tilting his head to the side to get a better look at you. You shifted in the hammock so that you were now facing him.

“Not necessarily. I think that our lives are shaped by both equally… Hm, let me think.” You said staring into space.  “For instance, I believe that we all are destined to be something/someone or do certain things in life. I believe that we are all born with a certain purpose, you know? I once read a book written by a medium and the things there stuck with me. He was talking about how we are all born with a purpose. That each of our lives has a very specific meaning. It can be something apparently insignificant or magnificent and colossal – but there is meaning in each existence.” You paused shortly to put some order into the multitude of thoughts battling in your head. “So obviously, we have no idea what that is, but he said that we live to achieve that purpose and then we die. Nothing about what you do in between. So there is where free will intervenes. You choose how to live your life; certainly, there is a certain path that you will keep returning to, no matter how far you wander and that is your purpose.”

“That sounds like no matter what we do, it’s still destiny.” He said almost absent-mindedly, caught up in his thoughts.

“But it isn’t all that. Let’s put it that way. Let’s talk about death. So this hypothesis - that I really believe in - says that we fulfill our destiny and then die. That sounds like everything’s set in stone: no matter what, when your time has come to die, you die… regardless of your choices.” You explained patiently.

“Exactly!” He agreed.

“But you always have a choice – free will. You can choose to not live to fulfill your destiny.”  You added, making him raise his eyebrows at the thought.

“I was honestly not expecting such a complex answer.” He laughed, but nodded as a sign of approval. “Most people would have taken the opportunity to talk about how we’re both here right now.” You laughed and he took another sip of his drink.

“Sorry, I am not a hopeless romantic. I have ceased trying to give meaning to every little thing in my life a long time ago. In the end, as we speak, someone might come looking for you and end it all right now. So then, is it worth contemplating what ifs forever, for a 10 minutes discussion?” You asked shrugging carelessly and letting out a sigh.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe not. So we might as well just enjoy each other’s company while it lasts and…”

“Namjoon!” A yell that was getting louder interrupted you. He looked at you as if you’d just foreseen the future, so you laughed.

“He’s been calling for a while now.” You bit your lip and smiled sheepishly.

“So if I hide right now, is that destiny or free will?” He asked standing from his chair.

“What if you should go?” You asked, feeling your cheeks get rosy.

“If my destiny’s out there and this is me getting off my path… didn’t you say I’ll eventually get back there regardless?” He laughed and walked towards you. “So as the only hiding place is in the hammock… should I hide or walk out?”

            You smiled and felt your face start to burn, but you wanted him to stay so bad. So you tucked a rebellious strand of hair behind your ear and scratched your head clumsily, before moving over. The hammock was quite big, so neither of you felt uncomfortable. You were sitting side by side, looking up at the sky and talking. You talked for what felt like forever, because you’d last track of time somewhere in between history, politics, philosophy, psychology and arts.

            You were discussing some absolutely ridiculous movie he’d seen. Some movie rated as the worst movie ever made, but he was trying to talk you into watching it as it was a masterpiece.

“Critics said that it is impossible to accidentally make a movie this bad. They say it might be genius to plan on making a movie that is the absolute worst in history.” He said, as you were crying from laughing too hard. “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!” He yelled in the absolute funniest manner and voice and there you were, cracking up again. Your tummy hurt, but you loved that feeling. He laughed too, because your laugh was contagious. There were a few minutes of silence, filled only by your laughter.

“Y/N…” He murmured as you slowly stopped laughing. You turned your face over to look at him and met his eyes. You gave him a curious look and he smiled. “I am so glad that you came here for no reason.”

“Me too.” You said quietly, smiling. You’d both finished your drinks by that time and were feeling slightly light headed.

“I never met anyone like you…” he added. “Blame it on the alcohol, but if I had you, I feel like I would need nothing more than a broke down car and money for gas and food and we’d go and travel the world.” He said, smiling to himself. “We’d sometimes sleep in cheap motels and other times in our car and we’d sit on the hood and talk until 3 in the morning about anything… This is what I see when I sit here with you.” He concluded, turning to face you one more time.

            Blame it on the alcohol, but you felt like crying. No one had ever told you anything like that. It was the most beautiful thing you’d ever been told and it was one of the most ideal futures that you could imagine… and sitting there with him, like that, it all felt so real. But you wanted to cry, because the only thing that felt off was the timing and it seemed so unfair.

“Say we can have a dog and I’m sold.” You said smiling sadly and shifted closer to him. “Namjoon… destiny or free will, I am so grateful for this.”

“In the end…” he replied caressing your face, “who cares what it is as long as we’re here?” You closed your eyes and breathed in his perfume and right then, you could not think of anything else than kissing him. A few seconds felt like too much before his lips brushed onto yours gently; no rush. He took his time kissing your cheek and your nose lightly before going back to your lips. It all felt so intimate that time seemed to stop and for a second there, you had forgotten where you were.

“Ey, Namjoon!” A voice interrupted and you both jumped away from each other. “We’ve been looking for you for hours!” You were too ashamed to look towards the entrance, but he put his arm around you and pulled you next to him.

“Aish… Is the house in flames?” He asked obviously frustrated.

“No…” The other guy responded.

“Then beat it. Can’t you see I’m busy?” He said pulling you even closer.

“Everyone’s gone home.” The other guy spoke and your head shot up.

“What?!”

“What?” He asked calmly.

“My friends drove me here… how will I get home?” You asked starting to look for your phone.

“I’ll drive you home.” Namjoon replied caressing your hair.

“But you’ve had alcohol. You can’t.” You answered feeling your heart beat faster.

“Even better. Let’s sleep here and I’ll drive you in the morning.” He said snuggling closer to you and placing his head onto your chest.

“But…” You mumbled, but he placed a soft kiss on the bottom of your ribcage, making you stop.

“It’s destiny, Y/N.” He said and you could feel him smile, so you let out a big sigh and began caressing his hair.

“It’s destiny.”