It was you, it will be you again, it's always you.

"Hyung..." I heard someone outside my room. It's Daesung. That damn boy again. I have told him many times before that I didn't want to see his face again. Ever. 

"Let's go to practice! The others are already waiting" he continued with his big voice. His big, soft, voice. I buried my face on my pillow again and pretended that I was deaf. 

I didn't want to meet those people again. They all were annoying. The words that came out of their mouths were annoying. People were annoying. 

"If you want me to pick you up, you know my number, Im going now," the steps that followed his last sentence gave me a relief. Finally. It has been months since we all came back together as five. We all were happy to see each other. Supposedly. 

I rolled to my back in my big lonely bed. It used to be warm. Now the room has turned so cold it put winter in shame. The light that was coming through the little bit space I stupidly left between the curtain starting to annoy me. Maybe I needed a shower. Yeah. That.

Practice. Practice. Practice. It's been like what? Two decades since we all been in this yet we still needed to practice like animal circus. Because hey! It's what we do to keep food on our plates. I hate this life.

"Hyung, lets drink some wine tonight. My place. I just bought some good wines im pretty sure you are going to love it!" Him again. I just nodded. Too tired and annoyed at everything now to answer with words. Thankfully he stopped talking to me after that. 

I've had enough.

"Hyung, do you think that people realized that we're just like them or do you think they think we are some kind of i dont know gods?" 
There he was, once again annoying me with his annoying questions.

I shrugged as an answer. At this point I didn't even know why he was still here. Oh, right. It was his house. Maybe i should just leave. Without saying anything I started to get up and swaying left and right to the door. I couln't stay here anymore. Too many memories. Too stuffed. Too..... Daesung.

"Hyung, where are you going? Just stay you're drunk" he put his arms around my shoulders and started to guide me to his room. Or not. It was his guest room. 

Since when did I downgrade from having the privilege of his room anyday, anytime to his small guest room that barely even touched if it was not for his sister occasionally coming to korea?

I sighed and let him put me down on the bed and tucked me under the blanket. It was what you deserve Choi Seunghyun.

Before closing my eyes to sleep I decided that I like his bedroom better.

"Hyung? Are you awake yet? I already made some breakfast! And coffee!" He didnt even bother to knock and just bursted into the room yet he still had the nerve to ask like he couldn't see my well being for himself.

I got up from the bed, once again guided by his arms around me like I wasn't capable of walking by myself. He took that "nanny" title too deep in his heart. That damn stupid title. Who even came up with it? Stupid.

"Do you want to stay here again today, Hyung? I'm not going anywhere today so maybe I could finally show you how to properly build legos" he dared to smile like that while saying it like the world was full of rainbows and .

"Okay, i understand, youre probably busy," his laugh ringing through my deaf ears, "im going to call your manager to pick you up hmm, hyung? Or do you want me to take you home?" He asked when he already pulled out his damn phone. Just call my manager damn it.

"He's here, hyung. Let me get your things, you just stay here, okay?" I put my head on my folded arms on the kitchen table. I was exhausted and I didn't even know why. Why did this has to happen to me anyway? To us? I was just a human being doing any human being stuffs, when did it go wrong? What exactly did I do wrong?

The bell rang and I heard soft padded from my 'room' to the door.

Daesung. Daesung. Daesung. Why, Daesung?

"Hyung?" I looked up and regreted it immediately. His eyes. Those soft caring eyes. I hate them. I hate him.

Before I could go out of the door I felt a tug on my arm. Him.

"Hyung, I'm sorry" I sighed before pulling out of his grip and walked out the door.

I couldn't then and i can't now.

You're still not forgiven.