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It was freezing cold this late at night. (Stupid Jinsoul),she thought to herself. (Why would you want to meet at this time of the night!?), but her conscience wasn’t wrong. Of all the days and nights, why did she gave the letter this evening? Tomorrow sounds nice though. After meeting with Jungeun, the insanely hot rookie that she entered the company with, BlockBerry Creative, they could go for ice cream since she checked her phone this morning, and the weather says it’ll be sunny tomorrow. When she said her name in her thoughts, she gets lost again. Just like how she loses her focus during dance practices and recitals when she thinks of Jungeun, which gets her scolded one too many times by the instructor. Jungeun. What a beautiful name that fits such a beautiful person. She looks out the company lobby window, and noticed how her fair and pale, yet healthy skin is as bright as the moon tonight. She fantasizes how she sits by the beach, looking at a thousands of stars while the waves crash by the ocean. But when she shifts her look to the person beside her, she smiles and ensures herself that the person she’s with, who turns out to be Jungeun, is a greater view than all things made by God combined.

As she immerses herself into a thousand more daydreams, she doesn’t hear the receptionist call for Jinsoul’s name to state her business. (Maam…MAAM!), and with a startled look, eyes wide open and her shoulders jump while she sits down the lobby chair with the wrapped gift sitting upon her closed thighs, she finally looks ahead and see the receptionist, looking annoyed due to Jinsoul’s dull hearing when she called her about a hundred times. She gives a small laugh and bows while she is still sat upon the lobby chair to make up for the rude behavior she had shown the receptionist. The receptionist mutters to herself silently, but loud enough for Jinsoul to know that it definitely wasn’t good. “Waiting for someone, maam?” the receptionist asks while she finally looks down her log book to see any scheduled meetings tonight. “Oh- uh yes, but not anything business related,” she says followed by a small and cute laugh, “Im waiting for someone to give her this,” as she finishes speaking, she gently holds the gift with one hand and raises it high enough for the receptionist to see it. The receptionist raises a brow, and gives a doubtful look to the blonde rookie. “Her, huh”? The receptionist says as she leans back to her chair, tapping her pen on the of the work table in front of her. Jinsoul is startled and starts to look confused, as she plays the words in her mind again,  (“Her, huh?”) but as she plays it again, and again, she starts to overthink things and add insults to the two mere and curious words. “Is there something wrong?” Jinsoul retorts confidently, chin up and her body straight. The receptionist doesn’t look intimidated, but she stops talking and lets out a sigh instead. She rolls her eyes and looks back to the pocket book she’s been reading since Jinsoul entered the building this morning.

She figured the receptionist didn’t want to waste anymore of her time, so she looks back out the window to see the moon once again. But this time, instead of imaging upon the goddess Jungeun and daydreaming about her, she starts to sweat and thinks to herself:

What if she rejects me?

Jinsoul has been with Jungeun as a trainee since day one. They’ve been trainees for two months, and for that period they have been close friends, because of the similarities of their likes and personality. But now that she has gained the courage, she’s about to confess to the girl who has been bugging her mind and putting butterflies in her stomach for a while now. But well, of course not entirely confident yet, because she still had to write a letter instead of personally confessing to her. AND she had to state the writer as a “secret admirer”. Jinsoul imagines in her mind how it would turn out if she confessed bravely and intimately. She thinks it would turn out like this:

“Jungeun, you are most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. Kiss me”

“Oh Jinsoul! Enough with the words, and just take me into your arms and kiss me already”

But what it she rejects. Oh dear

Of course, its impossible to not feel nervous when you’re about confess, because the future is improbable and you don’t want to assume things so you wont get hurt. Jinsoul puts her hand deep in the pocket of her green jacket to get her napkin to wipe the sweat coming out of every sweat glands in her body. She adjusts her face mask, and wipes her face. But it doesn’t help the fact that her whole body is starting to get wet and oily due to her anxiety and nervousness. Her temperature raises, enough to keep her warm to not feel that cold anymore. She cant stop the nervous tapping on her feet. Whenever she stops, it goes on again like it has its mind of its own. She starts to get impatient and looks around, getting frustrated on why she hasn’t come yet. She reminds herself that “Its been 10 minutes, Soul. Calm down”, but because of the sudden thought she thinks everything’s about to go downhill. She was about to leave when she heard a voice call out her name, a voice so smooth and comforting, as soft a silk

“Jinsoul”

Jinsoul is caught off-guard from her thoughts, and gets startled from the voice that called her. She looks to where the voice came from, and there she was, her beautiful white hair tied up into a ponytail, wearing an oversized shirt and black leggings with slip-on shoes. She wears no makeup, but she does not need it because to be honest, she looks prettier without it. A lot prettier…

“What are you doing out here, silly?”

Jinsoul’s heart flutters to Jungeun’s voice followed by the most adorable laugh. Her bright red lips curls up into a smile, while her eyes looks like crescent moons. “Nothing, really. I couldn’t sleep so here I am” Jinsoul says, to snap her back from her conscience and regain her focus to the woman infront of her. “You expect me to believe that, when you’re holding that thing infront of you?” Jungeun teases, as she holds her hands behinds her back and points at Jinsoul’s gift with her lips.

"Oh right", Jinsoul thinks, "I was about to confess"

“Alright, alright you caught me. I was waiting for someone,” Jinsoul says, followed by a shaky breath to try calm herself. Her eyes gaze around the room to avoid looking into Jungeun’s loving eyes and look idiotic as her mind will stop thinking yet again, if she does. She sees the receptionist, trying not to smile while she packs up her paperwork. “Who were you waiting for? If I may ask” Jungeun asks, then she walked closer to Jinsoul and sat beside her. Their bodies only inches away from eachother, Jinsoul’s temperature increases even more. Jinsoul starts to stutter, being beside the woman of her dreams. “I… I-uh…”- “You alright, Jinsoul?” Jungeun asks again, but now with worry in her face. Jinsoul awes internally to the sight of Jungeun pouting. “Im good! I was going to say my friend. My friend was coming over to visit me and ask how was I doing. This is f-for her” Jinsouls explains followed by a weak laugh. She looks around again for something to distract herself, but when she looks at the receptionist, she already left. Leaving Jinsoul and Jungeun alone in the lobby, which makes her even more anxious. “No one is allowed inside the building, Soul” Jungeun’s worry turns into confusion as she is now baffled of Jinsoul’s behavior. They both sense a vibe of awkwardness. “Soul, what are you really up to?” This time Jungeun starts to look serious. Jinsoul was about to be intimated, until Jungeun held her hand and moved her thumb in circles. Jinsoul was about to give up. She thought “This is it. I should spoil it”  She had no choice now, because if she spoke even longer Jungeun might get frustrated. 

-(Well if she gets frustrated, we can confess some other time!), Jinsoul thought

-(Now is the time! You’ve gained your courage, so just go for it!)

-(Then gain it back again! Lets just go back to our room and cry this over with…)

-(If you don’t do this now, you’re going to regret this, self. Im telling you, do it now!)

As Jinsoul's feelings are currently in conflict whether she’ll confess or not, she goes on one last desperate try to distract herself. And it proves successful. Averting her eyes away from Jungeun's intimidating yet comforting gaze, she looks down to see anything beisde theme. However, Jinsoul sees a letter in Jungeun’s right hand, with a heart sticker to seal it. 

Who’s that letter for? And why does it have a heart on it?

It seems that Jungeun tried to conceal the letter under her thigh, but it seems that it fails since Jinsoul spots this and now has an escape to their heated topic.

“What’s the letter for?” Jinsoul replies confidently, now thinking that the tables have been turned. It turns out to be true as Jungeun looks baffled due to the sudden question. She looks down and sees the letter she’s been trying to hide. Immediately, Jungeun raises her thigh lightly to get her letter and her right hand to tug it out and hide it behind her. Jungeun blushes and tries to come up with an excuse, which Jinsoul notices and finds super cute. “Uhhh..” were the first words that come out of Jungeun’s mouth while she still thinks of an answer. Jinsoul knows Jungeun to be pretty smart. Well, that is when she finally thinks of the answer. In short, she tends to be slow.

“Nothing! I-I uhh… practiced writing! I was gonna let you read it, so you’d give me some advice” was finally her answer. Jinsoul doesn’t seem convinced, but she continues to bust this cute girl of what she’s up to. “You know Im not much a reader, Jungeun. Besides, why would I read a love letter not intended for me?”- 

“Its not a love letter!” Jungeun squeals adorably as she grab the armrest and pulls herself closer to Jinsoul with an a pouty but adorable look on her face. Jinsoul seems startled of the action, and it causes her heart to flutter and and her stomach to do a flip, but she maintains her composure and keeps on doing the offense this time. “A letter with a heart? Oh spare me the nonsense, Jungeun. Just tell me already, its only the two of us here” and with that said, Jinsoul hopes its enough for Jungeun to give in. It was enough to piss her and start hitting Jinsoul lightly, while Jinsoul just laughs it off due to sheer amusement. But it was still not enough to make her tell whom the letter was for.

“Its my business, Soul! Stop asking and answer my question!”, Jungeun complains as she places her hands on her hips, knees on the chair cushion and her body facing Jinsoul. She’s doing that angry face that Jinsoul just loves so much about her. Jinsoul knows Jungeun enough to know that despite the behavior she’s showing now, Jinsoul knows that Jungeun is just teasing and acting all cute to her. Jinsoul never really knew why Jungeun acts like this to her all the time, but she doesn’t care less, because she that’s one of the main reasons why Jinsoul fell in love with her. “Then Im making it my business!”, Jinsoul closes her fists and points her thumb to her chest. Then she continues, “Tell me or Im summoning the tickle monster!” Jinsoul changes her expression to an evil look and raises her hands that indicates she will tickle Jungeun. Jungeun rides along with Jinsoul, who fake gasps and says, “Nooo! Not the tickle monster!” She tries to laugh it off, but Jinsoul doesn’t stop. She moves inches closer, not flinching and willing to torture Jungeun. Jungeun tries to stop her at first, but eventually she gets scared and tells her to stop. “Jinsoul! Jinsoul, Im kidding, please no! You know Im ticklish!”, as Jinsoul gets very close, and Jungeun curls up  in defense but revealing her waist, which is her weak spot, Jungeun finally gives in and  reveals her secret: “I was going to give it to my secret admirer!”. Jinsoul stops as she is shocked of the revelation. 

"Its for me."

At first, she kind of got confused and wonder who the secret admirer is, but her dumb brain remembered that she wrote the letter to invite Jungeun here. (But what if it wasn’t my letter?), she because Jungeun is seriously, no doubt, and drop dead gorgeus. It is be possible that it wasn’t just her who could be Jungeun’s admirer. It hurts Jinsoul to think that, but it really is inevitable. She has to make sure first that Jungeun is talking about the same admirer that Jinsoul is thinking right now. Her.

“Well? Tell me about it. You’re my best friend, afterall” Though she hopes that they were something more than that. Jungeun sighs in defeat, and rolls her eyes around the room as she tries to recall what happened, leaning her elbow on the back of the chair and head lying on her arm. After a while, Jungeun finally spoke, “I washed up after our dance practice evening. When I checked my bag, I saw a pretty pink letter with a ribbon knotted beautifully. Even from afar, I could tell it was a love letter. I took it and sneakily went out to read it. Well, I wouldn’t lie that I didn’t find it cute”, Jungeun laughed as she remembers how she acted upon seeing the love letter. Jinsoul remembers vividly how she had prepared all that mess just to get Jungeun here, now. Coming in late to dance practicd just so that Jinsoul could plant the letter, without Jungeun noticing her. The instructor was extra mad that day and made Jinsoul wall sit for a long time. Knowing Jungeun, she knew that Jungeun liked cheesy and cute stuff like this, so she prepared quite alot, just for her. And because she’s still not bold enough to confess, right?, “After I read it, I took some time to also make a letter of my own. I figured that after I finish writing my letter, I would come to the place my admirer told me a little late than what’s written so I can see him secretly. Well, to my surprise its just you here!” Jungeun finishes, looking at Jinsoul, expecting a reply from her. Jinsoul gulps and gets tense. She thought to herself, (This is it. I have no choice, I have to do it.) She tries to control her breathing, and she succeeds on it. Now, all she needs to do is successfully tell Jungeun what she really feels. How she loves Jungeun so much.

“And this was the same place you were meeting him?” Jinsoul asks, as if she didn’t know that Jungeun was coming here. Jinsoul seemed sad when she spoke. Her emotions are swirling around her head, and she wasn’t entirely sure on what to do. But here it is, Jungeun in front of her, only the two of them in the lobby. She thought to herself that it is time. Its time to tell Jungeun the truth, so that she could get rid of that of that weight on her chest. After Jinsoul spoke, Jungeun only nods in response. But then it hit her. Took her quite a while because she's slow, Jinsoul thought. Jungeun’s eyes widened and her lower mouth fell. Jinsoul lowers her gaze, looking embarassed. Jungeun, who seems speechless to the revelation, says “Unless, it wasn’t a he…”. Jinsoul does the strongest gulp she has even done in her life, and after playing a little with her thumb and blushing red, she speaks. “Jungeun, we’ve met eachother since we started here in BBC, and Im so glad that I met you. While I was here, you were my everything. Not my idol training, nor my hopes and dreams that I will achieve here. It was you, all along. Im not ashamed of you, but Im sorry. I tried to hide it and feel the same way you do to me, but I just cant. You’re too valuable to just be some friend to me. I want you to be with me always, I want you to meet my family and go on family dinners with us, I want to lie down comfy with you beside me, hugging eachother and cuddling away from very single bad thing in this world. I would move heaven and earth, and risk every single thing for you. Im sorry that I couldn’t stay as a friend to you. Im sorry, Kim Jungeun, but I love you so much. Im your secret admirer”

Jungeun does not speak. The shocked expression was still vivid in her face. Jinsoul could only laugh weakly, with a bittersweet smile on her face. She thinks that their friendship is over. She thinks that Jungeun would want to avoid her now, because she would think that Jinsoul had been a traitor to her all along. She thinks that Jungeun wouldn’t care anymore. But atleast, that’s what she think. Who knows how Jungeun would react? Like Jinsoul thought earlier, the future is improbable. Never the less, there was still one thing left to do.

Jinsoul reached out the gift she had been holding all night. The gift that she carefully picked, carefully wrapped, and most of all, carefully spent on. She takes it and looks at Jungeun with a sad smile, “I have a gift for you”. Well, it was obvious that it’s a gift but Jungeun still cant believe it. “Open it”. Now that Jungeun has gotten herself calm from all that’s happening, she takes the box and carefully opens it. The way she moves her hand is a sight to see for Jinsoul. Her clear movements and strong yet firm, and her flicks are extraordinary. No doubt she’s such a great dancer. Jungeun takes of the wrap, and looks at the colorful striped and polkadot wrapper on the box. She curves her lips, appreciating how Jinsoul took all this so serious. She motions her thumb along the lines, and notice how clean she sticks the wrapper and box with glue. After gazing at it for a while, she finally opens it. Jungeun gets the the biggest shock of the night, since she cant believe what shes’s seeing. Jinsoul leans in closer to explain her why she had bought Jungeun this gift.

“Remember when we arrived here in BBC? You told me how you wanted a pendant you saw on the way to the company. You told me it had silver chains and body, with blue rubies of different sizes, the middle being the biggest and prettiest of all. I looked for it  around town when I got my allowance from my parents. It was expensive, but the expenses are nothing compared to seeing you wear that pendant.” Jinsoul takes the pendant carefully from its stand, and signals Jungeun with her finger to look at her. She opens the pendant's lock, and places it  around Jungeun’s neck. Jungeun is still speechless from the gift Jinsoul has given her, and therefore keeps silent as Jinsoul explains everything one by one. After Jinsoul attaches the lock, she leans back to look at Jungeun. “Perfection”, Jinsoul said with fire in her eyes and her heart beating faster than usual. Her face turns red, and so does Jungeun as she feels her heat rise. She feels embarassed and hides her face. Jinsoul lifts the younger woman by her chin with her finger, and confesses too her directly. Since she now thinks that if this is the last that she’ll see Jungeun, she about to give her all tonight. To make sure that she’ll regret nothing of this moment. “I love you so much, Kim Jungeun. And I want to show you how…” after she spoke, Jinsoul adjusted her mask off her face, leaned in to Jungeun’s lips and went for a kiss. It was slow and soft. Both closes their eyes, but Jinsoul starts to tear up. Even though she’s kissing the woman she loved ever since she saw her, she knows that the other half doesn’t love her back.

After a couple of seconds, Jinsoul pulls away, and opens her eyes. Jungeun, her eyes closed still, gives a sad smile to Jinsoul. Jinsoul fixes her position to stand up. But as she was about to stand up and leave, Jungeun grabs her by the arm. Jungeun pulls her in and kisses her back. This time, the kiss felt amazing. Jinsoul was feeling all sort of emotions, and she felt like flying. She is both perplexed and dazed. But nevertheless, she savors every moment. After a while of kissing, Jungeun pulls out to breathe. Both eyes are still closed, and their foreheads are leaning against each other. They laugh at eachother, then Jungeun breaks the tension by saying something. “The letter I was about to give to my admirer had something you might want to hear”. This time, Jinsoul pulls out to listen to what Jungeun  wants to say. “I wasn’t going to accept my admirer, because I already love someone. Its you, Jinsoul. I love you”

"She…she loves me back."

Jinsoul grins, then she starts to laugh like a madman, with her hand covering . Jungeun laughs along, seeing the girl infront of her looking so cute. “Jinsoul, I love you! I love you so much”, Jungeun says, as they both lean in to kiss. With only them on the lobby, they exchanged kisses and love to each other. With Jungeun now on top of Jinsoul as they kiss the night away, Jinsoul doesn’t feel so cold anymore inside the lobby.

fin.